1 00:00:02,013 --> 00:00:03,881 In the fall of 2012, 2 00:00:03,972 --> 00:00:05,755 Nick and Robin were going strong. 3 00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:08,283 Sometimes it's hard to say what it is exactly 4 00:00:08,302 --> 00:00:09,551 that makes a couple click. 5 00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:11,937 Wow. 6 00:00:13,006 --> 00:00:15,140 Bravissimo! 7 00:00:15,192 --> 00:00:18,479 Whatever it was, kids, Nick and Robin 8 00:00:18,504 --> 00:00:19,992 really connected at first. 9 00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:22,501 Hey, you know, I think I'm really starting 10 00:00:22,526 --> 00:00:23,626 to feel something here... 11 00:00:24,982 --> 00:00:28,350 But then, as often happens, they started to drift apart. 12 00:00:28,405 --> 00:00:29,749 Why? 13 00:00:29,785 --> 00:00:30,874 Who can say? 14 00:00:30,908 --> 00:00:33,608 Nick and I haven't had sex in three days. 15 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,036 And it's your fault. 16 00:00:35,063 --> 00:00:35,982 Nick won't have sex 17 00:00:36,025 --> 00:00:37,358 because he pulled his groin muscle, 18 00:00:37,395 --> 00:00:39,825 all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team. 19 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,342 Did you say "stupid basketball team"? 20 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,038 Yeah. 21 00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,118 Oh, my gosh, guys, 22 00:00:44,171 --> 00:00:46,221 we have to rush Robin to the hospital. 23 00:00:46,223 --> 00:00:48,723 Because somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords 24 00:00:48,725 --> 00:00:50,642 and they got lodged in her rectum, 25 00:00:50,644 --> 00:00:52,612 because she's talking out of her ass. 26 00:00:52,687 --> 00:00:55,023 Over the summer, Marshall had joined 27 00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:57,010 a midtown professionals basketball league. 28 00:00:57,306 --> 00:01:00,381 His team of lawyers was called The Force Majeurs. 29 00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:02,804 Ever since they lost to a group of accountants, 30 00:01:02,906 --> 00:01:04,873 he'd started getting a little intense about it. 31 00:01:04,938 --> 00:01:07,533 You sure you didn't have a ringer or two out there, Joel? 32 00:01:07,564 --> 00:01:09,030 Don't know what you're talking about. 33 00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:11,635 Good hustle out there, Aboubakar! 34 00:01:14,417 --> 00:01:17,168 If Joel can use ringers, then so can we. 35 00:01:17,226 --> 00:01:18,738 And Nick is our best player. 36 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,908 So as far as I'm concerned, 37 00:01:19,989 --> 00:01:21,873 you can both keep your groins on ice. 38 00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:23,381 Groins on Ice. 39 00:01:23,414 --> 00:01:24,295 Least popular 40 00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,233 Madison Square Garden holiday show ever. 41 00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:28,145 Why are you so into this basketball league? 42 00:01:28,179 --> 00:01:30,811 Robin, it's the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 43 00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,397 Who Work In Midtown League. 44 00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:33,766 It's The Show! 45 00:01:34,942 --> 00:01:36,626 You know, it's kind of funny, 46 00:01:36,690 --> 00:01:39,446 imagining people icing their groins. 47 00:01:39,476 --> 00:01:41,359 I mean, first they'd be all cold, 48 00:01:41,561 --> 00:01:44,229 and then the ice would start to melt, 49 00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:48,967 and things would get all wet and... steamy. 50 00:01:52,092 --> 00:01:53,725 Okay, Lily. 51 00:01:53,798 --> 00:01:54,962 Look, buddy, 52 00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:56,374 I'm also the captain of a team 53 00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:58,025 in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 54 00:01:58,027 --> 00:01:59,544 Who Work In Midtown League. 55 00:01:59,546 --> 00:02:01,413 I'm addicted to the adrenaline, too. 56 00:02:01,415 --> 00:02:03,024 Still, don't you think you're getting 57 00:02:03,049 --> 00:02:03,942 a little obsessive about... 58 00:02:03,979 --> 00:02:05,305 Uh, hold up, hold up. 59 00:02:05,344 --> 00:02:07,294 Are you suggesting that you are 60 00:02:07,337 --> 00:02:12,142 a member of a sports team and you're the captain? 61 00:02:12,275 --> 00:02:13,350 So says the "C" 62 00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:15,960 I personally sewed onto my jersey. 