1 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:04,075 Kids, early in this story, you may recall me saying 2 00:00:04,175 --> 00:00:05,591 something along the lines of... 3 00:00:05,593 --> 00:00:07,728 Okay, no more dating. 4 00:00:07,828 --> 00:00:09,412 I am ready to settle down. 5 00:00:09,414 --> 00:00:11,931 And at the time, I probably thought I meant it. 6 00:00:11,933 --> 00:00:14,183 But, kids, I'll be honest. 7 00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:15,951 Being single's fun. 8 00:00:15,953 --> 00:00:18,771 As a young unattached man in New York City, 9 00:00:18,773 --> 00:00:20,172 I had a great time. 10 00:00:20,174 --> 00:00:22,441 A great time. 11 00:00:22,443 --> 00:00:24,777 What was I saying? Oh, yeah. 12 00:00:24,779 --> 00:00:27,646 I had such a great time that it took someone very special 13 00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:29,565 to make me want to settle down. 14 00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:32,068 And that someone... 15 00:00:32,070 --> 00:00:34,737 was Jeanette. 16 00:00:34,739 --> 00:00:37,373 What made Jeanette so special? Well... 17 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:39,125 That was a foul! 18 00:00:40,161 --> 00:00:42,211 Jeanette was the last girl I dated 19 00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:43,496 before I met your mother. 20 00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:45,464 The girl who finally got me to say... 21 00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:47,666 No more dating. 22 00:00:47,668 --> 00:00:49,913 I'm ready to settle down. 23 00:00:49,914 --> 00:00:51,364 and really mean it. 24 00:00:51,366 --> 00:00:52,899 Oh! 25 00:01:06,439 --> 00:01:08,172 But let's back up a little bit. 26 00:01:08,174 --> 00:01:10,525 She broke your TV with a beer bottle? 27 00:01:10,527 --> 00:01:12,894 In her defense, she was aiming for the window. 28 00:01:12,896 --> 00:01:14,863 Dude, you gotta get rid of this girl. 29 00:01:14,865 --> 00:01:16,982 Agreed. Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye 30 00:01:16,984 --> 00:01:18,200 before you get stab-stabbed. 31 00:01:18,202 --> 00:01:19,534 Oh, really? 32 00:01:19,536 --> 00:01:22,070 And are you guys saying this because you don't want me 33 00:01:22,072 --> 00:01:24,172 to be with Jeanette, or because you want me 34 00:01:24,174 --> 00:01:26,858 to stay single so you guys can keep your clubhouse? 35 00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:27,859 J'accuse! 36 00:01:27,861 --> 00:01:29,227 I had a point, 37 00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:30,262 and they knew it. 38 00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,030 You see, in early 2013, 39 00:01:32,032 --> 00:01:34,316 I was the only single guy in the group. 40 00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:37,018 Which meant whenever Marshall or Barney bought something 41 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,703 they weren't allowed to keep in their apartments... 42 00:01:38,727 --> 00:01:46,727 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 43 00:02:07,416 --> 00:02:09,251 You know what, Ted? That reminds me. 44 00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:11,419 I just bought this antique Swiss clock, 45 00:02:11,421 --> 00:02:13,905 but Robin won't let us put it in the apartment, 46 00:02:13,907 --> 00:02:16,574 so I was gonna leave it at your place. 47 00:02:16,576 --> 00:02:17,876 Only problem? It's broken. 48 00:02:17,878 --> 00:02:20,712 So I was just gonna sit here and try to fix it 49 00:02:20,714 --> 00:02:23,798 while maybe you tell us what you and Jeanette did last night? 50 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,434 Okay. Well... Jeanette is a big Marilyn Monroe fan. 51 00:02:27,471 --> 00:02:30,221 There you go! Now it's working! 52 00:02:30,223 --> 00:02:32,390 Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on. She's a Marilyn Monroe fan 53 00:02:32,392 --> 00:02:34,225 so I guess you watched one of her movies? 54 00:02:34,227 --> 00:02:36,895 Uh, No, we had a séance. 55 00:02:38,065 --> 00:02:39,948 Look at that! Good as new. 56 00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:43,101 Anyway, were you able to contact Marilyn 57 00:02:43,103 --> 00:02:44,903 in the spirit world? 58 00:02:44,905 --> 00:02:47,372 No. We talked to her cat. 59 00:02:49,293 --> 00:02:52,377 Screw loose! That's the problem. 60 00:02:52,379 --> 00:02:54,245 Uh-oh. 61 00:02:54,247 --> 00:02:55,413 Looks like somebody's hungry. 62 00:02:55,415 --> 00:02:56,998 I'm gonna get his food ready. 63 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,467 Robin, can you grab him? 64 00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:02,671 Can I? Try and stop me! 65 00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:04,623 Now, kids, what Lily didn't realize... 