1
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,805
Narrator: That afternoon
at the farhampton inn,
2
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,375
Aunt lily and I
tried to check in.
3
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,542
Are you chewing gum?
4
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,777
You never chew gum.
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,712
You shouldn't chew gum
in here.
6
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,382
Nobody cares if
I chew gum, ted.
7
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:17,449
Are you chewing gum?
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,284
Yes, she is.
She's chewing gum.
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,619
Ooh, can I have a piece?
10
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,354
Of course!
Great.
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00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,389
Thank you.
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00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,656
Okay, let's chew some gum
13
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,325
And get you guys
all checked in.
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00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,360
Ms. Aldrin, how many
keys will you need?
15
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,361
Two, please.
16
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,396
My husband's
getting in later.
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00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,031
Excellent, and mr. Mosby?
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00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,065
Uh, just one, please.
19
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:36,168
Oh, oh, I-I see.
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00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,070
Oh.
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00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,072
Well, hang in there.
22
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You'll find somebody.
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Thank you,
front desk stranger.
24
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,046
I'm sorry, we just... We just
don't get a lot of singles here.
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00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,080
I mean,
look at this place.
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00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,681
It's so romantic.
27
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:53,085
Countless babies conceived
within these walls.
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00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,554
And one... Grisly murder.
29
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:56,688
Now, are you sure
that you wouldn't
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00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,525
Feel more comfortable
staying at a motel?
31
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What? No, look.
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I'm not some miserable,
lonely person.
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00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,096
Tell him, lily.
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00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,697
It's a tough
weekend for him.
35
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:06,832
Bro.
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00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,434
We're here
for a wedding.
Ouch.
37
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,236
And he used to
date the bride.
Ooh, mama.
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00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,238
And he's the best man.
Devastating.
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00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,773
Could you please
just check us in?
40
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,408
Oh, your rooms aren't
gonna be ready for hours.
41
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,077
But in the meantime,
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00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:20,512
Ms. Aldrin, I definitely think
43
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,581
You and your husband should
check out the lighthouse.
44
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,350
It's a beautiful view
of the bay-- so romantic.
45
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,351
Oh, wow.
46
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Here's the channel guide
47
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,688
For the tv.
48
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,924
Don't listen
to him, ted.
49
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,293
(phone ringing)
you are not alone.
50
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,196
In fact, this
whole weekend,
51
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,631
It is going to be
nothing but me and...
52
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,100
Marshall!
53
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,267
Oh, thank god,
you're on your way.
54
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,136
If I had to be here alone,
I would kill myself.
55
00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,585
Marshall missed
his flight.
56
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,253
He might not get
here tonight.
57
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,755
He might not
get here at all.
58
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:04,957
We...
59
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:07,960
Only have a few
of these left.
60
00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,397
Hi...
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00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:13,398
Linus.
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00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,100
Here's how this goes down.
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00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,569
If I'm going to make it through
this weekend without my husband,
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00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,671
I need you to hook a lady up.
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00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,174
Any time you see me
without a drink in my hand,
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00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,276
You put a drink in my hand.
67
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,246
Are you my guy, linus?
68
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:29,581
So you want the kennedy package?
69
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,016
Bingo.
70
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:34,486
(phone rings)
go for barney.
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00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:37,289
Ah.
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00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,858
Thank you linus.
73
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,260
Barney,
before you get too upset,
74
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,495
There's another flight
that leaves in five minutes.
75
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,097
You're getting on it.
I'm gonna try.
76
00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:46,498
There is no try!
77
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,866
You're getting on that plane.
78
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,701
Hey, growth spurt.
79
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,604
If there is only one seat
left on this plane,
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00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,439
I will fight you for it.
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00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,508
And I'm a biter.
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00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,110
Marshall, whoever that is,
grab her carry-on
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00:02:58,112 --> 00:02:59,678
And throw it
into a restricted area.
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00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,313
I'm serious. Do it.
Do it now.
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00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,881
What? No.
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00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:03,949
Barney, are you...?
87
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,450
No, I'm not gonna...
88
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,652
That's... No.
