1
00:00:01,331 --> 00:00:02,848
Thanks.
2
00:00:03,175 --> 00:00:05,806
That's weird. I have a message.
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,082
That's weird.
4
00:00:07,402 --> 00:00:09,243
You still have an answering machine.
5
00:00:10,601 --> 00:00:12,405
Ted, this is the Captain.
6
00:00:12,438 --> 00:00:15,103
Please call me back at
your earliest convenience.
7
00:00:16,534 --> 00:00:18,318
Oh, crap.
8
00:00:18,342 --> 00:00:26,342
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
9
00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,558
Kids, you remember the Captain.
10
00:00:33,715 --> 00:00:35,510
He was one of the
richest men in New York,
11
00:00:35,532 --> 00:00:37,371
and when I met him, he
was married to Zoey,
12
00:00:37,395 --> 00:00:39,901
who I ended up... befriending.
13
00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:43,430
- Oh, man, he seems pissed.
- Does he?
14
00:00:43,457 --> 00:00:45,407
Yes. Listen.
15
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:48,262
Ted, this is the Captain.
16
00:00:48,585 --> 00:00:51,682
Please call me back at
your earliest convenience.
17
00:00:51,870 --> 00:00:53,796
Oh, I hear it now.
18
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,271
What? I don't know.
19
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,222
Listen again.
20
00:00:57,322 --> 00:01:00,824
Ted, this is the Captain.
21
00:01:02,711 --> 00:01:07,483
Please call me back at
your earliest convenience.
22
00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:08,654
He sounds pissed.
23
00:01:08,679 --> 00:01:10,646
Yeah, and I think I know why.
24
00:01:10,686 --> 00:01:12,455
It has to do with the
last time I saw him.
25
00:01:12,467 --> 00:01:15,101
It was... it was,
like, a year and a half ago.
26
00:01:15,163 --> 00:01:17,263
Oh, boy, that was a crazy story.
27
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:19,461
Oh, boy, yeah.
28
00:01:19,498 --> 00:01:21,036
I remember.
29
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:22,417
You weren't there.
30
00:01:22,606 --> 00:01:24,387
Ted, bubbeleh.
31
00:01:24,412 --> 00:01:27,312
If you have a crazy story, I was there.
32
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,217
That's just a law of the universe.
33
00:01:29,238 --> 00:01:30,370
So what happened?
34
00:01:30,577 --> 00:01:31,677
Well, it was a few weeks
35
00:01:31,695 --> 00:01:34,677
after Zoey and I broke
up, and I was on the rebound,
36
00:01:34,701 --> 00:01:38,115
and I kind of rekindled
things with that girl, Becky.
37
00:01:38,297 --> 00:01:40,822
- Becky?
- Boats, boats, boats.
38
00:01:40,898 --> 00:01:42,330
Boats, boats, boats!
39
00:01:42,377 --> 00:01:44,728
Boats!
40
00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:46,614
What's this a commercial for again?
41
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,090
I can't quite...
42
00:01:48,115 --> 00:01:50,209
Boats, boats, boats!
43
00:01:50,769 --> 00:01:52,638
Oh, get a room, you two.
44
00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:55,366
- You weren't there.
- I was, too.
45
00:01:55,403 --> 00:01:57,294
All right, you were
there? Tell me the story.
46
00:01:57,319 --> 00:01:58,930
I like the way you tell it.
47
00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,642
Please, I insist.
48
00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,500
Okay, we'll tell it together.
49
00:02:03,936 --> 00:02:05,149
Okay.
50
00:02:05,197 --> 00:02:06,939
- Lily...
- Lily...
51
00:02:07,111 --> 00:02:09,111
- had invited us...
- had invited us...
52
00:02:09,407 --> 00:02:11,736
- to an art...
- Garfunkel concert.
53
00:02:12,129 --> 00:02:13,177
gallery opening.
54
00:02:13,195 --> 00:02:15,678
An Art Garfunkel gallery
opening concert.
55
00:02:15,784 --> 00:02:17,601
Go on, Ted. You're doing great.
56
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,765
Anyway, I get to the gallery...
57
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,458
This place is so fancy.
58
00:02:22,503 --> 00:02:24,484
I hope I don't embarrass myself.
59
00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:25,578
What? Lily, come on.
60
00:02:25,609 --> 00:02:27,388
You got nothing to be embarrassed about.
