1
00:00:02,702 --> 00:00:04,770
Ted: Your mom's not coming
to the wedding?
2
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,372
Okay, seriously,
I-I need to stop crying
3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,841
Does anyone know how
to turn this off?
4
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:10,342
Is there, like, a button
or something?
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,044
Want me to feel
around for it?
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,812
It's probably
somewhere on your back.
7
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,115
Stop it.
What? I'm trying
to cheer you up.
8
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,150
I don't think that's possible
at this point.
9
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,685
Challenge accepted!
10
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:20,986
No, barney,
11
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:24,223
I just need to get myself
to stop crying, that's all.
12
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,557
Boogity-boo!
13
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,659
Lily, what the hell?!
It's not the hiccups.
14
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,194
I was just going on a hunch.
15
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,797
(hiccups)
and now I have the hiccups.
16
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,712
Look, guys, just, seriously,
don't worry about me, okay?
17
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,547
Just let me deal
with this on my own.
18
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,983
I'm afraid that's
not possible, robin.
19
00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:54,253
Once I've accepted a challenge,
it cannot be unaccepted.
20
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,756
I will not rest
until the job is done.
21
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:58,924
Oh, is that so?
22
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,661
Then where are our diapers
and samosas?
23
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,196
Aha!
24
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,765
Narrator: Diapers and samosas.
Oh, that's about something
25
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,902
That happened six months
earlier in the fall of 2012.
26
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,204
Both:
Major craving for a mojito.
27
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,739
Oh, god, we're back
28
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,175
To your stupid little
private joke again?
29
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,011
Are you guys really still doing
this seven years later?
30
00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:21,380
It's so annoying. Just stop it.
31
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:22,881
Private joke again?
32
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,084
Are you guys really still
doing this seven years later?
33
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:26,418
It's so annoying.
Just stop it.
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,187
You don't salute a private!
35
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,122
I'll be right back.
All right.
36
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,691
Lily, are you playing
footsie with me?
37
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,093
What?
38
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,428
Oh, no, no. I was just feeling
around for your shin.
39
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,963
My shin? Why would you...?
40
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,698
Ow! Why'd you do that?
41
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,066
To remind you what pain is.
42
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,770
You keep it up with all the
cutesy-tootsy stuff with robin,
43
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,906
Gonna be a whole lot more
where that came from.
44
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,875
Lily, you have nothing
to worry about.
45
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:52,311
I better not.
You and robin are platonic.
46
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,280
Please.
Ted and robin
are not platonic.
47
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,449
Just like me and robin
are not platonic.
48
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:01,220
Just like no two single
people in the world
are ever platonic.
49
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:04,089
Symposium: Two people
are only platonic if
50
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:07,893
In the next 20 minutes
there is no chance
of them hooking up.
51
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:12,297
Truth is, I only know
of one genuinely platonic
relationship.
52
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,332
You and me.
53
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,500
Don't make me laugh, lily.
54
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,135
You want to hit this
so hard.
55
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:20,072
Seriously, she's playing
footsies with me as I... Ow!
56
00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:23,675
No, I'm talking
about marshall and robin.
57
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,445
Narrator:
Marshall and robin wouldn't
hook up even if this happened:
58
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,080
Marshall, robin!
59
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:31,083
If you guys don't full-on
make out in the next 20 minutes,
60
00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:33,452
They're gonna blow me up
and everyone in this bar!
61
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,654
My god, no!
Anyone but robin.
62
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,456
I really don't want
to do this!
63
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,424
Guys, we have no time!
Just do it!
64
00:02:39,448 --> 00:02:45,448
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
65
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,435
I'm sorry, baby,
I just, I can't do it.
66
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:51,103
Aw...
67
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,271
(explosion)
68
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,840
And the only survivor
was me
69
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,975
Because I was upstairs
banging ted's mom.
70
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,545
What? Get that blond girl's
phone number?
71
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,113
Challenge accepted.
72
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:03,549
(phone rings)
73
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:07,019
Unknown caller, stop calling me.
74
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,153
Are you gonna answer it?
75
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,021
Yeah, 'cause it's 1994
76
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,622
And I'm gonna pick up a phone
77
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:11,890
Without knowing who's on
the other end.
78
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,126
I should get going.
