1 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,107 Narrator: Kids, barney and robin's wedding turned out 2 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,476 To be a life-changing weekend for all of us. 3 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,277 Well, not just us. 4 00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,013 One ticket to farhampton, please. 5 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,881 Narrator: But I'll get to that. 6 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,116 (horn honks) 7 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,518 Who are you honking at? You. 8 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,487 You're going 40 in a 65. 9 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:23,722 Pick it up, grandma! 10 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,724 Look, I'm happy to rock it up into the 50s, 11 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:29,294 But I'm gonna need a hand... Or two. 12 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,497 Oh, no. Not the driving gloves. 13 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,132 In 99.9% of highway accidents, 14 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,467 The driver was not wearing gloves. 15 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,668 Because they're stupid. 16 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,203 They don't help you drive better. 17 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,072 That's why no one wears them. 18 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:43,175 Then why is it called... The glove compartment? 19 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,344 I am not having this argument again. 20 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:48,080 Now, as you know, a mosby road trip is not only safe, 21 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,081 But informative. 22 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,316 Chiggedy-check it. 23 00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,352 Manhattan to farhampton: 24 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,755 Lil' and ted's excellent adventure? 25 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,590 That baby's stuffed to the rings with fun facts 26 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,993 About our unsung neighbor to the east-- long island. 27 00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:03,362 For instance, just up ahead, the historic 28 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,531 Childhood home of florian van otterloop, 29 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:06,865 The dutch bucklesmith 30 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,867 Who revolutionized the belt industry. 31 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,869 Uh, fun story about that color-blind genius. 32 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,237 When he... Please stop! 33 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,040 Well, I was just gonna slow down for pictures, 34 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:18,177 But that level of enthusiasm can't go unrewarded. 35 00:01:18,201 --> 00:01:26,201 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 36 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,096 (phone chimes) hmm. 37 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,364 Oh, look at my little cousins 38 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:41,066 In their flower girl dresses. 39 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,469 Aw, they'll look so cute next to the ring bear. 40 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:44,870 Yeah. 41 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:48,040 Wait, you said ring bear-er, right? 42 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:49,875 Ring bear. 43 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,310 Ring bear-er. 44 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,978 Ring bear. 45 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,214 Are you planning some crazy stunt 46 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,883 With a dangerous wild animal at our wedding? 47 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,084 (phone chirps) because... 48 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,452 Oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 49 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,954 Oh, boy. 50 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,122 My brother wants to know 51 00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,624 What time he "goes on" at the reception. 52 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,092 What does that mean? 53 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:11,296 Every wedding he attends, james insists on... Performing. 54 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,332 ♪ islands in the stream 55 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,467 ♪ that is what we are 56 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,070 ♪ no one in between... 57 00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:19,671 So? What do you got against k-rodge? 58 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,140 Everybody loves the gambler. 59 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:22,941 Wait for it. 60 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,477 ♪ how can we be wrong? 61 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:29,781 ♪ sail away with me to another world ♪ 62 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:34,086 ♪ and we rely on each other, uh-huh! ♪ 63 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,088 That is nothing. 64 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:38,957 I have invited scherbatskys from all over canada, 65 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,325 And they are canuckin' nuts. 66 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,761 Like my cousin ruth from the yukon. 67 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,130 I don't like to encourage canadian stereotypes, 68 00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:48,333 But that woman practically rides a moose. 69 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,102 (laughs) 70 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,436 Does she actually ride a moose? 71 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,437 Yeah. 72 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,039 And, uh, 73 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,041 I'm worried she'll bring it to the wedding. 74 00:02:56,043 --> 00:03:00,078 She and the moose are... Very close. 75 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,048 Whoa. 76 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:06,451 Every wedding's got a wild card, but we've invited a whole set. 77 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,520 (accordion playing "wedding March") 78 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,129 Someone is gonna ruin this wedding. 79 00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:21,066 It's just a question of... Who. 80 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:24,136 I'm gonna ruin this wedding! 81 00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:25,504 My wife is gonna kill me! 82 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,639 Pilot: Flight attendants prepare for departure. 83 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,908 We were gonna move to Italy for her dream job, 84 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,244 So I brought my son here to minnesota 85 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,613 To see my mom before we left. 86 00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,717 And then I got offered a job as a judge 87 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,119 In new york city, which is my dream. 