61
00:02:28,289 --> 00:02:29,864
Dude, look who it is.
62
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,717
And who should walk in but...
63
00:02:32,138 --> 00:02:34,177
Daddy's home.
64
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,882
Nope.
65
00:02:36,803 --> 00:02:39,971
Well, well, Ted Mosby, my old nemesis.
66
00:02:39,979 --> 00:02:41,171
What are you doing here?
67
00:02:41,193 --> 00:02:43,968
Um, well... Lily saw an ad for this...
68
00:02:43,974 --> 00:02:45,218
Gallery?
69
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,747
So we... we came to check out the...
70
00:02:47,765 --> 00:02:49,231
Artwork.
71
00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:51,661
And then we ran into...
72
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:52,711
Me.
73
00:02:52,816 --> 00:02:54,898
Man, this guy's so rude.
74
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,402
I mean, I get why he's mad.
75
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,898
I did stick it to his
ex-wife... repeatedly.
76
00:03:00,189 --> 00:03:02,132
Still, he's being a jerk.
77
00:03:02,188 --> 00:03:04,214
Someone needs to bring him down a peg.
78
00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:05,866
I'm sorry. Where are my...
79
00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:07,404
Manners.
80
00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:09,982
That's how that feels.
81
00:03:10,641 --> 00:03:12,160
This is my art consultant.
82
00:03:12,211 --> 00:03:13,178
Shelly.
83
00:03:13,215 --> 00:03:14,809
Art consultant? What's that?
84
00:03:14,821 --> 00:03:16,639
Oh, Shelly helps the Captain
85
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,003
select artwork based
on its aesthetic appeal
86
00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:20,834
and value as an investment.
87
00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:24,496
That's why I think she's
gonna love this elephant painting.
88
00:03:24,627 --> 00:03:27,189
I think this artist is going places.
89
00:03:27,476 --> 00:03:28,645
Well, I should go.
90
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,387
Captain, we'll talk tomorrow?
91
00:03:30,406 --> 00:03:31,689
At ease.
92
00:03:32,721 --> 00:03:34,025
Hey, if you like art,
93
00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:36,352
you should see the
painting I just acquired.
94
00:03:36,452 --> 00:03:38,702
It's in my apartment just upstairs.
95
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:42,780
It's gonna blow you away.
96
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:46,645
Anyone with this kind of ashtray money
97
00:03:46,663 --> 00:03:49,163
probably has an
island where he hunts people.
98
00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:51,673
Probably somewhere in the Caribbean.
99
00:03:52,213 --> 00:03:54,474
I bet there's good snorkeling.
100
00:03:56,338 --> 00:04:00,550
Hello, my darling, my one
true love, my everything.
101
00:04:01,527 --> 00:04:03,657
So, who wants to see that painting?
102
00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:07,357
Okay, Captain, we know why you
brought us up here. It's...
103
00:04:07,573 --> 00:04:08,885
it's about me and Zoey.
104
00:04:09,022 --> 00:04:10,172
Ted,
105
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,884
if you've got something to say,
106
00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:15,197
say it.
107
00:04:15,312 --> 00:04:16,918
A harpoon gun?
108
00:04:16,943 --> 00:04:19,593
A double-barreled harpoon gun.
109
00:04:19,622 --> 00:04:21,645
- One barrel.
- With a scope.
110
00:04:21,669 --> 00:04:23,193
No scope.
111
00:04:23,545 --> 00:04:25,267
I know you're upset,
Captain, but I promise you
112
00:04:25,285 --> 00:04:28,679
nothing happened between me and Zoey
until after you guys split up, okay?
113
00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:29,442
So let's...
114
00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:32,346
Let's please, just-just-just
put this down.
115
00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:35,638
Okay? Okay, oh, there we go.
116
00:04:36,372 --> 00:04:37,472
Look, Ted,
117
00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:38,834
I'm not mad at you.
118
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:42,844
The truth is I'm in love with somebody
else now, so we're fine.
119
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,413
Just don't steal this
one from me, too, okay?
120
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:48,059
Okay?
121
00:04:48,097 --> 00:04:49,513
Of course.
122
00:04:49,521 --> 00:04:51,924
- I promise.
- Okay.
123
00:04:52,186 --> 00:04:53,819
But that got me thinking.
124
00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:55,627
Who was this new lady in his life?
125
00:04:56,169 --> 00:04:57,952
I had this weird sinking feeling.
