1
00:00:01,225 --> 00:00:03,411
Kids, in the spring of 2013,

2
00:00:03,423 --> 00:00:06,366
we were all tying up loose
ends before the big wedding.

3
00:00:06,433 --> 00:00:10,620
<i>I was right here in this very room,
putting the finishing touches on the house.</i>

4
00:00:14,695 --> 00:00:17,005
Oh, come on!

5
00:00:17,337 --> 00:00:20,278
<i>Barney and Robin were wrapping up
rehearsal for their first dance.</i>

6
00:00:20,305 --> 00:00:22,951
- That was amazing.
- We can do better.

7
00:00:23,048 --> 00:00:27,215
Back to one, everyone! Reload the
cannons, we'll go again right away.

8
00:00:29,498 --> 00:00:32,681
<i>And Lily and Marshall were packing
for their year in Italy.</i>

9
00:00:35,315 --> 00:00:36,209
Hello.

10
00:00:36,221 --> 00:00:38,643
How's my
favorite daughter-in-law?

11
00:00:38,674 --> 00:00:40,471
Oh, things are a bit crazy here.

12
00:00:40,489 --> 00:00:43,150
We've got this big move
to Rome coming up, and I,

13
00:00:43,181 --> 00:00:46,386
I just can't shake the feeling
that I'm forgetting something, you know.

14
00:00:46,404 --> 00:00:48,997
I know, I know, I'm being crazy, right?

15
00:00:49,086 --> 00:00:50,624
Right, Judy?

16
00:00:50,892 --> 00:00:54,452
- Right, Judy?
- You're moving to Rome?

17
00:00:55,165 --> 00:00:56,770
Is that my mom?

18
00:00:56,914 --> 00:00:59,375
Don't mention Rome.

19
00:00:59,399 --> 00:01:07,399
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com

20
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,701
- You didn't tell your mom about Rome?
- It didn't feel right.

21
00:01:16,732 --> 00:01:19,684
This isn't over-the-phone
news. This is face-to-face news.

22
00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:22,004
I was gonna tell her when
we see her at Christmas.

23
00:01:22,029 --> 00:01:23,604
You were gonna wait and tell her

24
00:01:23,622 --> 00:01:27,266
after we had already been
living there for six months? That...

25
00:01:27,548 --> 00:01:30,605
was a great plan. Damn it.

26
00:01:31,863 --> 00:01:33,451
Hey, Mom, it's Marshall.

27
00:01:33,476 --> 00:01:35,534
If you're moving to Rome,

28
00:01:35,633 --> 00:01:39,228
I at least need to see my
grandson before you go!

29
00:01:39,253 --> 00:01:41,359
Of course, and that is why

30
00:01:41,378 --> 00:01:44,117
we would love for you to
come visit us for a week.

31
00:01:44,141 --> 00:01:45,804
No.

32
00:01:45,847 --> 00:01:47,698
The place will be all packed up.

33
00:01:47,719 --> 00:01:50,555
Oh, oh... okay, hey, Mom, better idea:

34
00:01:50,573 --> 00:01:53,210
how about we all come
visit you for a week?

35
00:01:53,454 --> 00:01:56,739
I can't go to Minnesota
for a week. I have a job.

36
00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:59,498
Okay, Mom, here's the
plan: Lily has to work,

37
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:02,639
so Marvin and I will come
visit you for a whole week,

38
00:02:02,658 --> 00:02:05,170
and I'll see if I can get
a last-minute flight.

39
00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:06,626
You

40
00:02:06,645 --> 00:02:09,208
are going to take my infant son

41
00:02:09,226 --> 00:02:11,835
away from me for a whole week?

42
00:02:12,518 --> 00:02:14,624
Whoo!

43
00:02:14,928 --> 00:02:16,622
So, what do you want to do tonight...

44
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,726
drink ourselves
blind, set a car on fire?

45
00:02:19,749 --> 00:02:21,815
Watch a movie that doesn't start

46
00:02:21,828 --> 00:02:24,651
with a desk lamp jumping
on top of a capital "I"?

47
00:02:24,675 --> 00:02:26,756
I'm all yours, Teddy Westside.

48
00:02:26,775 --> 00:02:29,436
Actually, tonight it's
Teddy Westchester.