66 00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:07,158 what none of us realized, in fact... was that 67 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,494 in the eight months since your cousin Marvin was born, 68 00:03:09,496 --> 00:03:11,429 Robin had never once held him. 69 00:03:11,431 --> 00:03:14,632 The truth was, the thought of holding him terrified her, 70 00:03:14,634 --> 00:03:17,986 so she had always avoided it, ever so discreetly. 71 00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:19,437 Can you hold... Oh, shoot! Look at that! 72 00:03:19,439 --> 00:03:22,073 Oh, geez. 73 00:03:22,075 --> 00:03:23,408 I got him. 74 00:03:23,410 --> 00:03:24,993 Come here, you little munchkin. 75 00:03:24,995 --> 00:03:26,477 Aw, man... 76 00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:28,863 Oh, well, I call next. 77 00:03:28,865 --> 00:03:32,417 Well, I should go. It's time for Jeanette's... something. 78 00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:35,203 Time for Jeanette's what, Ted? 79 00:03:35,205 --> 00:03:39,207 Uh, we're taking her dog to an exorcist. 80 00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:42,093 Wow, Ted, that sounds... 81 00:03:46,682 --> 00:03:49,333 Crap, it's really broken now. 82 00:03:49,335 --> 00:03:51,936 Okay, fine. I admit it. She's crazy. 83 00:03:51,938 --> 00:03:53,054 Obviously. 84 00:03:53,056 --> 00:03:55,557 But I'm not in this for the long haul. 85 00:03:55,559 --> 00:03:57,341 It's just, you know, it's just fun. 86 00:03:57,343 --> 00:03:59,394 Of course it's fun, at first. 87 00:03:59,396 --> 00:04:01,780 But then when she starts calling out the name of her 88 00:04:01,782 --> 00:04:04,515 high school science teacher in the throes of passion, 89 00:04:04,517 --> 00:04:06,034 it's really fun. 90 00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:09,120 But then when she starts bringing knives into bed 91 00:04:09,122 --> 00:04:11,956 and making you fear for your safety? 92 00:04:11,958 --> 00:04:13,708 It's really, really fun. 93 00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:16,578 But then when she starts unbuttoning your pants 94 00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:20,698 while you're being forced to drive blindfolded 95 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:25,570 down the freeway with a gun pointed at your... 96 00:04:25,572 --> 00:04:28,056 I'm sorry, what were we talking about? 97 00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:29,057 Jeanette. 98 00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:30,175 Oh, right. That girl's crazy. 99 00:04:30,177 --> 00:04:32,560 You gotta break up with her. I know. 100 00:04:32,562 --> 00:04:35,063 I know. You're right. I have to break up with her. 101 00:04:35,065 --> 00:04:37,048 I should do it in a public place, though, 102 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,483 so she doesn't flip out. 103 00:04:38,485 --> 00:04:41,069 So the next night, I met her in a public place 104 00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:42,404 so she wouldn't flip out. 105 00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:43,738 I will kill you, ref! 106 00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:45,990 I will kill you in front of all these people! 107 00:04:45,992 --> 00:04:47,742 Oh, boy. What, you think I won't 108 00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:49,411 just 'cause I'm in a public place? 109 00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:52,396 I'll go to jail for the rest of my life if I have to! 110 00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:57,952 Listen, before the game starts, I think we need to talk. 111 00:04:57,954 --> 00:04:59,737 I can't believe Ted's dead. 112 00:04:59,739 --> 00:05:01,005 I know. 113 00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,540 What a way to go. 114 00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:04,209 Killed by a bazooka. 115 00:05:04,211 --> 00:05:08,346 All right, all right, so I'm not on my game today. 116 00:05:08,348 --> 00:05:09,464 Anyway... 117 00:05:09,466 --> 00:05:11,800 I gotta hop out for a bit. 118 00:05:11,802 --> 00:05:13,017 You guys stay here. 119 00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:15,937 Oh, and... if Jeanette comes by, 120 00:05:15,939 --> 00:05:18,089 do not let her into the apartment. 121 00:05:18,091 --> 00:05:19,757 Don't let her in. Got it. 122 00:05:19,759 --> 00:05:22,426 Guys, this is serious. This girl is like bedbugs. 123 00:05:22,428 --> 00:05:25,063 Once she's in the apartment, there's no getting her out. 124 00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:27,949 Ted, buddy, 125 00:05:27,951 --> 00:05:29,651 how long have we been dealing 126 00:05:29,653 --> 00:05:32,704 with Barney's insane girlfriends? Years. 127 00:05:32,706 --> 00:05:34,706 Nigh on a decade! 128 00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:37,909 I had to testify in five competency hearings. 