1
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:04,103
Narrator: Kids,
barney's mom had this blouse
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,171
That she absolutely loved,
3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,007
But then robin won it
in a poker game,
4
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,109
Which led
to some slight awkwardness.
5
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:13,846
You won the battle...
But I'll win the war.
6
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,848
Game on, bitch.
7
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:19,151
Barney: Please, mom,
I need you to just be cool.
8
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,819
Okay, can you do that for me?
9
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:21,854
For you, yes.
10
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:23,188
And for robin?
11
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,723
(scoffs)
she's gonna be
12
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,658
Your daughter in 33 hours.
13
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:27,626
Daughter in law.
14
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:28,994
Making it illegal
15
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,963
For you not
to treat her like a daughter.
16
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,398
In-lawyered.
17
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:34,466
Please, mom.
18
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,202
All robin wants to do is
put this whole thing behind her
19
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:40,005
So she can get married and
put this whole thing behind her.
20
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,974
Ah! Get-this-over-with-quickly
so-we-can
21
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:45,010
Move-past-how-awkward-it-was
that-I-just-said-that five!
22
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,012
Fine. If robin's ready
to bury the hatchet,
23
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,882
Then I guess
I'm ready to bury the hatchet.
24
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,551
Morning, bitches.
Like my new blouse?
25
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,420
Oh, hell, no!
No, mom. Mom!
26
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,587
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
27
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:03,662
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
28
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,736
Narrator: Kids, not far
from the farhampton inn,
29
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:11,737
There's a lighthouse.
30
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,672
It's a really special place,
31
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,108
And that morning
I wanted to see it for myself.
32
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,342
There was just one problem.
33
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,711
Look, I'm sorry, ted, but-but
34
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,347
I can't in good faith send
a lonely guy like yourself
35
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,583
To the top
of a very romantic,
36
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,419
And more to the point,
a very tall lighthouse.
37
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,288
(whistles, blows raspberry)
38
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,924
I don't want your blood
on my hands,
39
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,893
And I mean that literally,
because it would be my job to...
40
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,129
To hose down the rocks.
41
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,264
Narrator:
Now, late the night before,
42
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,034
Thanks to marshall's
travel companion, daphne,
43
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:44,770
Lily had received
some unsettling news.
44
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,405
I'm gonna be a judge.
45
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,607
Narrator: Screwing up their
whole plan to move to Italy.
46
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,808
She wasn't happy.
47
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,443
Yes, I'm in a rotten mood.
48
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,045
No, I don't want
to talk about it.
49
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:54,413
Yes, this has
booze in it.
50
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,914
No, it's not
my first.
51
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,217
You want to make this brunch
a drunch?
52
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,319
You do you, I'm not gonna judge.
53
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:02,988
I'm gonna be a judge.
54
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,723
Judge.
55
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:09,394
Thank you, linus.
56
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,896
Narrator:
As for marshall and daphne,
57
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,331
They got caught
in that big storm.
58
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,733
Luckily, they had a place
to crash for the night.
59
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,735
My childhood home.
60
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,972
Okay, that sign
might not have been there.
61
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,508
Thank you so much for letting
us stay the night, mrs. Mosby.
62
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,775
Oh, it's our pleasure.
63
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,811
I'm just glad
that storm has passed.
Oh.
64
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,946
But there's one storm
that hasn't passed,
65
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,915
Isn't there, marshall?
66
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,950
Hey, clint.
67
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,819
Clint:
You know what I'm talking
about, don't you, marshall?
68
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,120
I'm talking about the one
that's been raining
69
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,624
Cats and dogs all over
this-this, this friendship.
70
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,125
This isn't a friendship.
71
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,493
Oh.
72
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,428
Nice.
73
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,165
We're reluctant
travel companions.
74
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,533
Well, little known fact
about me.
75
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,001
I'm an almost-graduate
76
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:52,104
Of the conflict resolution
program over at... At tri-c.
77
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:55,140
I even had my own practice
at van aken plaza
78
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,175
Before the manager
of the wendy's
79
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,177
Made me stop hogging the booth.
80
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,846
The point is,
I can fix this.
81
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,481
Oh, I don't know, clint.
82
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,949
(strums upbeat melody)
83
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:06,118
¶ gonna resolve some conflicts
84
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,519
¶ gonna resolve
some conflicts ¶
85
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,955
¶ gonna make
a deeper understanding ¶
86
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,557
¶ through mediation.
