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00:00:01,452 --> 00:00:04,363
Kids, this a story about the
time your Uncle Marshall
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00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:07,349
went before the New York
State Judiciary Committee,
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00:00:07,351 --> 00:00:10,485
a panel that would
decide the fate of his career.
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He thought he'd open with an icebreaker.
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By the way, did I mention those
robes really do you all...
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justice?
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I'm just saying that
you're all guilty...
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00:00:22,932 --> 00:00:24,899
of looking sharp.
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Mr. Eriksen, please.
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You're here to discuss
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your conduct in court
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during the week of November 19, 2012.
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Of course, Your Honor.
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It all
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started when...
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a so-called friend from law school
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conned me into believing
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that he needed my help getting a job,
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when in reality, he
stole my firm's strategy
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00:00:43,136 --> 00:00:44,919
for our upcoming trial against
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Gruber Pharmaceuticals, who'd
been polluting a lake upstate.
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Turns out, he was representing Gruber.
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Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen.
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How could you trick me like that?
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This is the biggest trial in my career.
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Mine too, brobeans.
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When I win this trial,
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I'm gonna buy a new car.
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Thinking Lambo.
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Awesome. I mean, no!
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What happened to you?
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You used to be,
like, the nicest guy ever.
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We were bros.
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More than bros.
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We ate brunch together.
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And I'll always cherish that.
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But after Kara
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broke my heart again
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for the millionth time,
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I said screw being nice,
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suited up and started
lying to get what I want.
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That does happen.
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But you used to want to
fight for the little guy.
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Little guys pay with little checks.
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But... you already know that.
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You're in environmental law.
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Marshall, you have a kid.
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How are you gonna provide
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for the little dude's futche?
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I'm worried about
Planet Earth's futche!
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That's why I'm gonna
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kick your ass in this trial.
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Sure, you may have swiped our
entire strategy for this case,
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but I still got some tricks up my sleeve
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that you know absolutely nothing about.
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Really?
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No.
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
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Kids, Robin and
Barney had recently shared
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an awkward moment.
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Whoa, whoa.
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After that, they did what
any two mature adults would do:
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Hey!
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Hey!
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How are you?
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Great. You?
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Good, so good.
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Oh, great. Good to see you! You, too!
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They pretended it never happened.
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All right, guys,
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this is the biggest
case of Marshall's career.
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That is why it's so great
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that we all called in
sick to work tomorrow,
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00:02:24,905 --> 00:02:26,721
so we could be in that courtroom
to support him.
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I didn't call in sick.
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I called in for all of us.
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Uh, I have strep throat.
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Robin, bronchitis.
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Barney, massive hemorrhoids.
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Why'd you have to say "massive"?
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Well, if you're gonna miss
work for hemorrhoids,
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they kind of have to be massive.
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I don't want to sit in
a courtroom all day.
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I bet you don't want to sit anywhere
with those hemorrhoids.
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I don't have... Shut up.
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Look, you guys wouldn't understand,
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but when you have a rap
sheet as long as mine,
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the last place you want to spend
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a day is in court.
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Rap sheet?
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That's right.
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When I was a teenager, Lily,
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I was a total badass. Pfft.
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You want to talk about
teenage badasses?
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I was like John Gotti in a training bra.
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I'm serious.
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In high school, before I
started dating Scooter,
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even he was afraid of me.
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Lily coming!
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Lily coming!
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You look okay.
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Want to hang out?
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Uh, my mom says I'm only
allowed three friends, so...
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Your mom don't make the
rules no more, Scooter.
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My name's Jeff.
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Not no more it ain't.
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The one part of that story I believe
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is that Scooter only had three friends.
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Ah!
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Here he is.
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The pride of St. Cloud,
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the environmental lawyer
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we've come to know and love.
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He's mean. He's green.
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He's not wearing the tie I
bought him for the trial,
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but I'm not gonna mention it...
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Marshall "I Was Gonna Say
'Nice Tie'" Eriksen!
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How you feeling,
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Counselor?
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Well... I mean, at first
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that Brad thing had me rattled,
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00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:06,788
but now I feel pretty good.
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I mean, for one thing,
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I don't have massive hemorrhoids.
Sorry, buddy.
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I don't have ma...
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And more importantly, unlike Brad,
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I actually have something to fight for.
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Pop, because of your precedent-setting
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legal victory 14 years ago,
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kids like me can fish in clean lakes
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all over the world.