49
00:02:29,463 --> 00:02:31,479
Got to head up to the
house, take care of some stuff.

50
00:02:31,503 --> 00:02:33,970
Oh, yeah, how's the restoration going?

51
00:02:33,995 --> 00:02:35,547
Actually,

52
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,453
- done.
- You finished the house?

53
00:02:37,478 --> 00:02:39,333
Well, I want to see it.

54
00:02:39,352 --> 00:02:42,638
<i>- Marshall already canceled the cable?
- And the Wi-Fi. It's like Little House</i>

55
00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:44,956
<i>on the Freaking Prairie up there.</i>

56
00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:48,946
Well, the wedding planning is done,

57
00:02:48,964 --> 00:02:52,734
so tonight is all about
relaxing and celebrating

58
00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:54,565
everything that makes us awesome,

59
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:57,697
which is why I
requested our favorite table.

60
00:02:57,735 --> 00:02:59,661
The one by the window.

61
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,328
Where we were sitting the
night we saw those two bums fighting.

62
00:03:03,352 --> 00:03:05,300
Over a sandwich.

63
00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:09,078
We almost called the cops.

64
00:03:09,091 --> 00:03:11,353
And then we realized they
weren't fighting at all.

65
00:03:11,372 --> 00:03:13,502
They were making love.

66
00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:15,858
Over a sandwich.

67
00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:18,417
Oh, I almost forgot.

68
00:03:19,249 --> 00:03:20,980
- Yeah.
- No way, is that...

69
00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:22,574
El Piramide.

70
00:03:22,598 --> 00:03:24,792
The first cigar we ever smoked together.

71
00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:27,423
Aw, Barney.

72
00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:29,315
Excuse me.

73
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,240
Hi.

74
00:03:30,258 --> 00:03:32,237
Could you not? Thanks.

75
00:03:32,353 --> 00:03:34,412
Dude, I'm not gonna
light 'em up in here.

76
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:35,806
I'm just looking at 'em.

77
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:38,147
Right, but even when they're unlit,

78
00:03:38,165 --> 00:03:40,525
the smell... it's very...

79
00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:43,709
- Pungent.
- Exactly... thank you.

80
00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:46,813
It's a very pungent smell.

81
00:03:46,832 --> 00:03:49,107
So, could you not?

82
00:03:49,256 --> 00:03:50,455
Thanks.

83
00:03:51,872 --> 00:03:53,635
Okay.

84
00:03:56,438 --> 00:03:58,344
I'm sorry,

85
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,168
can you also put the bag away?

86
00:04:01,303 --> 00:04:03,078
It's just

87
00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:05,636
really unappetizing to look at.

88
00:04:05,655 --> 00:04:07,403
You're unappetizing to look at.

89
00:04:07,428 --> 00:04:09,928
You know what? I'll
put them away, okay?

90
00:04:09,946 --> 00:04:12,685
- Enjoy your night.
- We'll try.

91
00:04:15,199 --> 00:04:16,887
Did those two just
become our archenemies?

92
00:04:16,899 --> 00:04:19,428
No, Robin, they've
always been our archenemies.

93
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,386
They've only just revealed themselves.

94
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:23,967
Hi, Kristen?

95
00:04:24,053 --> 00:04:25,702
Everyone pronounces it wrong.

96
00:04:25,721 --> 00:04:27,916
The "R" is after the "I"

97
00:04:27,997 --> 00:04:28,972
Kirsten.

98
00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:30,620
And before the "I"

99
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,314
It's Krirsten.

100
00:04:33,517 --> 00:04:35,385
Your table's ready.

101
00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:39,417
Wow, they're "trerrible"

102
00:04:39,536 --> 00:04:40,605
You know what?

103
00:04:40,617 --> 00:04:42,232
Don't even think about them, okay?

104
00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:44,089
Tonight is about celebrating us.

105
00:04:44,101 --> 00:04:46,014
- You're right, you're right.
- We shouldn't let a couple...

106
00:04:46,039 --> 00:04:48,531
Nope, nope. I'm a self-diagnosed
claustrophobic.

107
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,787
I have to sit next to the window.

108
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,510
No, that's our table, that's our table,

109
00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:55,393
that's our table, that's our
table, that's our table, that's our table.