87
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,559
Okay, you know what?
We have to hit the road.
88
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:17,129
But, um, mrs. Mosby, do you
mind if I take this mug?
89
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,797
I would very much like
90
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,866
To make fun of ted
next time I see him.
91
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,134
Of course.
92
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,635
You know, when ted was seven,
93
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,205
He and his best friend
took this wild west photo
94
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,573
Together at geauga lake.
95
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,041
I could go look for it.
96
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,475
We really should get going.
97
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:31,643
His best friend was a balloon.
98
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:32,811
What's a few more minutes?
99
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,880
Yeah, you're gonna want that.
100
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,316
So... What's everyone
doing this morning?
101
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,885
Oh, well, I kind of feel
like playing some tennis.
102
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,253
Maybe we should reserve a court.
103
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,654
Court.
104
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,492
Thank you, linus.
105
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,528
Pancakes and eggs, robin?
106
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:52,698
I guess that blouse won't be
loose and flowy for long.
107
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,498
Mom...
108
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,566
Keep talking, loretta.
109
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,935
I've been waiting
all morning to...
110
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,704
Ketchup.
111
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,038
Oops.
112
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,009
You're not supposed to put
ketchup on scrambled eggs.
113
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,744
Right, loretta, because
114
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,080
You're the queen
of scrambled eggs.
115
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:08,947
Barney:
Actually, that's
116
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,515
Exactly what she is.
117
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,683
When mom was
118
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,018
A groupie in the '70s,
119
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:16,588
Her scrambled eggs made her the
darling of the msg loading dock.
120
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,957
Lot of songs written
about those scrambled eggs.
121
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,759
Zz top's "she's got legs"?
122
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,461
Originally "she's got eggs."
123
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:23,295
Led zeppelin?
124
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:24,730
"scramble on."
125
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,098
Steve miller?
126
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,432
"the yolker."
127
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,768
If you listen to pink floyd's
dark side of the moon
128
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,771
While eating her eggs,
it lines up perfectly.
129
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,141
While I'm sure it was
your mother's cooking skills
130
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:39,878
That made her so popular with
zed zed top and their ilk,
131
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,446
I know for a fact
132
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,049
That she does not make
the best scrambled eggs.
133
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:47,386
Because my mom makes
the best scrambled eggs.
134
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,154
(gasps)
135
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,956
Narrator:
Kids, we've known
your aunt robin
136
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,958
For eight years at that point,
137
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,127
And here's what we knew
about her mom.
138
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,094
My mom is terrified
of flying.
139
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,896
(bell dings)
140
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,898
My mom got stung
by a jellyfish.
141
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,233
(bell dings)
142
00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:02,768
My mom makes
the best scrambled eggs.
143
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,002
(bell dings)
144
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,971
Narrator:
And... That's everything.
145
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,140
In fact, she should be here
any minute.
146
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,441
Barney,
147
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,276
Maybe she can cook you
some real scrambled eggs
148
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,078
So you can see what
you've been missing.
149
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,347
Don't do this, robin.
You can't win the egg war.
150
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,115
Canadian scrambled eggs,
how quaint.
151
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,318
Does your mom put maple syrup
on them?
152
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,320
Ha, ha, ha,
this is all very friendly.
153
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:22,754
(whispering):
Get out of this now.
154
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,190
Why not? We put maple syrup
on everything else.
155
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:27,993
Barney:
Aw.
156
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,529
That's it!
157
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,798
We need your omelet station.
158
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,201
My son's fiancée is
about to get served...
159
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,537
Some delicious
scrambled eggs.
160
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,840
Or I could go out to the
driveway and eat some gravel.
161
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,108
(soft grunt)
162
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,277
Wait. Sorry.
Did you say gravel or gavel?
163
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:46,645
Gravel. Why would
I say gavel?
164
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,879
Gavel.
165
00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:51,983
(sighs)
166
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,118
Thank you, linus.
167
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,986
Curtis, can I please
168
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,055
Have a map to the lighthouse?
169
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,957
It's a very romantic lighthouse.
170
00:05:58,959 --> 00:05:59,958
I can't even have a map?
171
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,227
It's a very romantic map.
172
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,162
I can't let you go
without a date.
173
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,697
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
174
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,066
What happened to
that girl cassie?
Cassie?
175
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,068
Narrator:
Cassie was the girl I'd spent
176
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,737
The entire previous night
consoling.