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They sure can, champ.
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Because when you do one good deed...
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it creates a ripple effect.
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One good deed
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leads to another and another.
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Man, you're wise.
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That's probably why I never have
felt the need to do drugs
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or rebel in any way.
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00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,031
Anyhoo...
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The next day, we all
headed down to court
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to support Uncle Marshall.
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Yeah.
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Want to know what I
looked like at age 15?
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There it is.
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I don't get it. That
guy wasn't masturbating.
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Yeah, and the waistband of
his undies wasn't pulled up
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00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,980
to his Cub Scouts neckerchief.
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00:05:06,883 --> 00:05:08,182
Ted,
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you were never a badass.
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00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,052
Au contraire.
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Off to a good start...
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I was locked up
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plenty of times as a teenager.
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Let's just say
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Johnny Law was not a fan
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of Teddy Westside.
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Make sure you get my good side...
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Princess.
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You guys want to talk
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00:05:28,404 --> 00:05:30,521
about hassling the fuzz?
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Finish that, Scoots.
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Okay,
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let's see some IDs.
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Scooter, do you smell bacon?
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Laugh, bitch.
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Ha!
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00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:44,418
Ha ha!
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ID now, both of you.
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Which one of you
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is Yuki Hakutani?
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Right here.
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So, Yuki, you're 6'1" and
you were born in 1947?
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Congratulations. You can read.
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00:06:04,289 --> 00:06:06,324
Barney Stinson?
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00:06:06,326 --> 00:06:09,377
Well, if it isn't Warren Frankel.
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00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:10,545
Bailiff
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Warren Frankel,
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- who knows me.
- You know,
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I almost didn't recognize
you without handcuffs on.
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Yeah, I've matured quite
a bit since the old days.
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The only time I'm
wearing handcuffs now is...
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00:06:20,289 --> 00:06:21,389
in the bedroom.
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Bondage. I get it.
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Well,
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I have to run.
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Stay out of trouble.
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00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,966
Badass.
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00:06:32,985 --> 00:06:36,504
In summary, I will prove that
Gruber Pharmaceuticals
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00:06:36,506 --> 00:06:39,607
wantonly and
knowingly polluted Frog Lake
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00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:42,493
and therefore must
pay restitution of no less
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00:06:42,495 --> 00:06:45,163
than $25 million.
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Thank you.
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00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:51,002
How's this for a fact:
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Frog Lake is home
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00:06:52,789 --> 00:06:55,123
to a buttload of frogs and birds.
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If it's so polluted,
198
00:06:57,493 --> 00:06:59,877
why don't all those birds
fly to a cleaner lake?
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00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:02,380
And why don't the frogs just be like,
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00:07:02,382 --> 00:07:05,133
"Hey, birds, can I
catch a ride, ribbit?"
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00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:08,136
Marshall's gonna wipe the
floor with this ding-dong.
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00:07:09,021 --> 00:07:10,337
Oops.
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00:07:10,339 --> 00:07:12,006
I seem to have dropped my pen.
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00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,684
Objection, Your Honor.
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00:07:23,686 --> 00:07:25,903
Nobody needs this long to pick up a pen.
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I'll allow it.
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00:07:33,212 --> 00:07:36,345
The biggest case of my life and
I'd already lost the jury.
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00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:37,665
I mean,
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00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:40,618
I've heard of Twelve Angry Men,
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00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:43,788
but this was more like
Twelve Horny Women.
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00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:45,123
Stay on topic.
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00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,876
I can't compete with Brad.
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00:07:47,878 --> 00:07:49,577
The jury is in love with him.
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00:07:49,579 --> 00:07:52,297
During recess, one of those
ladies raced across the hall
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00:07:52,299 --> 00:07:54,498
to see if she could get a divorce.
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00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,467
And I'm pretty sure there
was some funny business
217
00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:59,337
going on under that judge's robe.
218
00:07:59,339 --> 00:08:01,089
What you guys saw Brad do was nothing.
219
00:08:01,091 --> 00:08:03,441
He's taken it to a whole other level.
220
00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:04,943
Ladies and...
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00:08:04,945 --> 00:08:07,812
ladies of the jury,
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00:08:07,814 --> 00:08:09,513
I'm sorry if I seem down.
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00:08:09,515 --> 00:08:10,531
My girlfriend
224
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,016
Kara...