126
00:04:57,977 --> 00:04:59,140
We both did.
127
00:04:59,177 --> 00:05:01,090
I had to see that picture.
128
00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:02,797
So I waited until everyone
129
00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:04,822
was out of the room, and then...
130
00:05:15,035 --> 00:05:17,344
- Boats, boats, boats!
- No.
131
00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:20,258
No...!
132
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,881
She's "boats, boats,
boats," and he's the Captain.
133
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,873
That's sweet, I'm happy for those two.
134
00:05:24,895 --> 00:05:26,150
Ted, you suck.
135
00:05:28,694 --> 00:05:30,442
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
136
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,054
It's him, it's him. What do I do?
137
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,570
- What do I do?
- Ted, wait a second.
138
00:05:33,592 --> 00:05:35,823
- What do I do?
- Wait a second. Wait a second!
139
00:05:35,854 --> 00:05:39,685
Hey, is there any
chance that he is calling
140
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:42,266
to invite the three
of us out on his boat?
141
00:05:42,486 --> 00:05:45,004
Uh, I don't know, maybe
like one percent.
142
00:05:45,824 --> 00:05:48,441
Ted's phone. Hold for Ted.
143
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,626
Hello.
144
00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:52,332
Ted, I'm gonna ask you something,
145
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:55,771
and I want you to be completely honest.
146
00:05:56,278 --> 00:05:58,079
What's your friend Robin's number?
147
00:05:58,236 --> 00:05:59,618
What?
148
00:06:00,351 --> 00:06:02,251
Ted, ask about the boat.
149
00:06:06,606 --> 00:06:08,952
Uh, Captain, can...
can I put you on hold?
150
00:06:09,057 --> 00:06:10,356
Affirmative.
151
00:06:11,841 --> 00:06:13,905
He wants Robin's number.
152
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:15,063
Should I give it to him?
153
00:06:15,087 --> 00:06:17,508
Is he trying to hook
up with my fiancée?
154
00:06:17,529 --> 00:06:19,236
No, uh-uh.
155
00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:22,042
The only way that's happening is
if I get to hook up with someone, too.
156
00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:23,781
Wait a second... No.
157
00:06:23,794 --> 00:06:26,060
Unless... Absolutely not.
158
00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:29,306
However... Forget it. On
the other hand... Ixnay!
159
00:06:29,982 --> 00:06:32,122
Guys, guys, I got to
make a decision here.
160
00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:34,214
Okay, you know what, I say do it.
161
00:06:34,511 --> 00:06:36,934
If it is a booty call, then
Robin will just let him down easy,
162
00:06:36,946 --> 00:06:39,361
but in the meantime, Ted is
back on the Captain's good side.
163
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:41,297
We all get to go out on
his boat, I get to steer it.
164
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:42,549
Everybody wins.
165
00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:44,058
Okay.
166
00:06:44,236 --> 00:06:46,171
Fine. Give him her number.
167
00:06:46,352 --> 00:06:48,346
- You don't think she'll mind?
- I don't think she'll mind.
168
00:06:48,393 --> 00:06:50,627
You gave the Captain my number?
169
00:06:50,639 --> 00:06:51,665
She minds.
170
00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:55,515
Do you not remember that night we
hung out with him at the art show?
171
00:06:55,905 --> 00:06:58,411
Oh, right, of course you don't remember
because, earlier that night,
172
00:06:58,429 --> 00:07:00,429
you shared a big, fat
sandwich with Becky.
173
00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:03,337
Boats, boats, boats!
174
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,389
What's this a commercial for again?
175
00:07:06,455 --> 00:07:07,580
Yeah, so?
176
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,727
I hardly think that changes the story.
177
00:07:09,947 --> 00:07:11,780
Mmm. Mmm.
178
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,119
Delicious!
179
00:07:13,252 --> 00:07:15,365
This place is so fancy.
180
00:07:15,439 --> 00:07:17,356
I hope I don't embarrass myself.
181
00:07:17,514 --> 00:07:18,395
Oh, come on, Lily.
182
00:07:18,419 --> 00:07:20,504
You got nothing to be embarrassed about.
183
00:07:23,487 --> 00:07:25,244
Dude, look who's here.
184
00:07:25,288 --> 00:07:26,687
Daddy's home.
185
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,207
- Nope.
- Nope.
186
00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:32,420
Well, well.
187
00:07:32,438 --> 00:07:34,603
Ted Mosby, my old nemesis.