177
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,973
Just consoling.
178
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:15,974
Yeah, that's not happening.
179
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,009
Narrator:
And then, in her anger,
180
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,878
Lily gave me a piece of advice
181
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,213
About which
she would later say...
182
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,316
Oh, mama, that was
some bad advice.
183
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:26,218
Okay, here's why
you're an idiot.
184
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,553
Did you find
cassie attractive?
185
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,857
I guess.
Is she a relatively
normal height?
186
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,726
Yeah.
So end up with
her already.
187
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,728
God, do you really think
188
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,830
That you're gonna find
some perfect girl
189
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:42,067
Who checks off every
item on your list?
190
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,368
Well, not every item.
191
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,837
I mean, she doesn't have
to share my love for coins.
192
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,039
Although it would
be nice, just once,
193
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,610
Not to have to go stag
to coin-con.
194
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,912
Pull your head out
of your ass, mosby.
195
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:57,048
Do you think marshall
always makes me happy?
196
00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,018
I mean, sometimes being
with him is a real trial.
197
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,120
Real trial.
198
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,221
Huh.
199
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,956
Did it to myself that time.
200
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:08,727
Look, ted, it's
time to settle.
201
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,796
Take this normal-sized chick
up to the lighthouse
202
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,130
And fall in love with her
203
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:16,034
And quit bothering us with
your dumb love life stuff.
204
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:19,104
God, I am so sick of being
smarter than everyone else.
205
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:21,640
You're slipping, linus.
206
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,042
We're running
out of glasses.
207
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,918
Do you want to just go
to the stupid lighthouse?
208
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,953
Ooh, zitch dog.
209
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,555
Cocker spaniel in the jetta.
210
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,757
That's marshall
eriksen-- 28,
211
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,825
Daphne-- zero.
212
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,560
For the 28th time,
213
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,829
I'm not playing
your stupid game!
214
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,096
Oh, stupid, huh?
215
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,298
That's great.
216
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,300
I guess daphne gets
to pick the music
217
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,936
And crap all over
my fun road-trip games.
218
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,971
(sighs)
you know, maybe
clint was right.
219
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,173
Maybe we do need
conflict resolution.
220
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,341
I knew you guys
would come around.
221
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,211
(daphne and marshall screaming)
222
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,650
Narrator:
And so I made up my mind
to settle for cassie.
223
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,453
So, um, what kind
of music do you like?
224
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,089
Hmm... Nothing.
225
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,293
Narrator:
Still, I felt optimistic.
226
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,295
After all,
cassie was cute and single
227
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,831
And heck, it's not like
the universe was telling us
228
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,166
We shouldn't be together.
229
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,840
Here we are. Enjoy.
230
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,008
Remember: Happy wife,
happy life.
231
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,543
Pretend
they're just okay.
232
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:34,613
Please, lily,
I think I can manage to...
233
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,682
Oh, my god.
234
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:38,884
I'm eight years
old again,
235
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,051
And life is perfect,
236
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,687
And I haven't peed my shorts
in front of 350 webelos
237
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,290
At the pinewood derby regionals
in wheeling, west virginia.
238
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,491
I'm sorry, robin.
239
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,893
What do you think, lily?
240
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,462
Oh, my god,
they are so delicious.
241
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:52,898
Even more delicious than
finding out barney peed himself
242
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,700
At the pinewood derby regionals
in wheeling, west virginia.
243
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,202
I'm sorry, robin.
244
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,169
Mmm.
Come on,
245
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,170
They can't be
that good.
246
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,072
Oh!
247
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,974
Excuse me, mrs. Stinson,
some of our guests
248
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,876
Smelled your scrambled eggs
and were wondering
249
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,912
If you could make some
for them as well.
250
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,747
(laughing):
Oh, I don't think I should...
251
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,983
Crowd (chanting):
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
252
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,351
Eggs! Eggs!
(sighs)
253
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,886
Clint, what are
you doing here?
254
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,556
What the ohio state board of
holistic medicine has repeatedly
255
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:20,926
Told me I'm in no way qualified
to do: My job.
256
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:24,062
When I see a conflict
needs resolving, I must act.
257
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,997
Plus, ted's mom wanted me out
of the house.
258
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,099
So, today, we're gonna build
a new paradigm
259
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,768
Of understanding,
260
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,437
And then you're gonna swoop me
on back to shaker heights.
261
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,538
Oh, I need to stop
262
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,073
At record rev on coventry.