63 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,942 After Victoria and I broke up, 64 00:02:17,966 --> 00:02:19,476 I had some free time. 65 00:02:19,501 --> 00:02:21,367 So, called up a few architect friends 66 00:02:21,425 --> 00:02:22,695 and put together a little team 67 00:02:22,719 --> 00:02:26,104 called the T-Squares. 68 00:02:28,395 --> 00:02:29,384 See that? 69 00:02:29,409 --> 00:02:30,825 The floor's uneven. 70 00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:33,535 And that window placement is rubbish. 71 00:02:33,663 --> 00:02:35,830 You know, if a genie gave me one wish, 72 00:02:35,832 --> 00:02:38,566 I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow. 73 00:02:38,568 --> 00:02:40,069 Great wish. 74 00:02:40,132 --> 00:02:42,850 I mean, there's too much hardwood, right? 75 00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:46,124 Did you nerds actually play any basketball? 76 00:02:46,182 --> 00:02:50,689 Um, us nerds focused on something far more important: 77 00:02:50,981 --> 00:02:52,280 Bonding. 78 00:02:52,313 --> 00:02:53,929 You guys are going to get pounded. 79 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:55,717 And I am not. 80 00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:58,269 Oh, come on. You can't go a couple weeks without sex? 81 00:02:58,271 --> 00:03:01,277 Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam. 82 00:03:01,303 --> 00:03:03,253 I'm sure he's quite a ball handler. 83 00:03:03,368 --> 00:03:05,869 The problem is, now that we're not having sex, 84 00:03:05,896 --> 00:03:07,112 we're talking more, 85 00:03:07,114 --> 00:03:11,766 and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of... 86 00:03:11,924 --> 00:03:12,931 dumb. 87 00:03:13,102 --> 00:03:14,736 - Really? - News to me. 88 00:03:14,738 --> 00:03:15,787 - I hadn't noticed that. - No. 89 00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:16,752 Oh, my God. 90 00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:18,606 You guys think that he's dumb, too? 91 00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:20,408 - So dumb. - Air bags are sharper. 92 00:03:20,435 --> 00:03:22,719 Hot as lava but just as thick. 93 00:03:36,189 --> 00:03:40,476 Wow. When did you guys start to notice that he was kind of dumb? 94 00:03:40,478 --> 00:03:44,596 Well, there was that time Nick was doing the crossword. 95 00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:47,116 Hey, what's a four - letter word for cut? 96 00:03:47,118 --> 00:03:48,073 "Nick". 97 00:03:48,116 --> 00:03:49,316 Yeah? 98 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,148 Is a four-letter word for cut. 99 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:51,916 What is? 100 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,660 "Nick". What? 101 00:03:53,662 --> 00:03:55,962 Oh. I got it. 102 00:03:55,964 --> 00:03:58,798 "Shave". 103 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:02,056 And there was the comment about Gypsies. 104 00:04:02,165 --> 00:04:03,010 No, no. 105 00:04:03,032 --> 00:04:04,910 I think Gypsies prefer 106 00:04:04,922 --> 00:04:06,463 to be called Romani now. 107 00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:09,411 Do they? Really? 108 00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:12,550 And what do unicorns and... elves 109 00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:14,153 and leprechauns prefer to be called? 110 00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:18,101 You do know... Gypsies are 111 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,761 a real ethnic group that actually exists? 112 00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:24,914 Oh, you guys, I feel terrible now. 113 00:04:24,945 --> 00:04:26,277 I always thought they were just made up, 114 00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:28,708 like goblins or trolls or dolphins. 115 00:04:30,081 --> 00:04:32,699 And then there's that story you told about how you and Nick 116 00:04:32,701 --> 00:04:34,501 picked up that Danish exchange student 117 00:04:34,503 --> 00:04:36,536 and you all took a shower together. 118 00:04:36,538 --> 00:04:38,976 I never told a story like that. 119 00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:40,863 Well, no time like the present. 120 00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:42,840 Let's give this Danish ho a name. 121 00:04:42,928 --> 00:04:44,377 I'm thinking Nadia. 122 00:04:44,379 --> 00:04:48,047 Yeah, she sounds slutty and bi-curious. 123 00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:50,058 What is wrong with you? 124 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,351 Your kid is right there. 