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00:08:12,018 --> 00:08:13,952
broke up with me last night.
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00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,536
Aww...
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00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:17,688
She said I listen too much,
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00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:19,741
whatever that means.
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00:08:19,743 --> 00:08:21,409
- Aww...
- Aww...
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00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:25,330
Can you believe this guy?
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00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:29,751
Really?
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00:08:30,669 --> 00:08:32,186
Do I even want to see what I look like?
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00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,809
Wow.
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00:08:37,811 --> 00:08:39,877
That's, like, super mean.
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00:08:40,846 --> 00:08:44,548
Next, Brad brought
out his "expert witness".
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00:08:44,550 --> 00:08:47,485
So, Dr. Bedrosian, you're saying
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00:08:47,487 --> 00:08:50,788
that even if Gruber Pharmaceuticals'
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00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:54,776
industry-leading drugs somehow
seeped into Frog Lake,
239
00:08:54,778 --> 00:08:57,912
they could actually be helping
the otter population
240
00:08:57,914 --> 00:09:00,281
grow thicker coats of fur?
241
00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:03,001
Absolutely.
242
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,953
And for the older birds, who...
243
00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:08,373
maybe don't perform as well in
the bedroom as they used to,
244
00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:10,258
could actually be having
245
00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:11,909
healthier sex lives?
246
00:09:11,911 --> 00:09:14,128
In my expert opinion...
247
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:15,296
yes...?
248
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:17,581
Yes.
249
00:09:18,384 --> 00:09:19,467
So Gruber...
250
00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:21,786
is giving these animals free medicine.
251
00:09:21,788 --> 00:09:26,491
Medicine that you or I would
have to pay a fortune for if...
252
00:09:26,493 --> 00:09:28,643
we needed help in the bedroom...
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00:09:28,645 --> 00:09:29,978
which I don't.
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00:09:31,698 --> 00:09:35,099
You're so bad.
255
00:09:35,101 --> 00:09:36,317
But I realized,
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00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:39,904
if Brad could call a
quack as his star witness,
257
00:09:39,906 --> 00:09:42,407
then so could I.
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00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:45,410
You'll get that in a second.
259
00:09:45,412 --> 00:09:46,911
Meet Paddles,
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00:09:46,913 --> 00:09:48,379
the duckling.
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00:09:48,381 --> 00:09:48,963
"Quack".
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00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:49,998
Continue.
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00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:52,450
Little Paddles here just spent
264
00:09:52,452 --> 00:09:54,618
three months being
nursed back to health.
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00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:56,254
Why?
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00:09:56,256 --> 00:09:58,256
Well, because he was found in Frog Lake
267
00:09:58,258 --> 00:10:01,625
suffering from acute dermatitis...
268
00:10:02,896 --> 00:10:06,397
a painful full-body
rash, caused by who?
269
00:10:06,399 --> 00:10:08,599
Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
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00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:11,652
For a brief, shining moment,
271
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:14,322
it looked like I
might just win this thing.
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00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:15,740
But then...
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00:10:15,742 --> 00:10:19,844
I took a field trip to
this so-called "polluted" lake.
274
00:10:19,846 --> 00:10:21,245
If you'll indulge me,
275
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:23,998
I'd like to share my experience.
276
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,869
Frog Lake.
277
00:10:27,871 --> 00:10:30,321
Behold...
278
00:10:30,323 --> 00:10:32,373
nature's beauty.
279
00:10:33,709 --> 00:10:35,209
Polluted?
280
00:10:35,211 --> 00:10:37,178
Polluted with good times.
281
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:44,519
Frog... Lake.
282
00:11:00,403 --> 00:11:01,702
Frog Lake.
283
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:02,870
Come on in.
284
00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:04,806
The water's fine.
285
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:13,864
I shot and edited that myself.
286
00:11:13,866 --> 00:11:17,351
Yep, I edit stuff, too.
287
00:11:18,754 --> 00:11:21,355
Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's
no rap sheet under your name.
288
00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:24,225
Oh, y-you know what, it must be under
289
00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:26,844
my street tag: Number One Gunna.
290
00:11:26,846 --> 00:11:29,680
Nope. Sorry, Number One Gunna.
291
00:11:29,682 --> 00:11:31,215
Next!
292
00:11:32,217 --> 00:11:35,719
Those jive-ass turkeys must've lost it.