263
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,341
My vaporizer's ready.
264
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,043
Marshall, pull over
and dump this hippie
265
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,244
On the side of the road.
266
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,712
I can't do that.
267
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,347
Clint:
¶ gonna resolve
some conflicts ¶
268
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,082
¶ gonna resolve some conflicts
269
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,450
Daphne picks the music.
270
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,952
¶ gonna end this argument
271
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,520
¶ between marshall
and his mistress. ¶
272
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,288
Oh, come on.
Daphne picks
the music!
273
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:53,191
Ow! Stupid racecar!
274
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,360
This is why children
should not have toys!
275
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,262
Look, maybe this lighthouse
thing isn't such a good idea.
276
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,330
No, you don't.
277
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:00,098
You committed,
278
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,167
And so did I, so let's go.
279
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,270
Oh. Ow! Oh!
280
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,105
Actually, it's feeling better.
(laughs)
281
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,740
Ow! Oh! No, it's not.
282
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,809
Oh. (whimpering)
283
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,577
Mom, I don't know
why your phone is off.
284
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,746
Maybe you left your charger
in the pickup truck.
285
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,914
(bell dings)
286
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,882
But I need you to get here
as fast as possible.
287
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:18,950
I know
you're probably gonna want
288
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,151
To take a hot bath
when you get in.
289
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,086
(bell dings)
290
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,053
She fits in a bathtub.
291
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,089
That's good news. Unless...
292
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,091
Oh, god, how big are
canadian bathtubs?
293
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,126
(bell dings)
loretta:
People ever line up
294
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,661
Like this for your mom's eggs?
295
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:33,565
Loretta, even I could make
better eggs than this.
296
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,300
Oh, I'd love it
if you'd come teach me
297
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,501
How to make scrambled eggs.
298
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,403
It's a scramble-off,
everybody!
299
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,438
A scramble-off
to the death!
300
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,807
Someone go watch
for the cops!
301
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,909
Maybe we should have read up
on this town
302
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:47,112
Before booking our wedding.
303
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,914
Let's do some,
"when you... I feel."
304
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,182
All right, for example,
305
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,586
When you don't
do trust falls,
306
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:58,690
I feel like you
should do trust falls.
307
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,159
So just do the
damn trust falls.
308
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,260
I'm driving a car, clint.
309
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,828
Okay,
310
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,665
Uh, daphne, when you say
"drill, baby, drill"
311
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,501
Every time
that we pass a gas station,
312
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:11,436
I feel invalidated.
313
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,972
Marshall, when you talk,
I feel shut up!
314
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,874
That's very good, both of you.
315
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,676
Really? Both of us?
316
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,978
Name one energy
that's better than oil.
317
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,379
Wind, solar, hydroelectric.
318
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,048
You see what I've been dealing
with, clint?
319
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,216
¶ the sticky petroleum
clings... ¶
320
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,551
Please not now, clint.
321
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,220
¶ to the pelican's
broken wings ¶
322
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:33,024
¶ hey, mr. Oilman,
what have you done... ¶
323
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,060
Stop, stop, stop, please.
Enough! Clint,
324
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,861
(marvin crying)
I'm tired of your beard
and I'm tired
325
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,064
Of this stupid
therapy session.
And I'm tired
326
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:42,534
Of the way that your songs have
a-a laxative effect on marvin!
327
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,536
And on me. Every time
clint starts singing,
328
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,137
I just got to go.
Yeah.
329
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:50,141
It's like, uh, the only
trust fall when you sing
330
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:54,045
Is that I "trust"
that a piece of poop
331
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,682
Is gonna "fall" out
of my son's butt.
332
00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,050
(laughs)
333
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,686
Hey, clint, how about that?
334
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:03,088
You got us to agree
on something.
Yeah.
335
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:06,024
We both think you're a loser.
(laughs)
336
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:08,093
This therapy works.
337
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,728
No!
338
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,663
That is not the way
therapy works at all!
339
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:13,565
Do you think this is
some kind of a joke?!
340
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,166
This is my career!
341
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,936
I will not go back to
coaching the browns!
342
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,003
Why can't people take
343
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,538
What I do seriously?!
344
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,441
God!
(grunting)
345
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,044
(marvin crying)
346
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,046
(strained):
Oh, my god. One more.
347
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:31,249
Oh, my god. Okay. Oh, my god.
