1 00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,169 Narrator: Kids, as you know, lily and marshall had decided 2 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,505 To move to rome after barney and robin's wedding. 3 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,773 We're going to Italy. 4 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,274 Si. 5 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:10,709 But without telling lily, 6 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,112 Marshall had then accepted a judgeship in new york. 7 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:15,647 Good luck with that... Your honor. 8 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,117 Until his always-helpful road trip companion 9 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,819 (phone ringing) daphne had selflessly come to his aid. 10 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,821 You texted lily that I took the job? 11 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,056 You're welcome. 12 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,124 You were torturing yourself 13 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,392 Figuring out how to tell her, 14 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,826 I just broke the ice for you. 15 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,461 I was standing on that ice. 16 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,230 Now I'm gonna be bobbing, 17 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,565 Facedown on a frigid creek. 18 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,335 I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife. 19 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:39,972 And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong. 20 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:43,842 Hi, baby. 21 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,811 I can't believe you did this behind my back. 22 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,679 I know, I should have talked to you. 23 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,181 Thanks to you, we are stuck 24 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:52,351 All weekend in the room with a ghost in it. 25 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,486 Room with a...? 26 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,755 We got 13? 27 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,324 The room that's haunted by the ghost of captain dearduff? 28 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,593 Who got the who with the what now? 29 00:01:01,617 --> 00:01:07,617 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 30 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,408 Narrator: Marshall had recently discovered 31 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,243 That the farhampton inn was featured 32 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,013 In an episode of the ghost network's original series, 33 00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:23,715 True & real ghost stories of the supernatural. 34 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,250 Ooh, there, see? 35 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,618 The farhampton inn. 36 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,120 I told you it sounded familiar. 37 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,022 Tv narrator: In 1843, 38 00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:32,925 The streets of farhampton, long island 39 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,560 Were stalked by a vicious killer 40 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:37,463 Named captain blazeby dearduff. 41 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:41,066 Dubbed "dearduff the hooker," he murdered dozens 42 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,103 Of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. 43 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,438 Ironically that hook 44 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,407 Would prove dearduff's own undoing 45 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:51,210 (laughing maniacally) one wintry night in room 13 46 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,745 Of the farhampton inn. 47 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,814 (fly buzzing) (grunting) 48 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,551 (yells) 49 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,820 Uh-oh. 50 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,423 He was found the next morning, frozen to death. 51 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,925 Man: Boom! 52 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:10,762 Some say you can still hear captain dearduff's cries coming 53 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,131 From room 13. 54 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,298 Cold. 55 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,101 So cold. 56 00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:19,671 Help me... Help me... 57 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,742 Man: We can see you, ron. 58 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,345 Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg 59 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:29,281 And the scrape of his hook. 60 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:31,083 Others say dearduff the hooker was just 61 00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:33,852 A popular male prostitute who murdered no one 62 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:37,422 And died of syphilis in 1848. 63 00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,924 Let's hear from some people who have 64 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,260 Actually survived a night in room 13. 65 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,427 (thunder crashing) 66 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,096 Did I see a ghost? 67 00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:45,797 Of course... Woman: Yes. 68 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:46,798 There's... Are. 69 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,600 ...Such thing as ghosts. 70 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,669 (dearduff laughing maniacally) 71 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,040 So, have you seen the ghost? 72 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,342 Not yet, but that might just be 73 00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,279 Because ghosts don't exist, marshall! 74 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,181 So explain the night shirt 75 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:05,017 We saw flying around our cabin in the poconos. 76 00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,352 An owl got stuck in it. 77 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,155 We saw it fly out the neck hole. 78 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,558 Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin. 79 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,328 Plus it's a crappy room, but when I tried to complain... 80 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,964 The thermostat in my room is broken. 81 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,632 The ac won't turn off. 82 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,901 Ooh! 83 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,003 Sounds like the work of captain dearduff. 84 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,739 He brings with him the icy chill of death. 85 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:31,410 So... Bad luck there. 86 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,645 Night-night. 