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Kids, in late 2012, I
received a very important text message.
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00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:14,037
Uncle Barney and Aunt
Robin were engaged,
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00:00:14,038 --> 00:00:16,355
marking a truly happy
time for our little group.
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The problem was
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one of us was definitely not happy.
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Marvin will not stop crying.
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What do you guys think it is?
8
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Is he hungry?
9
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Well, that must be it.
10
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Huh!
11
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Thank you for thinking of that, Ted.
12
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And here we were just watering him
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and facing him towards the sunlight.
14
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Sorry, I haven't slept in...
15
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January.
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Food going in
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isn't the problem,
18
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it's what's coming
out, or not coming out.
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He hasn't pooped in three days.
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Yeah, normally
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I wouldn't wish one of his dirty diapers
22
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on my worst enemy, but
now I kind of miss
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popping the hood in the morning
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and finding that
first big juicy, black...
25
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Lily, I'm eating chili.
26
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I'm eating chili, Lily.
27
00:01:06,176 --> 00:01:08,110
Confetti.
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Big blast of confetti.
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Normally, the kid's a confetti machine.
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He's Rip Taylor in a diaper.
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I have a feeling
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at this point, Rip Taylor
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is Rip Taylor in a diaper.
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And with that image, dinner is done.
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Hey, guys.
36
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Hey. Well, well, well.
37
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Here comes the bride.
38
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Now the annoying part, right?
39
00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:27,546
Planning the wedding?
40
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So not fun, right?
41
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I don't know... I'm kind
of looking forward to it.
42
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Fine, I'll do it for you.
43
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First thing we need to do is set a date.
44
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May 25, 2013.
45
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Thank you, Ted.
46
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The ladies are talking.
47
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Actually, that is the date.
48
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Ted offered to help with
the planning a little.
49
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And, well...
50
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That's a big binder.
51
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Oh, this?
52
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This is just cakes.
53
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Anyway, we're having the ceremony
54
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at that beautiful little
church out on Long Island,
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where Victoria almost
got married... lovely spot.
56
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And then we're gonna have a
reception in a big white tent
57
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on the front lawn of the hotel.
58
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Oh, and... the colors are cream
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and lilac.
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I will cut you, bitch.
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No, Lily...
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
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I'm cool, I'm cool.
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Hey, Robin, where's Barney?
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Did he skip town already?
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If so, exactly what time was it?
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It's important for the over/under.
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Barney's fine, it's
just... well, earlier this morning...
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So, it's been three
days since I said yes.
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True.
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And your panic attacks are getting
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shorter and further apart.
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I can't do this! I
feel like I'm drowning!
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Also true.
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So I guess we're officially engaged.
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Maybe we should tell our parents.
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I assume my dad already
knows... you did call him
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and got his permission, right?
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Yeah, yeah, Robin.
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I bought you with an ox and
some spices from the East.
81
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Uh, he's gonna put you in a cage.
82
00:03:05,293 --> 00:03:08,979
and send you on
horseback to my remote desert camp.
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Okay, Barney... Hold on, I'm not done.
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Where you'll be
bathed in perfumes and oils
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and delivered to my tent.
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After you perform the traditional
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Dance of the Seven Veils, we'll adjourn
88
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to the tiger skin rug where we'll...
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Barney... Robin!
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If we're gonna
build a marriage together,
91
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we have got to stop
interrupting each other all the time.
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Fine, finish your story.
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Thank you.
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Where we'll do it.
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Did you ask for my father's permission?
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No, I did not.
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So, as some of you know,
my dad is a little scary.
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A little? Dude's a
stone cold Slytherin.
99
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He always looks like
he just came from slapping
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some guy tied to a chair in a back room.
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Anyway, we go get lunch...
102
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Look, I know I already told you this,
103
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but my dad is a scary guy.
104
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Please, I think I can handle...
105
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Oh, vampire in the
daylight, vampire in the daylight!
106
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Oh, my God.
107
00:04:05,637 --> 00:04:07,037
Hello, Robin.
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Hello, sir.
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Put that thing away,
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Give your old man a hug.
111
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And then it got really scary.
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I'm glad you could meet me here
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at my favorite restaurant.