129 00:05:37,911 --> 00:05:40,245 I think we can handle Jeanette. 130 00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:41,830 Okay, okay. 131 00:05:41,832 --> 00:05:43,832 See you soon. 132 00:05:46,086 --> 00:05:48,336 That kid. Am I right? 133 00:05:49,789 --> 00:05:52,423 Now look who forgot his keys. 134 00:05:54,728 --> 00:05:56,144 What is it? 135 00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:02,650 Meanwhile, Lily and Robin were out getting lunch, 136 00:06:02,652 --> 00:06:05,019 when disaster struck. 137 00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:07,305 Oh, God, I left his binky on that bus! 138 00:06:07,307 --> 00:06:08,806 Wait. Don't you have other binkies? 139 00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:10,525 That one's his favorite! He'll know the difference! 140 00:06:10,527 --> 00:06:12,777 I'm not gonna let this be the reason 141 00:06:12,779 --> 00:06:13,862 he resents me later in life! 142 00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:17,148 If he starts crying, just pick him up! 143 00:06:18,335 --> 00:06:21,336 What? Uh... 144 00:06:21,338 --> 00:06:26,124 Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there. Okay. 145 00:06:26,126 --> 00:06:28,960 Hey, I'm back. Did I miss anything? 146 00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:30,345 Nope. 147 00:06:30,347 --> 00:06:31,329 Did Jeanette come by? 148 00:06:31,331 --> 00:06:32,463 Jeanette? I know lots of Jeanettes. 149 00:06:32,465 --> 00:06:34,382 Um... 150 00:06:34,384 --> 00:06:36,151 Guys! Okay, she came by 151 00:06:36,153 --> 00:06:38,186 because she forgot her book. 152 00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,972 So we let her go up in your room and get it. 153 00:06:40,974 --> 00:06:42,673 And then? 154 00:06:42,675 --> 00:06:44,442 And then what? 155 00:06:44,444 --> 00:06:46,778 And then she left? 156 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:50,732 I think she left. 157 00:06:52,285 --> 00:06:55,170 Are you sure she left? 158 00:06:55,172 --> 00:06:58,873 I am... 90% sure... 159 00:06:58,875 --> 00:07:00,825 that she left. 160 00:07:01,912 --> 00:07:03,962 80 percent. 161 00:07:04,965 --> 00:07:06,631 Actually, I'm gonna change my answer. 162 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,866 I am now starting to think she never left, 163 00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:13,087 and instead she barricaded herself in your room. 164 00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:14,839 And I'm never coming out! 165 00:07:16,008 --> 00:07:17,809 A hundred percent. 166 00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:23,858 I cannot believe you guys! 167 00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:27,222 Well, maybe if you had given us a warning that she was crazy! 168 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,982 Dude, it's okay. 169 00:07:28,985 --> 00:07:30,818 She can't stay in there forever. 170 00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:33,371 She'll have to come out to eat and drink 171 00:07:33,373 --> 00:07:35,039 and go to the bathroom, right? 172 00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:36,958 Now, a few months earlier, 173 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,560 the East Coast had been hit by a bad storm, 174 00:07:39,562 --> 00:07:41,562 and some intelligent, forward-thinking 175 00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:43,664 New Yorkers took it as a wake-up call, 176 00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:45,883 making sure to stock their bedrooms with enough 177 00:07:45,885 --> 00:07:47,134 food and water to last months, 178 00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:48,886 not to mention a portable waste management system. 179 00:07:48,888 --> 00:07:51,288 It was really the smart thing to do. 180 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,342 You dumbass! 181 00:07:54,344 --> 00:07:58,095 Really, Ted. How could you be so unbelievably stupid? 182 00:07:58,097 --> 00:08:00,464 No, no, you guys are the ones who invited 183 00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:03,434 a vampire into my apartment! This is your fault! 184 00:08:03,436 --> 00:08:05,019 And P.S., if this disaster 185 00:08:05,021 --> 00:08:07,488 had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic, 186 00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:10,191 you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste 187 00:08:10,193 --> 00:08:13,160 and crap in my biohazard bucket. Just sayin'. 188 00:08:13,162 --> 00:08:14,228 I got it. 189 00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:15,830 It was on the floor of the bus. 190 00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:19,483 I should probably throw it out. Eh. 191 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,752 Did he give you any problems? 