1
00:00:02,226 --> 00:00:04,793
Guys, I'm going
through something kinda hard.
2
00:00:05,203 --> 00:00:07,155
Since Quinn and I broke
up, she's gone back to dancing
3
00:00:07,156 --> 00:00:10,602
at The Lusty Leopard, and it's
just really tough because...
4
00:00:10,625 --> 00:00:11,875
'Cause you have to
find a new strip club?
5
00:00:11,893 --> 00:00:13,719
I have to find a new strip club!
6
00:00:13,773 --> 00:00:16,254
I've been going to The Lusty
Leopard for seven years.
7
00:00:16,298 --> 00:00:19,343
Wow. That's like 49 in perv years.
8
00:00:19,530 --> 00:00:21,368
Sixty-nine.
Self-five.
9
00:00:21,465 --> 00:00:22,240
Look...
10
00:00:22,271 --> 00:00:23,640
without my open wallet,
11
00:00:23,652 --> 00:00:25,778
The Lusty Leopard would be nothing.
12
00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:28,042
Thanks to me,
they've been able to expand
13
00:00:28,132 --> 00:00:30,607
and take over that soup
kitchen next door.
14
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,078
Now I'm a free agent,
15
00:00:32,126 --> 00:00:34,064
and all the strip clubs are after me.
16
00:00:34,629 --> 00:00:36,962
Mr. Stinson, we might not have
17
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,959
the best strippers at Moneyballs,
18
00:00:38,990 --> 00:00:42,542
but we use sabermetrics to get
you a stripper with a five body,
19
00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:44,997
sure, and another with a
butter face, but together,
20
00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:47,779
with their tireless
grinding, we guarantee
21
00:00:47,813 --> 00:00:50,680
a high on-pants percentage.
22
00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:52,357
I gotta be honest with you, Fred,
23
00:00:52,474 --> 00:00:55,374
I can't really see myself signing
with the Golden Oldies.
24
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,487
Well, that's what
everyone says... at first.
25
00:00:58,633 --> 00:01:00,402
But our GILFs have got class.
26
00:01:00,509 --> 00:01:02,765
They've got maturity and experience,
27
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,401
and the kind of
mind-blowing flexibility
28
00:01:05,426 --> 00:01:08,727
that only comes from
advanced hip dysplasia.
29
00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:14,701
Barney, the Lusty Leopard
would be lost without you.
30
00:01:14,832 --> 00:01:16,586
I think you're really gonna
like a couple of the girls
31
00:01:16,635 --> 00:01:18,301
we just pulled up from the minors.
32
00:01:18,392 --> 00:01:19,943
Don't leave us!
33
00:01:20,351 --> 00:01:22,795
Wow, you're like the LeBron
James of strip clubs.
34
00:01:22,943 --> 00:01:25,456
Actually, you're probably tied
with LeBron James for that title.
35
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,379
LeBron isn't all that.
36
00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:29,204
The Cavs are doing great without him.
37
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:30,728
Yeah!
38
00:01:30,815 --> 00:01:34,476
Hey, guys, you will
never believe who I ran into
39
00:01:34,507 --> 00:01:35,834
outside of work today.
40
00:01:35,869 --> 00:01:37,602
It wasn't the guy handing out coupons
41
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:39,527
in the hot dog costume, was it?
42
00:01:39,543 --> 00:01:41,929
Baby, there's no
reason to be scared of him.
43
00:01:41,962 --> 00:01:43,718
I'm not scared of him.
44
00:01:43,752 --> 00:01:47,521
It's totally normal to
see a hot dog with a face.
45
00:01:48,110 --> 00:01:50,927
No, it was Brad, my
old law school buddy.
46
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,956
I almost didn't recognize him.
47
00:01:53,185 --> 00:01:54,551
Marshall?
48
00:01:56,276 --> 00:01:57,101
Brad?
49
00:01:57,129 --> 00:01:57,835
Bro!
50
00:01:57,860 --> 00:01:59,793
Oh, hey!
51
00:02:00,126 --> 00:02:01,457
What a kick-ass day!
52
00:02:01,492 --> 00:02:03,708
I run into you, some sucker throws away
53
00:02:03,739 --> 00:02:05,808
most of a perfectly good hot dog...
54
00:02:06,102 --> 00:02:07,701
kick-ass day!
55
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,301
You still doing corporate law?
56
00:02:10,415 --> 00:02:12,498
I got downsized two years ago.
57
00:02:12,606 --> 00:02:13,588
It's been rough.
58
00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:15,496
Going through a little bit of a depresh.
59
00:02:15,571 --> 00:02:17,790
But just today, boom!
60
00:02:17,931 --> 00:02:19,969
Huge job prospect.
61
00:02:20,609 --> 00:02:21,653
Here's your application.
62
00:02:21,701 --> 00:02:23,030
Just tell them I sent you.