114
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Carol and I come here all the time.
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I... you...
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When... Da... who's Carol?
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Oh, right, you haven't met Carol...
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Very special woman.
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48 years old, dental hygienist, no kids.
120
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Likes Zumba.
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She's the reason I
moved to New York City.
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Eight months ago. Thanks
for the call, by the way.
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Well, I figured you knew.
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It's on my Facebook page.
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You really should
respond to my friend request.
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I post a lot of great stuff.
127
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Are you familiar with memes?
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There's a cat who says,
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"I can has cheeseburger"
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Okay, what the hell happened to you?
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Robin, I know in the
past, I have been...
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emotionally distant.
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00:05:05,964 --> 00:05:07,047
But Carol has
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brought out a whole new side of me.
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I have a new outlook on life
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a devil-may-care
insouciance that embodies the credo,
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"No shirt, no shoes, no problem".
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Robin...
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I'm fun now.
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Oh, God.
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He's fun now? That does not sound fun.
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No child should have to
see a parent go through that.
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Well, it probably
took some of the pressure
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off the Barney of it all.
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Sir, hi.
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My name is Barney Stinson.
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This is Barney?
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This man is blond.
149
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Grown men are not blond.
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Dad.
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Pleased to meet you.
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That's a very...
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fun hair color.
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That's nothing... when he
met me, his first words were,
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"Nice blouse" You were wearing a blouse.
156
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It was not a blouse!
157
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Oh, great. You're all here.
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Let's talk about our wedding band.
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How much do you guys
think they should rock?
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'Cause I vote, a million.
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Yeah, yeah, I think we already
settled on a DJ, so...
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00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:06,106
Lily,
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00:06:06,108 --> 00:06:07,073
do you remember the band you guys
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00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,158
almost hired for your wedding?
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Remember them?
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I'll call them up and book them for you.
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Just say the word.
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00:06:12,865 --> 00:06:15,282
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
feel like we keep coming back
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to this DJ thing.
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What do you think, baby?
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Yeah, I don't think
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anyone should book anything right now.
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Why not?
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Well, I am going to go the
room marked "Spaghettis,"
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which I'm hoping is the ladies room.
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"Meatballs" has to be men's, right?
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00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:30,897
I don't know what the hell
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"Calamaris" is.
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Um...
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Sir, I...
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Permission denied.
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00:06:43,345 --> 00:06:44,394
Ooh.
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00:06:44,396 --> 00:06:46,863
And it turns out, "spaghettis" are men.
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00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,783
I saw a noodle.
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He said no?
186
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,225
Yeah, I don't know what we're gonna do.
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Relax, baby. I got this.
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I know how to be persuasive.
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The next day, Uncle
Barney met Robin's dad
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00:07:02,182 --> 00:07:03,798
for lunch at the same restaurant.
191
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,767
This time, with a plan.
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00:07:05,769 --> 00:07:07,569
Hello, Mr. Scherbatsky.
193
00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:10,605
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
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00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,575
You have my attention.
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00:07:13,577 --> 00:07:14,943
I left the meatball at home
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00:07:14,945 --> 00:07:17,062
so I could talk to you
spaghetti to spaghetti.
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00:07:17,064 --> 00:07:18,380
Sir...
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00:07:18,382 --> 00:07:20,932
I'm very serious about
marrying your daughter.
199
00:07:20,934 --> 00:07:26,020
Barney, when I wanted to
marry Robin's mother,
200
00:07:26,022 --> 00:07:28,540
I slaughtered a whole family of bears
201
00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:29,991
with my bare hands.
202
00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:31,192
I gave
203
00:07:31,194 --> 00:07:34,045
the pelts and the bear meat
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00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:36,548
to her father as tribute.
205
00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:39,751
You know what we call that in Canada?
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00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:41,035
Manners.
207
00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:42,036
Would either
208
00:07:42,038 --> 00:07:43,338
of you like a mudslide?
209
00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:44,806
I just had one. Thank you.
210
00:07:44,808 --> 00:07:45,974
I'll have
211
00:07:45,976 --> 00:07:49,728
a Jazzy Pizzazzy Razzleberry
Rainbow Milkshake
212
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,763
with a swirly straw?