188
00:07:34,632 --> 00:07:35,747
What are you doing here?
189
00:07:35,770 --> 00:07:38,908
Well, Lily...
190
00:07:39,173 --> 00:07:42,124
saw an ad for this...
191
00:07:46,352 --> 00:07:47,792
Gallery.
192
00:07:49,808 --> 00:07:51,809
So we thought we'd...
193
00:07:51,861 --> 00:07:54,061
come and check out the...
194
00:07:57,169 --> 00:07:58,703
Artwork?
195
00:08:01,964 --> 00:08:05,947
And then we ran into...
196
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,473
Me?
197
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:11,949
And the Captain wasn't glaring at you.
198
00:08:11,968 --> 00:08:13,200
He couldn't take his eyes off...
199
00:08:13,218 --> 00:08:14,900
Hey, nice to see you again.
200
00:08:14,964 --> 00:08:16,181
Yeah, you, too.
201
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:17,133
Oh.
202
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:19,435
Man, this guy is so rude.
203
00:08:19,695 --> 00:08:20,901
I mean, I get why he's upset.
204
00:08:20,913 --> 00:08:24,981
I did stick it to his
ex-wife... repeatedly.
205
00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:27,898
Still, the guy's being a jerk.
206
00:08:27,998 --> 00:08:30,332
Someone needs to take him down a peg.
207
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:32,380
Sorry.
208
00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:33,755
Where are my manners?
209
00:08:33,832 --> 00:08:35,907
This is Shelly, my art consultant.
210
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,286
Art consultant? What's that?
211
00:08:37,304 --> 00:08:39,853
Shelly helps the Captain select artwork
212
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:42,207
based on aesthetic...
- Manners!
213
00:08:42,766 --> 00:08:45,198
That's how that feels.
214
00:08:48,985 --> 00:08:50,729
appeal
215
00:08:50,845 --> 00:08:53,086
and value as an investment,
216
00:08:53,129 --> 00:08:56,829
and that's why I think she's gonna
love this elephant painting.
217
00:08:56,962 --> 00:08:59,908
I think this artist is going places.
218
00:09:00,243 --> 00:09:01,673
Well, I should go.
219
00:09:01,716 --> 00:09:04,466
Captain, we'll talk tomorrow.
220
00:09:05,309 --> 00:09:07,361
If you like art,
221
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:10,406
you should see the
painting I just acquired.
222
00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:15,725
It's gonna blow you away.
223
00:09:16,915 --> 00:09:18,521
Snorkeling.
224
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,855
Then, after I saved you from destroying
225
00:09:20,867 --> 00:09:22,799
a priceless crystal ashtray...
226
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,714
You're welcome.
227
00:09:25,662 --> 00:09:26,750
Hello, my darling,
228
00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:29,588
my one true love, my everything.
229
00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,231
Ahoy?
230
00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:36,117
So who wants to see that painting?
231
00:09:36,347 --> 00:09:38,510
Okay, Captain.
232
00:09:38,672 --> 00:09:40,894
We all know why you brought us up here.
233
00:09:41,188 --> 00:09:43,932
This is about me and...
234
00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:46,393
Zoey.
235
00:09:46,457 --> 00:09:48,438
All right, Ted.
236
00:09:48,735 --> 00:09:50,678
If you've got something to say,
237
00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:53,056
say it.
238
00:09:53,237 --> 00:09:54,269
Whoa, whoa.
239
00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:56,254
- A remote control?
- A remote control.
240
00:09:57,785 --> 00:09:58,804
Let's relax.
241
00:09:58,829 --> 00:10:01,467
I know you're upset, Captain.
242
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,162
I just... I want to assure you
243
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,514
nothing happened between me and Zoey
244
00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:07,542
until after you guys had split up.
245
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:11,039
So let's just... let's
just... let's put this down.
246
00:10:11,390 --> 00:10:14,384
Okay, okay.
247
00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:16,900
There we go.
248
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:21,128
Ted, I'm not mad at you.
249
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:24,315
Truth is, I'm in love
with somebody else now.
250
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,089
So he invited me back to his bedroom
251
00:10:29,104 --> 00:10:31,220
to show me this painting, and...
252
00:10:32,259 --> 00:10:33,626
Finally.
253
00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:34,892
We're alone.
254
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,475
Robin, no, I don't want
255
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,375
to picture that.
- Nothing happened.