63
00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:25,514
I bet you could fit in the bratwurst.
64
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:27,963
Bratwurst with a face.
65
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,534
What'd I tell you?
66
00:02:29,576 --> 00:02:31,993
Looks like I'm about to be on a roll.
67
00:02:31,995 --> 00:02:33,983
Sounds like that
guy could use some help.
68
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:35,897
I know! That's why I said...
69
00:02:35,933 --> 00:02:37,703
You know, I'm at Honeywell & Cootes,
70
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,676
and they're looking
to hire an associate.
71
00:02:39,707 --> 00:02:41,278
I could totally recommend you.
72
00:02:41,304 --> 00:02:44,273
Leave the wounded behind!
73
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:50,297
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
74
00:02:57,953 --> 00:03:00,829
'Cause Brad is an old
friend who needs a job.
75
00:03:00,852 --> 00:03:02,140
Why shouldn't I give him the old
76
00:03:02,264 --> 00:03:04,395
Marshall Eriksen Stamp of Approval?
77
00:03:04,461 --> 00:03:06,444
Marshall, you're a stamp tramp.
78
00:03:06,546 --> 00:03:08,379
How dare you!
79
00:03:08,725 --> 00:03:10,287
And what is that?
80
00:03:10,383 --> 00:03:12,824
You give your stamp of
approval to everything.
81
00:03:12,854 --> 00:03:14,162
It's become meaningless.
82
00:03:14,232 --> 00:03:15,870
It's like when my mom likes a movie.
83
00:03:15,911 --> 00:03:17,949
It just means Richard Dreyfuss is in it.
84
00:03:17,995 --> 00:03:20,596
Marshall, you love everything
and everyone.
85
00:03:20,623 --> 00:03:22,145
It's-It's what I love about you,
86
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:25,952
but it's also why your
stamps are total crap.
87
00:03:26,589 --> 00:03:27,921
Give me one example.
88
00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:29,979
How about when you turned your boss
89
00:03:29,986 --> 00:03:32,920
into a fountain of bodily liquids?
90
00:03:34,124 --> 00:03:35,244
You guys like it?
91
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:38,053
I'll be waiting for
you in hell, Eriksen.
92
00:03:40,416 --> 00:03:42,926
In my defense, that
restaurant's health rating had just gone
93
00:03:42,944 --> 00:03:45,045
from an "F" to a "D," and
I wanted to reward that.
94
00:03:45,082 --> 00:03:47,376
Marshall, you're already on thin ice
95
00:03:47,403 --> 00:03:49,534
with that horrible Honeywell guy.
96
00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:51,804
Don't risk screwing things
up more right before
97
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:53,236
your biggest case ever.
98
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,833
Okay, Honeywell is not horrible,
99
00:03:54,853 --> 00:03:56,727
he just has a bad temper sometimes.
100
00:03:57,197 --> 00:03:58,953
And he holds a grudge.
101
00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:01,297
He's kind of defensive about his height.
102
00:04:01,753 --> 00:04:02,933
And he's cheap.
103
00:04:03,105 --> 00:04:04,755
And he made those secretaries cry.
104
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:06,367
But, deep down, he is a great guy.
105
00:04:06,398 --> 00:04:07,767
Heck, he gets my stamp, too.
106
00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:08,942
Stamp tramp.
107
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,783
Well, maybe this isn't the moment
108
00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:12,426
to stick your neck out for Brad.
109
00:04:12,478 --> 00:04:14,527
Well, that's not how I was raised.
110
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:17,245
Back in St. Cloud, we believe in people,
111
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:21,600
people like Gudren Olsen, the
town wino who became our mayor.
112
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:24,105
They even wound up
naming a bridge after him.
113
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,040
The one he drove off.
114
00:04:26,094 --> 00:04:28,278
Marshall, why can't you
be more like your wife?
115
00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:29,755
Lily's stamp is gold.
116
00:04:29,788 --> 00:04:31,603
I'm reading this book because of her.
117
00:04:33,466 --> 00:04:35,741
I'm drinking this beer because
she recommended it.
118
00:04:37,487 --> 00:04:38,833
I'm even wearing this bra because
119
00:04:38,858 --> 00:04:40,691
of a lingerie store Lily told me about.
120
00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:46,317
Uh, if anyone's got the golden stamp,
121
00:04:46,413 --> 00:04:48,533
it's old Teddy Westside over here.
122
00:04:48,570 --> 00:04:51,543
Please. You're a piggyback stamper.
123
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:53,241
How dare you!
124
00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:54,907
And what is that?
125
00:04:54,938 --> 00:04:56,988
Allow us to demonstrate. Lily?
126
00:04:57,177 --> 00:05:00,426
Hey, guys, I just found a
great new sushi restaurant.
127
00:05:00,455 --> 00:05:01,580
It's called Katsu...