213
00:07:51,765 --> 00:07:54,132
You didn't say the magic word.
214
00:07:55,151 --> 00:07:57,519
I'll go get your drink.
215
00:07:58,805 --> 00:07:59,854
Still crying, huh?
216
00:07:59,856 --> 00:08:01,823
Yeah. We've tried everything short
217
00:08:01,825 --> 00:08:04,492
of a pack of smokes and a cup of coffee.
218
00:08:04,494 --> 00:08:06,444
Still nothing but clean dipeys.
219
00:08:06,446 --> 00:08:08,280
There's only one explanation for this.
220
00:08:08,282 --> 00:08:09,230
Marvin
221
00:08:09,232 --> 00:08:10,532
has potty-trained himself.
222
00:08:10,534 --> 00:08:12,500
He sneaks into the
bathroom while we're sleeping.
223
00:08:12,502 --> 00:08:14,119
I'll ask Barney to check the tapes.
224
00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:16,371
Barney has cameras in our bathroom?
225
00:08:16,373 --> 00:08:18,673
Well, I mean, don't you think?
226
00:08:18,675 --> 00:08:20,959
Hey, guys. Robin, good.
227
00:08:20,961 --> 00:08:22,761
You're here. Bad news.
228
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,797
That wedding band you
wanted is booked for May 25.
229
00:08:25,799 --> 00:08:28,383
Oh, no. What are you gonna do?
230
00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:30,969
Oh! Oh, hey! Here's an idea.
231
00:08:30,971 --> 00:08:33,305
Oh, God, Ted, if you suggest a DJ...
232
00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:34,472
Far from it.
233
00:08:34,474 --> 00:08:36,141
I was going to suggest a band.
234
00:08:36,143 --> 00:08:38,760
A band called... Kool and the Gang.
235
00:08:38,762 --> 00:08:40,195
Robin,
236
00:08:40,197 --> 00:08:41,896
would you like for me
237
00:08:41,898 --> 00:08:44,316
to get Kool and the Gang
to play at your wedding?
238
00:08:44,318 --> 00:08:46,701
Uh... I... yeah, guess so.
239
00:08:46,703 --> 00:08:48,653
And would it be okay if
they invited their friends,
240
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:50,956
Beyonce and-and ABBA,
241
00:08:50,958 --> 00:08:52,106
and the Bee Gees,
242
00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:53,608
and Journey,
243
00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:54,626
and Queen?
244
00:08:54,628 --> 00:08:55,877
What? You're...? What are you say...?
245
00:08:55,879 --> 00:08:57,245
How... how is that even possible?
246
00:08:57,247 --> 00:08:58,546
I'll tell you how.
247
00:08:58,548 --> 00:09:00,048
You hire a DJ.
248
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:01,716
Wicka-wicka-wicka-burn.
249
00:09:01,718 --> 00:09:03,117
Ugh! God, this is, like,
250
00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:05,720
the fifteenth time my dad has
sent me a friend request.
251
00:09:05,722 --> 00:09:07,339
I'm just gonna hit "accept".
252
00:09:07,341 --> 00:09:08,890
No, no, no. No, no, no,
no, don't do it, Robin.
253
00:09:08,892 --> 00:09:11,843
You don't want to see what's
behind that door.
254
00:09:11,845 --> 00:09:13,011
What are you talking about?
255
00:09:13,013 --> 00:09:14,396
He's talking about
256
00:09:14,398 --> 00:09:18,299
my mom's 2,000-word
review of Fifty Shades of Grey.
257
00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:21,569
And 14 of those words were "vulva".
258
00:09:21,571 --> 00:09:24,739
You're gonna get endless
requests to play some game
259
00:09:24,741 --> 00:09:27,475
that has something to do with
gangsters and farming.
260
00:09:27,477 --> 00:09:29,527
Never mind the
embarrassing cheerleading photos
261
00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:30,862
from high school.
262
00:09:30,864 --> 00:09:33,365
- Begged my mom to burn those.
- Robin,
263
00:09:33,367 --> 00:09:37,452
trust me, no good can come
from accepting that friend request.