88 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,989 But that'll totally destroy her dream! 89 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,391 You are destroying a lot of dreams right now. 90 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,928 (phone chimes) 91 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,868 (chuckles) 92 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,904 Wait. 93 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,973 If I got this... 94 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,444 (phone chimes) 95 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,780 (sighs) 96 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,015 Aren't you gonna check that? 97 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,416 No. 98 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,452 It-it's just another obnoxious update 99 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,453 From marshall's mom. 100 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,454 She's been posting 101 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:18,090 These "cute" baby pics of marvin, 102 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,892 But it's all just propaganda. 103 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,527 First, it was "don't move to Italy." 104 00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:26,131 Followed by an extremely subtle guilt trip. 105 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,037 And then, randomly preachy. 106 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,205 Nah, not looking. 107 00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:34,873 It's just gonna piss me off. 108 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,541 Why are we exiting again? 109 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,110 Well, if you turn in your binder 110 00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,711 To the section labeled "mennonite windmills..." 111 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,946 Get back on the expressway now. 112 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,080 (scoffs) 113 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,983 The expressway's for gloveless amateurs. 114 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,151 I'm done. 115 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,986 There's a train station coming up; just drop me off. 116 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,955 Okay, but some newfangled train's not gonna stop 117 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,224 At the 40-foot-tall butter churn in ronkonkoma! 118 00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:55,761 Yes, but unlike any of your 18th-century stops, 119 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:59,097 At least the train will have a 21st-century toilet! 120 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,599 You're a 21st-century toilet! 121 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,667 (gasps) 122 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,668 Train now! 123 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,469 Fine! 124 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,572 Okay, so far, I've got 12 wild cards, 125 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:08,974 Not counting the ring bear. 126 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,075 Ring bear-er. 127 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,310 Oh, oh, here's another one. 128 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,812 You know how I found out that I'm one-quarter canadian 129 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:14,980 But I've completely blocked that out 130 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,748 Because your nation's ridiculous and I'm awesome? 131 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,816 Sure. 132 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,951 Well, turns out, I have a crazy cousin mitch 133 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,186 On that side of the family. 134 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,154 That's funny. 135 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,989 I have a crazy cousin mitch, too. 136 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,991 But I guarantee he is crazier than yours. 137 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,293 He built his own house from timber he chopped down 138 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,095 From other people's houses. 139 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,430 That's funny. 140 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,998 My cousin mitch is a lumberjack. 141 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,801 Except mine has six fingers. 142 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,102 On one hand or total? 143 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,103 Total. 144 00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,039 Are truckers always beating him up? 145 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,941 Yes, because he has to... 146 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,042 Both: ...Hitchhike with his middle finger. 147 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,845 Wait. 148 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,214 Is it possible that we're... 149 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:54,386 Could... C-could... Could we be...? 150 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,887 Shh... 151 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,493 Ranjit, could you be a dear and pull over for a second? 152 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,029 Pulling over! 153 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,098 (both chuckle weakly) 154 00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,902 (both retching) 155 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,804 All right, train. 156 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,974 Let's show your critics you're not just a dumpster on wheels 157 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,476 Full of drunk idiots. 158 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,811 Conductor: We're being held at this station 159 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,146 Until further notice. 160 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,215 I got to sober up. 161 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:36,828 (phone ringing) 162 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,997 Eriksen residence, judy speaking. 163 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,365 Why did you post that judge photo? 164 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,067 Because I'm guilty... 165 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,070 Of being one proud mama! 166 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,005 Lily doesn't know that I took the job, 167 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,407 So if she sees it, I'm dead. 168 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,574 Just take it down, okay? 169 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,609 Fine. 170 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,078 Let me just get on the online 171 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,613 So I can internet. 172 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,115 I love the lingo! 173 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,117 (modem screeching) 174 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,886 Look, mom, just-just... 175 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,021 Click on the photo on your wall, 176 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,690 And then under "menu," click on "options." 