128
00:05:01,606 --> 00:05:03,336
yoku. Katsuyoku.
129
00:05:03,354 --> 00:05:05,177
My idea. I'm Ted.
130
00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:06,945
- Nailed it.
- Totally.
131
00:05:07,949 --> 00:05:10,274
Okay, Ted, name one
cool thing you've given
132
00:05:10,299 --> 00:05:11,816
your stamp to first...
- Dr. Berkowitz.
133
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,344
that isn't an
ear, nose and throat doctor.
134
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:18,880
Man, these strip clubs want me so bad.
135
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,952
They're sending me
T-shirts, beer cozies.
136
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,773
Sticky's even sent me
137
00:05:23,810 --> 00:05:26,162
a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer
dispenser.
138
00:05:26,329 --> 00:05:28,675
It's clean and dirty at the same time.
139
00:05:28,926 --> 00:05:32,339
That's it? T
- shirts and beer cozies?
140
00:05:32,357 --> 00:05:33,806
That's disrespect, son!
141
00:05:33,992 --> 00:05:35,125
Here's what you do:
142
00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:38,209
Hit a few strip clubs in
Jersey and Long Island.
143
00:05:38,276 --> 00:05:40,426
Jersey? Long Island?
144
00:05:40,703 --> 00:05:42,864
Why would I go to a Third World nation
145
00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:44,139
to get my knob wobbled?
146
00:05:44,174 --> 00:05:45,274
Well, you wouldn't.
147
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,370
But when the clubs in the city hear
148
00:05:47,401 --> 00:05:48,881
you're sniffing around across the river,
149
00:05:48,912 --> 00:05:51,389
those beer cozies and T-shirts turn
150
00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:53,859
into Rolexes and fur coats.
151
00:05:53,974 --> 00:05:57,288
Especially from that
strip club, Fur Coats.
152
00:05:57,550 --> 00:06:00,284
Wow. That's genius.
153
00:06:00,386 --> 00:06:01,734
You're hired.
154
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,641
What do you mean?
155
00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:05,169
I want you to be my strip club agent.
156
00:06:05,792 --> 00:06:07,372
What is wrong with you?
157
00:06:07,393 --> 00:06:08,983
Well, I just figured I'd ask...
158
00:06:09,014 --> 00:06:10,065
No, I was talking to myself,
159
00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:12,174
because, for some reason,
I really want to do that!
160
00:06:13,626 --> 00:06:16,626
Oh! Oh! What am I wearing?
161
00:06:16,736 --> 00:06:19,905
Just proof of a
stamp I know I gave first,
162
00:06:19,968 --> 00:06:21,799
from a little band called...
163
00:06:22,275 --> 00:06:23,557
Dishwalla.
164
00:06:23,622 --> 00:06:24,429
Who?
165
00:06:24,506 --> 00:06:26,185
Dishwalla! Come on!
166
00:06:26,228 --> 00:06:27,328
They had that whole,
167
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:29,296
"Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God" song.
168
00:06:29,817 --> 00:06:30,754
Oh...
169
00:06:30,806 --> 00:06:33,019
Look, I'm not saying they're
my favorite band,
170
00:06:33,046 --> 00:06:34,170
but for a little while in college,
171
00:06:34,213 --> 00:06:37,270
we were all into that song,
and it was all thanks to me.
172
00:06:37,301 --> 00:06:39,286
But I turned you on to Dishwalla.
173
00:06:39,304 --> 00:06:41,333
No way! I played them on my radio show.
174
00:06:41,664 --> 00:06:44,523
I mean, pirate DJ Dr. X played them on
175
00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,069
his beloved radio show.
176
00:06:46,083 --> 00:06:47,875
We all know you were Dr. X, Ted!
177
00:06:47,899 --> 00:06:50,314
And I'm the one who
got us into that song.
178
00:06:50,335 --> 00:06:53,430
No! No! On his beloved radio show,
179
00:06:53,461 --> 00:06:55,739
Dr. X pointed out that the chorus went,
180
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,844
"Tell me all your thoughts on God"
181
00:06:57,877 --> 00:07:00,613
# 'Cause I really want to meet her. #
182
00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:03,447
Her. God's a woman.
183
00:07:03,818 --> 00:07:04,720
And it blew the minds
184
00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:06,581
of everyone
listening to Dr. X that night.
185
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,845
Which was pretty much
everyone on campus... including me.
186
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,291
I'm not Dr. X.
187
00:07:11,322 --> 00:07:13,111
Oh, so you're saying
188
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:16,923
credit for the stamp
goes to Dr. X then, not you.
189
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:24,658
Okay... I'm gonna tell you
guys something right now.
190
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,019
Take a sip. Follow my lead.
191
00:07:30,385 --> 00:07:31,505
I'm Dr. X.