264
00:09:37,454 --> 00:09:41,656
Yeah, I think I may have
given you guys the wrong impression.
265
00:09:41,658 --> 00:09:42,624
Okay, my dad
266
00:09:42,626 --> 00:09:44,209
is actually not that bad of a guy.
267
00:09:44,211 --> 00:09:46,928
Do it, Barney. Squeeze that trigger.
268
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:48,513
I don't want to do this.
269
00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:50,632
Well, you think I
wanted to kill that bear?
270
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:52,517
Yeah, kind of. Oh, yeah, you're right.
271
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:56,554
I can't do this.
272
00:09:57,841 --> 00:09:59,274
Oh.
273
00:09:59,276 --> 00:10:02,610
What... what the hell is this?
274
00:10:02,612 --> 00:10:03,778
Your dad is crazy!
275
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:06,781
He wanted me to kill Fluffernutter!
276
00:10:06,783 --> 00:10:08,450
I told you not to give him a name!
277
00:10:08,452 --> 00:10:09,784
Well, I did!
278
00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,703
I gave him a name and a backstory!
279
00:10:11,705 --> 00:10:13,371
He comes from a magical rabbit warren
280
00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:14,656
underneath the old rusty tractor.
281
00:10:14,658 --> 00:10:17,042
He was the runt of the
litter, but he persevered.
282
00:10:17,044 --> 00:10:19,828
He... Oh, give me this. Give it to me!
283
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:21,529
Dad,
284
00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,832
is there... something
you want to tell me?
285
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:27,802
Well, in the early '80s, I
did some wet work for the CIA.
286
00:10:27,804 --> 00:10:29,704
Yes, Daddy, I remember
the bedtime stories.
287
00:10:29,706 --> 00:10:32,257
No, I'm... talking about
your Facebook page?
288
00:10:32,259 --> 00:10:34,225
It says you're married.
289
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:36,144
Well...
290
00:10:36,146 --> 00:10:39,180
yes... Carol and I were in Key Largo
291
00:10:39,182 --> 00:10:42,016
at a performance of the recording
artist James Buffett.
292
00:10:42,018 --> 00:10:44,719
We're what are known as Parrotheads.
293
00:10:44,721 --> 00:10:45,620
And...
294
00:10:45,622 --> 00:10:47,722
well, one thing led
295
00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:50,942
to the other, and...
296
00:10:50,944 --> 00:10:52,327
we got married.
297
00:10:52,329 --> 00:10:54,496
You didn't want to tell me about it?
298
00:10:54,498 --> 00:10:57,449
I Facebooked it... on Facebook.
299
00:10:57,451 --> 00:10:59,084
Okay, you know what, Dad?
300
00:10:59,086 --> 00:11:02,003
Since you obviously have no
interest in involving me
301
00:11:02,005 --> 00:11:04,456
in your personal life,
I may as well tell you:
302
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:06,908
Barney and I are already engaged.
303
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,077
That's right.
304
00:11:10,079 --> 00:11:12,464
I'm behind you on this, Robin.
305
00:11:12,466 --> 00:11:15,082
Directly behind you.
306
00:11:15,084 --> 00:11:16,384
Anyway, this is happening.
307
00:11:16,386 --> 00:11:18,553
And since I wasn't
invited to your wedding,
308
00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:20,221
you're not invited to mine.
309
00:11:21,173 --> 00:11:22,073
Good-bye.
310
00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:30,148
Oh, no!
311
00:11:31,047 --> 00:11:33,964
Fluffernutter peed all over my pants!
312
00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:41,761
So, I just called up
313
00:11:41,763 --> 00:11:44,213
that wedding band's road
manager to get the number
314
00:11:44,215 --> 00:11:46,416
of the people who
booked them for the 25th,
315
00:11:46,418 --> 00:11:48,219
so I could bribe them
into giving up the band.
316
00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:51,110
You did what? That is so dishonest!
317
00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:53,629
No matter what happens
next, I think we can all agree,
318
00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:55,297
you're in the wrong here, Lily.
319
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:56,799
It's your number, Ted.
320
00:11:56,801 --> 00:11:58,117
All right, you got me!