177 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,926 Some kind of advertisement popped on. 178 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,528 Oh, my. 179 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,230 That appears to be pornography. 180 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,232 Just click on "options." 181 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,935 (whispering): It's men with other men. 182 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,036 (whispering loudly): Just click on "options"! 183 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,137 Excuse me! 184 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,906 Are there any other seats left on this plane? 185 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:21,940 No. 186 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,074 Hell, I've been going to pilates. 187 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,143 I can just hang on to the landing gear like this. 188 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,144 Sorry, ma'am. 189 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,246 I only signed up for pilates, 190 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,949 I haven't actually started going yet. 191 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,851 I didn't sign up. 192 00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:36,288 Lily: No, I'm not looking. 193 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,291 I don't need to see my child used against me. 194 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:43,261 My sweet, beautiful child who I haven't seen in a week... 195 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,965 Whose head smells like love and unicorn teardrops, 196 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,934 And why are trains so lonely?! 197 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:49,935 Damn it, I'm looking! 198 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,269 Woman: Hey, are you okay? 199 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,138 You look stressed. 200 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,005 Plus, you muttered 201 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,474 A few words out loud. 202 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,409 I heard "lonely" and "unicorn," 203 00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:58,944 Which actually gave me a great idea 204 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,580 For a children's book, so thank you. 205 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,181 Are you okay? 206 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,816 No. 207 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,751 But there's nothing you can do. 208 00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:07,953 Do you want a cookie? 209 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,421 (crying): Yes. 210 00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:10,589 Yes, I do. 211 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:11,923 Wow. 212 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:12,958 You just took a cookie 213 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,693 From a complete stranger on a train. 214 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,027 I like how trusting you are. 215 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,929 There could be drugs or poison in there. 216 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,531 But there's not, is there? 217 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,999 No idea, I found them under my seat. 218 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,000 No! 219 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,468 Kidding! Sorry! 220 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,770 You looked stressed, so I thought you could use a cookie, 221 00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,305 Then I thought you could use a joke. 222 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,040 I should have stopped at the cookie. 223 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:29,941 You know what? 224 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,043 I don't care if these are poisoned. 225 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,478 There's chocolate and peanut butter 226 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,180 And caramel in these sumbitches. 227 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,616 I call them "sumbitches"! 228 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,783 (laughing) 229 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,818 Narrator: And that's how lily 230 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,219 Met your mother. 231 00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:44,623 Are cousin mitch and I directly related? 232 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,124 No, mom, I'm asking 233 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,193 Is cousin mitch a blood relative? 234 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,561 I'm not asking about cousin pete, 235 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,062 I'm asking about cousin robin! 236 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,063 Mitch! 237 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:52,964 Cousin mitch! 238 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,299 Well, just find out from uncle frank 239 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,300 And call me back! 240 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,902 Well, then, go visit cousin cecil 241 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,070 At his sky-diving school and ask him! 242 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,940 Oh, god, he did? 243 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,175 Well, I guess that can happen 244 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,844 No matter how experienced you are. 245 00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,712 I'm so sorry. 246 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,914 (exhales) 247 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,916 My cousin cecil... 248 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,183 Got fired. 249 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,418 (sighs): Oh. 250 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,920 That's a relief. 251 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,988 He was so distraught, he jumped off a bridge; he's dead. 252 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:21,293 Um... I'm so sorry for your loss. 253 00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:25,630 It may be our loss. 254 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,866 (both shudder) 255 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,834 Just click on "options"! 256 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,837 All I see is a man holding a bratwurst! 257 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,105 Oh. 258 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,708 No, the pornography's back. 259 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,476 I said, please turn off all electronic devices. 260 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,379 Oh. (laughs) 261 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,715 This isn't an electronic device. 262 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,450 This is actually a toy. 263 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,085 For my son. 264 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,721 We call it phone-y. (scoffs) 265 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,690 I call you phony. 