192
00:07:32,623 --> 00:07:34,349
No!
193
00:07:35,364 --> 00:07:36,943
I hope this works out, bro.
194
00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:39,165
I couldn't even get my
leg in that bratwurst outfit.
195
00:07:39,603 --> 00:07:42,541
Don't be nervous. Honeywell
is gonna love you.
196
00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:45,963
Sweet! Freebie muff-tops!
197
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,649
Can I pour you a pocket of coffee?
198
00:07:50,209 --> 00:07:51,544
I didn't say you were fat.
199
00:07:51,575 --> 00:07:54,344
I said that dress
makes you look fat! Idiot!
200
00:07:54,413 --> 00:07:56,269
Hey! You must be Brad!
201
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,220
I'm excited to meet the man
202
00:07:57,245 --> 00:07:59,111
Eriksen's been talking up all week.
203
00:08:00,304 --> 00:08:02,573
Mr. Honeywell, I have to say,
204
00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:04,978
your environmental work is amazing.
205
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:07,375
Come on, it's not
like I'm saving the world.
206
00:08:07,457 --> 00:08:09,321
Oh, wait, yes, I am!
207
00:08:09,426 --> 00:08:11,165
Great.
208
00:08:11,174 --> 00:08:12,286
Marshall tells me you have
209
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:14,799
the big Gruber
Pharmaceutical trial coming up.
210
00:08:14,873 --> 00:08:16,523
I'd love to give you
my thoughts on the case,
211
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,873
but I can't take full credit.
212
00:08:18,924 --> 00:08:20,804
Most of these are from my psychic.
213
00:08:21,073 --> 00:08:23,228
My psychic always pushes
for a settlement.
214
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,422
But my numerologist says roll
the dice with the jury.
215
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,365
I'm waiting for my astrologist
to weigh in,
216
00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:30,099
but he can be kind of flaky.
217
00:08:30,165 --> 00:08:32,248
You know, Cancer.
218
00:08:32,469 --> 00:08:34,752
Should know more
after he's back from chemo.
219
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,428
Good luck, bro!
220
00:08:43,583 --> 00:08:46,466
You know the best part about
you challenging me on Dishwalla?
221
00:08:46,497 --> 00:08:48,191
- Didn't challenge you, don't care.
- It made me
222
00:08:48,192 --> 00:08:50,852
dig up my old video
diaries from freshman year.
223
00:08:50,958 --> 00:08:52,568
And somewhere in here
there's gonna be proof
224
00:08:52,593 --> 00:08:54,173
that I am not a piggyback stamper.
225
00:08:54,197 --> 00:08:55,945
I have my own original ideas.
226
00:08:55,982 --> 00:08:58,049
Didn't you only do the video diaries
227
00:08:58,074 --> 00:09:00,026
because of Winona
Ryder in Reality Bites?
228
00:09:00,059 --> 00:09:01,093
No.
229
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,129
I don't know what you're
talk... shut up.
230
00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,420
Let's just watch.
231
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,442
How do you even know
there's gonna be mention
232
00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:09,448
of Dishwalla on those tapes?
- I don't.
233
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,378
And it may take me
days to go through them all,
234
00:09:11,397 --> 00:09:14,806
but that is how
committed I am to the truth.
235
00:09:14,925 --> 00:09:18,092
Hey, you guys should check out
that song by the band Dishwalla.
236
00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:20,344
Really? I've never heard of them.
237
00:09:20,449 --> 00:09:22,086
Damn it!
238
00:09:22,581 --> 00:09:23,594
So?
239
00:09:23,619 --> 00:09:25,286
A lot of
240
00:09:25,324 --> 00:09:26,692
strip clubs are into my client.
241
00:09:26,753 --> 00:09:28,589
If you want the Melon
Patch to be in the mix,
242
00:09:28,614 --> 00:09:30,752
we're gonna need bigger
melons and smaller patches.
243
00:09:30,768 --> 00:09:32,434
Otherwise, your
establishment is not where
244
00:09:32,449 --> 00:09:34,449
Barney Stinson is gonna pitch his tent.
245
00:09:34,526 --> 00:09:36,598
B
- Dawg, Barn Door,
246
00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:38,370
Stinson-natti,
Bro-hio!
247
00:09:38,526 --> 00:09:40,447
Talk to me. How's it hangin'?
248
00:09:40,543 --> 00:09:42,849
You are killing it at this agent thing!
249
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:45,689
I just got a big box at Yankee Stadium
250
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,353
from the ladies at The Big Box.
251
00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:48,056
Mm-hmm.
252
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,922
Golden Oldies
253
00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:52,738
just sent me a fax
machine and a Charo calendar.
254
00:09:52,778 --> 00:09:54,566
- Mm-hmm. - Aren't they
out of the running?
255
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,944
Yeah, but those old
bitches don't need to know that.