110
00:04:58,315 --> 00:04:59,289
You know what?

111
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,439
Screw celebrating us. You
know what we're gonna do?

112
00:05:01,457 --> 00:05:04,925
Make those smug, obnoxious
sons of bitches pay.

113
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,528
Aw...

114
00:05:07,943 --> 00:05:10,726
<i>So Aunt Lily and I
drove up to Westchester.</i>

115
00:05:12,744 --> 00:05:14,349
Hey, baby, how's Minnesota?

116
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,187
It is so much fun.

117
00:05:16,205 --> 00:05:17,318
Oh, hold on one sec.

118
00:05:17,343 --> 00:05:20,226
Marshall, I made you this welcome-home
ice cream sundae.

119
00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:22,935
But I can't remember, do
you like crushed nuts?

120
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:25,479
- No. No.
- I love crushed nuts.

121
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,250
Oh!

122
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,785
Anyway, it's, it's great to be home.

123
00:05:30,804 --> 00:05:32,260
How's Judy doing?

124
00:05:32,272 --> 00:05:33,554
Oh, she's great.

125
00:05:33,578 --> 00:05:36,637
It's cute, you know, she keeps joking
about how she's not gonna let us leave.

126
00:05:36,668 --> 00:05:39,682
I'm really not. It's not a joke.

127
00:05:44,825 --> 00:05:46,880
Judy's going to talk
him out of going to Rome.

128
00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:49,993
I knew something was going to
screw up our plans, and this is it.

129
00:05:50,005 --> 00:05:52,969
She is going to convince
him never to leave the country.

130
00:05:53,013 --> 00:05:54,552
I think you're imagining things.

131
00:05:54,577 --> 00:05:58,308
Oh. Oh, yeah? Well, check
out what's already on Facebook.

132
00:05:59,019 --> 00:06:01,700
- Inconclusive.
- Oh, really?

133
00:06:03,307 --> 00:06:04,720
It's getting conclusiver.

134
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,986
Hey, Lily.

135
00:06:06,005 --> 00:06:07,811
- What?
- Come on.

136
00:06:08,964 --> 00:06:11,478
Okay, open 'em.

137
00:06:11,602 --> 00:06:13,850
Your eyes... sorry,
they should have been closed.

138
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:15,581
That one's on me. Let's try again.

139
00:06:15,599 --> 00:06:16,872
Wow.

140
00:06:16,886 --> 00:06:20,238
Ted, you did this all yourself?

141
00:06:20,658 --> 00:06:23,278
<i>Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.</i>

142
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,947
<i>I was pretty manly till I
mentioned Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh?</i>

143
00:06:27,002 --> 00:06:29,179
Even I haven't seen it, Ted.

144
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,064
Just think,

145
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:34,305
this is the house your
kids are going to grow up in.

146
00:06:34,399 --> 00:06:37,993
They are going to roast marshmallows
in this fireplace.

147
00:06:38,118 --> 00:06:42,087
They're gonna experiment with recreational
drugs on that porch.

148
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:46,144
They're gonna sit on a couch right here
and listen to your boring stories about...

149
00:06:46,955 --> 00:06:49,085
"For sale" sign?

150
00:06:49,423 --> 00:06:51,387
Are you selling this place?

151
00:06:51,932 --> 00:06:53,288
Yeah.

152
00:06:53,376 --> 00:06:55,180
Why?

153
00:06:56,167 --> 00:07:00,304
Because I'm moving to Chicago.

154
00:07:08,076 --> 00:07:10,897
So, what are we gonna
do... put something in their food,

155
00:07:11,003 --> 00:07:14,135
key their car? Do
either of those cigars explode?

156
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,674
Hold on, Wile E.
Coyote, I think I got something.

157
00:07:17,739 --> 00:07:20,161
He's checking out the hostess.

158
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:21,182
Now,

159
00:07:21,213 --> 00:07:24,341
a guy who's happily in a relationship
sees a girl like that,

160
00:07:24,353 --> 00:07:28,431
he'll check her out
maybe 14, 15 times, tops.

161
00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:31,672
16 times, tops.

162
00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:37,285
So Krirsten's more invested in
the relationship than her fella is.

163
00:07:37,317 --> 00:07:39,100
That could spell trouble.