87 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,248 It sounds like you're using captain dearduff 88 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,051 As an excuse for a crappy room. 89 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,185 I beg your pardon. 90 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,354 I did not get to be a 40-year-old night clerk 91 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,089 By making excuses. 92 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,691 Now, if there is anything wrong with your room 93 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:46,858 That isn't ghost-related, 94 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,427 I'm more than happy to address it. 95 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,730 Okay, the wi-fi doesn't work. 96 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,265 Ghosts interfere with electronic devices. 97 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,399 The shower's leaking. 98 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,034 Dearduff likes the sound of dripping. 99 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,737 Reminds him of his bleeding victims. 100 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,339 And the door won't lock. 101 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,074 Captain dearduff doesn't want to... 102 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,742 You know, be locked out of his room. 103 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,611 Why would a locked door keep a ghost out? 104 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,913 Can't he just walk through walls? 105 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,414 Maybe he's afraid of rats. 106 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,350 There are rats in the walls? 107 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,921 No. 108 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,090 And the inn's booked up because of the wedding, 109 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,791 So we can't change rooms. 110 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:23,028 Oh, that sucks. 111 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,696 I'm sorry, baby. 112 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,897 Hey... 113 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,132 But if dearduff does manifest, 114 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,533 You know the proper way to harvest ectoplasm, right? 115 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,702 (phone beeps) 116 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,704 Hey, good news-- we're all set for the dove release. 117 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,439 The what? When we leave the church, 118 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,108 They're gonna release a hundred doves. 119 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,443 It's gonna be avi-wait-for-it-ary. 120 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,778 Aviary! 121 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:40,912 Oh. 122 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,981 That might be a problem. Why? 123 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,416 Because when we leave the church, 124 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,585 A few of the gun enthusiasts in my family 125 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,954 Are gonna fire a 21-gun salute. 126 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,256 (bells tolling, doves cooing) hey, man. 127 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,325 (gunfire) 128 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,564 (dove cooing) oh, look-- one got away. 129 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,266 (gunshot) 130 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,268 Can't you guys just fire blanks? 131 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,337 At a wedding? (laughing) 132 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,506 Yeah, that's romantic. 133 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,909 (thunder rumbling) 134 00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,681 (thunder crashing) 135 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,588 (thunder crashes) 136 00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:27,025 (screams) 137 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,661 (grunts, groans) 138 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,597 Ted! 139 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,833 What the hell are you doing in my room?! 140 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,001 Uh... 141 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,602 Narrator: There was an explanation. 142 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:40,372 You see, after marshall got off the phone with lily, 143 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,940 He'd called me. 144 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,542 (phone rings) 145 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,976 Hey, buddy. What's up? 146 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,346 Ted, listen, I need you to sneak into lily's room, 147 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,648 Find her phone, and delete the last text she got. 148 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,449 Why? What's... 149 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,184 Ted, I need you to do this 150 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,452 No questions asked. 151 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:57,189 And as we both know, you owe me a "no questions asked." 152 00:05:58,224 --> 00:05:59,825 (phone rings) hey. 153 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,160 Ted: Hey. Listen, I need you to do something for me 154 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,296 No questions asked, okay? What is it? 155 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,665 Meet me at the corner of 53rd and 8th. 156 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,301 Bring your drill. (click) 157 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,906 Ted: Marshall. 158 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,176 What the hell? 159 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,745 How did you... 160 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,179 No... 161 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,749 Questions... Asked. 162 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,251 I broke federal law drilling you out of that mailbox. 163 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,153 Hey, I was a man in need. 164 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,889 I know. You were a "priority male." 165 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:31,990 You said you'd 166 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,059 Stop doing that joke after the editor 167 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,094 Of bazooka joe comics rejected it. 168 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,763 That man is a comedy snob. 169 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,097 The point is, 170 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,599 You owe me a "no questions asked." 171 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,434 Okay, okay! I'll delete the text. 172 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,702 Thank you. 173 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,103 I just have to figure out 174 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,738 How to get into lily's room. 175 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,274 Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so... 176 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,609 The drainpipe! What? 177 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,577 There's a drainpipe that runs up near her window, 178 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,546 And, no big deal, I can totally climb it. 179 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,747 I'll call you when it's done. 180 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,882 Her door is unlock... 