256
00:09:57,253 --> 00:09:58,972
Yeah, I just feel kind of bad.
257
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:00,257
They just spent eight grand
258
00:10:00,282 --> 00:10:02,251
on that wheelchair ramp up to the stage.
259
00:10:02,879 --> 00:10:05,254
Hey, Larry, how's
everything at the Beaver Dam?
260
00:10:05,297 --> 00:10:06,847
I don't even know that strip club.
261
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,956
Oh, it's not a club.
262
00:10:08,162 --> 00:10:11,056
My cousin Larry is a
forest ranger in Squamish.
263
00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:12,904
Oh, yeah?
264
00:10:12,981 --> 00:10:14,106
Then I was fired from
265
00:10:14,124 --> 00:10:15,331
Bed Bath & Beyond
266
00:10:15,356 --> 00:10:17,081
for telling inappropriate jokes.
267
00:10:17,152 --> 00:10:17,810
I mean...
268
00:10:17,835 --> 00:10:19,885
get a sense of humor, LaShonda.
269
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,603
You know how "they" are.
270
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:24,693
"They" meaning Bed Bath &
Beyond employees, right?
271
00:10:24,715 --> 00:10:25,407
Hmm?
272
00:10:25,438 --> 00:10:26,904
No. Women.
273
00:10:27,592 --> 00:10:29,559
That still could have been worse.
274
00:10:29,598 --> 00:10:31,695
Thank God I ran into Marshall.
275
00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:33,717
This guy's supportive as balls.
276
00:10:33,955 --> 00:10:35,254
And here I am.
277
00:10:35,276 --> 00:10:38,117
Yes, we both owe
Marshall a debt of gratitude
278
00:10:38,148 --> 00:10:39,567
for getting you this interview.
279
00:10:39,625 --> 00:10:40,442
Eriksen...
280
00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:42,534
can I see you outside? Sure.
281
00:10:43,254 --> 00:10:45,374
Good. Try to stay out
there a few minutes.
282
00:10:45,406 --> 00:10:49,324
I just cut one, and I can tell
it's gonna be a slow burn.
283
00:10:51,626 --> 00:10:54,215
What is Generation X?
284
00:10:54,293 --> 00:10:57,320
What does the X in "Generation
X" stand for?
285
00:10:57,417 --> 00:10:58,967
What do we stand for?
286
00:10:59,311 --> 00:11:02,034
Why aren't people on
campus talking about this?
287
00:11:02,232 --> 00:11:04,124
Maybe you should do a radio show
288
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:06,537
and call yourself Dr. X.
289
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:11,032
I just had an amazing idea.
290
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,917
Just turn it off!
291
00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:16,899
I can't look away.
292
00:11:17,058 --> 00:11:18,533
Oh, God, no.
293
00:11:18,606 --> 00:11:20,787
Oh, God, I'm putting on a beret.
294
00:11:20,883 --> 00:11:21,970
You were there.
295
00:11:21,988 --> 00:11:23,839
Why didn't you tell
me that looked stupid?
296
00:11:24,061 --> 00:11:26,372
Ted, that beret looks stupid.
297
00:11:26,798 --> 00:11:29,159
I look magnifique!
298
00:11:29,369 --> 00:11:31,869
Marshall, that man is the
human equivalent of what came out
299
00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:33,844
of my body after eating that
soup you recommended!
300
00:11:33,989 --> 00:11:35,371
This guy's your friend?
301
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,019
Really more of an acquaintance
than a friend.
302
00:11:38,099 --> 00:11:40,466
No backpedaling.
303
00:11:40,519 --> 00:11:42,244
You're Marshall Eriksen.
304
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:44,323
You believe in people.
305
00:11:44,801 --> 00:11:46,352
You know what Brad hasn't told you?
306
00:11:46,408 --> 00:11:48,492
He was third in our class at Columbia.
307
00:11:48,537 --> 00:11:49,907
That is impressive.
308
00:11:50,004 --> 00:11:52,421
And I suppose he did
warn us about the fart.
309
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,123
He's a great guy.
310
00:11:54,232 --> 00:11:57,030
Please... give him just one more chance.
311
00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:58,922
Two more minutes.
312
00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:03,260
I'm proud of you.
313
00:12:03,531 --> 00:12:06,565
I'm proud of you for being proud of me.
314
00:12:10,835 --> 00:12:12,486
You went undergrad to Holy Cross?
315
00:12:12,527 --> 00:12:13,627
That's my alma mater.
316
00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:15,396
I went there on a
basketball scholarship.
317
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,059
No way. I played center.
318
00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:18,949
Uh-oh.
319
00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,209
Why is that so shocking?
320
00:12:20,252 --> 00:12:23,819
'Cause you're,
like, an itty-bitty fella.
321
00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:25,695
Hey... fish, huh?