256
00:10:38,408 --> 00:10:40,796
- Aw, that means hand stuff.
- What?
257
00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:41,900
No.
258
00:10:41,931 --> 00:10:43,680
I'm serious... he was on the rebound.
259
00:10:43,712 --> 00:10:47,209
I told him to take some time
to pull himself together and...
260
00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:49,137
call me in a year and a half.
261
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,618
Ah, great.
262
00:10:50,648 --> 00:10:52,174
What if he asks you out?
263
00:10:52,282 --> 00:10:54,925
What does that mean for
our relationship?
264
00:10:55,281 --> 00:10:58,009
What, are we planning to
be in some super-enlightened,
265
00:10:58,039 --> 00:10:59,734
forward-thinking marriage,
266
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:02,528
where we don't get
hung up on the suffocating
267
00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:04,969
and outdated principles of monogamy,
268
00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:07,849
and instead enjoy the
company of multiple partners,
269
00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:11,619
sometimes bringing said partners
into our marital bed,
270
00:11:11,685 --> 00:11:13,910
but just girls, not dudes,
271
00:11:13,929 --> 00:11:16,004
except maybe one time
just to see what that's like?
272
00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:18,277
I mean, is that what you want?
273
00:11:19,315 --> 00:11:20,347
No.
274
00:11:20,648 --> 00:11:22,079
Okay.
275
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,748
Me, neither!
276
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:27,300
Okay, Robin, look, you-you
need to call the Captain
277
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,508
and let him down easy, okay?
278
00:11:29,886 --> 00:11:31,613
Let him move on with his life.
279
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,349
Let him go out on his
boat with his old friends,
280
00:11:34,382 --> 00:11:36,733
maybe some new friends.
281
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:39,979
Maybe let one of those new
friends steer the boat.
282
00:11:40,479 --> 00:11:43,530
Just so that one of them could say,
283
00:11:43,732 --> 00:11:46,168
"Iceberg straighthead!"
284
00:11:46,477 --> 00:11:48,008
Fine.
285
00:11:51,976 --> 00:11:52,985
Ahoy.
286
00:11:53,104 --> 00:11:55,822
Hi. Captain, it's Robin.
287
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,273
Ahoy.
288
00:11:57,293 --> 00:11:58,260
Uh, look,
289
00:11:58,279 --> 00:12:00,913
I... have to be upfront with you.
290
00:12:01,057 --> 00:12:02,046
I'm engaged.
291
00:12:02,058 --> 00:12:04,065
Engaged? I thought you
were married to Marshall.
292
00:12:04,644 --> 00:12:06,301
This is Robin right?
293
00:12:06,349 --> 00:12:07,965
The redheaded kindergarten teacher
294
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,901
who wore the gray
dress and the blue shoes
295
00:12:09,921 --> 00:12:11,271
to that art show?
296
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,835
Can you please hold a moment?
297
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,194
Dropping anchor.
298
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,635
He's looking for Lily.
299
00:12:17,785 --> 00:12:19,584
Should I give him her number?
300
00:12:19,603 --> 00:12:21,682
Yeah. We've already discussed it.
301
00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:23,858
It's $4 million cash.
302
00:12:25,032 --> 00:12:27,437
Oh, her phone number. Yes,
I don't think she'll mind.
303
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:29,939
You gave the Captain my number?
304
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:31,872
She minds.
305
00:12:33,008 --> 00:12:34,875
It finally happened.
306
00:12:35,127 --> 00:12:37,243
My past finally caught up with me.
307
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:38,287
Oh, God.
308
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:39,943
Lily, if you tell me that you
309
00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:42,590
slept with the Captain
for anything under 2.8,
310
00:12:42,608 --> 00:12:44,360
which we agreed was as
low as we were going to go...
311
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,632
No, it's nothing like that.
312
00:12:47,459 --> 00:12:50,086
Do you guys remember the last
time we saw the Captain?
313
00:12:50,118 --> 00:12:51,551
- Yes.
- Oh, right.
314
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:53,497
Of course you don't. Barney,
you weren't there.
315
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:56,506
Ted, you had just floated
out of a Snoop Dogg B-side.
316
00:12:56,518 --> 00:13:00,471
And, Robin, you had just come
from that big meeting that ran long.
317
00:13:07,032 --> 00:13:09,244
Delicious. Shrimpy for me.
318
00:13:09,464 --> 00:13:11,491
This place is so fancy.