181 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,683 (click) 182 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,051 Uh... 183 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,287 Marshall wanted me to check on you. 184 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,289 He was worried that you might be scared 185 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,091 All alone in the ghost room. 186 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,793 Remind me to call you next time 187 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,128 Marvin has a nightmare-- you can calm him 188 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:13,965 By bursting into his room with a chain saw and a hockey mask! 189 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,268 Sorry, I didn't want to knock in case you were already asleep, 190 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,537 So I just climbed the drainpipe up to your window. 191 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,238 No big deal. Mm, opened the latch 192 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,274 With this here coat hanger. 193 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,443 I would have called, but, uh... 194 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,546 Well, I didn't know if you'd have your phone handy. 195 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,714 Say, where is that old phone of yours? 196 00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,249 Ted, I am not scared, 197 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,485 So why don't you head back to your room... 198 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,586 (thunder crashes) (screams): Oh... 199 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,421 Kay... 200 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:39,591 Why, I guess you can stay until I fall asleep, 201 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,593 If it'll make you feel better? 202 00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,929 (thunder crashes) a-and... 203 00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,964 Maybe if it'll make you feel even better, 204 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,267 You can sing me a version of marvin's lullaby? 205 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,669 Okay. 206 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,771 Okay. 207 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,740 ♪ night-night, little lily 208 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,743 ♪ no ifs, ands or buts 209 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:03,315 ♪ no peg-legged ghost is waiting ♪ 210 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,117 ♪ to hook out your guts. 211 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,619 Ted! 212 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:08,820 Sorry. Sorry. 213 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,555 Nighty-night. 214 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,159 (ted humming lullaby) 215 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,497 (continues humming lullaby) 216 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,199 (continues humming) 217 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:24,269 Ethereal voice (softly): Cold... 218 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,671 So cold. 219 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,208 Help me. 220 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:34,012 Help me... 221 00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,148 Oh, god, the hooker's here! Ted, 222 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,784 I am not gonna cheat on robin. 223 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,854 But you're a hell of a best man for getting me one, buddy. 224 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,322 Where is she? 225 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,657 All right, I'll take a lap dance. 226 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,726 Can I borrow some sweatpants? 227 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,399 (whispers): Barney, what are you doing in there? 228 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,567 Marshall asked me 229 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,069 To do something for him, no questions asked. 230 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,005 Sidebar-- I forgot to get my cousin david 231 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:01,740 Something for his bar mitzvah last week. 232 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,708 Could you send the hooker to his room? 233 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,911 Wait, marshall called you, too? 234 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:08,547 Narrator: Turns out I wasn't marshall's first call. 235 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,315 Can't you guys just fire blanks? 236 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,350 At a wedding? (laughing) 237 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,019 Yeah, that's romantic. 238 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,253 I just wish I would've 239 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,488 Known about the guns. Well, 240 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,923 I wish I'd known about the doves. 241 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,591 That's the problem with us-- we don't think 242 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,427 About checking in with the other person before doing something. 243 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,595 Honestly, I think 244 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,597 That's what broke us up the first time. 245 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,599 We're both... Lone wolves-- 246 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,868 Always off in our own worlds. 247 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,571 That's not gonna work. 248 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,573 Not in a marriage, no. 249 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,708 What? Sorry, I was thinking about getting the doves 250 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,577 Little kevlar tuxedos, but that's not gonna work-- 251 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,579 There's no time for a fitting. 252 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,947 (phone rings) hey. 253 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,915 Listen, I need you to get to lily's phone 254 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,051 Without her seeing, and delete the last text she got. 255 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,085 Why? What did you... 256 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,420 And I need you to do it 257 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,754 No questions asked. 258 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,825 As you'll recall, you owe me a "no questions asked." 259 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,596 (phone rings) hello? 260 00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,098 Marshall, I need you to rush to the macy's in herald square, 261 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,967 Find the utility closet on the third floor, 262 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,435 And bring me the following things: 263 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,870 A clean pair of underwear, a clean pair of pants, 264 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,406 A box of moist towelettes, hand sanitizer, 265 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,910 And a garbage bag, no questions asked. 