322
00:12:25,739 --> 00:12:26,792
Fish are crazy, right?
323
00:12:26,825 --> 00:12:27,991
You guys ever think about fish?
324
00:12:28,012 --> 00:12:30,214
I am six-foot one, sir.
325
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,691
Bro, I'm at least a
foot taller than you.
326
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:35,769
Well, then I guess that makes
you a freakish seven-foot one.
327
00:12:35,853 --> 00:12:37,603
What do you call fish with no eyes?
328
00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:40,024
"Fsh".
329
00:12:40,078 --> 00:12:43,759
I am six-feet and one
inch, and I'll prove it.
330
00:12:44,086 --> 00:12:45,718
Eriksen.
331
00:12:49,912 --> 00:12:51,579
How tall are you?
332
00:12:52,442 --> 00:12:54,750
Seven feet.
333
00:12:55,413 --> 00:12:57,384
So, we've got a deal somewhere?
334
00:12:57,421 --> 00:12:58,597
We sure do.
335
00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:00,622
You are the new face of...
336
00:13:00,659 --> 00:13:04,086
and exclusive customer to...
337
00:13:04,886 --> 00:13:06,493
Golden Oldies!
338
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:07,758
What?
339
00:13:07,873 --> 00:13:09,532
I thought we ruled them out!
340
00:13:09,564 --> 00:13:10,977
I don't remember that!
341
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:13,207
Now let's go. It is 4:00,
342
00:13:13,237 --> 00:13:15,435
and their dinner show
starts in ten minutes.
343
00:13:15,755 --> 00:13:17,638
Wait a minute.
344
00:13:17,822 --> 00:13:20,035
- Oh...
- Is that a Rolex?
345
00:13:20,119 --> 00:13:21,553
Huh. What do you know?
346
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:22,616
How did that get there?
347
00:13:22,659 --> 00:13:26,249
Anyway... so initial here and...
348
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:29,218
Where'd you get the bling, Robin?
349
00:13:29,355 --> 00:13:30,480
Uh...
350
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:32,549
They bribed you.
351
00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:34,533
They bribed you!
352
00:13:34,577 --> 00:13:37,388
Why else would you pick a
place where the strippers say
353
00:13:37,391 --> 00:13:39,624
they're trying to put their
grandkids through college?
354
00:13:39,708 --> 00:13:41,374
Please leave!
355
00:13:41,639 --> 00:13:42,862
Barney, I can explain, okay?
356
00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:44,413
Please...
357
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,087
leave.
358
00:13:47,838 --> 00:13:50,493
Say it, you giant beast!
Say I'm six-one!
359
00:13:50,518 --> 00:13:52,299
Maybe if you stood on
top of that pot of gold
360
00:13:52,324 --> 00:13:54,291
you have at the end of your rainbow.
361
00:13:54,447 --> 00:13:55,685
You know something?
362
00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:57,223
You're nothing but a...
363
00:13:57,394 --> 00:13:58,810
a tree man!
364
00:13:59,222 --> 00:14:01,612
I never want to see
you again, tree man!
365
00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:02,771
Fine.
366
00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:04,584
I have to go to the little boys' room.
367
00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,376
Not your office.
368
00:14:06,465 --> 00:14:08,799
I need to take a dump.
369
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,001
If that's the type of guy you vouch for,
370
00:14:12,045 --> 00:14:13,378
I can't trust your judgment.
371
00:14:13,454 --> 00:14:15,170
You're off the
Gruber Pharmaceutical case.
372
00:14:15,192 --> 00:14:16,609
No...
373
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:25,416
Oh, good, we're up to the
time I got my ear pierced.
374
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,696
Do it, do it, do it, do it.
375
00:14:26,727 --> 00:14:28,343
Don't do it! Don't
do it! Don't, don't.
376
00:14:28,348 --> 00:14:30,729
Okay, do it now. Do, do, do it, do it.
377
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,676
Don't, don't do it! Don't
do it! Don't do it!
378
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:36,532
Don't! Yes, you can do this. You can...
379
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,327
That goes on for 45 minutes.
380
00:14:41,609 --> 00:14:43,900
Hey... how was work, baby?
381
00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:47,388
Remember how I always wanted to know
382
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:49,703
what it was like to be a ghost?
383
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,551
Well, I don't want that anymore.
384
00:14:51,918 --> 00:14:53,628
Okay, suppose we lead
385
00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:55,870
with the carbon
testing of the residue water.
386
00:14:55,903 --> 00:14:59,070
How do we keep the
jury engaged? Anyone?
387
00:15:00,742 --> 00:15:02,389
You could bring up the survey from
388
00:15:02,408 --> 00:15:04,875
Dr. Pasquesi's testimony.
389
00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:06,232
Anyone?
390
00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:09,219
Anyone who isn't dead to me?
391
00:15:09,813 --> 00:15:12,296
Then you have to earn
Honeywell's trust back.