266 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,893 We can't take off till you hang up. 267 00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,795 Okay, enough. Give me that phone! 268 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,063 Just click on "options." 269 00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,464 I don't see it! 270 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,533 I said, give me the phone! 271 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:02,701 Just click on "options"! 272 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,302 Stop yelling at me! 273 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,470 Just click on "options." 274 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,471 Give me the phone. 275 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:07,739 Click on "options"! 276 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,808 Click on... I have a baby! 277 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,910 Please, I-I have to get to new york. 278 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,478 Yeah, well, you should have thought about that 279 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,579 Before you attacked me. 280 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:15,981 All right, boys, you got this? 281 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,215 Good. 282 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,050 Let's get this bird in the air. Ah, you're both 283 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,518 Banned from this flight. 284 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,457 So I was driving with my friend, who thinks he's 285 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:26,992 "the road trip master." 286 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:30,095 He has leather driving gloves. 287 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,496 Who wears those? 288 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,999 Huge dorks, that's who. 289 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,000 Narrator: Your mother was lying. 290 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,168 She had her own pair. 291 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,603 And he always makes us stop 292 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,506 To see some weird roadside attraction 293 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:44,909 No one except him gives a crap about. 294 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,344 Nerd alert. 295 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,079 Narrator: Kids, you remember the seven-hour detour 296 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,781 On our road trip to disney world 297 00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:52,517 So your mother didn't miss that goat in south carolina 298 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,985 Who could blow smoke rings. 299 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:58,456 And he won't go one mile an hour over the speed limit. 300 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,025 That would drive me crazy. 301 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,994 I would give him a humiliating nickname 302 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,864 Until he stopped driving like a little girl. 303 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,433 Narrator: It was "lady tedwina slowsby." 304 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,935 And it worked. 305 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:14,472 Okay, look, if it's true, if we are... 306 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,974 (gags softly) 307 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,175 You know. 308 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,843 It's really not that big a deal. 309 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,478 Okay, we-we know we won't have kids. 310 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,946 And even if we did, 311 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,848 King joffrey's parents were brother and sister, 312 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,483 And he was a fair and wise leader. 313 00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,986 Yeah. Look, no one ever needs to know but us. 314 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:28,820 Exactly. 315 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:29,988 (both chuckle) 316 00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,189 I know. 317 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:36,294 Barney: We might have to... 318 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,396 Robin: Take care of ranjit. 319 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,532 Hey, you just finished my... 320 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,701 Creepy telepathic murder thought. 321 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,970 Oh, it must be a soul mate thing. 322 00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,172 Unless... 323 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:50,742 It's a weird cousin thing. 324 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,377 (gags softly) 325 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,146 So we'll be good either way, right? 326 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,514 Honey? 327 00:11:56,516 --> 00:12:00,151 That's right... Sweetie. 328 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,587 Now, get over here, you. 329 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:05,990 Gah, just try and stop me. 330 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,571 Aw. Ooh, ooh. 331 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,539 Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm. 332 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,041 Well, I can't wait till tonight. 333 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,209 I have got some 334 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:25,543 Naughty-naughty-naughty things planned. 335 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:26,845 Aw. 336 00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,280 Oh, wow, you have certainly piqued my incest. 337 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,582 Interest. Interest! 338 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:36,054 I still can't believe he dragged me to the childhood home 339 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:39,357 Of some stupid bucklesmith no one's ever even heard of. 340 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,893 Yeah, who cares about florian van otterloop? 341 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,928 I never told you his name. 342 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,396 Sumbitch? 343 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:48,233 I mean, why'd he have to act that way? 344 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,969 He knows I hate how he gets on road trips. 345 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:54,072 It almost seems like he wanted you to storm off. 346 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,940 But we're going to the same place. 347 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,043 There's no reason why he'd want to ditch me. 348 00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,446 Narrator: And suddenly lily remembered that a week ago, 349 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,082 I'd helped robin look for her long-lost locket. 350 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,184 But it was gone. 351 00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,257 Then lily told me the locket actually got stashed 352 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:15,059 In my pencil box, but when I opened it... 353 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:17,095 The locket wasn't there. 