79
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:17,029
Lily, by every definition
of the word platonic,
80
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,031
Including barney's fake one,
I can say
81
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,332
With total certainty...
82
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,733
That brussels sprouts
83
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,669
Are the comeback vegetable
of the 21st century.
84
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:24,836
Well, see you guys later.
85
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,638
Bye.
86
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:30,075
Challenge completed.
87
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,978
I'm sorry. I-I missed
the first half of this.
88
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:37,216
A drunk chick sitting alone
and rubbing a tan line
89
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:40,385
On her finger where a wedding
ring used to be, a challenge?
90
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,188
Because I said
challenge accepted.
91
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,224
See? That's your problem,
barney.
92
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:48,227
You only accept challenges
you came up with.
93
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,163
Just once,
I'd like to see you accept
94
00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:52,397
Someone else's challenge.
95
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,000
Challenge acc...
Wait-- what's the challenge?
96
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:58,770
Interesting. An opportunity rife
with possibilities.
97
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,038
We need to find something
98
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,074
With just the right amount
of poetic...
99
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:05,043
Get a girl's number
while talking like a dolphin!
100
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,979
That works.
101
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,286
(chittering like a dolphin)
102
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:23,028
Open your eyes, ref!
That's not a pregnant lady!
103
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,063
It's a basketball
under his shirt!
104
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,632
Blow the freakin'
whistle!
105
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,301
Anyways, barney's right;
106
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,403
I would absolutely
let the bar blow up.
107
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:34,106
But you'd die, and
lily would die, too.
108
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,708
Yeah, but then we could
haunt the bar for eternity
109
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,777
Like we always planned.
Anyways, robin's your girl.
110
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,612
Why do we keep
coming back to this?
111
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,881
It's fun. Tickets are cheap.
Gets us out of the house.
112
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,049
No, me and robin.
113
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,987
Because robin told me that
she's still in love with you.
114
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,896
Are you serious?
Robin told you that she's
115
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:58,997
Still in love with me?
116
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,499
No, I just made that up.
117
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,734
But it was worth it
because I can tell
118
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,737
By that look on your face
that you still have
feelings for robin.
119
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,406
Okay, ball is sitting
on the basket!
120
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,175
That's not only illegal,
it's unsafe!
121
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,744
Come on, gens, d up!
122
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,947
It's this monastery
in connecticut out
in the woods,
123
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,917
And the nuns there,
they make this
gourmet cheese.
124
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,085
It's just amazing.
125
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,987
(chittering)
126
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,989
Wow, was that
three glasses of wine?
127
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,524
Where does the time go
128
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,759
(chitters)
129
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,695
(chuckles) look, I know
that you need
130
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,029
To get back
to your studies.
131
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,699
Maybe we could get together
some other time?
132
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,368
(clicking, chittering)
133
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,536
No! Not possible!
134
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,338
It was the performance
of a lifetime.
135
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,840
Man, if I'd have hung around
for a few more minutes,
136
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,941
I probably could have
137
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,043
Gotten her
to touch my blowhole.
Give me that.
138
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,311
(distant phone rings)
139
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,146
Hello?
140
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,048
Hi, did you just give
your phone number to a guy
141
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,049
Who was squeaking
like a dolphin?
142
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,151
(chuckles)
yeah.
143
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,286
Honey, listen to me.
144
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:56,621
I need you to take
a year, a full year
145
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,156
And just be
celibate, okay?
146
00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,124
No boys.
147
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,659
One year.
148
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,627
I think you know
I'm right about this.
149
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,962
You're right.
150
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,330
Yeah.
151
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,865
That was heartbreaking
152
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,234
And pants-breaking
boing-oing-oing!
153
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,969
All right, next challenge.
154
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,038
Oh, this is an all-night thing?
155
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,042
Okay, um, pick up a girl...
156
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,977
Wearing a garbage bag.
157
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:22,214
(scoffs)
I'd be "glad" to.
158
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,050
Just hope she's not too "hefty."
159
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:29,388
And those are all of the brands
of trash bags I can think of.
160
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,589
I'm not done.
161
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:34,793
You also can't use
the letter "e."
162
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:41,400
Challng... Accptd-d.
163
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:44,603
You're single,
she's single,
164
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,071
It's time to do this.