321
00:11:58,119 --> 00:12:00,736
I put a
non-refundable deposit on that band
322
00:12:00,738 --> 00:12:03,089
to keep Barney and
Robin from booking them.
323
00:12:03,091 --> 00:12:05,624
And I would've gotten away with it
324
00:12:05,626 --> 00:12:07,960
if it wasn't a really
stupid and expensive plan.
325
00:12:07,962 --> 00:12:09,895
Dude, why would you do that?
326
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,814
I don't see what the big deal is.
327
00:12:11,816 --> 00:12:13,516
The big deal is Robin deserves better
328
00:12:13,518 --> 00:12:15,484
than some crappy, unreliable band!
329
00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:17,153
Sure, bands seem cool
330
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:19,805
with their nice suits and
their well-rehearsed moves,
331
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,942
but let's be honest: bands let you down.
332
00:12:22,944 --> 00:12:24,944
They-They cheat, they
deceive, and God knows they've slept
333
00:12:24,946 --> 00:12:26,495
with every girl in New York City.
334
00:12:26,497 --> 00:12:28,414
I just, I can't believe
335
00:12:28,416 --> 00:12:29,865
Robin is going through with marrying...
336
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:32,785
the idea of getting a band.
337
00:12:32,787 --> 00:12:35,755
And that is, that's a
perfectly normal way to phrase that.
338
00:12:35,757 --> 00:12:38,657
Okay, Ted, bar. Now.
339
00:12:38,659 --> 00:12:40,709
Nice try.
340
00:12:40,711 --> 00:12:42,378
You're gonna stick me with that baby
341
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:44,463
so that you guys can spend five minutes
342
00:12:44,465 --> 00:12:45,798
sorting out his love life,
343
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,967
followed by an hour of you getting drunk
344
00:12:47,969 --> 00:12:50,102
and pretending to be in The Departed.
345
00:12:50,104 --> 00:12:52,521
You know what? I'm sorry, Lily, okay?
346
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:53,806
But I just need to know:
347
00:12:53,808 --> 00:12:55,891
Are you a cop? I'm not a cop!
348
00:12:55,893 --> 00:12:57,910
Are you a cop? I'm not a cop!
349
00:12:57,912 --> 00:12:59,562
Uh-uh.
350
00:12:59,564 --> 00:13:01,147
I got this.
351
00:13:01,149 --> 00:13:02,514
Ted, you, me, upstairs.
352
00:13:02,516 --> 00:13:03,449
Roof. Now.
353
00:13:03,451 --> 00:13:05,017
What? It's January. Move!
354
00:13:06,537 --> 00:13:07,870
Let's cut the crap.
355
00:13:07,872 --> 00:13:08,871
We're both freezing...
356
00:13:08,873 --> 00:13:10,522
just say it and we can go downstairs.
357
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:11,523
Say what?
358
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:12,625
Say how much you hate
359
00:13:12,627 --> 00:13:14,743
that Robin and
Barney are getting married.
360
00:13:14,745 --> 00:13:16,745
What? No. I...
361
00:13:16,747 --> 00:13:17,863
I'm happy for them.
362
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:21,217
I encouraged Robin to go after Barney.
363
00:13:21,219 --> 00:13:23,869
I know... because you
thought you were okay letting her go.
364
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,387
But now that she's really gone,
365
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:26,872
it hurts.
366
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,341
Kids, at that point in my life,
367
00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:32,194
I'd been hurt quite a few times already.
368
00:13:32,196 --> 00:13:35,264
Today, we're gonna
braid friendship bracelets.
369
00:13:39,737 --> 00:13:42,387
# I fell in love...
370
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:45,524
There is a very simple explana... ah!
371
00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:47,576
This one time, I was
playing tennis, and...
372
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:50,579
Ooh!
373
00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:52,448
Oh, ow! Ow!
374
00:13:54,952 --> 00:13:56,452
Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied
375
00:13:56,454 --> 00:13:58,287
in your pants down by the lake?
376
00:13:58,289 --> 00:14:00,405
Unbelievable!
377
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,414
Do you love me?
378
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,801
No.
379
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,105
But when I saw that text message,
380
00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:18,307
and found out Robin was engaged,
381
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:23,896
Unbelievable!