125 00:04:51,386 --> 00:04:52,869 Maybe want to clean it up a lit... 126 00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:56,581 You're wearing a baby and you're doing pull-ups? 127 00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:59,427 No, Ted, I'm sitting around getting soft, 128 00:04:59,444 --> 00:05:01,561 'cause that's what champions do. 129 00:05:01,982 --> 00:05:06,034 The problem is, now that I know how dumb Nick is, 130 00:05:06,129 --> 00:05:08,267 it's kind of making me reconsider the relationship. 131 00:05:08,298 --> 00:05:09,180 Why? 132 00:05:09,223 --> 00:05:11,267 Eventually, Nick's groin will heal 133 00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:12,772 and you'll be back in Sexville, 134 00:05:12,774 --> 00:05:15,942 where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill. 135 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,108 Talk about a double standard. 136 00:05:18,128 --> 00:05:21,506 Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time 137 00:05:21,559 --> 00:05:25,270 or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. 138 00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:27,198 But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy 139 00:05:27,222 --> 00:05:29,288 who can't be trusted around outlets. 140 00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:30,590 Dump him! 141 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:33,173 Okay, that is ridiculous. 142 00:05:33,313 --> 00:05:36,047 Is Nick a genius? No. 143 00:05:36,192 --> 00:05:38,423 But does he have average intelligence? 144 00:05:38,901 --> 00:05:39,950 No. 145 00:05:40,052 --> 00:05:42,883 But he is a human being, with a heart! 146 00:05:42,906 --> 00:05:45,939 And you're afraid if I dump him, it'll throw off his game. 147 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,647 Robin, he got 36 points and 17 rebounds last week. 148 00:05:48,709 --> 00:05:51,016 And that was with his shoes on the wrong feet. 149 00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:55,693 Well, you're probably all wondering 150 00:05:55,729 --> 00:05:58,240 how the T-Squares' practice went today. 151 00:05:58,296 --> 00:05:59,246 The T-What? 152 00:05:59,287 --> 00:06:01,437 We played up here. 153 00:06:01,964 --> 00:06:04,081 Basketball, people don't realize, 154 00:06:04,176 --> 00:06:06,492 is all geometry, physics and engineering. 155 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:08,576 If you think like an architect, 156 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,215 you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball. 157 00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,867 What happened to your ball? 158 00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:16,686 Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it 159 00:06:16,688 --> 00:06:17,604 and wouldn't give it back. 160 00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:18,337 Oh. 161 00:06:18,558 --> 00:06:19,524 Oy. 162 00:06:19,701 --> 00:06:20,639 Hey. 163 00:06:20,676 --> 00:06:22,159 - Hey. - Hey. Oh, thanks. 164 00:06:22,203 --> 00:06:24,136 How'd the breakup with Nick go? 165 00:06:24,319 --> 00:06:25,936 Well... 166 00:06:25,957 --> 00:06:27,458 So, I went to this fortune teller today 167 00:06:27,482 --> 00:06:29,320 and she said there was a curse on me. 168 00:06:29,401 --> 00:06:32,768 Did she sell you something to ward off the curse? 169 00:06:33,096 --> 00:06:35,270 It's like you're a fortune teller, too. 170 00:06:37,244 --> 00:06:39,170 Nick... 171 00:06:39,323 --> 00:06:41,120 - I think we need to talk. - Yeah. 172 00:06:41,145 --> 00:06:43,789 Uh... it's just... 173 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,321 Whoa, these are hard. 174 00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:49,311 Anyway, this $500 bracelet will ward off evil 175 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,530 till the end of the week, so... 176 00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:52,127 Do you think that you could do, 177 00:06:52,141 --> 00:06:54,308 uh, sit-ups or something while you talk? 178 00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:55,267 Yeah. 179 00:06:56,757 --> 00:06:58,518 Anyway, this fortune teller, 180 00:06:58,549 --> 00:07:01,338 she was able to tell me all sorts of stuff about my future, 181 00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:06,890 just from my credit cards and my social security number, drivers licence... 182 00:07:07,022 --> 00:07:08,371 I knew you'd cave. 183 00:07:08,373 --> 00:07:09,875 Which is why I came up with 184 00:07:09,904 --> 00:07:11,304 a little extra incentive 185 00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:12,281 to break up with Nick. 186 00:07:12,310 --> 00:07:16,285 End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight or this invite goes live. 187 00:07:17,782 --> 00:07:19,666 "Robin and Patrice's 188 00:07:19,668 --> 00:07:21,834 BFF Fun Day?" 189 00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:24,751 Kids, Patrice was a coworker of Robin's 190 00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:27,260 who'd become sort of obsessed with her. 191 00:07:27,342 --> 00:07:29,454 Robin had managed, until now, 192 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,304 to keep Patrice at arms length. 