165
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,039
You're only saying this
because you bet lily
166
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,908
That robin and I would
end up together,
167
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,243
And you want
that five bucks.
168
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,044
I need that five bucks, ted.
169
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:55,747
But more importantly,
I need you to be happy.
170
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,783
Marshall, we're platonic.
171
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,117
But you're not platonic!
172
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:02,053
You are 20 short minutes away
from happily ever after.
173
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,322
I mean, if you left
right now.
174
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,728
Hey.
175
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,630
I have loved you from
the moment we met.
176
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,098
I know we're meant
to be together.
177
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,433
I don't want to waste
another second without you.
178
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,434
Let's give it
another shot.
179
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,035
Okay!
180
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,970
No!
(buzzer sounds)
181
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,139
Pay up, baby.
Pay up.
182
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,141
Ted:
Oh, yes!
183
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:26,311
¶ sweet, sweet five bucks,
you soon will be mine ¶
184
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,814
¶ even though lily
and I share bank accounts ¶
185
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:31,550
¶ you're already mine
to begin with. ¶ sorry.
186
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:35,287
And you and robin get
a lifetime of happiness,
so there's that.
187
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,488
But you better hurry up
188
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,089
Before some other guy
snatches her up.
189
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,991
Really? And who's
my competition?
190
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:44,863
Okay, don't use the letter "e."
don't use the letter "e."
191
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,065
Hey.
192
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,134
Damn it.
193
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,804
Hi. I... Am...
194
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,739
Barney. Damn it!
195
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:55,941
There's an e
in my name!
196
00:07:55,943 --> 00:08:00,145
Hi. My word for...
197
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:03,582
This guy is barno.
198
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:09,955
Barno. You look...
199
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,623
Not ugly.
200
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,524
(chuckles)
201
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,926
Your... Dial thing...
202
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:15,961
Is what?
203
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,697
Do you want
to just go back to my place?
204
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,432
Yes. Damn it!
205
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,935
I want to buy you a drink.
206
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:28,540
But first, what do I call you?
207
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,175
Elaine edelstein.
208
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:35,947
How about I just call you...
209
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,315
Tomorrow?
210
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,852
Your digits, m'lady?
211
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,388
Seriously, guys,
212
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,357
You're gonna have
to try harder than that.
213
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,459
Challenge accepted.
214
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,128
Excuse me, hi.
215
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,631
I'm ryan gosling's
personal assistant.
216
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:55,033
He saw you
as you were walking in,
217
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,136
And he sent me over
to tell you to wait here.
218
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,738
Be cool. This is real, okay?
219
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:03,241
But listen, ryan is super shy.
220
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,510
Aw...
I know.
221
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,413
Which means that if he comes in
here and he sees you talking
222
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:11,116
To some other guy, he's gonna
turn right around and leave.
223
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,752
Nod if you understand.
224
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:15,854
Redhead at the bar.
225
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,155
Challenge accepted.
226
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,926
Hey, there.
Get away from me!
227
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,228
It's like you're trying
to lose, eddie!
228
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,729
Hey, eddie,
last time I saw
229
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,464
This many turnovers
was at a bakery.
Oh!
230
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,401
So are you doing
this or what?
No.
231
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,703
And for the record,
if I were gonna do it,
232
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,573
I wouldn't just be, like,
"hey, we should get
back together."
233
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,774
Amateur hour.
234
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,642
Here's how you do it.
235
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,414
Excuse me. Okay, sorry.
236
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:44,849
(text alert sounds)
sorry.
237
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:46,952
Huh.
238
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,757
Stop, thief!
239
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,730
Marshall:
The blue french horn,
it's so romantic!
240
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:01,066
Oh, my god, do you know
who you are?!
241
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,934
You're nicholas sparks!
242
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,037
Hey, everybody, we got
a, uh, celebrity
243
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:09,040
In the crowd over here.
We got, uh, nicholas sparks!
244
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,609
You didn't let me finish.
245
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,611
Ted, listen...
246
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:13,878
(buzzer sounds)
247
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,814
I can do without reliving that.
248
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,116
Are you completely blind?
249
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:18,817
What?
250
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,619
Open your eyes, ref!
251
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:23,254
The ball hasn't touched
the ground in seven minutes!
252
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:24,889
Hey, ref, check
your voicemail!