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00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,787
There is no
"what, no, barney, are you,
90
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,789
No I'm not gonna, that's no!"
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00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,958
This is a holiday weekend.
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00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,894
You're not gonna get
to new york by being nice.
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00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,230
So you're gonna have
to lose the whole midwestern
94
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,798
Aw-shucksy-doodles thing...
95
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:20,899
Shucksy doodles?
96
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,334
...And act like a new yorker.
97
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,736
A pushy, obnoxious,
knock-the-other-guy-down-
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00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,239
And-take-his-hot-dog resident
of the greatest city on earth!
99
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,740
No can do, barney.
100
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:29,975
I'm from minnesota,
101
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,144
Where there's plenty of hot dogs
for everyone.
102
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:36,315
Perhaps even too many.
103
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,382
But listen,
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00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,917
I'm gonna get to new york
105
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,252
Without being a jerk.
106
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,020
Just get to new york!
107
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,021
I'll get to new york!
108
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,590
Nobody's getting to new york.
109
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,091
Not this weekend anyway.
110
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,660
There's a big storm
rolling up the east coast.
111
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,662
All the airports
are closing.
112
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,365
My advice is
rent a car and drive.
113
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,533
But you better hurry.
114
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,368
They're gonna
run out of cars soon.
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(groans)
116
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,238
Okay, listen.
117
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,572
If we're both
going to new york,
118
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,875
Why don't we rent a car,
split the drive?
119
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,677
That seems like
a reasonable plan.
120
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,013
Can I help you with
that diaper bag?
121
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,249
Sure. Thank you.
Oh, it's...
122
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,153
Have a nice bus ride,
pumpkin head!
123
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,159
(panting)
124
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:27,599
Hey, lady.
125
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,401
Yeah, you just threw away
your ticket
126
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,902
To a really great road trip.
127
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,238
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
128
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,374
You're all the way back there,
129
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,609
And I'm all the way
up here.
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00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,911
(laughing)
oh, you can hear me.
131
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,547
Get ready to be driving
the jealous-mobile
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00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,650
Because our car is
gonna have games,
133
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,552
Snacks, a james patterson
audio book
134
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:51,256
My mother describes as
"cluttering her glove box."
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00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:54,326
Your car? I'll be in pittsburgh
before you get your car.
136
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,995
We'll see about that.
137
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,930
And if you're going to new york,
you're not gonna want
138
00:04:58,932 --> 00:04:59,998
To go through pittsburgh.
139
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,433
94 backs up around allentown,
140
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,935
So you're gonna want
to stick on 80.
141
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,237
Jerk face!
142
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,608
Come on, universe.
143
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,476
I'm a nice guy.
144
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,278
Send me a miracle.
145
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,615
Narrator:
And then the universe sent
your uncle marshall...
146
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:19,384
Herm.
147
00:05:19,408 --> 00:05:25,408
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
148
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,027
Okay, people, let's move
it along. What do you want?
149
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,029
You want a car? You got a car.
Beat it.
150
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,364
What kind of car
do you want?
151
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,433
Too slow, you get a minivan.
152
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,768
Next. Ah, midsize sedan.
153
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,203
Incoming. Next.
154
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,938
Yes!
You want a gas option?
155
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,506
Nobody wants a gas option.
Get out of here.
156
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,541
Next.
157
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,776
Hello. I need a car.
158
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,212
You've got it.
That's all of them.
159
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,281
We're all out of cars,
everybody.
160
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:50,849
Wait, no!
161
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,351
You let this guy beat you?
162
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,119
Ma'am, it's not a race.
163
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,955
That right there
is why you lost.
164
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,225
Maybe this is your fault.
165
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,460
Did you ever think of that?
166
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,828
Maybe if you
had just been
167
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:05,197
A little bit nicer,
then you would be
168
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,898
The one driving this lovely...
169
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,867
What kind of car is it?
170
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,670
Narrator:
Now, kids, I don't remember
the actual name of this car,
171
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,338
But to an environmentalist
like marshall,
172
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:16,174
This car was a monstrosity.