192 00:08:21,754 --> 00:08:24,205 He cried a little, but then he stopped. 193 00:08:24,207 --> 00:08:27,425 Oh, good. Anything else happen? 194 00:08:27,427 --> 00:08:28,826 Nope. 195 00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:31,345 That... is... it. 196 00:08:33,315 --> 00:08:35,383 All gone! 197 00:08:35,385 --> 00:08:37,101 We have to do this more often. 198 00:08:37,103 --> 00:08:38,686 Oh, we totally do. 199 00:08:38,688 --> 00:08:40,471 I can't believe Marvin's in kindergarten. 200 00:08:40,473 --> 00:08:42,440 He's growing up so fast. 201 00:08:42,442 --> 00:08:45,026 Can I confess something to you? 202 00:08:45,028 --> 00:08:48,696 Remember the day you left Marvin's binky on the bus 203 00:08:48,698 --> 00:08:51,482 and you left me alone with him? Yeah. 204 00:08:51,484 --> 00:08:54,518 Well, I didn't tell you this at the time, but... 205 00:08:55,872 --> 00:08:59,907 Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there. 206 00:08:59,909 --> 00:09:01,191 Okay, shh, shh. 207 00:09:01,193 --> 00:09:05,028 Oh, no, it looks like somebody's not happy. 208 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:06,380 No kidding. I'm miserable. 209 00:09:06,382 --> 00:09:07,648 Listen to this thing. 210 00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:10,551 He probably just wants to be held. 211 00:09:10,553 --> 00:09:12,136 I think you're right. 212 00:09:12,138 --> 00:09:14,221 Can you do it? 213 00:09:14,223 --> 00:09:16,057 All right. 214 00:09:16,059 --> 00:09:19,042 Come here, handsome. Oh. Yeah. 215 00:09:19,044 --> 00:09:20,644 Yes. 216 00:09:20,646 --> 00:09:22,396 Oh. 217 00:09:22,398 --> 00:09:24,882 I let a stranger pick up Marvin. I'm sorry. 218 00:09:24,884 --> 00:09:26,817 It's just, I hadn't actually picked him up 219 00:09:26,819 --> 00:09:28,686 at that point, and I was scared, so... 220 00:09:28,688 --> 00:09:30,988 You know what? It was four years ago. 221 00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:34,325 He's obviously fine. Don't even worry about it. 222 00:09:34,327 --> 00:09:35,776 Really? Yeah. 223 00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:37,611 Thank you. 224 00:09:37,613 --> 00:09:40,731 I mean, as long as there's not more to that story. 225 00:09:40,733 --> 00:09:44,869 Nope. That... is... it. 226 00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:48,839 Jeanette, you have to leave! 227 00:09:48,841 --> 00:09:49,874 In a minute! 228 00:09:49,876 --> 00:09:52,042 I still haven't found that book! 229 00:09:53,245 --> 00:09:55,262 Listen, Jeanette, I didn't want to do this, 230 00:09:55,264 --> 00:09:57,581 but I called the police. They're on their way. 231 00:09:57,583 --> 00:09:59,266 All units, all units. 232 00:09:59,268 --> 00:10:00,851 Possible 10-90 in progress 233 00:10:00,853 --> 00:10:03,888 at 521 West 82nd, apartment 15. 234 00:10:03,890 --> 00:10:05,306 Where's that coming from? 235 00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:06,757 Is that you, Dolores? 236 00:10:06,759 --> 00:10:08,809 Jeanette? Hey, girl. How you been? 237 00:10:08,811 --> 00:10:11,362 Oh, you know, I'm just doing me. 238 00:10:11,364 --> 00:10:14,031 Anyway, I'll check out that 10-90. 239 00:10:14,033 --> 00:10:16,117 Okay, but remember... 240 00:10:16,119 --> 00:10:17,868 I know, no excessive force. 241 00:10:17,870 --> 00:10:20,538 Last thing I need is another suspension, am I right? 242 00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:23,707 And that, kids, was how I found out 243 00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,676 what Jeanette did for a living. 244 00:10:25,678 --> 00:10:27,628 Wait a second. 245 00:10:27,630 --> 00:10:29,613 Is she a cop? 246 00:10:29,615 --> 00:10:30,664 I think she's a cop! 247 00:10:30,666 --> 00:10:32,333 Did you know she was a cop? 248 00:10:32,335 --> 00:10:34,635 I didn't know she was a cop! 249 00:10:34,637 --> 00:10:38,055 Ted, I'm sorry I have to say this... Jeanette lives here now. 250 00:10:38,057 --> 00:10:40,257 This is her place. You're gonna have to leave. 251 00:10:40,259 --> 00:10:41,258 What? 252 00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:42,309 Why don't you have to leave? 253 00:10:42,311 --> 00:10:43,894 They can stay. 254 00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:46,981 Thank you, Officer Jeanette. Thank you, Officer Jeanette. 255 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,133 All gone. 256 00:10:50,135 --> 00:10:51,485 We need to do this more often. 257 00:10:51,487 --> 00:10:52,770 We totally do. I can't believe 258 00:10:52,772 --> 00:10:54,271 Marvin's in middle school. 259 00:10:54,273 --> 00:10:55,573 Oh, he's growing up so fast. 260 00:10:55,575 --> 00:10:58,742 Can I confess something to you? 261 00:10:58,744 --> 00:11:00,528 Remember that day you left Marvin's binky 262 00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,947 on the bus and I let that old lady pick him up? 263 00:11:02,949 --> 00:11:05,916 I seem to recall that was the entire story. 