164
00:07:39,427 --> 00:07:41,653
Challenge accepted.

165
00:07:42,298 --> 00:07:44,399
Hey, do you think it's
bad luck for a bride

166
00:07:44,417 --> 00:07:47,169
to break up two strangers
a week before her wedding?

167
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:50,163
I'd say it's very bad luck...

168
00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:52,238
for Krirsten.

169
00:07:56,364 --> 00:07:59,233
I hate this table so much!

170
00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:02,188
Why would you move to Chicago?

171
00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:04,085
Because it's the perfect town for me.

172
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,137
It's like a Clevelandy New York,
and... don't act like you haven't noticed...

173
00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:10,051
my hair excels in the wind.

174
00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:12,220
Besides, you're moving to Rome.

175
00:08:12,245 --> 00:08:15,150
Yeah, for a year, and when we get back,

176
00:08:15,168 --> 00:08:17,182
we need you to be here waiting for us,

177
00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:20,808
hopefully living in this
house with your future bride.

178
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,628
Wha...

179
00:08:21,653 --> 00:08:23,973
- what future bride?
- The girl.

180
00:08:23,992 --> 00:08:27,075
She's out there walking
around New York City right now,

181
00:08:27,081 --> 00:08:29,761
probably in a pair of really cute boots

182
00:08:29,772 --> 00:08:32,777
that she's gonna let me borrow
whenever I want because we're the same size.

183
00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:35,789
- She is out there, Ted.
- Is she, really?

184
00:08:35,842 --> 00:08:37,317
Because I've looked.

185
00:08:37,343 --> 00:08:39,471
I have looked high and low

186
00:08:39,489 --> 00:08:42,957
for someone I can love and
adore and cook waffles for.

187
00:08:42,969 --> 00:08:45,619
- The closest I've come is Marshall.
- He does love your waffles.

188
00:08:45,637 --> 00:08:48,404
It's the cinnamon. I add cinnamon.

189
00:08:48,807 --> 00:08:50,925
She's not in New York.

190
00:08:51,359 --> 00:08:53,162
Maybe she's in Chicago.

191
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,650
Okay, you are being ridiculous.

192
00:08:55,677 --> 00:08:58,264
You are going to find
someone here in New York

193
00:08:58,283 --> 00:09:00,793
that you love just as
much as I love Marshall.

194
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:01,922
And you,

195
00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:05,631
if you let Judy talk you out
of going to Italy, so help me,

196
00:09:05,649 --> 00:09:09,554
I will never let you
stuff my ravioli again.

197
00:09:09,938 --> 00:09:11,687
I'm gonna take you off speaker.

198
00:09:11,805 --> 00:09:13,224
Lily, you got to relax.

199
00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:15,615
Okay, my mom is psyched about Italy.

200
00:09:15,627 --> 00:09:17,373
She keeps making
jokes about how she's gonna

201
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:20,720
come live with us in
Rome and sleep on the couch

202
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,951
and cook every meal for us so
we never have to go to a restaurant

203
00:09:23,957 --> 00:09:26,530
- the whole year we're there.
- It's not a joke.

204
00:09:26,554 --> 00:09:29,367
By not saying no to me
right now, you are giving me

205
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,425
your full consent for that to happen.

206
00:09:36,596 --> 00:09:37,862
I got to go.

207
00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:41,201
"I'm probably saying some
political stuff right now to sound smart".

208
00:09:41,221 --> 00:09:45,090
"I'm probably referring to some
snooty podcast to sound even smarter".

209
00:09:45,102 --> 00:09:47,092
"I'm probably saying
something in French".

210
00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:50,707
My God...

211
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:54,305
Okay, you want to break
them up? I got a plan.

212
00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:58,242
It's something I know has worked
in the past, but it's, it's risky,

213
00:09:58,272 --> 00:10:00,435
so it's, it's not
too late to call it off.

214
00:10:00,447 --> 00:10:03,466
- No way, I'm in.
- Good, 'cause it's too late to call it off.

215
00:10:03,719 --> 00:10:04,607
Observe.

216
00:10:04,626 --> 00:10:07,309
And that is why the senate
can't push anything through.

217
00:10:07,328 --> 00:10:09,139
And Doug Mand said the
same thing in his podcast.