266 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,111 You deuced your pants. 267 00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:17,649 Never mind. 268 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:21,086 Ha. You didn't wind up helping me, so it doesn't count. 269 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,487 Yes, I'm the one face! 270 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,155 Who should be embarrassed by that story. 271 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,924 But that wasn't the time I meant. 272 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,459 This was last fall. 273 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,728 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 274 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,096 Are you okay? Yeah, fine. 275 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,931 Th-these quacks said I was... (scoffs) 276 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,800 Unfit to leave on my own. Blah, blah, blah. 277 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,802 "danger to myself." blah, blah, blah. 278 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,105 "whoever signs me out is legally responsible for my actions." 279 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,606 I just need you to sign me out. 280 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:42,641 What the hell happened? 281 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,942 Uh-uh! 282 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,810 I said no questions asked. 283 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,612 W... 284 00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:51,449 Star, clover, horseshoe. 285 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,451 Barney, did you swallow real versions 286 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,053 Of all the lucky charms items? 287 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,923 No... Questions... Asked. 288 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,659 Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. 289 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,994 I just won 50 bucks from a little irish guy on a dare. 290 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,331 Fine, I'll delete the text. 291 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,999 But how am I supposed to get into lily's room? 292 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,301 Easy. The lock on her door is busted... 293 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,970 Air ducts! What? 294 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,272 I'll use the system of air ducts to get in her room, 295 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,441 Just like the bad guy in die hard. 296 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,777 Barney, bruce willis is not the bad guy in die h... 297 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,780 Not important. The point is, the door is not lock... 298 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,615 I'll call you when it's done. 299 00:11:23,617 --> 00:11:25,450 Robin: Anyway, I was saying, 300 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,452 I think we need to be better about talking to each other 301 00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:28,620 Before doing stuff. 302 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:29,721 Can't talk. Doing stuff. 303 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,458 (grunting) (grate clatters) 304 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,460 What is going on? 305 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,896 (groans) 306 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,731 Barney, what are you doing in there? 307 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:43,968 Uh, well, there is a story there. 308 00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:47,238 It involves a trained guatemalan kinkajou, 309 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,240 A bolshoi ballet prima ballerina 310 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,843 And olympic gold medalist duke kahanamoku's surfboard. 311 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,912 Tell her, ted. 312 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,548 Uh... 313 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,516 Uh... 314 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,051 Uh... The kinkajou... 315 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,587 The kinkajou... (knocking) 316 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:06,224 Oh, god, what is it now? 317 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,926 Good evening, ms. Aldrin. 318 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,328 I didn't order room service. 319 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,197 It says right here, room 13. 320 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,332 Lobster, caviar, champagne. 321 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,101 $400?! 322 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,236 I didn't order any of this. 323 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,438 Maybe dearduff the hooker ordered it. 324 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,575 Well, I'm not paying for room service the hooker ordered! 325 00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,411 I've been there. Lily: Okay, 326 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,481 You know what? I need to talk to the manager. 327 00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:33,752 All right, where's that damn phone? 328 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,920 You, too?! 329 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,255 (groans) 330 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,324 (phone rings) 331 00:12:40,292 --> 00:12:41,426 Hey. Marshall: Robin, 332 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,094 I need you to delete the last text 333 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,462 That lily got before she sees it. 334 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,598 Bro, it's my wedding weekend. 335 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,932 Just because you didn't know better 336 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,434 Than to take a naked selfie 337 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,202 While you were in the coldest part of the country... 338 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,771 First, I'm an eriksen. 339 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:55,106 Cold has a plumping effect. 340 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,276 Second, you owe me a "no questions asked." 341 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,713 All right, I'm-I'm at the alley near 22nd and 2nd. Now what? 342 00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,581 Robin: No questions asked. Tell me about that giant trout 343 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:06,084 You and your dad caught ice-fishing that one time. 344 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,753 Well, it was more beast than trout. 345 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,256 Fought us for three hours and nearly dragged us both 346 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,924 Into lake winnibigoshish. 347 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,659 It was this big, and... 348 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,394 (grunts) hey. 349 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,163 Run! 350 00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:26,271 I never asked you who those weirdos were, 351 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,006 Why they kept calling you night falcon 352 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,508 Or even what was in those darts that they were blowing at us. 353 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,177 Your vision came back, didn't it? 354 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,112 (sighs) wuss. 355 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,747 Fine, I'll take care of it. 356 00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:38,283 Just have to figure out how to get into lily's room. 357 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,784 Her door doesn't lock. You can just... 358 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,452 Room service! 