173
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:19,244
2006 monstrosity.
174
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,079
♪ monstrosity
175
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:24,750
♪ 'cause global warming's
not real. ♪
176
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,152
Oh, no, not a monstrosity.
177
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,154
I'll take it.
I can't drive that.
178
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,922
I can. Give me the monstrosity.
179
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,358
Do you have anything else?
I'll take the monstrosity.
180
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,427
There's nothing else.
Give me the keys, old man!
181
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:36,995
It's just so freaking huge!
182
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,064
Well, actually it's
a monstrosity sport,
183
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,032
So it's a little smaller.
184
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,001
♪ monstrosity sport
185
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,737
♪ it's still freaking huge.
186
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,272
Fine. I'll take it.
187
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,940
But I'm also gonna need
a baby seat.
188
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,243
We're all out of baby seats.
Get out of here.
189
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,844
Oh, my god--
what am I gonna do?
190
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,079
I don't care.
191
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,081
(groans)
192
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,315
Can I make a suggestion?
193
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,618
I rent the car,
194
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:02,287
Then I go buy the car seat,
come back here,
195
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:05,257
Pick you guys up,
and then the three of us
196
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,958
Drive to new york together.
197
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,860
(laughs quietly)
198
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,229
Let me get this straight.
199
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,598
So, you're gonna
rent the car,
200
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,601
Go and get a baby seat
for my son,
201
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:20,205
And then drive all the way
back here to pick me up.
202
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,540
That's right.
203
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,476
Well, then you're
gonna need some cash. Here.
204
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,545
Hundred bucks ought to cover it.
205
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,879
So, we'll see
you soon.
206
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,648
You got it, michael!
Marshall.
207
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,950
Doesn't matter now, does it?
208
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,322
Remember this day, marvin.
209
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,626
Not only is this the day
that we either saw prince
210
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,063
Or a... A really flamboyantly
dressed greyhound,
211
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:48,767
It's also the day that your dad
chose not to be a jerk...
212
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:51,436
And put his trust in humanity.
213
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:54,005
Just watch where it gets us.
214
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,077
Shucksy-doodles!
215
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,017
Narrator: Uncle marshall
was just about ready
216
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,419
To abandon
his faith in humanity.
217
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,087
But let's back up a little bit.
218
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:13,258
And now the true tale
of the stinson curse.
219
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:17,195
Barney:
Moscow, 1807.
220
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,197
(russian accent):
What a wonderful night
at the opera.
221
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,199
Wouldn't you agree,
comrade barnovski?
222
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,602
(russian accent):
I would indeed,
comrade jamesokoff.
223
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,771
But you know what made it
truly wonderful?
224
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:29,441
Being here with my wife...
225
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:33,144
The beet in my borscht,
the fur on my hat,
226
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:38,283
The only person I've ever
been attracted to, ever.
227
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,385
I feel the same way
about kyle...
228
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,454
My plutonic friend
from work.
229
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,222
(clattering)
230
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,959
Is it just me, or did that feel
like we hit an old gypsy woman?
231
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,694
Yep. Old gypsy woman.
232
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,397
Good call, barnovski.
Oh, well, she's just a peasant.
233
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,498
Home, smirnoff.
234
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,834
Wait, she's
saying somethink!
235
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,202
(low, deep moan)
236
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,937
Hornier.
237
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,707
Hornier.
238
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,176
Hornier?
239
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,045
Sonobovich!
240
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,214
Did she just put a curse on us?
241
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,749
Eh, nonsense, brother.
242
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,652
Okay, let's go, smirnoff.
243
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,719
Smirnoff?
244
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:18,924
Homina, hominovich. Mmm,
245
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:23,562
Smirnoff, I would climb you
like the kremlin wall.
246
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,096
What's happening to me?
247
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,766
Don't you see?
You're getting hornier, brother,
248
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,268
Just like
the old gypsy woman said!
249
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,570
Oh, hello there.
250
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:36,641
(chuckles) ever had
a white russian?