193 00:07:33,081 --> 00:07:35,348 But if Patrice were invited to something called 194 00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:38,084 Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day, 195 00:07:38,436 --> 00:07:40,720 she'd latch onto Robin and never let go. 196 00:07:40,872 --> 00:07:42,372 Why would you do that? 197 00:07:42,405 --> 00:07:43,795 Delete that right now! 198 00:07:43,832 --> 00:07:45,789 No! If I don't give you a little push, 199 00:07:45,816 --> 00:07:48,265 you'll let this drag on until Nick can have sex again, 200 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,518 and then you'll be right back to procrastinating on all fours. 201 00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:54,277 I hate to admit it, but the man in the suit has a point. 202 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,035 Ugh! 203 00:07:56,037 --> 00:07:58,270 Fine, but the playoffs are coming up soon, 204 00:07:58,272 --> 00:08:00,707 and I can't have this guy an emotional wreck. 205 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,574 If you do dump him, at least let him down easy. 206 00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:05,767 Yeah, take him to a nice restaurant. 207 00:08:05,794 --> 00:08:07,425 Preferably a dessert place. 208 00:08:07,456 --> 00:08:09,084 That way, you won't have to sit through a whole meal 209 00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:10,036 before you get to... 210 00:08:10,064 --> 00:08:11,359 - Splitsville. - Exactly. 211 00:08:11,396 --> 00:08:12,359 No, Splitsville. 212 00:08:12,385 --> 00:08:13,840 It's a dessert place right around the corner. 213 00:08:14,513 --> 00:08:17,815 It's sort of the place to end a relationship. 214 00:08:22,462 --> 00:08:24,751 Uh, Nick, listen. 215 00:08:24,816 --> 00:08:27,156 You are awesome 216 00:08:27,238 --> 00:08:31,238 and totally sweet, but we're just not... 217 00:08:33,276 --> 00:08:35,360 You know where I'm going with this, right? 218 00:08:35,430 --> 00:08:37,963 No. No clue. 219 00:08:38,290 --> 00:08:40,969 Okay... 220 00:08:41,401 --> 00:08:44,285 I don't know if we should keep seeing each other. 221 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,693 You want to start turning off the lights during sex? 222 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:48,323 No. God, no. 223 00:08:48,368 --> 00:08:49,743 No! No. 224 00:08:49,889 --> 00:08:54,780 I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out. 225 00:08:54,829 --> 00:08:57,313 You want to start going to the gym together? 226 00:08:57,347 --> 00:08:59,248 Okay, no, Nick, here is the deal. 227 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,188 Okay... 228 00:09:01,030 --> 00:09:02,878 Sorry, babe. I got to take this. 229 00:09:02,922 --> 00:09:03,988 Excuse me. 230 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,393 Hello. 231 00:09:05,864 --> 00:09:07,314 Hey, what's up? 232 00:09:09,011 --> 00:09:10,748 You... 233 00:09:11,209 --> 00:09:12,684 What? I... 234 00:09:12,826 --> 00:09:13,992 I don't understand. 235 00:09:15,194 --> 00:09:16,132 But you... 236 00:09:16,178 --> 00:09:17,477 Okay... you know what? 237 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,758 I'm sorry, I have to go. 238 00:09:22,004 --> 00:09:23,305 What happened? 239 00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:25,642 I... 240 00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:27,989 I... 241 00:09:28,229 --> 00:09:30,997 Uh, I'm sorry, I can't talk about this. 242 00:09:34,851 --> 00:09:35,817 Anyway, 243 00:09:36,838 --> 00:09:38,710 what were you going to say? 244 00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:41,208 Uh... 245 00:09:41,556 --> 00:09:46,175 I was gonna say, order whatever else you want. 246 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,840 It's on me. 247 00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:49,933 Well, thanks, but I think I'd just rather 248 00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:51,866 eat it out of a bowl. 249 00:09:56,924 --> 00:09:58,324 Well, no doubt you're all wondering 250 00:09:58,339 --> 00:10:00,334 how the T-Square's first game went. 251 00:10:00,388 --> 00:10:01,438 What Squares? 252 00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,217 Picture a well - oiled machine. 253 00:10:03,293 --> 00:10:04,687 Your sewing machine? 254 00:10:04,743 --> 00:10:07,213 There were two seconds left on the clock. 