382
00:14:23,898 --> 00:14:25,764
No.
383
00:14:25,766 --> 00:14:28,951
times a million.
384
00:14:28,953 --> 00:14:31,070
I am happy for them.
385
00:14:31,072 --> 00:14:33,272
Is all you'll let yourself say out loud,
386
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:35,607
because if you said
anything to the contrary, well,
387
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:36,942
that would make you
388
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,161
the most awful person on this rooftop.
389
00:14:39,163 --> 00:14:41,664
So, I'm gonna give you an out.
390
00:14:41,666 --> 00:14:43,415
And how are you gonna do that?
391
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:46,785
By saying something that
is even more awful.
392
00:14:46,787 --> 00:14:48,671
Like what?
393
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,341
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom.
394
00:14:52,343 --> 00:14:54,843
Sometimes I want to pack a bag
395
00:14:54,845 --> 00:14:58,180
and leave in the middle of
the night and not come back.
396
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,903
Robin shouldn't be with Barney,
397
00:15:03,905 --> 00:15:05,637
she should be with me.
398
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,497
You serious?
399
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:16,865
I don't know.
400
00:15:16,867 --> 00:15:19,868
I mean, I love being a mom, and...
401
00:15:19,870 --> 00:15:22,588
I love Marvin so much.
402
00:15:22,590 --> 00:15:23,706
But...
403
00:15:23,708 --> 00:15:24,990
but do you remember
404
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,759
when I wanted to be an artist?
405
00:15:26,761 --> 00:15:28,761
Art was my whole life.
406
00:15:28,763 --> 00:15:30,179
And now it's been months
407
00:15:30,181 --> 00:15:32,514
since I've even picked up a brush.
408
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,600
I spend the whole day
409
00:15:34,602 --> 00:15:36,018
taking care of kids at my job,
410
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:38,103
and I come home and
it's more of the same.
411
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,688
It just...
412
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:42,308
It never lets up, it...
413
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:46,061
It's just really, really hard, Ted.
414
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,182
Have you talked to
Marshall about how you feel?
415
00:15:50,184 --> 00:15:53,569
Have you talked to Robin
about how you feel?
416
00:15:53,571 --> 00:15:56,155
Fair enough.
417
00:15:56,157 --> 00:15:59,875
I just think we have to
accept our lots in life,
418
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:02,544
and I have to be a mom to a...
419
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,546
a beautiful, wonderful...
420
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:06,465
if slightly constipated...
421
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:08,133
little boy, and...
422
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:12,721
you have to let Robin
and Barney get a band.
423
00:16:14,991 --> 00:16:17,009
All right, let's see
what's in this dipey.
424
00:16:17,011 --> 00:16:19,178
Nothing.
425
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,931
Absolutely nothing.
426
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,768
Hey.
427
00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:28,720
Are you finally giving Daddy a smile?
428
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:30,689
Oh!
429
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:31,890
Oh, God!
430
00:16:31,892 --> 00:16:33,442
And, no, it wasn't confetti.
431
00:16:33,444 --> 00:16:34,777
Oh!
432
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,830
Oh, God!
433
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,899
Please!
434
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,787
Holy confetti.
435
00:16:46,289 --> 00:16:47,790
That night, Robin agreed
436
00:16:47,792 --> 00:16:49,458
to meet her dad one more time.
437
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,126
Your Dad has something to say.
438
00:16:55,416 --> 00:17:00,019
I'm sorry for getting
married without consulting you.
439
00:17:00,021 --> 00:17:02,421
It was wrong of me.
440
00:17:02,423 --> 00:17:03,389
There. Now, Robin...
441
00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:04,606
I know that no mere
442
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,809
apology will fix this.
443
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,611
And that is why
444
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,596
I've asked Carol for a divorce.
445
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,165
What?
446
00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,150
She's heartbroken, understandably.
447
00:17:15,152 --> 00:17:16,535
Possibly suicidal.
448
00:17:16,537 --> 00:17:17,536
I did not tell him...
449
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:19,438
But if that's the price
450
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,824
for my daughter's love...
451
00:17:21,826 --> 00:17:24,660
then I will gladly let Carol pay it.