354 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,496 Good. 355 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,631 'cause that locket's trouble. 356 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:20,899 How? It's-it's just a friendly, 357 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,066 Innocent wedding gift. 358 00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:23,067 It's not innocent. 359 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,736 Ted, you think 360 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:27,939 If you can get that locket for robin you'll win her back. 361 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:30,575 Lily, I've let it go. 362 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,248 I mean... What? 363 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,817 There's, like, a one percent chance 364 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:41,119 That stella has the locket from when we lived together. 365 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,454 Promise me you didn't call the woman who left you 366 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,658 At the altar so that you could find that locket. 367 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,859 Of course not. 368 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:48,927 I e-mailed her. 369 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,094 Ted. 370 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,296 But stella's living in l.A. Now. 371 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,430 And even if she has it, 372 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:53,798 It's buried in some storage unit. 373 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,099 She said I'd have to fly out there 374 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,968 And look for it myself. 375 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,103 Promise me you aren't about to do that. 376 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:00,872 I promise. 377 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,107 Sumbitch! 378 00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:21,059 You better hope when sweaty finally gets off that phone, 379 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,161 He can get me on the next flight to new york. 380 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,396 I got the password from my mom. 381 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,065 I'm gonna take that photo down myself. 382 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,167 You know, I don't give a damn about your photo. 383 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,502 My daughter is giving a big speech for the model u.N. 384 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,972 At her school, and I'm gonna miss it because of you. 385 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,875 (sighs) 386 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:39,310 Her father and I are separated. 387 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,745 She lives with her dad. 388 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,148 And if I don't make it... 389 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,018 She's never gonna trust me again. 390 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,153 I'm so sorry. 391 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,922 Wow, that worked on you? 392 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,658 Let's hope pit stains is as dumb as you are. 393 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,226 What? Why is this so hard for my mom? 394 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,227 All you do 395 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,062 Is you click the photo, 396 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,031 And then you click on the... 397 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,867 I don't see... I don't see "options." 398 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,003 Just click on "options." 399 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,004 But where is it? 400 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,038 Just click on "options." 401 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,506 Is it up on the toolbar? 402 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,408 Just click on "options." it's not there! 403 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,478 Just click on "options"! 404 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,015 (phone ringing) 405 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,783 Hi, grandma. 406 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:21,119 You-you can explain how cousin mitch is related to us? 407 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,187 Explain, grandma, explain! 408 00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,123 Okay, he married barney's dad's cousin renee, 409 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,724 Who he met selling vachon cakes 410 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:29,127 Outside a curling bonspiel in chicoutimi. 411 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,428 English, grandma, english! 412 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,131 And on our side of the family, he was adopted 413 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,933 Because his real parents were eaten alive 414 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,067 By their sled dogs? 415 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,069 That's awesome! Thanks, grandma. 416 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,238 (both sigh) 417 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,706 So... 418 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,275 So you and I share no dna whatsoever. 419 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,411 Let's change that. 420 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,046 (both moaning) 421 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,814 Ranjit: Don't hold back. 422 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:52,216 This divider is totally soundproof. 423 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:55,586 Go all the way. 424 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,055 Wait till the hotel? 425 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,022 Totally. 426 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,291 Hey, you know what? 427 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,261 I'm not worried about a wild card at our wedding anymore. 428 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,830 Whether it's uncle vic or aunt shelly 429 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:06,898 Or the ring bear. 430 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,466 Ring bear-er. Er. 431 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,802 Whether any of those mammals go rogue, 432 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,472 Our wedding is gonna be legendary. 433 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,108 No "wait for it"? 434 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,310 I've got you. 435 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,013 I don't have to wait for it anymore. 436 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,887 (phone ringing) 437 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,694 (line ringing) 438 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:37,929 It's a long story, 439 00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:40,164 But if we don't beat my friend out to that wedding, 440 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,466 It's gonna be bad. 441 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,935 This is too stressful. I-I need to see marvin! 