251
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:42,047
Barney:
For the next 200 years,
252
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,716
Every male member
of the stinson family
253
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:47,752
Was afflicted
by the gypsy's curse,
254
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,287
An unquenchable thirst
for booty
255
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:53,391
That no committed relationship
could ever satisfy.
256
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,694
That is, until my brother james
257
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,696
Met his husband tom.
258
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,599
The day they got married,
they lifted the curse forever,
259
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,601
Freeing me from the shackles
260
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,703
Of having sex
with lots of different women.
261
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,770
Although, sometimes
262
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,539
Robin and I still use
the shackles.
263
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:08,573
Bondage five!
264
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,141
Whoa.
I can't, I can't,
265
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,209
I can't.
266
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,111
(phone rings)
go for barney!
267
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:15,880
Ah.
268
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:19,284
Thank you, linus.
269
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,919
This is worse
than I thought.
270
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,787
I know.
Showtime, no hbo?
271
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,055
James:
No.
272
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:27,726
Tom and I are getting divorced.
273
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:28,927
What?
Ted:
What?
274
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,296
That's why you look
extra handsome.
275
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,131
I do get extra hot
when I'm single.
276
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,232
Your skin looks amazing.
277
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,567
Looks amazing.
I know.
278
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:37,802
So... So what happened?
Why-why'd you guys break up?
279
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,437
Well, the thing to remember
280
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,939
Is that when something
like this happens,
281
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,007
It's nobody's fault.
282
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,009
You cheated on him.
Repeatedly.
283
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,511
I thought about
keeping it quiet,
284
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:49,614
But then I realized,
wouldn't my family want me
285
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:53,118
To be honest with them
about news this big?
286
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,521
Oh, can I just say five things?
287
00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:01,826
What is the matter with--
sorry, six-- you?!
288
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,828
Ooh! What?!
289
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,598
I'm-I'm sorry
about you and tom,
290
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,967
But you can't just drop
a bombshell like this
291
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,435
So close to
someone's wedding.
292
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,104
You broke the curse.
You and tom
293
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,272
Are the only couple
294
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,874
That makes barney
believe in marriage.
295
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,209
(chuckles) really?
The only couple?
296
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,379
I mean, no one else
comes to mind?
297
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,281
Been together 17 years?
298
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,984
She's a spunky redhead,
he's got calves
299
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,520
That launched a thousand
lady boners?
300
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:29,721
Barney:
Hey, sorry about that.
301
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,122
Hey, did you guys know
302
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,626
That Sunday is james' and tom's
anniversary?
303
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:36,628
How cool is that?
304
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:37,829
We're anniversary bros!
305
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,631
Every year, we should go out
and celebrate...
306
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,899
Just the two of us.
307
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,867
Listen, bro, you...
308
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,236
I know, I know, "please, barney,
309
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,506
You don't have to get us
an anniversary gift this year."
310
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:49,708
You get them an
anniversary gift?
311
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,242
Why shouldn't I?
They're the one couple
312
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,911
That makes me believe marriage
is possible.
313
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,813
I mean, I'm sitting right here.
314
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:57,582
Thank you, linus.
315
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,384
James:
Barney, the thing is...
316
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,754
Cover your ears and hum "the
battle hymn of the republic."
317
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:03,922
Why?
318
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,524
It's for the bride.
319
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,926
Oh, it's for... (humming)
320
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,194
Okay, listen, james,
321
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,862
My cousin vince
is a mountie.
322
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,598
His girlfriend is back home,
but he gets gay at weddings.
323
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,266
He's yours.
I am giving you vince.
324
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,935
Just please,
don't tell barney.
325
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,369
If he finds out
that the only
326
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,938
Successful marriage
in his life is over...
327
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,239
I hate everyone
at this table.
328
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,240
...It'll spook him.
329
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,508
I don't want him
getting spooked.
330
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,710
Robin, have some faith.
331
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:28,480
Do you really think what you
and barney have is that fragile?
332
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,583
I don't want to find out.
333
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,118
Fine.
334
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,222
Thanks, baby.
335
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,757
No sweat.
Mmm...
336
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,526
So, james, seriously,
where's tom?