253
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,791
I think you've missed
a few calls!
254
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,793
(scoffs)
255
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:32,097
Are you completely blind?!
256
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,264
Wait-- me or...?
257
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,933
You, ted!
258
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,267
Robin has changed her mind.
259
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,969
No, robin doesn't change
her mind.
260
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,571
Except that she does.
261
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:42,307
Remember how she
used to claim to hate
white guy funk bands?
262
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,509
And yet, at the farewell
performance of my band,
263
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:47,078
"the funk, the whole funk
and nothing but the funk,"
264
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,147
There's robin
rhythmically nodding her head
265
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,850
And shouting out a request
for "give up the funk."
266
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:55,086
I think she was nodding her head
in response to my question,
267
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,155
"do you want
to leave soon?"
268
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,923
And she was
legitimately suggesting
269
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,258
That you give up the funk.
270
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,962
Can we just drop this?
I have moved on.
271
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,697
Well, except that you haven't.
272
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,033
You didn't just come up with
this blue french horn thing.
273
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,501
You've thought about this.
274
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:10,935
Eddie:
Mr. Sparks?
275
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,270
I loved the notebook.
276
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,106
Eddie, you're down by 80.
277
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,008
Will you watch the game?
278
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,311
Do not come any closer!
279
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,513
I swear to god I will kill you.
280
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,149
It's cool.
I'm not gonna come any closer.
281
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,951
You're looking at the door,
you're waiting for someone.
282
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,187
Someone important,
someone who will fill
283
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,122
An empty space in your life.
284
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,058
A movie star?
285
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,392
Ah-huh.
286
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,795
But which one?
287
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,329
Clooney,
288
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,866
Dicaprio, zabka...?
289
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,668
No...
290
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,037
I'm gonna go with ryan...
291
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,740
Reyn...
292
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,141
Phil-phillip...
293
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,711
Seacr... Gosling...
294
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,412
Ryan gosling!
295
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:55,914
Yes, I'm waiting
for ryan gosling, okay?
296
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,216
Now, leave me alone.
297
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:05,824
You passed my test, girl.
298
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,829
Ryan?
Robin: No.
299
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,997
Just... No.
300
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,332
I told her I'm a method actor.
301
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,000
And I had to get plastic surgery
302
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,069
For an upcoming role
where I play a man
303
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,871
Much more handsome than myself.
304
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,006
Congratulations, you win.
305
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,508
Win? No, I don't want to win.
306
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,010
I want to keep playing.
More challenges.
307
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,045
Fine, you want
another challenge?
308
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,180
More challenges,
more challenges.
309
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,281
Fine, here's your challenge.
310
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,917
Go down to the pharmacy
and buy some diapers.
311
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,954
And, uh, get me a samosa
from the indian place.
312
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,922
Sounds like an errand.
313
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,058
While picking up a girl.
314
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,794
Challenge accepted!
315
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:43,962
Come on!
316
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:44,963
Whatever happened to the guy
317
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,030
Who wasn't afraid to charge
318
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,365
Headlong into the unknown?
319
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,933
What unknown?
320
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,201
Sure, eight years ago
321
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,803
When I stole
that blue french horn, yeah.
322
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,138
That was the unknown.
323
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,473
But now? I mean, how many times
have we been here?
324
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,475
I know exactly
what's gonna happen.
325
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:00,111
You know who else knew exactly
what was gonna happen, ted?
326
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,081
The washington generals
on January 5, 1971.
327
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,650
They knew they were gonna lose,
but they went in there anyway,
328
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:06,985
And then gave it
their best shot.
329
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,987
And they won that game, ted!
330
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,055
For one reason
and for one reason only.
331
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,324
A scoring error and the fact
that curly neal had the flu?
332
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,426
Perseverance.
333
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,562
It was the only win
in generals history,
334
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,097
But that's all you need.
335
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,632
Just one win.
336
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:21,633
(cell phone ringing)
337
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:25,003
I'm gonna go
grab us some beers.
338
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,138
(clicks tongue)
339
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,908
Hi, I don't know who this is
or what you're trying to sell,
340
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,477
But you are disturbing me
during the globetrotters.
341
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:36,181
Hello, ted,
it's hammond druthers.
342
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:41,753
Target acquired.