218
00:10:09,157 --> 00:10:11,956
It's like, "Après moi le déluge!"

219
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:18,809
Oh, my gosh.

220
00:10:18,824 --> 00:10:20,250
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.

221
00:10:20,262 --> 00:10:22,559
Yes, yes, yes.

222
00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:24,920
- Yes!
- What?

223
00:10:25,044 --> 00:10:27,825
Yes! I will marry you!

224
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:30,645
Even though a ring in a champagne glass
is a total cliché and this is a cushion cut.

225
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:33,204
And how long have I been hinting that
I want a princess cut? But yes!

226
00:10:33,222 --> 00:10:35,640
That's a mistake. That's not from me.

227
00:10:35,805 --> 00:10:36,769
It's not?

228
00:10:36,788 --> 00:10:40,292
We've only been together seven years.

229
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:43,499
- Now it becomes clear.
- Here we go.

230
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,650
- You want commitment the same way
- I'm sorry I didn't put an

231
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:48,337
- you want my brother to work for you.
- engagement ring in your drink.

232
00:10:48,362 --> 00:10:51,650
The way you chug booze, I'm
surprised you even noticed.

233
00:10:51,691 --> 00:10:53,858
So, when are you leaving?

234
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,326
- Day after the wedding.
- What?

235
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,616
You can't miss the
day after the wedding.

236
00:10:58,635 --> 00:11:01,980
That's when we sit around all
hungover, drinking mimosas

237
00:11:01,998 --> 00:11:03,741
and talking smack about who looked fat.

238
00:11:03,766 --> 00:11:05,661
That's my Christmas.

239
00:11:05,948 --> 00:11:09,315
Why are you in such a rush
to get out of there?

240
00:11:10,664 --> 00:11:12,472
Oh.

241
00:11:12,937 --> 00:11:15,051
Of course.

242
00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:19,361
You're not leaving because you think
the love of your life isn't in New York.

243
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,855
You're leaving because you think she is.

244
00:11:21,901 --> 00:11:25,975
And this time next week,
she'll be married to your best friend.

245
00:11:29,045 --> 00:11:32,352
Baby! I am in the middle of
something super dramatic here.

246
00:11:32,377 --> 00:11:35,172
But real quick: if you let
Judy come to Rome with us,

247
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:38,677
you are going to have to find someone
else to do your laundry and massage your feet.

248
00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:41,724
Oh, my gosh, she's going to
do all that, won't she?

249
00:11:41,748 --> 00:11:44,169
Lily, you have to stop freaking out.

250
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,802
Nothing is going to screw up the plan.

251
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,299
We're doing this.

252
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:49,424
I love you.

253
00:11:49,449 --> 00:11:51,399
I love you, baby. Bye.

254
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:57,430
- Hello?
- Hi. Marshall Eriksen?

255
00:11:57,448 --> 00:12:00,301
I'm calling from the New
York State Judiciary Committee.

256
00:12:00,326 --> 00:12:02,949
You applied for a judgeship
a few months ago, remember?

257
00:12:02,962 --> 00:12:04,324
Of... of course.

258
00:12:04,336 --> 00:12:05,637
Well, I have good news.

259
00:12:05,662 --> 00:12:08,331
We have a last-minute
opening on the bench.

260
00:12:08,357 --> 00:12:09,959
What are you saying to me right now?

261
00:12:09,971 --> 00:12:13,981
I'm saying
congratulations. We want you to be a judge.

262
00:12:19,636 --> 00:12:21,653
- So, you want me to be a judge?
- Yes.

263
00:12:21,681 --> 00:12:23,729
- And I would start a week from Tuesday?
- Yes.

264
00:12:23,753 --> 00:12:26,105
- Could I maybe start a year from Tuesday?
- No.

265
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:27,898
- Got to be a week from Tuesday?
- Yes.

266
00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:29,346
- And I'd be a real judge?
- Yes.

267
00:12:29,358 --> 00:12:30,458
- With a robe?
- Yes.

268
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,446
- Gavel?
- Yes.

269
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,055
- Wacky Southern accent?
- No.

270
00:12:33,074 --> 00:12:35,661
Now, counselor, are
you absolutely sure?

271
00:12:35,673 --> 00:12:37,441
- Yes.
- And I have to be in New York for this?