319
00:13:11,597 --> 00:13:13,791
I hope I don't embarrass myself.
320
00:13:13,939 --> 00:13:16,785
Come on, Lily, you have
nothing to be embarrassed about.
321
00:13:19,574 --> 00:13:21,439
Dude! Look who's here!
322
00:13:21,941 --> 00:13:22,667
Daddy's...
323
00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:24,638
- Nope.
- Nope.
324
00:13:25,136 --> 00:13:26,522
Well, well.
325
00:13:26,553 --> 00:13:28,633
Ted Mosby, my old nemesis.
326
00:13:29,438 --> 00:13:31,817
Hello, sailor.
327
00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:32,655
No!
328
00:13:32,673 --> 00:13:36,225
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
329
00:13:36,864 --> 00:13:38,874
Okay, yeah, that's what happened.
330
00:13:38,999 --> 00:13:41,047
This is Shelly, my art consultant.
331
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:43,679
Art consultant!
332
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:45,066
What's that?
333
00:13:45,084 --> 00:13:47,577
Shelly helps the Captain select artwork
334
00:13:47,602 --> 00:13:51,534
based on its aesthetic appeal
and its value as an investment,
335
00:13:51,718 --> 00:13:55,211
which is why I think she's
gonna love this elephant painting.
336
00:13:55,513 --> 00:13:58,156
I think this artist is going places.
337
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,692
You'd have to be a real
Dumbo not to enjoy this painting.
338
00:14:01,733 --> 00:14:02,699
Get it?
339
00:14:02,706 --> 00:14:04,308
'Cause he's an elephant?
340
00:14:04,453 --> 00:14:08,005
Your sense of humor is as
good as your taste in art.
341
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:09,314
Captain?
342
00:14:09,358 --> 00:14:11,139
We'll talk tomorrow?
343
00:14:12,576 --> 00:14:13,776
If you like art,
344
00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:16,101
you should see the
painting I just acquired.
345
00:14:16,184 --> 00:14:17,934
- It's in my...
- Manners.
346
00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:20,523
That's how that feels.
347
00:14:23,416 --> 00:14:26,384
In my apartment right upstairs.
348
00:14:26,405 --> 00:14:28,606
It's gonna blow you away.
349
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:30,571
Snorkeling.
350
00:14:30,926 --> 00:14:33,397
Then, after I saved you from destroying
351
00:14:33,410 --> 00:14:34,941
a priceless crystal ashtray...
352
00:14:34,966 --> 00:14:36,516
You're welcome.
353
00:14:38,906 --> 00:14:42,146
Hello, my darling, my one
true love, my everything.
354
00:14:45,013 --> 00:14:47,899
So, who wants to see that painting?
355
00:14:47,944 --> 00:14:50,384
Ooh, if you show me yours,
356
00:14:50,412 --> 00:14:52,133
I'll show you mine.
357
00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:54,315
So we check out the painting.
358
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:56,621
Huh. You know,
359
00:14:56,652 --> 00:14:58,843
that elephant painting
would look nice in here.
360
00:14:58,903 --> 00:15:00,641
You're looking at a masterpiece,
361
00:15:00,665 --> 00:15:02,814
and you're talking about
some elephant painting?
362
00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:05,844
No...!
363
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:09,649
Oh, this one's nice, too.
364
00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:12,570
I just like the
elephant painting better.
365
00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:16,537
You know, it doesn't
matter what you like.
366
00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:19,638
You're just a kindergarten teacher.
367
00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:23,056
Ah, finally we're alone.
368
00:15:30,405 --> 00:15:32,622
Oh, no, Lily, what did you do?
369
00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:36,548
He was a jerk... he deserved to
have that precious painting stolen.
370
00:15:36,779 --> 00:15:38,272
Oh, God, Lily, you didn't...?
371
00:15:38,298 --> 00:15:40,029
Of course I didn't.
372
00:15:40,116 --> 00:15:42,745
I stole this ashtray instead.
373
00:15:47,448 --> 00:15:49,898
- Lily!
- Hey, you know the rules.
374
00:15:49,924 --> 00:15:52,857
You misbehave, I take
away one of your toys.
375
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,675
Aldrin Justice, baby.
376
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,637
So you're telling me that that ashtray
377
00:15:56,811 --> 00:15:59,153
that's been in our
apartment for over a year and a half
378
00:15:59,171 --> 00:16:01,716
is not only stolen, but
also very expensive.