359 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,654 Night falcon, you're a genius. 360 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,823 I'll call you when it's done. 361 00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:47,792 Why would he call 362 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,761 You guys before me? Well, dude, 363 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,162 You're not great in a crisis. 364 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,298 What was that story you were prattling on about? 365 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,599 What the hell is a kinkajou? 366 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,100 Okay, let's just find it before she gets back. 367 00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,135 Night clerk: I'm sorry, ma'am. 368 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,137 You ordered it, so you have to pay for it. 369 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,539 Not to mention the room damage you're responsible for. 370 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,041 I've got a report here: 371 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,976 Broken lock, faulty wi-fi, 372 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,345 You've taken several items from the minibar... 373 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,980 There is no minibar. 374 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,348 Stolen minibar. 375 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,317 It's not here. 376 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,185 Well, where else would it be? 377 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,353 Okay. 378 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,489 I think it's time I call my lawyer. 379 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:19,791 Uh-oh. 380 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,465 Okay, we need to get to lily's phone before she sees that text. 381 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,833 I'm on it. Night falcon is on it. 382 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,635 Good thing I packed my unitard. 383 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:31,269 (groans) 384 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,541 (panting) 385 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,143 This is exactly what we always do, isn't it? Yeah. 386 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,379 We were both gonna bolt off and lone wolf it 387 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,915 Without telling the other person a thing. 388 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,918 Why do we do that? I don't know. 389 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,221 Maybe we're just incapable of working as a unit. 390 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,223 (sighs) 391 00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,760 You know... 392 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:59,097 I bet even lone wolves can learn to work together. 393 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,933 I'd like to think so. 394 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:05,937 They could build their little woodland den together. 395 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,172 Roam together. 396 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,574 Hunt together. 397 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,076 Lure prey into a tight corner and... 398 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,379 Both: Snap its limbs with our powerful jaws 399 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,948 And watch the life drain from its eyes. 400 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,017 Both: Aw... 401 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:22,387 Point is, we're gonna make a great team. 402 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,522 We'll just need some practice. 403 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:28,092 Yeah. Yeah, let's prove that we believe in marriage 404 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,527 By working together 405 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,163 To help marshall hide something from his wife. 406 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:39,003 Robin: First, we take position in the lobby. 407 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,108 Barney: Then you cause a distraction. 408 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,977 (silenced gunshot) (vase shatters) 409 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:49,781 Robin: Then you send in a trained dove to grab lily's phone. 410 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,716 Barney: The dove drops the phone into your hand. 411 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,284 You delete the text 412 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,420 And toss it back on the counter. 413 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,956 ♪ 414 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:00,491 Wait. (sighs) 415 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,460 It's absolutely insane... 416 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,763 ...How foolproof this plan is! 417 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,799 Sometimes it's best to just go simple. 418 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,567 Yep. 419 00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,270 (coughing) 420 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,738 Wh-why do you have a gun? 421 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,406 Why do you always have a gun? 422 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,441 (quietly): Where's lily? 423 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,775 She went up 20 minutes ago. 424 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,243 You're kidding. 425 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,412 Courtney dove, no! 426 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,014 I already lost kurt coo-bain! 427 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,149 I can't lose you as well. 428 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,318 Great. How are we gonna get lily's phone back now? 429 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,853 Oh, I already took care of that. 430 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,321 And now I'm rewarding myself 431 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,256 With some of the inn's finest brandy. 432 00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:33,157 Bottoms up. 433 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,158 Well, thank you. 434 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,159 No, no, that's a warning. 435 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,260 The dove's about to... 436 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:38,429 (cooing) 437 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,597 What happened? 438 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,299 Well... 439 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:44,502 I think it's time I call my lawyer. 