442 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:46,104 No! You made me promise not to let you look, 443 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,605 Because it's only gonna upset you. 444 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,808 Here, have another sum... Bitch. 445 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,878 No more sumbitches?! 446 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,546 Give me the damn phone! 447 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,115 (both scream) 448 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:59,150 (clamoring) just go to "edit" on the toolbar! 449 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,518 No, "account settings"! 450 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,120 Just click on "options." 451 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,488 Stop! 452 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:06,190 It can't be done. 453 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,193 That photo is etched in eternity. 454 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,863 Long after humanity's reign has ended, 455 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,898 The only traces of our civilization found 456 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,466 By earth's new ape masters will be 457 00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,468 The top of the statue of liberty 458 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,670 And this photo of me pretending to be 459 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:23,341 A judge with a banana gavel. 460 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,476 Well, they'll probably like the banana thing. 461 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,111 The ape masters? 462 00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,981 Sorry. Lily's gonna see it, 463 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:32,650 And we're gonna have the biggest fight of our lives. 464 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:36,087 (chuckles) oh, I wish I could see your wife kick your ass. 465 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,489 I don't mean a physical fight. 466 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,590 She's not an animal. 467 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,926 I'm sorry I tried to bite you. 468 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,562 I'm sorry that I swatted you on the nose 469 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,897 With a rolled-up magazine. 470 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:48,232 It's the only way I'll learn. 471 00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:54,572 Look, I haven't seen my baby in a week. 472 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,674 You know what? 473 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,142 Go for it. 474 00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:09,053 It's gone! 475 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,588 It's gone! (all cheering) 476 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,722 You did it! 477 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,525 You did it! (laughs) 478 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,362 No new insulting marvin photo. 479 00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:20,131 Hmm. 480 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:24,902 (voice breaks): No new insulting marvin photo. 481 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,438 I know I'm just a stranger on a train 482 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,476 Who you tried to bite, but... Do you want a hug? 483 00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:53,664 (lily yells) 484 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,300 Lily! What the hell?! 485 00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,140 Ted and I had some road trip issues. 486 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,075 Did he put on the gloves? Mm-hmm. 487 00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:05,409 That tackle was justified. 488 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,112 What's this? It's for you. 489 00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,914 Don't open it. 490 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,119 Ted: With all the big changes coming up, 491 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,655 I just wanted robin to remember her friends. 492 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,458 We all want nothing but happiness for you and barney. 493 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,059 Right, lily? 494 00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,929 Right. 495 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,098 Oh, wow. 496 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,332 That was, what, eight years ago? 497 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,333 Yeah. 498 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,369 Eight years. 499 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,272 Thanks, ted. 500 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,680 I'm gonna... I'm gonna get checked in. 501 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:46,551 Marshall's flight just took off. 502 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,152 My boys will be here soon. 503 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:50,121 Oh, yay. 504 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,023 Narrator: Actually, lily's boys were just learning there was 505 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:55,126 Only one more flight out to new york with one seat left, 506 00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:57,061 And it was all the way across the airport. 507 00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:17,748 You're not gonna tackle me again, are you? 508 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,083 I'm the maid of honor. 509 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,918 There's a good chance that won't be 510 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,353 My only tackle of the weekend. 511 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,988 Narrator: It wasn't. 512 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,190 Look, I'm sorry. 513 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,026 I just got it in my head that you somehow managed 514 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,028 To track down that locket in los angeles, 515 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:33,030 And now you were gonna blow up the wedding. 516 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,799 You really think I'm that crazy? 517 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,269 (sighs) I guess that's fair. 518 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:42,206 Look, even though I was wrong, tell me you aren't thinking 519 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:44,875 About doing anything insane this weekend. 520 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,911 Of course not. 521 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,513 Narrator: And all I can say, kids, 522 00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:53,050 Is at that moment, I really thought I meant it. 523 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:56,954 But the truth is... You never know 524 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,023 Who's gonna be the wild card at a wedding. 525 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:10,568 Hi. One ticket to los angeles, please. 526 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:14,038 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org