392
00:15:12,355 --> 00:15:13,821
Just start small.
393
00:15:13,866 --> 00:15:15,236
Put your stamp on little things
394
00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:16,768
that have nothing to do with work.
395
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,024
Like a funny video.
396
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,328
I... I may have something.
397
00:15:23,117 --> 00:15:25,659
Don't think, Mosby! Do it now!
Oh, my God, I'm doing it!
398
00:15:25,684 --> 00:15:27,453
Wow, he's a real bleeder!
399
00:15:29,224 --> 00:15:32,361
And then you build to
something else small, like a tasty snack.
400
00:15:32,447 --> 00:15:34,447
Don't sleep on the popcorn.
401
00:15:34,899 --> 00:15:37,409
Try mixing the caramel and the cheese.
402
00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:38,471
It shouldn't work,
403
00:15:38,515 --> 00:15:40,571
but... it... does.
404
00:15:40,703 --> 00:15:43,454
There's no way caramel and
cheese... That's good!
405
00:15:44,037 --> 00:15:46,093
That is good. Oh!
406
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,589
And when Honeywell starts
trusting your stamp again,
407
00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:50,925
he'll seek out your opinion on things.
408
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,296
Be honest, Eriksen.
409
00:15:52,492 --> 00:15:54,086
Is this deep-V working?
410
00:15:54,146 --> 00:15:56,469
And that's when you lie your ass off.
411
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:57,778
Sir...
412
00:15:57,844 --> 00:16:00,011
I think you could go even deeper.
413
00:16:02,816 --> 00:16:04,429
And before you know it...
414
00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:05,689
Eriksen, get in here.
415
00:16:05,691 --> 00:16:08,659
you're back on the case.
416
00:16:10,452 --> 00:16:13,370
Ted, why are you torturing yourself?
417
00:16:13,414 --> 00:16:15,852
None of us were our best in college.
418
00:16:15,999 --> 00:16:18,819
Oh, my God, I love my hair there!
419
00:16:19,639 --> 00:16:23,322
I always thought I was
this kid from suburban Ohio
420
00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:26,193
who had this innate
sense of judgment and taste
421
00:16:26,371 --> 00:16:29,683
and just showed up to
college and wowed everyone.
422
00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:32,505
Now I have concrete proof that I wasn't.
423
00:16:32,673 --> 00:16:34,686
I was a total gomer.
424
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,211
Maybe I still am.
425
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,012
Wait... that's the giant suit
426
00:16:39,055 --> 00:16:41,415
Marshall wore on our third date.
427
00:16:41,552 --> 00:16:42,497
So...
428
00:16:42,522 --> 00:16:43,938
Marshall Eriksen,
429
00:16:44,377 --> 00:16:47,130
you just came back from your
third date with Lily.
430
00:16:47,233 --> 00:16:48,411
How was it?
431
00:16:48,543 --> 00:16:49,881
Great, yeah.
432
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:55,202
I just... I think I'm
falling for this girl pretty hard.
433
00:16:55,722 --> 00:16:57,604
But is everything happening too fast?
434
00:16:57,635 --> 00:16:59,405
I mean, maybe I should see other people.
435
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:01,310
Whoa, dude, no!
436
00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:04,276
Lily Aldrin is special.
You hold on to that girl.
437
00:17:04,294 --> 00:17:05,738
She is.
438
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:06,764
I'm only 18 and...
439
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:09,614
Marshall, you being
18 isn't a bad thing.
440
00:17:09,764 --> 00:17:12,722
It just means you get to spend
even more of your life with her.
441
00:17:12,845 --> 00:17:14,983
I mean, I'm probably
not gonna meet my wife
442
00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:17,348
until I'm, like, 23.
443
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:19,927
You're right.
444
00:17:21,030 --> 00:17:22,913
What am I thinking?
445
00:17:23,721 --> 00:17:25,842
I'm in love with this girl.
446
00:17:26,048 --> 00:17:28,454
Ted, oh, my God.
447
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,097
You gave me the ultimate stamp.
448
00:17:32,269 --> 00:17:36,680
And in my whole life, this life...
449
00:17:36,942 --> 00:17:39,918
it all goes back to that moment.
450
00:17:41,469 --> 00:17:44,285
I mean, maybe take a month
off, bang a couple chicks.
451
00:17:44,341 --> 00:17:46,591
Lily's not going anywhere.
452
00:17:49,664 --> 00:17:51,214
- Hey, Barney.
- Hey.
453
00:17:51,245 --> 00:17:54,699
Um, look, I'm sorry about
the whole skimming-off-the-top-
454
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:56,763
of-the-strip-club-swag
thing.
455
00:17:56,884 --> 00:17:58,767
Hey, it happens to everybody.