272
00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:39,043
- Yes.
- I can't telecommute?

273
00:12:39,061 --> 00:12:41,336
- No.
- I couldn't be the crazy speakerphone judge?

274
00:12:41,354 --> 00:12:43,008
- No.
- Could I be a hologram?

275
00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,729
- No.
- Animatronic robot

276
00:12:44,753 --> 00:12:46,427
like Abe Lincoln from
the Hall of Presidents

277
00:12:46,446 --> 00:12:48,643
that I control from
afar with a joystick?

278
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,974
<i>- No. - Do you remember the
giant Jor-El head from Superman?</i>

279
00:12:51,999 --> 00:12:53,128
- Yes.
- Well, what if I...

280
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:56,746
- No.
- Is there any way that I could do this

281
00:12:56,783 --> 00:13:00,669
and also spend the next year
of my life in Italy with my wife?

282
00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:01,601
No.

283
00:13:01,632 --> 00:13:03,647
This is such a big decision.

284
00:13:03,862 --> 00:13:06,079
I'm not good at big decisions.

285
00:13:06,513 --> 00:13:08,984
Are you sure you want to be a judge?

286
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,429
Wow. Now that we've broken
up a seven-year relationship

287
00:13:13,453 --> 00:13:16,346
just 'cause they stole our
table, I feel kind of...

288
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:19,457
- Awesome?
- I was going to say horny, but yeah, awesome, too.

289
00:13:21,985 --> 00:13:23,998
- No way. Are you kidding me?
- What?

290
00:13:24,022 --> 00:13:26,286
Is there going to be a
fight? Okay, here's the play.

291
00:13:26,297 --> 00:13:28,250
You take the girl, and the
guy and I will watch.

292
00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:31,287
Hello. Just the people we want to see.

293
00:13:31,355 --> 00:13:34,698
We got in a pretty big
fight because of you guys.

294
00:13:34,718 --> 00:13:36,612
We had to call our therapists
after hours.

295
00:13:36,637 --> 00:13:37,911
Not cool.

296
00:13:37,929 --> 00:13:40,359
Anyway, it got us to where we are now.

297
00:13:40,405 --> 00:13:42,088
We're getting married!

298
00:13:42,109 --> 00:13:43,880
And I'm taking her last name.

299
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,766
You should think about
doing the same thing.

300
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,309
- Well, good night.
- Good night.

301
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:50,259
- Good night. Yes, definitely.
- Congratulations.

302
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:53,597
That was us.

303
00:13:53,659 --> 00:13:55,787
We made that happen.

304
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:58,372
We're pretty cool.

305
00:13:58,465 --> 00:14:00,228
And, you know, a week from today,

306
00:14:00,247 --> 00:14:03,724
we are going to be
legend... wait for it...

307
00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:04,712
Married.

308
00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:06,715
Legend-married. Legend-married.

309
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,584
Robin Scherbatsky,

310
00:14:10,609 --> 00:14:12,440
I love you so damn much.

311
00:14:12,463 --> 00:14:15,241
I love you, too, Barney Scherbatsky.

312
00:14:15,473 --> 00:14:18,318
That sounds good. Think about it.

313
00:14:18,612 --> 00:14:21,374
<i>They're happy. And I'm happy for them.</i>

314
00:14:21,401 --> 00:14:24,201
I want them to have an
amazing life together. I just...

315
00:14:24,304 --> 00:14:27,568
I just think it would be best for
everyone if I wasn't around for it.

316
00:14:27,608 --> 00:14:31,320
Did something happen
recently between you and Robin?

317
00:14:31,615 --> 00:14:32,686
No.

318
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,931
Where's the poop, Ted?

319
00:14:36,739 --> 00:14:38,830
She called me up the other day.

320
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,255
<i>She was trying to dig up this locket</i>

321
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,741
<i>she had buried behind the
Central Park Carousel,</i>

322
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,866
<i>and I blew off that big
interview to go help her.</i>

323
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,517
And then...

324
00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:49,805
it started raining.

325
00:14:52,936 --> 00:14:54,401
I'll...

326
00:14:54,424 --> 00:14:56,905
- I'll see you at the wedding.
- Yeah.