264 00:11:05,918 --> 00:11:08,252 There's a little bit more. 265 00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:09,820 There, there, little one. 266 00:11:09,822 --> 00:11:12,756 Let's put you back in your strolly-poo, 267 00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:16,427 so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land. 268 00:11:17,796 --> 00:11:19,880 Oh, thank you so much. 269 00:11:19,882 --> 00:11:21,549 Yeah, this is my first time alone with him, 270 00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:24,101 and, you know... I have this weird feeling that I'm gonna, 271 00:11:24,103 --> 00:11:26,804 I don't know, like, drop him or injure him in some way, 272 00:11:26,806 --> 00:11:28,439 which is completely insane. 273 00:11:28,441 --> 00:11:30,107 But... Oh, heavens. 274 00:11:30,109 --> 00:11:31,275 Oh, my God! 275 00:11:31,277 --> 00:11:32,026 Oh, my God. 276 00:11:32,028 --> 00:11:33,944 I know, I'm so sorry. 277 00:11:33,946 --> 00:11:35,362 Well, you know what? 278 00:11:35,364 --> 00:11:37,781 That was what, 12 years ago? 279 00:11:37,783 --> 00:11:39,366 Don't even worry about it. 280 00:11:39,368 --> 00:11:40,618 Really? Yeah. 281 00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:42,820 Oh, thank you. 282 00:11:42,822 --> 00:11:45,573 Just promise me there's no more to that story. 283 00:11:46,524 --> 00:11:49,627 Nope, that is it. 284 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:53,363 Are you sure you want to do this? 285 00:11:53,365 --> 00:11:54,548 The girl's a cop. 286 00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:58,469 Yeah, this seems like a really bad idea. 287 00:11:58,471 --> 00:11:59,870 I don't care. 288 00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:02,139 I am going into that bedroom 289 00:12:02,141 --> 00:12:03,591 because this is my home 290 00:12:03,593 --> 00:12:05,893 and I have to defend it. 291 00:12:05,895 --> 00:12:07,678 But mostly because 292 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,546 my allergy medication 293 00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:11,882 is in there! 294 00:12:11,884 --> 00:12:13,550 All right, just be careful, okay? 295 00:12:13,552 --> 00:12:15,269 This girl is really crazy. 296 00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:18,555 Yeah, why can't she just accept the fact that you guys broke up? 297 00:12:18,557 --> 00:12:21,442 I know, I know, why can't she just accept that? 298 00:12:21,444 --> 00:12:23,360 Why, it's, like, why? 299 00:12:25,898 --> 00:12:28,565 It might be because we didn't actually break up. 300 00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,084 Aw, man. 301 00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:33,037 Jeanette, come on, that's vintage vinyl. 302 00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:39,644 Ted, did you or didn't you break up 303 00:12:39,744 --> 00:12:41,226 with Jeanette last night? 304 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:44,196 I don't know, it's kind of confusing. 305 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,549 I think we need to talk. 306 00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:48,951 Oh, oh, okay. 307 00:12:48,953 --> 00:12:50,786 I see where this is going. 308 00:12:50,788 --> 00:12:52,788 You're in love with Lily. 309 00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:53,956 That's it, isn't it? 310 00:12:53,958 --> 00:12:55,841 What? No, I... 311 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,577 Like I should be surprised with her fancy medical degree 312 00:12:58,579 --> 00:13:00,846 and her sexy Southern drawl. 313 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,098 What? She's not... 314 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,716 Don't talk to me, don't look at me. 315 00:13:03,718 --> 00:13:06,602 I hate you and I never want to see you again! 316 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,605 And then things got crazy 317 00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:12,274 and we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 318 00:13:12,276 --> 00:13:15,528 I don't know, it felt pretty breakup-y. 319 00:13:15,530 --> 00:13:17,429 Mm. Anyway, 320 00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:20,116 we parted on pretty bad terms, so... 321 00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:22,701 I kind of thought maybe I could... 322 00:13:22,703 --> 00:13:24,236 Never contact her again and hope she'd take 323 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:25,938 the hint and just leave you alone? 324 00:13:25,940 --> 00:13:27,490 Barney, give me some credit. 325 00:13:27,492 --> 00:13:30,042 Was that the plan? Yes. 326 00:13:31,962 --> 00:13:33,579 All gone. We need to do this more often. 