348
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,852
(panting)
349
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,921
God, that was a lot of stairs.
I'm exhausted.
350
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,923
My chest is on fire.
351
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,358
Oh.
352
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:44,429
Ooh! So, mr. Arch-itect,
353
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,131
What do we do now?
354
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,134
Fall in love or something?
355
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,136
Narrator:
And, kids, as I stood
on that lighthouse
356
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:54,239
And looked at that girl, I felt
something happen inside me,
357
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,875
Something that had only
happened one other time
358
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,710
In my entire adult life.
359
00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:00,945
(retches)
360
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,480
Robin:
Okay, scrambled eggs.
361
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,215
Here we go.
362
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,451
Where is the egg opener?
363
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:10,655
Never mind. I'll pre-scramble
them. It's fine.
364
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,425
Okay, fine, loretta.
You know what? You win.
365
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,226
I don't
know how
366
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,428
To cook egg.
367
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,430
If you don't even know how
to make scrambled eggs,
368
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,832
I just worry what
kind of breakfast
369
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,334
You're gonna be serving
my grandchildren.
370
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,136
Well, lucky you
371
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,540
Because that is one thing you
won't ever have to worry about.
372
00:13:28,564 --> 00:13:34,564
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
373
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,818
Mom, robin
can't have kids.
374
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,926
Every single job I take on,
it's always the same!
375
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,662
"the coffee maker has to stay
in the office, clint!"
376
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:54,465
"you still have to wear pants
on casual Friday, clint!"
377
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,366
"we didn't
378
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,668
Hire you, clint!"
379
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,036
Well, god,
I'm-I'm...
380
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,637
I'm just sick of it. I'm si...
381
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,974
Ow. Ow. Oh, I can hear
my blood right now.
382
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,943
I'm having an attack.
I'm having a blood attack.
383
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,612
Yeah. Pull over. I need...
I-I need to meditate.
384
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,315
I got to get my heart rate down.
I'll... Ow! Pull over.
385
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,650
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Pull over!
386
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,353
Zitch dog, labradoodle
in a ford fusion! Ow!
387
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,988
God...
388
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,157
Robin can't have kids?
389
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,892
But you always wanted children.
390
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,727
No, I always liked children.
391
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:26,297
I've always wanted a lamborghini
where there's a hot tub inside.
392
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,466
God, I wish that existed.
393
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,101
So no grandkids.
394
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,537
How long have you known
about this?
395
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,739
I found out last fall.
396
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,841
Robin and I had been
hanging out downtown
397
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,510
At this very cool secret bar.
398
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,747
(dance music playing)
what a lovely place!
399
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,983
Have you ever had
sushi that fresh?
400
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,518
Okay, I am never getting
on a mechanical bull again.
401
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,753
(chuckles)
402
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,756
I can't believe marshall
and lily missed out.
403
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,158
Promise me,
if you ever have kids,
404
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,060
You'll sometimes get
a babysitter
405
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,096
And come have an epic night.
406
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:01,666
Oh, and, p.S., bring the
babysitter, she sounds dirty.
407
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,668
Actually, I, uh,
I can't have kids,
408
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,003
So that's not an issue.
409
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,739
Really?
410
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:08,973
Yeah.
411
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,018
Is it weird
that I'm hugging you like this?
412
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:24,355
No, it's not weird.
413
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:31,296
Now it's weird. Mm-hmm.
Yep, the rain makes it weird.
414
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,799
Mom, I'm not marrying
some future possibility
415
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,134
Of starting a family.
416
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,469
I'm marrying a girl.
417
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:42,040
Who means more to me than kids.
418
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,609
Or my career.
419
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,211
Or even the lambor-cuzzi,
patent pending.
420
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,481
So please...
421
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,617
...Be nice to her?
422
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,755
Daphne:
This is ridiculous.
423
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:59,290
Get out there
and drag clint's
424
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,460
Downward-facing ass back in here
so we can get going.
425
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,129
Just let him do his thing.
426
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,164
(sighs)
427
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,967
Do you know why
the daphnes of the world
428
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,802
Always get to pick the music
429
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,104
And the marshalls pay
all the tolls?
430
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,072
Because
the marshalls
431
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,907
Are so concerned
432
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,976
With letting everybody
do their thing,
433
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,979
And the daphnes
are taking care of daphne.
434
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:25,016
You can talk to me about solar
or wind or hydro-whatever,
435
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,618
But the world is always gonna
push you around, marshall.