337
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:42,761
He can't make the wedding.
338
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,129
He had his wisdom teeth out.
339
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:45,530
Ugh! On top of a divorce?
340
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,664
That is rough.
341
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,534
Uh-oh.
342
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,470
What is she talking about?
343
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,707
Tom and I are getting a divorce.
344
00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:00,845
Excuse me.
345
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:08,119
Vince... Off the table.
346
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:18,296
What was that?
I don't know.
It just came out.
347
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,931
That's it.
It's barely even noon.
348
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,599
You're cut off.
349
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,168
Thank you, linus.
350
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:25,804
Thank you, linus.
351
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,406
Thank you, linus.
352
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,075
Thank you, linus.
353
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,610
Thank you, linus.
354
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,512
Okay, but after that one,
you're cut off!
355
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,950
No! No, you are not doing this.
Step away from the desk.
356
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,118
What are you talking about?
357
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,686
You just found out
about james and tom,
358
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,088
And it totally freaked you out,
and now you're asking this guy
359
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,256
To point you in the direction
360
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,457
Of the nearest,
dirtiest strip club.
361
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,593
Oh, well,
that-that's a tough one.
362
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,262
Uh, the nearest one
that's-that's kind of dirty
363
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,831
Is the sand box,
364
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,767
But the, uh...
The dirtiest one that's nearby
365
00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:57,535
Is the crab shed.
366
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,670
Dude.
367
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:01,272
Sorry. Uh, but hey,
if-if you do go,
368
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,308
Maybe you could take ted.
369
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,843
I'm really worried
about that kid.
370
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:08,780
No, robin, I am not
going to a strip club.
371
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:10,114
Especially right now.
372
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,117
Could you imagine
the day shift at the crab shed?
373
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,154
Robin...
374
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,057
I came to the desk to get this.
375
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,792
Is that the key to our room?
376
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:22,360
It's the key to james's room.
377
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,500
Oh, my.
378
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,869
What is that?
379
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,237
It's an erotic cake.
380
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,172
I wanted to surprise them
for their anniversary.
381
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,640
Is that... Is that
james and tom?
382
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:39,510
Mmm, caramel marzipan,
chocolate marzipan.
383
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,045
I love chocolate
marzipan.
384
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,715
So does tom.
Used to anyway.
385
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,152
This is, uh, absolutely the,
uh... The weirdest thing
386
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:50,722
Anyone has ever done
for their sibling.
387
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,325
I love you so much.
388
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,428
You thought I was
gonna freak out.
389
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,931
Well, I mean, a gypsy
cursed your family
390
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,901
To become hornier and do
awesome guitar solos.
391
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,602
Can you blame me?
392
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:07,105
Look, am I bummed about james
and tom getting a divorce?
393
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,241
Obviously.
But I don't need them
394
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,577
To make me believe
in true love anymore.
395
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,045
I've got you for that now.
396
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,880
Mmm.
397
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:19,350
Oh, man, now I gotta figure out
what to do with all this stuff.
398
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,552
Well, before we do that...
399
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,589
Um, would it be all
right if I nibbled
400
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,925
On your brother's
ding dong?
401
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,627
How about we nibble
402
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:33,464
On my brother's
ding dong together?
403
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,266
I'd like that.
404
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,437
Narrator:
So, they cleaned all that stuff
out of there
405
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,205
And had a talk with james.
406
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,742
And barney didn't freak out,
because here's the thing, kids.
407
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:48,513
When you believe in people,
people come through.
408
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:56,287
Just so we're clear,
I pick the music.
409
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,555
Of course.
410
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,623
Say it.
411
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,258
Say, "daphne picks the music."
412
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,160
Daphne picks the music.
413
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,394
And you pay for gas.
414
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,096
Are you kidding?
Do you have any idea
415
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,397
How much gas this thing takes?
416
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,565
(engine revs)
no, no, okay!
417
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:08,900
Okay, I pay for gas.
418
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:10,435
Good. Now, get in.
419
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,270
It's a long ride to phoenix.
420
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,838
Say what?