456
00:17:58,819 --> 00:18:00,686
Really? Because even
as I said those words,
457
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,204
they did not feel like a real thing.
458
00:18:03,746 --> 00:18:06,465
Hey, look, wherever you end
up, can I have the dubious honor
459
00:18:06,489 --> 00:18:08,345
of buying you your first lap dance?
460
00:18:08,812 --> 00:18:10,037
It's a date.
461
00:18:10,071 --> 00:18:14,752
Ladies and gentlemen, it's
time for "The Decision".
462
00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:17,709
Yeah.
463
00:18:18,289 --> 00:18:21,059
Ladies, my bro-dium?
464
00:18:22,397 --> 00:18:24,063
Yeah.
465
00:18:24,071 --> 00:18:25,270
Look at this!
466
00:18:26,109 --> 00:18:28,986
Man, this whole free agent experience,
467
00:18:29,127 --> 00:18:31,552
it's been an unbelievable experience,
468
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,074
a real humbling experience.
469
00:18:34,108 --> 00:18:37,530
First of all, The Lusty
Leopard is where I developed my game.
470
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,166
Oh...
471
00:18:39,257 --> 00:18:42,710
I have nothing but the
utmost respect for you skanks.
472
00:18:42,764 --> 00:18:44,370
He's just gonna stay
at The Lusty Leopard.
473
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,142
They have loyalty and heart.
474
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,476
I bet you he rewards that.
475
00:18:47,499 --> 00:18:50,402
LeBron moved on, Ted. So should you.
476
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:54,236
But Barney Stinson
has to do what's right
477
00:18:54,256 --> 00:18:56,339
for Barney Stinson's penis.
478
00:18:57,597 --> 00:19:00,287
In this fall... This is tough.
479
00:19:00,312 --> 00:19:01,913
Um...
480
00:19:02,144 --> 00:19:03,700
in this fall I'm going
481
00:19:03,711 --> 00:19:07,061
to take my talents to Mouth Beach.
482
00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:14,583
The next day, Uncle
Marshall went to court
483
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,673
for the biggest case of his life.
484
00:19:16,784 --> 00:19:19,451
Hey, Marshall! Bilbo!
485
00:19:19,685 --> 00:19:21,568
Brad? What are you...?
486
00:19:22,232 --> 00:19:23,463
Did you just get hired
487
00:19:23,494 --> 00:19:25,937
by Gruber Pharmaceutical's legal team?
488
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:27,521
Oh, not just.
489
00:19:27,594 --> 00:19:29,394
I've been working for
them for two years.
490
00:19:29,915 --> 00:19:32,785
I heard about the job
opening at Honeywell & Cootes
491
00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:35,437
and knew that if I hung
out in front of your office
492
00:19:35,468 --> 00:19:38,836
and pretended to be down on my
luck, you'd take pity on me,
493
00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:40,137
get me an interview...
494
00:19:40,239 --> 00:19:41,732
Try to stay out there a few minutes.
495
00:19:41,786 --> 00:19:45,871
I just cut one, and I can
tell it's gonna be a slow burn.
496
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:49,355
and buy some alone
time in the conference room.
497
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:57,575
I got your firm's strategy for the case.
498
00:19:57,615 --> 00:20:00,206
Muchas gracias, bro-migo.
499
00:20:01,196 --> 00:20:04,673
He's really more of an acquaintance
than a bro-migo.
500
00:20:04,717 --> 00:20:06,914
Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen.
501
00:20:08,069 --> 00:20:10,626
And so began the trial
that would change the course
502
00:20:10,657 --> 00:20:11,957
of Marshall's career.
503
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:13,598
But we'll get to that.
504
00:20:13,718 --> 00:20:18,049
Oh, you see? This is
what I miss about being single:
505
00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:19,981
Cutting loose at a strip club,
506
00:20:20,006 --> 00:20:22,628
drinkin' some beers, seein' some boobs,
507
00:20:22,665 --> 00:20:25,296
getting thrown out for
being "too handsy".
508
00:20:25,335 --> 00:20:27,566
You were a little out
of control tonight.
509
00:20:27,591 --> 00:20:29,047
You know, I really thought
510
00:20:29,066 --> 00:20:32,148
that that bouncer was bluffing
with the Taser.
511
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:35,215
Man, everything's gonna
taste like pennies for a week.
512
00:20:35,811 --> 00:20:37,641
I had a fun time tonight, though.
513
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,950
Me, too.
514
00:20:39,244 --> 00:20:40,488
I always have fun with you.
515
00:20:49,258 --> 00:20:50,446
Whoa, whoa.
516
00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:54,272
I've got to...
517
00:20:55,159 --> 00:20:57,258
We can't, we can't do this.
518
00:20:58,287 --> 00:21:00,768
This, this can't happen.
519
00:21:01,139 --> 00:21:05,489
- Uh, I've got to go.
- What...?