436
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,121
Until you learn
to go nuclear.
437
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,458
(tribal drums playing)
438
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,360
(starts engine)
439
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,928
What are you doing?
440
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:41,099
Is this real?
441
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,100
Are you doing this?
442
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,036
We need some driving music.
443
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:49,107
No!
444
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:53,177
You threw a live grenade
into my marriage.
445
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,848
You screwed up my whole world.
446
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,951
So from now on...
447
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:02,720
We listen to my music.
448
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,325
¶ but I would walk 500 miles
449
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,694
¶ and I would walk 500 more...
450
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,396
I hate this song.
451
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:12,797
Give it time.
452
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:18,469
Zitch dog, beagle
in a beetle.
453
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,905
Don't let loretta
get to you.
454
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:24,242
Hey, when your mom gets here,
do you want to all go--
455
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:28,079
I don't know--
avoid jellyfish?
456
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:28,980
She's not coming.
457
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,381
What?
458
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,983
I finally got a hold of her.
459
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,052
She, um, never got on the plane.
460
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,586
She was too scared.
461
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,222
She won't be
at her daughter's wedding.
462
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:45,363
("try a little tenderness"
by otis redding playing)
463
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,598
If that is the case...
464
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,935
Can we tell barney
she's super fat?
465
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:53,171
It would mean the world to me.
466
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,372
(chuckles)
467
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,840
Of course.
468
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,276
Oh, here we go.
469
00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,744
Listen, robin...
Loretta,
470
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,080
Not now. Robin just found out
471
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,781
Her mom's not coming
to the wedding.
472
00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,120
Oh.
473
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,055
Well, uh, okay.
474
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,056
Loretta...
475
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,458
My name's mom.
476
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,460
Don't you ever call me
anything else.
477
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,861
I'm mom.
478
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,930
Okay.
479
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,131
Mom.
480
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,300
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get...
481
00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:25,503
...Carried away.
482
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:32,376
Your eggs are great, by the way.
483
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:33,978
Lily:
Oh, mama,
484
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,713
That was some bad advice.
485
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:36,848
Thanks, lil.
486
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:38,449
But you know what sucks?
487
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,617
When I was
at the top
488
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:40,818
Of that lighthouse,
489
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,620
Despite everything else...
490
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,456
Wow. It's like traveling
back in time.
491
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,625
Just stop talking.
492
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,060
(sighs)
493
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:50,394
...It was breathtaking.
494
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,797
And I wasted it.
495
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,899
I mean, how many places
have I ruined forever
496
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,767
By being there
with the wrong girl?
497
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,103
So come back
with the right girl.
498
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,005
I don't know.
499
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,174
I'm starting to think a person
gets a certain allotment
500
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:06,010
Of lighthouses per lifetime.
501
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,346
And I've used all mine up.
502
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,015
Narrator:
And that, kids, is the kind
of stupid thing you say
503
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,351
Before you've met the person
who hits the reset button
504
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,987
On the world,
who makes everything new again,
505
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,355
Who makes it seem ridiculous
506
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,357
That you ever considered
settling,
507
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,759
Because not two years later...
508
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,229
Look at that.
509
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:32,136
It's like traveling
back in time.
510
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:35,039
That is exactly what I said.
(chuckles)
511
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,875
Why couldn't it have been you
here with me two years ago?
512
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,144
That's probably
for the best.
513
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,146
When you vomit, I vomit.
514
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,481
You know that.
515
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:47,952
(chuckles)
well, thanks for being
here with me now.
516
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,453
Thanks for bringing me.
517
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:55,159
Wow.
518
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,896
It is just
bonkers beautiful here.
519
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:02,466
I don't know how you could
improve on a day like this.
520
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,373
Well, I'm gonna try.
521
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,548
Whoa.
522
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,718
Will you...
523
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,552
Yes.
524
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,554
You didn't even let me...
525
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,522
Yes.
526
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,856
Marry me?
527
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:26,991
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
528
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,760
Yes, yes... Yes.
529
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,230
(chuckles)
530
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:36,567
¶ just try,
try a little tenderness ¶
531
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,070
¶ yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to
532
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,439
¶ know how to love her, man
533
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,441
¶ take this advice, man
534
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,710
¶ you got to squeeze her
535
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,144
¶ don't tease her.
536
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,419
(inhales deeply)
537
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,488
(exhales)
538
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:06,430
Son of a bitch!