440 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,404 (phone ringing) 441 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,943 Hi, baby. 442 00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:54,345 You are never gonna believe this, but... (phone chimes) 443 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,115 Uh, someone sent me a text. 444 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:59,751 Ted: Lily, stop! 445 00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:01,452 Why? 446 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,121 Because... 447 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,456 Because... 448 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,958 Narrator: And that's when I realized 449 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,660 That the answer had been there all along. 450 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,063 Throw your phone on the ground and smash it with your foot. 451 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,164 What? No. I need you 452 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,133 To do this no questions asked. 453 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:18,069 You owe me a "no questions asked." 454 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:20,638 Hey, lil. What's... Ted, I need you 455 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,373 To come to my classroom right now 456 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,975 With two dozen cupcakes and a box cutter. 457 00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:25,743 No questions asked. 458 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,745 Lily, I brought the... 459 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,313 Oh-oh, my god. 460 00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,581 Ted, 461 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,750 Put the cupcakes at the feet of their leader, 462 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,052 Then cut me loose. 463 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,753 Don't make eye contact! 464 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,089 (children chanting) 465 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,323 Ted... 466 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:43,628 No... Questions... Asked. 467 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,500 (lily stomping) 468 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,837 Well, interesting that I was the one who fixed everything 469 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,373 Even though marshall called me... 470 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,108 Third. Narrator: Ninth, 471 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,777 As I found out later, but I won't go into it. 472 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,379 The important thing is what happened 473 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,348 Right after the untimely death of lily's phone. 474 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,551 So you're saying you didn't order room service 475 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,253 And you didn't order prison sluts nine? 476 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:13,458 I am saying I did not order room service. 477 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,927 It is done. By me. 478 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,763 Your third call. 479 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,364 Actually, you were... 480 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,700 Thank you. H-how did you do it? 481 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,602 I called in a "no questions asked" with lily. 482 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,937 But, wait, why didn't you do that? 483 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,371 You must have, like, a million of those. 484 00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:29,273 And marshall thought back. 485 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,541 Hello? 486 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,642 Hey, baby, it's me. 487 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,478 Um, can you come bail me out of jail? 488 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,947 I thought I saw bigfoot in central park 489 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,315 And so I tackled him, 490 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:40,585 But it turned out to be russell brand. 491 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,620 Hey... 492 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,957 Oh, do you mind looking up our vaccination records? 493 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:49,594 I tried to hug a raccoon. 494 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,762 Hey, babe, um, 495 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,064 Could you dig up our warranty? 496 00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:55,733 I took the tv apart, and I made 497 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,102 A robot out of it. 498 00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,237 (phone rings) hello? 499 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,471 Hey. 500 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,907 I tackled russell brand again. 501 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,776 I've never asked lily to do anything no questions asked 502 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,578 Because... 503 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,114 I've never wanted to. 504 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,816 She's the love of my life. 505 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:15,686 I never keep anything from her. 506 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,589 (sighs) ted, put lily on the phone. 507 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,059 Hey. It's marshall. 508 00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:26,697 Want to tell me what's going on? 509 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,599 Yes. 510 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,369 I was offered a judgeship in new york. 511 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,104 And I took it. 512 00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:36,941 Even though we already agreed to move to rome. 513 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,010 I'm gonna be a judge. 514 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,080 Lily? 515 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,618 You know, marshall, I don't believe in ghosts, 516 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:51,222 And I'm not sure anyone died in our room, 517 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,724 But someone's going to. 518 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,726 (thunder rumbles) (dearduff laughing manically) 519 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,905 "and I see in your eyes the emerald reefs 520 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,308 "of the primordial seas afroth 521 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,043 "with the first stirrings of life, 522 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,645 "infinite in mystery and miracle. 523 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,147 "forever yours, 524 00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:18,649 "the guy you met at the drugstore an hour ago. 525 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,585 "I heard you give your address to the pharmacist 526 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:23,254 While I was buying foot powder." 527 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,323 Yeah. 528 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,996 Mailed it. 529 00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:38,436 (grunting) no! No! No, no! 530 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,505 (grunts) 531 00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:08,132 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org