379
00:16:01,772 --> 00:16:03,659
Both of those things... yes.
380
00:16:03,976 --> 00:16:06,198
Guys, can you leave us
alone for a minute, please?
381
00:16:06,308 --> 00:16:09,276
- Ooh, they're gonna do it.
- No, we're gonna fight.
382
00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:13,046
And then maybe afterwards we'll do it.
383
00:16:14,151 --> 00:16:16,756
I can't believe that
was the same ashtray.
384
00:16:16,782 --> 00:16:18,027
I should've recognized it.
385
00:16:18,046 --> 00:16:19,861
I know... me, too.
386
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:22,063
Barney, you weren't there.
387
00:16:22,094 --> 00:16:24,682
Why is it so important
that you be part of this story?
388
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,488
Because crazy stories are my thing.
389
00:16:27,509 --> 00:16:30,071
You have
architecture, Marshall has the law,
390
00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:31,220
Lily has art,
391
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:32,997
Robin has pleasing me sexually.
392
00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:35,437
You all have a passion that drives you.
393
00:16:35,532 --> 00:16:37,369
Well, if I have a
passion, it's taking life
394
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:39,771
and turning it into a series
of crazy stories.
395
00:16:39,842 --> 00:16:42,330
If you can do that without me, then...
396
00:16:42,908 --> 00:16:45,451
I don't even know who I am anymore.
397
00:16:49,002 --> 00:16:50,303
You know what, Barney?
398
00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:52,397
Now that I think about it,
399
00:16:53,326 --> 00:16:55,166
you were there.
- That's right, you were.
400
00:16:55,191 --> 00:16:56,003
- I was?
- Yeah.
401
00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:57,692
I mean, I know I was.
402
00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,094
That's what I'm saying, guys.
403
00:17:00,163 --> 00:17:03,915
We just... we just
didn't realize it because...
404
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,676
you were in disguise.
405
00:17:05,695 --> 00:17:06,978
Yeah, you were doing...
406
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:08,720
one of your plays from the playbook.
407
00:17:08,722 --> 00:17:10,528
On Shelly, the art consultant.
408
00:17:10,552 --> 00:17:13,462
Yes, it was... some
play that had to do with art...
409
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,451
The Royal Archduke of Grand Fenwick?
410
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:20,101
A simple play you can do using
two everyday household objects...
411
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:23,228
a Prussian military costume
and an oil painting of yourself?
412
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:26,128
That's the one, and it worked on Shelly.
413
00:17:26,164 --> 00:17:27,870
I totally nailed her!
414
00:17:28,141 --> 00:17:30,844
And then I nailed her
sister who was even hotter.
415
00:17:32,424 --> 00:17:33,947
Good times.
416
00:17:34,498 --> 00:17:36,868
You are gonna return that ashtray,
and you're gonna pray
417
00:17:36,893 --> 00:17:38,896
that he doesn't press
charges, because I can't be
418
00:17:38,914 --> 00:17:40,685
in a marriage where one
of us is in prison.
419
00:17:40,701 --> 00:17:42,938
I know that we
role-play conjugal visits a lot,
420
00:17:42,957 --> 00:17:44,669
but I can't do that for realsies.
421
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:47,207
I'm sorry... all rulings are final.
422
00:17:47,225 --> 00:17:48,620
I am not taking it back.
423
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:49,626
Oh, my God!
424
00:17:49,632 --> 00:17:50,715
Lily,
425
00:17:50,739 --> 00:17:52,476
what is the big deal?
426
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:53,738
Okay, so what?
427
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,726
So he said you're just
a kindergarten teacher.
428
00:17:55,753 --> 00:17:58,228
- Why do you let that bother you?
- Because he was right.
429
00:17:58,253 --> 00:18:00,985
I am just a kindergarten teacher.
430
00:18:01,189 --> 00:18:02,554
And, yes, I have a degree
431
00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:05,135
in art history and I was
meant to do something with it,
432
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,419
but I didn't.
433
00:18:06,702 --> 00:18:07,958
Somewhere along the line,
434
00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:10,405
I forgot to pursue my dream, and...
435
00:18:10,472 --> 00:18:14,386
and now I'm old and I'm a mom
and it's just too late for me.
436
00:18:14,411 --> 00:18:15,355
Lily, okay, okay.
437
00:18:15,368 --> 00:18:16,849
- It's too late.