293
00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:36,887
Well, they're pretty swamped
294
00:11:36,889 --> 00:11:38,573
arresting 1970s pimps like yourself.
295
00:11:38,575 --> 00:11:40,608
Lily, let it go.
296
00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:43,027
I didn't want to brag, but I think
297
00:11:43,029 --> 00:11:44,228
it's time to acknowledge
298
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:48,199
that I was the ultimate teenage
badass of this group.
299
00:11:49,369 --> 00:11:51,369
You were a teen pop star in Canada.
300
00:11:51,371 --> 00:11:54,005
You sang songs about the mall. Hey.
301
00:11:54,007 --> 00:11:56,924
There is a dark side to
being a rocker on the road
302
00:11:56,926 --> 00:11:58,342
north of the 49th.
303
00:12:00,296 --> 00:12:02,079
Mm, thanks.
304
00:12:04,817 --> 00:12:05,505
Hey.
305
00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:07,719
We've received some
noise complaints, eh?
306
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,854
Can you please lower the music?
307
00:12:09,856 --> 00:12:12,356
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
308
00:12:12,358 --> 00:12:13,591
Sure.
309
00:12:13,593 --> 00:12:16,093
How aboot... I lower the TV, too,
310
00:12:16,095 --> 00:12:17,395
yeah?
311
00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:26,270
Three hours later, I was arrested
312
00:12:26,272 --> 00:12:29,624
drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni.
313
00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:33,044
Man, that DUI drove my
insurance through the roof.
314
00:12:34,263 --> 00:12:36,464
Please be seated.
315
00:12:37,666 --> 00:12:39,250
Mr. Morris, good
seeing you this morning.
316
00:12:39,252 --> 00:12:41,002
Mr. Eriksen...
317
00:12:41,004 --> 00:12:41,802
you're here.
318
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,304
Any...
319
00:12:43,306 --> 00:12:44,505
final witnesses?
320
00:12:44,507 --> 00:12:46,924
Well, Your Honor...
321
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:50,144
Um...
322
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:55,799
Actually, Your Honor... I'm afraid...
323
00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:58,603
Mr. Eriksen?
324
00:13:01,607 --> 00:13:03,658
Your Honor, I call Brad Morris
325
00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:04,775
to the stand.
326
00:13:04,777 --> 00:13:06,360
Mr. Eriksen, this is
327
00:13:06,362 --> 00:13:07,811
highly irregular. I would like
328
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:09,580
Mr. Morris to remove his shirt.
329
00:13:09,582 --> 00:13:12,166
I'll allow it. Objection, Your Honor,
330
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:13,817
on grounds that this is ridonk!
331
00:13:13,819 --> 00:13:15,620
Overruled. Take it off.
332
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,768
Acute...
333
00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:32,770
dermatitis,
334
00:13:32,772 --> 00:13:35,523
courtesy of Frog Lake
335
00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:37,475
and Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
336
00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:41,779
That was badass.
337
00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:43,297
So, in the end,
338
00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:46,651
one might say you were
forced to do something...
339
00:13:46,653 --> 00:13:48,035
rash?
340
00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:50,988
Rash!
341
00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:53,874
You know, I had that o, but
Lily told me to cut it.
342
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,376
Um, anyway...
343
00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,861
all that was left was the verdict.
344
00:13:59,249 --> 00:14:03,801
"We, the jury, find
Gruber Pharmaceuticals...
345
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:05,136
guilty".
346
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:07,171
Yes!
347
00:14:09,091 --> 00:14:10,891
$25 million.
348
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:14,512
That tie is not only
tasteful, it's lucky!
349
00:14:14,514 --> 00:14:18,882
I hereby fine Gruber in
the amount of $25,000.
350
00:14:18,884 --> 00:14:20,685
Court is adjourned.
351
00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:31,001
Your Honor, $25,000?
What just happened?
352
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:34,604
Son, yes, Gruber
Pharmaceuticals probably polluted that lake,
353
00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:36,439
but I'm not gonna
ruin an important company
354
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,291
just because they gave some bird a rash.
355
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:39,659
No, but it's thousands of birds,
356
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,845
and fish and otters and
turtles... Look, Eriksen,
357
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:43,263
I hate to cut you short,
358
00:14:43,265 --> 00:14:45,181
but I got tickets to
Annie and my wife is waiting.
359
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:46,800
You have a wi...
360
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,052
won-wonderful show to see?
361
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,637
Guilty. Ciao.