327
00:14:57,611 --> 00:14:59,839
<i>Even now, after all these years,</i>

328
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:01,903
there's still just this
part of me where,

329
00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:05,132
if there's even the slightest chance
something I do could make Robin smile,

330
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:07,922
I don't even think
about it... I just do it.

331
00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:11,344
I mean, if I could make that locket
magically appear, I would.

332
00:15:11,363 --> 00:15:14,027
I would open a vein in my arm

333
00:15:14,051 --> 00:15:17,546
if I could bleed that
locket out, just to make her happy.

334
00:15:19,481 --> 00:15:20,837
That's just a really

335
00:15:20,867 --> 00:15:24,448
sucky way to feel about your
best friend's fiancée.

336
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:29,369
So I'm going to
come to the wedding, and...

337
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,635
you know, I'll have a
good time, but after that, I...

338
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,159
What?

339
00:15:36,611 --> 00:15:39,272
I know where the locket is.

340
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:42,300
- What?
- I know where the locket is.

341
00:15:42,312 --> 00:15:44,296
It was a few years ago,

342
00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:46,930
<i>right before you were supposed
to marry Stella.</i>

343
00:15:46,948 --> 00:15:49,817
<i>I went down to the bar one night
and what should I see?</i>

344
00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:51,080
Lily!

345
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:52,716
Hey, girl.

346
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,969
I got a question for you.

347
00:15:56,438 --> 00:15:58,622
Why isn't Ted marrying me?

348
00:15:58,868 --> 00:16:01,977
I'm sorry. Oh, God.

349
00:16:01,996 --> 00:16:04,125
I'm sorry. I just...

350
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:06,734
I should be happy for him,

351
00:16:06,746 --> 00:16:08,540
and yet here I am,

352
00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:12,406
moving off to Japan
just to get away from him.

353
00:16:12,716 --> 00:16:14,110
And I guess to see those...

354
00:16:14,128 --> 00:16:17,073
those terra-cotta
warriors and the Great Wall.

355
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,416
Well, that's China.

356
00:16:19,624 --> 00:16:21,740
What? This? No,
it's just a paper plate.

357
00:16:23,329 --> 00:16:24,917
We should get out of here.

358
00:16:24,929 --> 00:16:26,718
- Come on. Come on.
- Oh, totally.

359
00:16:26,805 --> 00:16:29,175
I know just where we should go.

360
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,420
Man, you're fast when you're drunk.

361
00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:36,295
But at least you're
still making good decisions.

362
00:16:36,339 --> 00:16:39,827
Central Park, around
midnight, digging a hole with a spoon.

363
00:16:39,846 --> 00:16:42,465
- Solid.
- Jackpot.

364
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:44,562
What is that?

365
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,075
My something old.

366
00:16:50,263 --> 00:16:52,844
This locket was my grandma's.

367
00:16:52,866 --> 00:16:56,642
She kept it hidden in her
butt all through World War II.

368
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:58,193
What? Where was she?

369
00:16:58,277 --> 00:17:00,226
Winnipeg.

370
00:17:01,919 --> 00:17:03,139
Oh, come on.

371
00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:05,408
Lily, it's a joke.

372
00:17:06,188 --> 00:17:08,470
Yeah, I was going to
wear this when I married Ted.

373
00:17:08,476 --> 00:17:10,217
I guess that's not going to happen.

374
00:17:10,247 --> 00:17:13,429
So I am taking it with me to Japan.

375
00:17:13,679 --> 00:17:17,104
Okay, Lily, help me
put this locket in my butt.

376
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,169
Okay. You know what?

377
00:17:19,193 --> 00:17:23,185
Why don't we put it in
this pencil box instead?

378
00:17:23,212 --> 00:17:27,400
Oh, and then I will take
the pencil box with me to Japan.

379
00:17:27,482 --> 00:17:30,005
Okay. Hey, Lily?

380
00:17:30,161 --> 00:17:32,942
Help me put this pencil box in my butt.

381
00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:36,971
Wait!

382
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:39,379
There's one other thing I have to do.

383
00:17:39,414 --> 00:17:42,045
Lily, it's very important.

384
00:17:42,113 --> 00:17:44,104
It's something that needs to happen

385
00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:46,502
- right now.
- Yeah?

386
00:17:46,536 --> 00:17:49,724
Then she barfed in my
face. It was a lovely night.