343
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,433
I'm recruiting volunteers
344
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,035
For the starving puppy orphanage
where I work.
345
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,503
For free.
346
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:02,207
So, if you wouldn't mind just
writing your number down
347
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:05,009
On this signup sheet...?
348
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:08,646
Listen, I appreciate
that you feel
349
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,148
Like you need my number.
350
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,149
Um.
351
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,384
Maybe it's because
you're really sad
352
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,019
About something
and this is your way
353
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,821
Of feeling better
about yourself.
354
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:17,956
But...
355
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,725
Since I have a boyfriend,
and I'm pretty sure
356
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,461
I heard you call me a target
earlier over there,
357
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,963
Wha...?
I'm gonna go ahead
358
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:25,997
And not give you my number.
359
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,299
I'm gonna give you
something even better.
360
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,901
Wow, right to the chase.
361
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,402
Meet you in aisle six.
362
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,172
I'm gonna give you this.
Okay.
363
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,940
It's gonna be okay.
364
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,176
You're a good guy.
365
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,378
You will get through this.
366
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:45,016
Uh, okay.
367
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,985
Weirdo alert.
368
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,219
(chuckles)
369
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,722
(scoffs)
370
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,924
Have you met...?
371
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,325
(groans)
372
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,660
Excuse me.
373
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,065
What do you mean "sad"?
374
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,400
Hammond druthers:
Ted?
375
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,202
I'm calling you
from chicago, illinois
376
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,037
Where I'm a key player
377
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:08,273
In a very successful
architectural firm.
378
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,707
Oh, yeah, I read about that.
379
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,109
All right,
about what you read...
380
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,077
You built
that big concave glass tower.
381
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,913
And it melted a few buildings
across the street.
382
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,115
Yes, fine, but come on.
383
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,617
What architect has made
a major design flaw
384
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,686
That raised the temperature
of the city aquarium
385
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:22,787
To 190 degrees
386
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:25,123
And killed thousands
of very rare fish?
387
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,059
That's the past, ted.
I'm looking forward.
388
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,028
I want you on my team.
389
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,030
And I won't take no
for an answer.
390
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,099
No.
I don't think you heard me, ted.
391
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,101
No.
Come on, ted!
392
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,603
Please?
393
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,939
They're gonna give me
a parking spot if you say yes.
394
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,074
Do I get a parking spot?
Well, we can go tandem.
395
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,742
No.
Every other week then?
396
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,412
No.
You know, chicago's
more of a walking town.
397
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,080
No.
All right!
398
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,082
You can have the parking spot.
399
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:51,950
So, that's a yes?
400
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:54,152
Mm, no.
Look, ted.
401
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,789
I can make your life
very difficult.
402
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,191
How?
How?!
403
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,629
I will call you a lot.
404
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,831
I will tweet at you like crazy.
405
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:10,134
I will live
on your facebook wall!
406
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,135
We're not facebook friends.
407
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,637
Yeah, what's going on with that?
408
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,340
It's been pending, like,
for eight months now.
409
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:18,009
Look, ted, you're a...
410
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,912
A very hot commodity.
411
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:24,582
Everybody loves the gnb tower.
412
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,417
And how it hasn't blinded
any pilots
413
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,486
On final approach into o'hare.
414
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,420
(laughs)
415
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,922
And I-I may have told
416
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,623
The partners here
that you and I are
417
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,025
Very, very good friends.
418
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,427
So, please, just say
that you'll think about it.
419
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,662
Fine.
420
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,530
I'll think about it.
421
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,966
Druthers shoots, he scores!
422
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:45,803
Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls'
numbers in the last hour.
423
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,972
And this was an off night.
(chuckles)
424
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:50,108
What can I possibly
be sad about?
425
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,777
I think you were in love
and you messed it up.
426
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,014
And every moment of your life
since then
427
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,150
Has been spent trying to stay
busy enough to ignore that fact.
428
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:02,020
Narrator:
And that's how barney met
your mother.
429
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:07,025
Well, the generals lost.
430
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,292
What a nail biter--
the whole fourth quarter
431
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,861
My heart was in my throat.
432
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,062
What was the final?
433
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:12,130
216 to 12.
434
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,531
Nobody talk to me right
now, I can't even...