255 00:10:07,529 --> 00:10:09,691 Aboubakar was all over me. 256 00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:12,320 And that's when all my years of architectural training 257 00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:14,001 came to my aid. 258 00:10:14,103 --> 00:10:17,771 I saw the space in a way my opponents never would. 259 00:10:17,795 --> 00:10:25,795 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 260 00:10:33,138 --> 00:10:34,221 Yes! 261 00:10:34,223 --> 00:10:37,007 I told you guys I'd make one of these! 262 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:38,942 Turns out, those two points were taken away 263 00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:41,826 because apparently the ball went "out of bounds". 264 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:42,795 But don't worry, 265 00:10:42,835 --> 00:10:44,781 I'm appealing to the league office. 266 00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:48,135 This Aboubakar... I'm assuming you showered with the guy? 267 00:10:48,243 --> 00:10:50,009 Paint me a word picture. 268 00:10:52,206 --> 00:10:52,957 Hello. 269 00:10:52,992 --> 00:10:54,111 Lil, is Barney there? 270 00:10:54,148 --> 00:10:55,286 He's not answering his phone. 271 00:10:55,308 --> 00:10:57,142 Mm, he's a little busy right now. 272 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,326 It's Robin. 273 00:10:58,394 --> 00:11:00,328 37... 38... 274 00:11:00,347 --> 00:11:01,900 Put her on speaker. 39... 275 00:11:01,925 --> 00:11:03,533 When did you start being able to do stuff like this? 276 00:11:03,571 --> 00:11:05,272 A few months ago, you had to catch your breath 277 00:11:05,309 --> 00:11:06,659 after making a sandwich. 278 00:11:06,705 --> 00:11:08,919 Barney, delete the Robin 279 00:11:08,957 --> 00:11:11,000 and Patrice's BFF Fun Day invite! 280 00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:12,293 Did you break up with Nick yet? 281 00:11:12,316 --> 00:11:14,429 I can't! He just got some horrible call. 282 00:11:14,454 --> 00:11:16,510 I think a family member might have died or something. 283 00:11:16,548 --> 00:11:17,848 Oh! Yes! Yes! 284 00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:19,723 Yes! Yes! Yes! 285 00:11:19,928 --> 00:11:22,199 I mean, good that Robin can't dump him. 286 00:11:22,238 --> 00:11:24,235 The death part, less good. 287 00:11:25,016 --> 00:11:26,667 Robin, if you dump Nick, 288 00:11:26,711 --> 00:11:29,245 he could get mad and tear your blouse off. 289 00:11:29,278 --> 00:11:30,847 And then he bites you on the neck, 290 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,866 not super hard, just on the brink 291 00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:34,397 between pleasure and pain. 292 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,316 And then that Danish slut Nadia 293 00:11:36,353 --> 00:11:37,297 bursts in... 294 00:11:37,327 --> 00:11:40,300 You can't wait. His groin will heal 295 00:11:40,336 --> 00:11:42,449 and then before you know it, you'll be marrying a man 296 00:11:42,519 --> 00:11:44,869 who once ate a vanilla-scented candle! 297 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,269 That was on me. 298 00:11:46,295 --> 00:11:48,610 I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. 299 00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:51,411 Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb. 300 00:11:51,556 --> 00:11:53,444 The invite goes live in five minutes. 301 00:11:53,591 --> 00:11:54,335 What? 302 00:11:54,386 --> 00:11:56,470 It goes out automatically unless I stop it, 303 00:11:56,472 --> 00:11:58,858 and that only happens if I hear you dump Nick 304 00:11:58,901 --> 00:12:00,761 on speakerphone before then. 305 00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,353 Fine. 306 00:12:05,761 --> 00:12:07,781 Hey, Nick. I'm sorry about that. 307 00:12:10,072 --> 00:12:11,085 listen, 308 00:12:11,344 --> 00:12:13,232 there's something I need to talk to you about. 309 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:16,786 No, Robin, I'm sorry. I'm like half here. 310 00:12:17,081 --> 00:12:18,531 That phone call, it just... 311 00:12:19,327 --> 00:12:22,178 I got some really bad news. 312 00:12:23,174 --> 00:12:25,542 My doctor did an MRI... 313 00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:27,737 and... 314 00:12:28,836 --> 00:12:32,422 Oh... Oh, God. What, what is it? 315 00:12:33,118 --> 00:12:35,377 My groin injury is worse than they thought. 316 00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:37,464 I can't play basketball for weeks. 317 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,732 Thank God. I thought he was dying or something. 318 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,926 How many weeks? How many weeks? 319 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,912 Please tell me it's not a tear 320 00:12:45,937 --> 00:12:47,303 in the iliolumbar ligament. 