362
00:14:53,691 --> 00:14:56,526
You'd best get your mind right, son!
363
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,862
The game is the game, and
there ain't no winners.
364
00:14:58,864 --> 00:15:01,531
How many retired gangbangers you know?
365
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,516
Exactly.
366
00:15:07,621 --> 00:15:09,456
Barney...
367
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:11,057
check it out.
368
00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:12,575
I found my scrapbook from the old days.
369
00:15:12,577 --> 00:15:14,127
We're kind of busy right now, Warren.
370
00:15:14,129 --> 00:15:15,245
We're scaring kids straight, so...
371
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,496
No, no. Barney was
372
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,665
the youngest member of
our Magic Enthusiasts Club
373
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,716
years back.
374
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:20,867
Famous for
375
00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:22,168
escaping from handcuffs.
376
00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:23,052
Handcuffs, huh?
377
00:15:23,054 --> 00:15:24,387
Very tiny hands.
378
00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:26,589
That was his secret.
379
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:28,259
See you around, baby hands.
380
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,732
So, you don't know the
bailiff because you were a badass.
381
00:15:33,734 --> 00:15:36,985
You knew him because you
guys were in a nerd club together.
382
00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:40,906
Where you dazzled audiences with
your sleight-of-tiny-hand.
383
00:15:40,908 --> 00:15:44,042
So I was a late hand bloomer!
384
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,911
Go ahead, laugh,
385
00:15:45,913 --> 00:15:47,396
laugh like all the others,
386
00:15:47,398 --> 00:15:50,382
but those magicians pulled
off the greatest trick of all:
387
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:53,418
they accepted me.
388
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,955
Okay, well, to be fair,
389
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,591
I... may have slightly exaggerated
390
00:15:59,593 --> 00:16:01,843
my badass story, too.
391
00:16:03,147 --> 00:16:05,347
Oh, sorry. Uh, no, thank
you, housekeeping.
392
00:16:05,349 --> 00:16:06,999
I've already made my bed.
393
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:10,102
And I only used one
washcloth, so it's...
394
00:16:10,104 --> 00:16:13,155
Congratulations, Miss Sparkles.
395
00:16:13,157 --> 00:16:14,339
On behalf
396
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,741
of the Manitoba Hotel
397
00:16:15,743 --> 00:16:18,110
and Curling Rink
Association, we'd like to thank you
398
00:16:18,112 --> 00:16:21,863
for being the nicest, most well-behaved
hotel guest ever.
399
00:16:21,865 --> 00:16:23,982
Oh, yippee!
400
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,784
What a loser!
401
00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:27,819
Your story's not
true, either, is it, Ted?
402
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,121
Not at all.
403
00:16:29,123 --> 00:16:33,491
Make sure you get my
good side, Princess!
404
00:16:35,796 --> 00:16:37,629
I left the courthouse that day
405
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:40,549
questioning what I was
even doing with my life...
406
00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:43,435
and then that night, I had a dream.
407
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,504
Sorry I failed, son.
408
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,389
What about your Pebble Theory, Dad?
409
00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:50,892
One good deed ripples out and
makes another and another?
410
00:16:50,894 --> 00:16:52,778
Yeah.
411
00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:54,679
This is what really happens
412
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:58,784
when you throw a pebble into Frog Lake.
413
00:17:02,205 --> 00:17:04,322
The truth is, you can fight
414
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:07,692
your whole life to do
good and still get nowhere.
415
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,860
You're wrong.
416
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,213
Some good's gonna
ripple out of this, Dad.
417
00:17:11,215 --> 00:17:12,964
I promise.
418
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:19,554
Great, I've angered the Frog King.
419
00:17:19,556 --> 00:17:23,374
Later that night, some
good did ripple out.
420
00:17:24,728 --> 00:17:26,678
Hey.
421
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,830
What, are you here to gloat?
422
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:32,234
No. Came here to thank you.
423
00:17:32,236 --> 00:17:33,268
For reminding me
424
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:35,570
of why I got into
law in the first place:
425
00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:37,239
to fight for the little guy.
426
00:17:37,241 --> 00:17:38,273
Which is why
427
00:17:38,275 --> 00:17:40,058
I said "Hasta Lucia" to my firm,
428
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,227
and took a job at your firm, brobeans.
429
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,895
Don't "brobeans" me.
430
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:47,699
My boss would never hire you
after the way you lied to us.