435
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,568
The strangest thing
happened at the game.
436
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,470
I got a phone call
from an unknown number.
437
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,072
And when I answered I...
438
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:23,041
You're eating olives.
439
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,642
Yup.
440
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,643
Do you want these?
441
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:26,978
I hate olives.
442
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,813
I... Thought you hate olives.
443
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,249
(laughs)
I guess I changed my mind.
444
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,551
(phone ringing)
445
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,685
Ah!
446
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,187
Hello, partner!
447
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,023
Boy, that just sounds right,
doesn't it?
448
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,492
Yeah, actually, mr. Druthers.
449
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,161
My answer is no.
450
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:46,064
What? No, ted, come on!
451
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:50,001
I'm sorry, I still have things
to do here in new york.
452
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,036
I am going to build
a tower of glass
453
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,205
And melt you with it!
454
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:57,008
No, you won't.
No, I won't, but know this.
455
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:58,409
After today
456
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,078
This offer
457
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,412
Is gone forever.
458
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,282
When I hang up this phone,
you and I are done.
459
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,051
The door is closed!
Okay.
460
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,219
The door's always open, ted.
461
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,887
If you change your mind,
just call me back, okay?
462
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,956
Bye.
463
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:15,026
I think he's coming around.
464
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:16,794
We tried dating a while back
465
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,896
And it was a disaster.
466
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,232
But I-I always regret giving up.
467
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,568
It just ended so quickly.
468
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,635
(quiet laugh)
469
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,071
What about you?
470
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:29,140
You and your boyfriend
gonna go the distance?
471
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,908
I don't know.
472
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:34,145
I think maybe I still
haven't met the right guy.
473
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,147
Hmm.
474
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,483
I wonder if I know someone
to set you up with.
475
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,622
Drawing a blank.
476
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,224
Are you gonna
go get this girl?
477
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,325
Or what?
478
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,759
I don't know.
479
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,728
I'm kind of
at my peak right now.
480
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,464
I don't know if I can
just walk away from the game.
481
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:57,135
Do you want to keep playing
or do you want to win?
482
00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:02,206
I want to win.
483
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,143
What am I doing?
484
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,278
In less than 20 minutes,
robin and I could be...
485
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,613
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
486
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,014
It's gonna take a lot more
than 20 minutes.
487
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,151
This is gonna take everything
you have got.
488
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,786
This is gonna take all of your
time, all of your attention.
489
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,321
All of your resources.
490
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,124
This is the big one.
491
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:22,693
Diaper man.
492
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:24,295
You got to do it right.
493
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,530
Can't be messing around,
494
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,532
Picking up girls in drug stores.
495
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,933
¶ it's only time
496
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,368
You got work to do.
497
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,104
¶ it's only time ¶
498
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:36,541
¶ it's only time
499
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:41,045
¶ what could stop...
500
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,181
We're not platonic.
501
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,715
Platon-ish, maybe.
502
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:45,850
If that's even a word.
503
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,385
But not platonic.
504
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,820
¶ it's only time...
505
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,889
I mean, there's
something between us.
506
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,559
And there always will be.
507
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,996
¶ if rain won't...
508
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,132
If this was eight years ago,
509
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:02,967
I'd be jumping
into a cab right now
510
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,702
To go steal
that blue french horn.
511
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,137
Well, why don't you?
512
00:20:06,139 --> 00:20:07,371
I don't know.
513
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:10,208
Just doesn't seem to work
that way anymore.
514
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:13,477
I used to be in such a hurry
all the time, you know?
515
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:14,979
Everything was so urgent.
516
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,182
Now, I just, I don't know,
I figure...
517
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,751
It's gonna happen, it'll happen
when it happens.
518
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,988
I'm not going anywhere,
she's not going anywhere.
519
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,323
What's the rush, right?
520
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,325
¶ and swim your sea ¶
521
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,161
¶ and swim
522
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:33,097
¶ your sea
523
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,069
¶ marry me
524
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,937
I have no idea
who that girl was.
525
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,406
But she set me straight.
526
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:46,344
After that, I had one challenge
and one challenge only.
527
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,212
Get robin scherbatsky
528
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,781
To fall in love with me.
529
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:54,752
Challenge completed.
530
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:58,189
¶ why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now? ¶
531
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:06,464
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