321 00:12:47,345 --> 00:12:49,479 It's a tear in the "libioflumflar linament". 322 00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:52,220 If it's a small tear, he can still make playoffs. 323 00:12:52,261 --> 00:12:53,260 It's a big tear. 324 00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:54,916 He better not be out for the season. 325 00:12:54,966 --> 00:12:56,766 - I'm out for the season. - Damn it! 326 00:12:56,797 --> 00:12:59,591 They're going up against The Number Crunchers without me. 327 00:12:59,647 --> 00:13:03,245 It's an after-work basketball league for lawyers 328 00:13:03,286 --> 00:13:06,228 and accountants and architects who sew. 329 00:13:06,308 --> 00:13:08,758 I mean, who takes it that seriously? 330 00:13:09,047 --> 00:13:13,717 No...! 331 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:16,740 I just hate letting Coach Eriksen down. 332 00:13:17,048 --> 00:13:21,190 I would follow that man through the gates of hell! 333 00:13:21,607 --> 00:13:22,990 Winning. 334 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:27,442 What do we win when we beat those Number Crunchers 335 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,239 a few short weeks hence? 336 00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:30,707 A game? Sure. 337 00:13:30,929 --> 00:13:32,967 A trophy? Sort of. 338 00:13:32,994 --> 00:13:35,328 We win a $25 gift card to Bennigan's, 339 00:13:35,367 --> 00:13:37,715 but what is it that we really win? 340 00:13:37,798 --> 00:13:38,964 The game! 341 00:13:39,490 --> 00:13:40,696 Yes, I said that Nick. 342 00:13:40,713 --> 00:13:41,782 Yeah. 343 00:13:42,028 --> 00:13:43,828 But we also win 344 00:13:44,004 --> 00:13:45,470 the right to walk tall. 345 00:13:45,497 --> 00:13:46,465 Oh! 346 00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:49,178 The right to call ourselves champions. 347 00:13:49,201 --> 00:13:50,443 - Yeah. - So we are gonna 348 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:51,648 go out and we are 349 00:13:51,685 --> 00:13:53,457 gonna wipe the floor with those accountants! 350 00:13:53,492 --> 00:13:56,527 And afterwards, we will feast like kings 351 00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:59,543 on Southwest Fajitas and Cajun shrimp! 352 00:13:59,563 --> 00:14:03,922 And that check, that check will be marginally less expensive! 353 00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,662 Yeah! Yeah! 354 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:09,364 Now, they're probably gonna have to pay full price for that meal. 355 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:15,409 Nick, you are so sweet, but I just... 356 00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:16,766 Good news is 357 00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:18,884 it doesn't really matter if it takes my groin pull 358 00:14:18,914 --> 00:14:20,057 a little longer to heal, 359 00:14:20,088 --> 00:14:23,640 so I may as well start having sex again. 360 00:14:23,888 --> 00:14:24,907 Listening. 361 00:14:25,018 --> 00:14:25,988 Sickening. 362 00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:27,353 Exiting. 363 00:14:31,965 --> 00:14:33,416 - Nick... - Huh? 364 00:14:33,736 --> 00:14:34,567 I just... 365 00:14:34,621 --> 00:14:37,292 Ah... I... 366 00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:39,488 - Hmm? - Um... 367 00:14:39,535 --> 00:14:40,934 Mm-hmm? 368 00:14:41,698 --> 00:14:42,686 Oh... 369 00:14:42,737 --> 00:14:45,555 What do you think? 370 00:14:46,155 --> 00:14:48,618 I think I am suddenly in the mood 371 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:49,818 for something hot. 372 00:14:49,853 --> 00:14:52,761 I see. Sounds like I should order some cappuccinos. 373 00:14:52,786 --> 00:14:54,751 Don't talk till tomorrow morning. 374 00:14:55,783 --> 00:14:57,567 She can't go home with you, Nick. 375 00:14:57,569 --> 00:15:00,036 - Barney? - Why not? 376 00:15:00,187 --> 00:15:03,471 Because Robin and I are in love. 377 00:15:08,768 --> 00:15:10,773 Barney, what are you doing here? 378 00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:11,817 Taking care of something 379 00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,407 you clearly can't do on your own. 380 00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:15,695 I'm sorry, but you and Robin are done. 381 00:15:15,739 --> 00:15:17,239 What? Robin, what is this? 382 00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:19,883 Barney, look, I know what you're doing, okay? 383 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,085 Please stop. 384 00:15:21,202 --> 00:15:22,614 Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings 385 00:15:22,645 --> 00:15:24,111 because you're a nice guy, 386 00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:26,427 but she thinks you're stupid and she hates you. 387 00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:27,179 You're welcome. 