431
00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,252
I told him I'd take
every last bit of manipulation,
432
00:17:50,254 --> 00:17:52,170
deception, and accidental pen-dropping
433
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:55,957
I used against you guys and put
it towards saving the world.
434
00:17:55,959 --> 00:17:57,259
Even if that's true,
435
00:17:57,261 --> 00:18:00,011
I'm still not sure that
I can forgive you.
436
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:03,882
Would you object to an
11:15 brunch rezzy for two
437
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:06,351
tomorrow at the Popover Pantry?
438
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,605
I'll allow it.
439
00:18:10,607 --> 00:18:12,274
Yes! The Brunch Bros are back!
440
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:16,611
And thank God we were, because...
441
00:18:16,613 --> 00:18:18,196
well, what he said next
442
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,899
is the reason that I'm
sitting in this chair.
443
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:22,200
Seriously,
444
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:25,436
thanks... for giving my
soul a little redempsh.
445
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,373
And B-T-dubs, that
judge was an idiot.
446
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,624
It's people like you,
447
00:18:29,626 --> 00:18:33,461
people with hope and vision and integ,
448
00:18:33,463 --> 00:18:36,447
that should be behind that
bench making the calls.
449
00:18:37,934 --> 00:18:40,719
And that's when I
realized I wanted to be a judge.
450
00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:41,953
Because judges
451
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,139
are the ones who can effect real change.
452
00:18:44,141 --> 00:18:45,456
And that's why I'm here,
453
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,727
before the New York
State Judiciary Committee.
454
00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:51,479
I hope that you will consider me
455
00:18:51,481 --> 00:18:54,816
for an appointment to a judgeship.
456
00:18:54,818 --> 00:18:56,034
Thank you, Mr. Eriksen.
457
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:58,403
The panel will take
this under advisement.
458
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,022
Take your time.
459
00:19:02,491 --> 00:19:04,526
It could be a few months.
460
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:08,780
Better tell my wife I
won't be home for dinner.
461
00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:09,814
Get out.
462
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:15,653
Hey.
463
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:16,654
Hey.
464
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,173
How are you? Uh, great. You?
465
00:19:18,175 --> 00:19:20,125
So gr...
466
00:19:20,127 --> 00:19:22,827
Can we talk about this for a second?
467
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,829
Yeah.
468
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:28,216
It is super-weird between
us, and I don't want it to be.
469
00:19:28,218 --> 00:19:29,467
Me, neither.
470
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,469
So let me just say this.
471
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,021
I'm done.
472
00:19:33,023 --> 00:19:35,440
You don't have to worry anymore.
473
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,058
What do you mean?
474
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,777
I'm done trying to get you.
475
00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:40,695
I can't do it anymore.
476
00:19:40,697 --> 00:19:43,348
I'm sorry it's taken me this
long to figure it out,
477
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,183
but I promise...
478
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,186
I'm done making a fool of myself.
479
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,038
Barney, you haven't been
making a fool out of yourself...
480
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:50,740
It's okay.
481
00:19:50,741 --> 00:19:51,873
It's okay.
482
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:54,525
I want it to be okay.
483
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,877
So here's what's gonna happen.
484
00:19:55,879 --> 00:19:58,330
I'm gonna get us two drinks,
485
00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:01,249
come back and comment on
the likely size and color
486
00:20:01,251 --> 00:20:03,885
of the nipples on that
redhead at the bar,
487
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:05,837
with the big, dark nipples.
488
00:20:05,839 --> 00:20:07,372
And you're gonna be grossed out,
489
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:10,325
but you're gonna laugh a little
anyway, and then you'll tell
490
00:20:10,327 --> 00:20:13,094
a funny story about "that
bitch Patrice" at work,
491
00:20:13,096 --> 00:20:15,546
but neither one of us are gonna say,
492
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,715
"Hey, how's it going
?" or "Good to see you!"
493
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,902
Because it really will
be good to see you.
494
00:20:22,238 --> 00:20:24,555
Think we can swing that?
495
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,075
Yeah, I do.
496
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:29,828
Badass.
497
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,241
Huh.
498
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,773
Thanks for your support,
guys. It means a lot.
499
00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:54,411
We'll call in sick
anytime you have a problem.
500
00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:00,484
Lily coming!
501
00:21:00,486 --> 00:21:02,219
Lily coming!
502
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,089
Badass.