- No, no, no, it's not too...
438
00:18:16,868 --> 00:18:17,980
it's not too late.
439
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,401
You're gonna quit your job tomorrow,
440
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:23,082
and you're gonna... you're
gonna go back and pick up
441
00:18:23,157 --> 00:18:25,324
right where you left
off with that art stuff.
442
00:18:25,356 --> 00:18:26,538
And then you know what?
443
00:18:26,556 --> 00:18:30,058
I'm gonna find Shelly, and
I'm gonna punch her in the face.
444
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,363
I am... I'm gonna punch a girl...
445
00:18:32,394 --> 00:18:34,293
and run away.
446
00:18:35,439 --> 00:18:36,591
Look.
447
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,326
I promise you,
448
00:18:38,642 --> 00:18:42,192
your best and your most exciting days
449
00:18:42,223 --> 00:18:44,389
are all ahead of you.
450
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:48,305
I love you so much for saying that,
451
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:51,130
but there gets to be a point in life
452
00:18:51,147 --> 00:18:53,854
where that just stops being true.
453
00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,461
I'm sorry I stole this.
454
00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:00,321
I'll return it first thing tomorrow.
455
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,747
And so the next day, Lily returned
456
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,303
to the Captain's apartment.
457
00:19:04,371 --> 00:19:06,106
Well, how about that.
458
00:19:06,421 --> 00:19:08,254
I didn't even realize it was gone.
459
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,744
No harm done.
460
00:19:11,297 --> 00:19:13,410
Wait, if you weren't
calling about the ashtray,
461
00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:15,179
then why'd you want to see me?
462
00:19:15,323 --> 00:19:16,706
Follow me.
463
00:19:20,291 --> 00:19:21,548
Oh, my gosh.
464
00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:24,341
Yep, that night, I ducked back down
465
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,855
into the gallery and bought it.
466
00:19:25,892 --> 00:19:27,592
Shelly didn't stop you?
467
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,580
Shelly was off with some archduke
she met at the party.
468
00:19:30,809 --> 00:19:32,904
No, I just... well,
469
00:19:32,944 --> 00:19:35,478
I liked what you said about
how you just liked it.
470
00:19:35,593 --> 00:19:36,993
I still do.
471
00:19:37,144 --> 00:19:38,550
Me, too.
472
00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:41,123
Anyway, I just sold it for $4 million.
473
00:19:41,184 --> 00:19:42,171
What?
474
00:19:42,192 --> 00:19:44,411
In the year and a half since
I bought this piece,
475
00:19:44,441 --> 00:19:47,627
the artist has turned into a
huge star in the art world.
476
00:19:47,705 --> 00:19:49,514
The next Basquiat, they're saying.
477
00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:51,661
And nobody saw it coming except you.
478
00:19:52,244 --> 00:19:54,888
So I've decided to give you half
my earnings from the sale.
479
00:19:54,921 --> 00:19:56,787
I'm just kidding.
480
00:19:57,357 --> 00:19:58,976
I'm not giving you two million bucks.
481
00:19:59,776 --> 00:20:01,001
I mean, I could.
482
00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:02,926
Easily... it wouldn't
even make a dent for me.
483
00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:06,189
But trust me, the tax
code being what it is,
484
00:20:06,195 --> 00:20:08,303
you do not want to be rich right now.
485
00:20:08,771 --> 00:20:10,284
So here's what I'm thinking.
486
00:20:10,527 --> 00:20:12,049
I want to get back in the art game,
487
00:20:12,055 --> 00:20:14,449
and I need a new art consultant.
488
00:20:15,857 --> 00:20:19,052
Wait, are you offering me a job?
489
00:20:19,139 --> 00:20:20,519
If you want it.
490
00:20:20,566 --> 00:20:21,904
What do you say?
491
00:20:23,113 --> 00:20:25,226
And she said yes. Guys, it was amazing!
492
00:20:25,237 --> 00:20:26,444
- You should have been there.
- Barney!
493
00:20:26,462 --> 00:20:27,895
- Let her tell her story.
- You were not there.
494
00:20:27,909 --> 00:20:29,042
Guys!
495
00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:31,677
What did you say, baby?
496
00:20:32,082 --> 00:20:33,085
I said yes.
497
00:20:33,110 --> 00:20:34,829
Ha! Told you!
498
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:37,939
How would I know that
she was going to say...?