388 00:15:27,197 --> 00:15:28,285 Stop doing this. 389 00:15:28,316 --> 00:15:29,660 I love her, Nick. 390 00:15:29,685 --> 00:15:31,431 Look, he doesn't love me. 391 00:15:31,455 --> 00:15:32,752 He's just saying this because... 392 00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:34,790 I love everything about her, 393 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,470 and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. 394 00:15:36,494 --> 00:15:38,944 I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. 395 00:15:38,977 --> 00:15:40,593 I thought love was just something 396 00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:41,825 idiots thought they felt, 397 00:15:41,964 --> 00:15:44,214 but this woman has a hold on my heart 398 00:15:44,229 --> 00:15:46,446 that I could not break if I wanted to, 399 00:15:46,535 --> 00:15:48,316 and there have been times 400 00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:49,918 that I wanted to. 401 00:15:50,526 --> 00:15:54,253 It has been overwhelming and humbling 402 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:58,871 and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her 403 00:15:58,902 --> 00:16:01,152 any more than I could stop breathing. 404 00:16:02,313 --> 00:16:06,316 I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. 405 00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:10,157 More than she knows. 406 00:16:14,798 --> 00:16:16,048 Robin, 407 00:16:16,087 --> 00:16:17,637 is this true? 408 00:16:19,592 --> 00:16:21,422 You heard him. 409 00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:24,844 Oh, wow, it feels like I have 410 00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:27,980 a pulled groin muscle in my heart. 411 00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,860 Nick, I'm so sorry. 412 00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,138 I just think that maybe... 413 00:16:32,177 --> 00:16:33,977 Pardon me. 414 00:16:34,216 --> 00:16:36,752 But did you just also get your heart broken? 415 00:16:36,815 --> 00:16:39,433 - Yes. - I just got 416 00:16:39,435 --> 00:16:42,281 my heart broken, too! 417 00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:45,134 Well, do the... the two of you... 418 00:16:45,831 --> 00:16:47,245 want to come back to my place? 419 00:16:47,463 --> 00:16:50,581 - Yes. - Yes. - Come on. 420 00:16:52,565 --> 00:16:55,808 Thus concluded the Autumn of Breakups, 421 00:16:56,084 --> 00:16:57,484 Wow. 422 00:16:57,486 --> 00:16:59,484 - Crazy, right? - Yeah, 423 00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:01,590 you know what would be really crazy? 424 00:17:01,623 --> 00:17:02,392 If all of 'em 425 00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:07,402 got it on... Barney, Robin, Nick, and those two women, 426 00:17:07,454 --> 00:17:10,255 and you just know Nadia's watching in the corner 427 00:17:10,282 --> 00:17:11,506 with her pet snake. 428 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,865 Okay, why aren't you two having sex? 429 00:17:14,387 --> 00:17:15,178 What? 430 00:17:15,496 --> 00:17:16,565 Excuse me? 431 00:17:16,605 --> 00:17:19,062 Lily has been slobbering over Robin's sex life 432 00:17:19,086 --> 00:17:22,387 like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill, 433 00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:23,520 and you... 434 00:17:23,613 --> 00:17:26,257 the only other time you've ever exercised this seriously 435 00:17:26,294 --> 00:17:28,244 was when Lily had mono freshman year 436 00:17:28,276 --> 00:17:29,792 and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups 437 00:17:29,806 --> 00:17:32,123 with your genitals over a bowl of ice. 438 00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:35,857 So, when did you stop doing it and why? 439 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,641 It was, you know, 440 00:17:38,993 --> 00:17:41,119 before Marvin was born. 441 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,853 What? Th-That's insane. 442 00:17:42,872 --> 00:17:45,660 Well, you have to wait a while after having a kid, 443 00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:48,644 and, and then you're exhausted from being up all night. 444 00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:52,472 And then this uncanny phenomenon began. 445 00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:15,095 Wow, 446 00:18:15,097 --> 00:18:16,540 you guys got to fix this. 447 00:18:16,608 --> 00:18:18,441 It's not that easy. 448 00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:23,856 Ted, having a kid changes things. 