327 00:13:33,581 --> 00:13:34,713 We totally do. 328 00:13:34,715 --> 00:13:35,998 I can't believe Marvin's in high school. 329 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,115 He's growing up so fast. 330 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,084 Can I confess something to you? Oh, no. What? 331 00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:40,285 What happened? 332 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:42,421 Tell me what you did to my son. 333 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:46,308 This is not going well at all. 334 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,743 Oh, honey, you are shaking. 335 00:13:47,745 --> 00:13:49,395 Let's get you out of the cold. 336 00:13:49,397 --> 00:13:51,397 What's open near here? 337 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:58,136 You took my infant child to a strip club? 338 00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,355 It was just topless. 339 00:13:59,357 --> 00:14:01,323 He saw yours all the time anyway. 340 00:14:01,325 --> 00:14:03,259 Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, 341 00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:05,161 but that is all there is. 342 00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:06,862 Okay, there is no more to the story. 343 00:14:06,864 --> 00:14:08,664 I have now told you everything. 344 00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:10,900 All gone. 345 00:14:10,902 --> 00:14:13,452 We need to do this more often. We totally do. 346 00:14:13,454 --> 00:14:15,120 I can't believe Marvin's driving. 347 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,422 He's growing up so fast. 348 00:14:16,424 --> 00:14:17,840 Okay, there's one other thing. 349 00:14:17,842 --> 00:14:19,008 What? 350 00:14:19,010 --> 00:14:21,126 Well, I have to go use the ladies' room. 351 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,012 Can you watch him for me? 352 00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:24,162 Of course. 353 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,931 I could just eat you up. 354 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:30,002 You left him with a complete stranger? 355 00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:31,336 He could've been... 356 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,938 Robin, how could you? Lily, 357 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,024 please, okay, it was 16 years ago. 358 00:14:35,026 --> 00:14:37,276 He's fine. 359 00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:38,644 You're right. 360 00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:40,679 It's fine. 361 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:44,733 God, it feels so good to have gotten this off my chest. 362 00:14:44,735 --> 00:14:46,902 Finally it is all on the table. 363 00:14:46,904 --> 00:14:49,572 All secrets are exposed and there is nothing left 364 00:14:49,574 --> 00:14:51,123 to be revealed. 365 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,576 All gone. We need to do this more... 366 00:14:53,578 --> 00:14:55,327 There's more to the story. Damn it, Robin. 367 00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,329 What could you possibly have left out? 368 00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,882 It's just there's... 369 00:14:59,884 --> 00:15:04,887 one little detail that I may have slightly altered. 370 00:15:04,889 --> 00:15:07,006 If he starts crying, just pick him up. 371 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,012 Yeah, there, there. 372 00:15:13,014 --> 00:15:14,930 Come on, buddy, shh. 373 00:15:14,932 --> 00:15:16,982 Looks like somebody's unhappy. 374 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,651 No kidding, I'm miserable. 375 00:15:18,653 --> 00:15:20,069 Listen to this thing. 376 00:15:20,071 --> 00:15:21,570 Maybe he needs to be held. 377 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,822 I think you're right. 378 00:15:23,824 --> 00:15:25,658 Can you do it? 379 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,026 Sure. 380 00:15:27,028 --> 00:15:28,393 Come here, handsome. 381 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,945 Come here, come here, you handsome devil, you. 382 00:15:29,947 --> 00:15:31,196 You're such a beautiful... 383 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,665 Aw, you're such a cool dude. 384 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,334 Oh, look at you, oh. 385 00:15:35,336 --> 00:15:37,036 All right, there, there, little one, there, there. 386 00:15:37,038 --> 00:15:39,421 Let me put you back in your strolly-poo 387 00:15:39,423 --> 00:15:42,574 so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land. 388 00:15:42,576 --> 00:15:44,543 Okay? All right. 