421
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,174
(laughs)
I'm just kidding.
422
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,176
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
423
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:25,016
This must be the singles table.
424
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,519
(chuckles)
guess it is.
425
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,290
Well, it's kind of nice
to be asking this question
426
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,758
Instead of answering it
for a change:
427
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,826
How are you doing?
428
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,594
I don't know.
429
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,330
I'm trying to be happy
for my brother,
430
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,099
But, uh... I guess a person
431
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,967
Has a different
perspective on weddings
432
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:46,270
When he knows what's down there
at the end of the aisle.
433
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,374
It's not all
champagne and frosting.
434
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:53,611
Mr. Stinson, your room is ready.
435
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,380
And, ted...
436
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,548
She's right around the corner.
437
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,117
Thank you, curtis.
438
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,952
I feel it, too.
439
00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:02,620
No, no, no, the-the housekeeper.
440
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,689
She's in the room that's right
around the corner from yours.
441
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,790
Oh.
So another hour, tops.
442
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,026
Sure.
443
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,694
Okay, see you later, ted.
444
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,195
You're not
giving up, james.
445
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:14,065
And neither am I.
446
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,381
(footsteps approach)
447
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,416
Ted:
Hey, beautiful.
448
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,417
Hi.
449
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,419
God, you look great.
450
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,254
What? Come on.
451
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,321
You do!
452
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,223
I've been in a car all morning.
453
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,493
I just ate a croissant crumb
that I found in my bra.
454
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,861
I'm disgusting.
455
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,898
Yeah, I saw you do that.
And it was super hot. Come here.
456
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,433
(chuckles)
you come here.
Come here.
457
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,269
No, you come here.
Come here.
458
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,004
Hey, you want to hear
something funny?
459
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:54,038
Mm-hmm.
460
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,340
One year ago today,
almost to the minute,
461
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,576
I was sitting
at this very table
462
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,977
Right in that seat.
463
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,514
Oh, yeah. I can see it.
464
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,917
Nursing your gin and tonic
with three extra limes,
465
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,852
Doing the crossword,
466
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,388
Probably being
all showboat-y about it.
467
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,389
I wasn't being
showboat-y about it.
468
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,158
"vesuvius."
boo-yah!
469
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,096
Oh, wait, that doesn't fit.
470
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,398
The point is,
one year ago today,
471
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,935
I made a promise to myself
right at this table.
472
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,104
The mother:
What was the promise?
473
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:30,608
Both teds:
I'm coming back,
and I'm bringing you.
474
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,577
Wait a second.
Hold it.
475
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:35,780
One year ago today,
you hadn't even met me.
476
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,849
I know, but I knew I would.
477
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,751
And now it's a year later.
478
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,420
And here I am.
479
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:43,754
Here you are.
480
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,256
Love in your eyes,
481
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,091
Baked goods
in your undergarments.
482
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,092
Yeah.
483
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,394
You picked a real winner, mosby.
484
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,997
I did.
485
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,434
Okay, seriously, what the crap
486
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,436
Is taking so long
with these rooms?
487
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,338
It was like this
last year.
488
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,140
I'll be right back.
489
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,375
I'll be right here.
490
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:24,795
Sorry that took so long.
491
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,130
Please...
492
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,999
Try to enjoy your stay.
493
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,967
I will.
494
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,102
Try to.
495
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:34,839
I will enjoy my stay.
496
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,940
Try.
497
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,608
Not gonna try.
498
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:40,778
Just... Just gonna do it.
499
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:41,779
Good for you.
500
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:42,813
Not good for me.
501
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:46,284
No, just-just neutral for me.
502
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,719
Attaboy.
No, at not a boy.
503
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:52,623
It gets better.
504
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,126
I am fine, curtis. Okay?
505
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:58,296
I enjoy and appreciate
the happiness of other people
506
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,966
Whether I am in a relationship
or not. Okay? Curtis?
507
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,134
So just-just...
508
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:05,536
Just go ahead
and give me my one key
509
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,438
Because I am fine.
510
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:23,521
Oh, come on!
I need another drink.
511
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,256
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