449 00:18:23,874 --> 00:18:28,372 You don't have the time or energy, you're never alone. 450 00:18:29,597 --> 00:18:31,010 Come here. 451 00:18:31,159 --> 00:18:32,453 What are you doing? 452 00:18:32,514 --> 00:18:34,097 Taking Marvin for a walk 453 00:18:34,099 --> 00:18:36,749 so you guys can have some privacy. 454 00:18:36,751 --> 00:18:38,401 Oh, Ted, come on, 455 00:18:38,432 --> 00:18:40,248 that's, that's just not the way that it works. 456 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,146 Yeah, it's not like we can have sex on cue. 457 00:18:43,171 --> 00:18:45,204 Yeah, I'll give you guys plenty of time. 458 00:18:45,231 --> 00:18:46,279 Maybe I'll even 459 00:18:46,311 --> 00:18:48,176 swing by the gym, show Marvin 460 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,228 where his Uncle Ted made "the shot". 461 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:51,426 If I'm late, 462 00:18:51,491 --> 00:18:53,927 it's 'cause I've been delayed by autograph seekers. 463 00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,493 Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag. 464 00:18:57,535 --> 00:18:58,534 Yowza! 465 00:18:58,842 --> 00:19:00,402 Okay. 466 00:19:01,382 --> 00:19:04,016 And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech 467 00:19:04,041 --> 00:19:06,104 goes to Barney Stinson. 468 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,414 I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years 469 00:19:08,431 --> 00:19:10,431 with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches 470 00:19:10,452 --> 00:19:12,383 and, of course, Robin Scherbatsky 471 00:19:12,395 --> 00:19:14,479 for being so hypnotized by hog 472 00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:16,176 that she needed me to come and save her. 473 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,498 You know what? I didn't need your help. 474 00:19:18,644 --> 00:19:22,400 You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt 475 00:19:22,423 --> 00:19:25,841 and pulling down his inside-out underpants. 476 00:19:25,911 --> 00:19:29,028 I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing. 477 00:19:29,187 --> 00:19:31,938 Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing. 478 00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:34,169 No. 479 00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:39,455 I mean, you were really convincing. 480 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:43,199 Please. 481 00:19:43,213 --> 00:19:44,796 I was bro-ing you out. 482 00:19:45,497 --> 00:19:47,631 I'm just glad he bought it so quick. 483 00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:52,066 Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you. 484 00:19:58,817 --> 00:19:59,574 Hello. 485 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,564 Whoo, oh, my God, Robin, BFF Fun Day! 486 00:20:01,611 --> 00:20:03,061 That's the most amazing thing ever. 487 00:20:03,105 --> 00:20:05,838 - Like, you totally read my mind... - Hey, Patrice. 488 00:20:05,858 --> 00:20:08,141 Oh, you got the invite, great. 489 00:20:08,537 --> 00:20:10,725 Uh, yeah... let me call you back. 490 00:20:10,806 --> 00:20:12,516 This is so fantastic, I can't even catch my breath. 491 00:20:12,541 --> 00:20:14,542 - Mm-hmm, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 492 00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:17,150 You know what I forgot to do? 493 00:20:18,997 --> 00:20:22,693 # Like a fool, I went and stayed too long # 494 00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:25,956 # Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong # 495 00:20:25,988 --> 00:20:28,789 # Ooh, baby, here I am 496 00:20:29,114 --> 00:20:33,066 # Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours. # 497 00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:38,553 Hey, T-Squares. 498 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,452 Well, bad news. 499 00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:42,440 Heard back from the league office. 500 00:20:42,484 --> 00:20:44,840 My shot is not going to count. 501 00:20:45,045 --> 00:20:47,329 But onwards and upwards, right? 502 00:20:47,599 --> 00:20:48,634 What do you cats want 503 00:20:48,659 --> 00:20:50,398 to rap about, huh? 504 00:20:50,431 --> 00:20:53,165 Listen, Coach... you're great. 505 00:20:53,191 --> 00:20:57,177 And we all really want to stay friends. 506 00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:01,932 I can change, I can... 507 00:21:02,278 --> 00:21:04,714 Come on, we, we had some good times. 508 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:06,807 Things have been weird lately and... 509 00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:10,474 Is there another architect? Just tell me.