389 00:15:44,545 --> 00:15:45,594 Thank you so much. 390 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:46,679 Hey, don't worry about it. 391 00:15:46,681 --> 00:15:47,796 It's my first time alone with him, 392 00:15:47,798 --> 00:15:49,014 and I just have this weird feeling 393 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,299 I'm gonna drop him 394 00:15:50,301 --> 00:15:51,467 or injure him in some way. 395 00:15:51,469 --> 00:15:52,635 I know it's completely insane... 396 00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:53,852 Oh, heavens, oh, watch it, no! 397 00:15:53,854 --> 00:15:55,220 No! 398 00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:58,891 This is not going well at all. 399 00:16:00,061 --> 00:16:02,227 Oh, hon, you're shaking. 400 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,195 Let's get out of the cold. 401 00:16:03,197 --> 00:16:04,947 Is there anything open near here? 402 00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,654 Hey, I need to go to the ladies' room... can you watch him for me? 403 00:16:11,656 --> 00:16:13,906 Of course. I could just eat you up. 404 00:16:13,908 --> 00:16:16,041 Look at you, yum, yum, yum, yum. 405 00:16:16,993 --> 00:16:20,329 You waited 17 years to tell me 406 00:16:20,331 --> 00:16:23,549 that you met the greatest boxer of all time? 407 00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:27,920 My son was rocked to sleep by Senator Mike Tyson? 408 00:16:27,922 --> 00:16:30,389 I wanted to tell you, believe me. How could you...? 409 00:16:30,391 --> 00:16:32,558 Okay, this is the right thing to do. 410 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,344 You got to go up there and break up with her for real. 411 00:16:35,346 --> 00:16:37,129 And don't worry, if anything happens, 412 00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:39,148 just scream, we'll come rescue you. 413 00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:40,816 Okay. 414 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,870 Did you guys not hear me screaming up there? 415 00:17:01,872 --> 00:17:04,089 Aw, I feel so awful. 416 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:05,257 We went to get subs. 417 00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:06,959 We got you one though. 418 00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:09,011 We didn't get you one. 419 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,797 So, Jeanette's squatting in your room? 420 00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,415 What are you guys doing here? 421 00:17:13,417 --> 00:17:15,634 We heard you screaming from three blocks away. 422 00:17:15,636 --> 00:17:16,769 Why is she in there? 423 00:17:16,771 --> 00:17:18,721 Lily, there is no reason why. 424 00:17:18,723 --> 00:17:20,973 That's like asking why is the earth round? 425 00:17:20,975 --> 00:17:22,841 Why does the sun come up in the morning? 426 00:17:22,843 --> 00:17:24,309 What do I do for a living? 427 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,146 There are some questions we're not meant to know the answer to. 428 00:17:27,148 --> 00:17:30,449 Crazy girls are crazy because they're crazy. 429 00:17:30,451 --> 00:17:32,651 I don't think it's quite that simple. 430 00:17:32,653 --> 00:17:33,819 I was talking 431 00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:35,704 to a friend of mine about Ted and Jeanette. 432 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,689 Oh, great, what friend is this? 433 00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:41,610 Uh, just this wise old lady that I know. 434 00:17:41,612 --> 00:17:42,945 Here's the thing about crazy. 435 00:17:42,947 --> 00:17:45,297 When a guy sends mixed signals to a girl, 436 00:17:45,299 --> 00:17:47,850 it takes a toll on her psychological well-being. 437 00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:50,386 You want to know why a girl acts crazy, 438 00:17:50,388 --> 00:17:51,970 look at the guy she's dating. 439 00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:53,872 Then you really see some crazy. 440 00:17:53,874 --> 00:17:55,808 Trust me. 441 00:17:57,093 --> 00:17:59,895 Are you Mike Tyson? 442 00:17:59,897 --> 00:18:00,929 Now, hold on. 443 00:18:00,931 --> 00:18:03,381 I've dated tons of crazy girls in my life, 444 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:07,886 and not once have I ever treated them with anything other than... 445 00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:09,271 Oh, right, I'm a monster. 446 00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:12,524 Maybe the old lady with the face tattoo is right. 447 00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:15,393 Maybe the reason Jeanette's acting this way 448 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,662 is Ted. 449 00:18:16,664 --> 00:18:18,614 Me? How is this my fault? 450 00:18:18,616 --> 00:18:20,916 Yeah, come on, this is Ted we're talking about. 