452
00:17:26,464 --> 00:17:28,780
Was that not what you wanted?
453
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:31,300
You want to know what I want?
454
00:17:32,336 --> 00:17:34,453
A normal dad. That's all.
455
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,005
I want you to give this blond guy
456
00:17:37,007 --> 00:17:38,223
permission to marry me.
457
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,142
Come to the wedding, give me away,
458
00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:42,961
smile in the pictures, and then...
459
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:46,148
dance with me like a normal dad.
460
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:48,567
Is that too much to ask?
461
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:49,601
"Of course not.
462
00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:52,104
"Oh, Robin, my darling girl,
463
00:17:52,106 --> 00:17:53,272
"of course I'll do all stuff.
464
00:17:53,274 --> 00:17:56,024
"I love you and I'm proud of you".
465
00:17:56,026 --> 00:17:57,826
He didn't say that?
466
00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:58,977
No.
467
00:17:58,979 --> 00:18:01,497
Fine. One dance...
468
00:18:01,499 --> 00:18:03,315
"Cheeseburger in Paradise".
469
00:18:03,317 --> 00:18:06,085
And Carol's going to sing it.
470
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:09,838
Well, see you at the wedding.
471
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,173
But it's kind of amazing.
472
00:18:11,175 --> 00:18:14,726
I mean, he's never
apologized to me in his life.
473
00:18:14,728 --> 00:18:17,496
Barney made it happen.
474
00:18:17,498 --> 00:18:19,431
He must really love me.
475
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:22,434
Well, he'd be crazy not to.
476
00:18:24,053 --> 00:18:26,238
I'm really happy for you guys.
477
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:27,973
But I still think
478
00:18:27,975 --> 00:18:29,007
you should get a DJ.
479
00:18:29,009 --> 00:18:30,943
Ju-Ju.. For God's sakes, Ted.
480
00:18:30,945 --> 00:18:32,311
Hear me out.
481
00:18:32,313 --> 00:18:34,179
I made a pretty strong case that night,
482
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,115
but in the end, she didn't want a DJ.
483
00:18:36,117 --> 00:18:37,366
She wanted a band.
484
00:18:37,368 --> 00:18:39,067
And guess what happened.
485
00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:41,737
That's right, the band
cancelled at the last minute,
486
00:18:41,739 --> 00:18:43,288
just like I said they would.
487
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:46,041
The wedding is in a week, and no bands.
488
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:49,027
When will people realize I
always know what's what?
489
00:18:49,029 --> 00:18:51,380
He says to the
lesbian he dated for a month.
490
00:18:51,382 --> 00:18:53,165
That's a fair point.
491
00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:54,366
Anyway, you guys
492
00:18:54,368 --> 00:18:55,501
wouldn't... happen to know
493
00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:56,885
of any good wedding bands
494
00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,720
available at the last
minute, would you?
495
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:02,040
Ted, do you believe in destiny?
496
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:03,859
You really don't know me, do you?
497
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:06,145
We just had brunch with my ex-roommate.
498
00:19:06,147 --> 00:19:07,129
The bass player?
499
00:19:07,131 --> 00:19:08,713
No, she's not just a bass player.
500
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,599
She's a bass player in
the best wedding band
501
00:19:10,601 --> 00:19:11,817
in the tri-state area.
502
00:19:11,819 --> 00:19:13,735
They had a gig lined
up for this weekend,
503
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,654
but it just fell through this morning.
504
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:18,490
You, my friend, are gonna
save that wedding.
505
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,192
Do you know any DJs?
506
00:19:20,194 --> 00:19:21,243
Dude, come on.
507
00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:22,945
Let it go, bro. Just let it go.
508
00:19:22,947 --> 00:19:23,946
All right, all right,
509
00:19:23,948 --> 00:19:24,913
all right.
510
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:26,231
Well, I guess...
511
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,899
Guess it's a lucky
thing I ran into you guys.
512
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:32,004
And, kids, "lucky"
doesn't even begin to describe it.
513
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,179
Because if Barney and
Robin had taken my stupid advice
514
00:19:40,181 --> 00:19:42,431
and hired a DJ...
515
00:19:46,884 --> 00:19:49,201
I never would have met your mother.