387
00:17:50,048 --> 00:17:53,042
Wait. You put the locket in
the race car pencil box?

388
00:17:53,075 --> 00:17:56,573
Yep. And then Robin took it to Japan.

389
00:17:56,746 --> 00:17:58,959
No, she didn't.

390
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:03,370
It's sitting on my
desk at home right now.

391
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:05,644
It's been with me all along.

392
00:18:05,678 --> 00:18:06,530
Ted.

393
00:18:06,555 --> 00:18:08,797
The locket is in the pencil box.

394
00:18:08,953 --> 00:18:11,399
- This is awesome.
- Ted.

395
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,092
No, I just... I just mean,

396
00:18:13,111 --> 00:18:15,989
this is going to be the
best wedding gift ever.

397
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,013
It's going to blow her mind.

398
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:19,649
Ted.

399
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,135
Be careful.

400
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:36,535
# Well, this is just a simple song #

401
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:40,027
# To say what you've done

402
00:18:40,546 --> 00:18:44,600
# I told you about all those fears #

403
00:18:44,618 --> 00:18:46,644
# And away they did run

404
00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:50,337
# You sure must be strong

405
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,642
# And you feel like an ocean

406
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,633
# Being warmed by the sun...

407
00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:59,289
- Come on, we got to go.
- Wait. What am I forgetting?

408
00:18:59,308 --> 00:19:01,997
Nothing. You're not forgetting
anything. Let's go.

409
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,608
- Oh, wait, I'm forgetting something.
- What?

410
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:07,478
# I swear that I dreamt

411
00:19:07,871 --> 00:19:09,240
- Let's go get married.
- Yeah.

412
00:19:09,252 --> 00:19:13,388
# Your face on a football
field and a kiss... #

413
00:19:13,428 --> 00:19:15,136
Bottle for Marvin during takeoff.

414
00:19:15,148 --> 00:19:17,249
- Got it, baby.
- And hey, just think,

415
00:19:17,277 --> 00:19:18,927
one week from right now...

416
00:19:18,952 --> 00:19:21,325
- We'll be in Italy.
- We'll be in Italy.

417
00:19:21,356 --> 00:19:25,519
Okay... I got to go, baby. I love you.

418
00:19:26,385 --> 00:19:28,419
You still haven't told her.

419
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:29,865
No.

420
00:19:30,029 --> 00:19:32,051
This is
face-to-face news.

421
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,942
Good luck with that...

422
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,028
Your Honor.

423
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:40,554
# Don't go thinking you gotta be tough #

424
00:19:40,578 --> 00:19:42,616
# To bleed like a stone

425
00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:44,362
Hello.

426
00:19:45,038 --> 00:19:46,946
# Could be there's nothing else... #

427
00:19:46,959 --> 00:19:49,287
- You want me to grab your bag?
- Yeah. Thanks.

428
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:56,363
Hey, I don't want to draw
focus from the wedding, so...

429
00:19:56,407 --> 00:19:58,380
don't tell anyone about Chicago.

430
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:02,337
It's a major city with a bunch of
sports teams and some pretty good pizza.

431
00:20:02,345 --> 00:20:04,645
I think people know about Chicago.

432
00:20:06,189 --> 00:20:08,206
What time do you leave on Monday?

433
00:20:08,217 --> 00:20:09,356
Early.

434
00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:11,682
Gonna have to head back
to the city Sunday night.

435
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,519
How are you going to get back?

436
00:20:14,371 --> 00:20:16,393
Guess I'll take the train.

437
00:20:25,042 --> 00:20:28,527
# Remember walking a
mile to your house #

438
00:20:28,543 --> 00:20:31,576
# A glow in the dark

439
00:20:33,045 --> 00:20:36,615
# I made a fumbling
play for your heart #

440
00:20:36,639 --> 00:20:39,474
# And the act struck a spark

441
00:20:41,111 --> 00:20:43,138
# You wore a charm on the chain #

442
00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:47,100
# That I stole especial for you #

443
00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:52,611
# Love's such a delicate
thing that we do #

444
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,341
# With nothing to prove

445
00:20:56,576 --> 00:21:01,046
# Which I never knew.

446
00:21:02,603 --> 00:21:06,046
Hi. One ticket to Farhampton, please.