451 00:18:20,918 --> 00:18:23,035 I'm sure he didn't do anything to lead her on 452 00:18:23,037 --> 00:18:25,537 or send mixed signals, right, Ted? 453 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,707 Don't talk to me, don't look at me. 454 00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:31,710 I hate you and I never want to see you again! 455 00:18:36,466 --> 00:18:39,101 And we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 456 00:18:39,103 --> 00:18:40,719 Okay, that's disappointing. 457 00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:42,387 So disappointing. 458 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,357 Seriously. 459 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,359 But that was last night. I mean, it's not like... 460 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,646 Listen, Jeanette, we really need 461 00:18:50,648 --> 00:18:52,314 to have a serious talk about our... 462 00:18:52,316 --> 00:18:55,734 So, did Lily leave these boots here 463 00:18:55,736 --> 00:18:57,870 or was it some other bitch? 464 00:19:00,623 --> 00:19:04,109 Marshall, Barney, help me! 465 00:19:04,111 --> 00:19:06,578 I don't think they're coming. 466 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,397 I guess not. 467 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:14,619 It's those red boots. 468 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,588 They just look sexy on everyone. 469 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,141 Okay, Ted, what is with the red boots? 470 00:19:19,143 --> 00:19:21,343 You're a smart guy, you've got some taste, 471 00:19:21,345 --> 00:19:22,845 you got a visual sense, I mean, 472 00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:24,629 you're an architect for Pete's sakes. 473 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,515 How can you look at those boots and think... 474 00:19:26,517 --> 00:19:28,967 Oh, my God, I'm holding it, I'm holding the baby. 475 00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,402 What, you've never held him before? 476 00:19:30,404 --> 00:19:32,137 Uh, tons of times. 477 00:19:32,139 --> 00:19:35,073 This-this is not a big moment for me. 478 00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:36,575 This is exhilarating. 479 00:19:37,695 --> 00:19:41,113 Look, yes, I know what you're gonna say. 480 00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:43,165 I have to break up with her. No, 481 00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:45,317 I was actually gonna say the opposite. 482 00:19:45,319 --> 00:19:47,753 I think you need to be with Jeanette right now. 483 00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:49,654 Because she's the one. 484 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:50,839 No. What? No. 485 00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,791 She's insane. 486 00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:55,627 But I think you are also a little insane right now. 487 00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,996 So I think you need to go 488 00:19:57,998 --> 00:20:01,016 be with your crazy girl for a while and when it all goes down 489 00:20:01,018 --> 00:20:03,218 in flames... and I don't mean that figuratively, 490 00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:05,270 I expect there to be actual flames... 491 00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:07,139 And there were. 492 00:20:07,141 --> 00:20:09,525 we'll be here for you because we love you. 493 00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:16,181 Jeanette I just want to say that... 494 00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:18,700 you going through my stuff like that... 495 00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:23,155 You are really something special. 496 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,659 I'm gonna send Lily a dead animal in the mail. 497 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,879 I think I'm falling for you. 498 00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:33,749 I think we should have a three-way with my therapist. 499 00:20:33,751 --> 00:20:35,384 He's 70. 500 00:20:35,386 --> 00:20:38,136 What is your ring size? 501 00:20:45,986 --> 00:20:48,116 Robin. 502 00:20:48,117 --> 00:20:50,106 It's 3:00 in the morning. 503 00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:51,023 Really? 504 00:20:51,024 --> 00:20:52,807 Yeah, you sure you don't want to just 505 00:20:52,809 --> 00:20:55,944 put him in the crib and, you know, go home? 506 00:20:55,946 --> 00:20:57,779 No, I'm good. 507 00:20:57,781 --> 00:20:59,781 Okay. 508 00:20:59,783 --> 00:21:00,866 Good night. 509 00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,150 Good night. 510 00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:08,306 What's that smell? 511 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:10,942 Lily! Lily!