1
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,673
Barney:
"let's get this party started."
2
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,509
Hey, can you
push the button?
3
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,311
Do not touch
that button.
4
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,346
Just give it a little push.
Don't push it.
5
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,849
Half of it, halfway, halfway...
Don't even touch it.
6
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,350
Why can't I
push the button?
7
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,352
Because whenever barney
sees a button-- any button--
8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,987
He has to push it.
9
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,156
(panting)
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,191
Sorry.
11
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,826
Why are you so mad?
12
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,029
Because my rehearsal dinner
13
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:32,131
Was supposed to start
ten minutes ago.
14
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,500
But instead of stuffing my face
15
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,001
With hors d'oeuvres
16
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,070
That I have been dreaming
about for months,
17
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,472
I am in a laser tag
18
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,307
Security office,
19
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:45,644
Waiting for the police
to arrest my fiancé
20
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,312
For causing a disturbance.
21
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:48,514
Hey, you said "fiancé."
22
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,182
That's a good sign.
(sighs)
23
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,650
Now what do you say
we give that old button a push?
24
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,219
Take a good look at
this face, barney, okay?
25
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,822
'cause it'll be useful
for the future.
26
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,658
This is my "pretty mad" face.
27
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,693
Well, then, we've got a problem.
28
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,530
'cause it looks a lot like
your "pretty hungry" face.
29
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,031
I'm missing
the bacon-wrapped figs!
30
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,800
Please push the button!
31
00:01:07,824 --> 00:01:15,824
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
32
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,614
Why is it
so cold in here?
33
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,283
You trying to get me to talk
or something?
34
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,517
Not really.
35
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,952
In fact, if you could just
sit there quietly...
36
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,454
Fine, I'll talk.
37
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,522
It all started a few months ago,
38
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:33,759
When I had the most
awesome idea ever.
39
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,528
Laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
40
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,464
That might be the worst idea
you've ever had,
41
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:39,698
Which is saying a lot.
42
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,034
Name one bad idea
I've ever had.
43
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:43,936
Gluten-free edible panties.
44
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,137
Hot dog on a stick
on a bun.
45
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,738
Inflatable sex toy life raft.
46
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,140
The breast
augmentation channel.
47
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,808
Single malt
scotch tape.
48
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:50,876
The time you ran for mayor.
49
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,544
I still have 12,000 buttons
that say,
50
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,379
"the only poll I care about
is in my pants."
51
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,049
Barney, planning
a wedding
52
00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:58,550
Is all about compromise.
53
00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,885
Do you remember that one night,
54
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,553
Right after we got engaged?
55
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,388
Where is this wedding
gonna be, anyway?
56
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,990
You know, I thought
it might be nice
57
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,492
To get married
in canada.
58
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,060
I mean, it's where
I'm from, and...
59
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:10,329
Okay.
60
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,297
Let's have it.
Get it over with,
61
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,298
Get it all out
of your system.
62
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,266
I'm the groom,
63
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,634
I'm the groom,
I might as well start.
64
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,336
Canada?
What, are we gonna
65
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,438
Walk down the aisle to
crash test dummies?
66
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,639
Play's to marshall.
67
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,141
Canada?
What are you gonna do,
68
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,176
Hire a regular dog sled
or a stretch?
(snorts)
69
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,811
Canada?
70
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,646
Are you registered
at tim hortons?
71
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,614
Lily:
Canada.
72
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,149
Oh, does
the organist play
73
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,350
Wearing mittens?
74
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,818
Marshall:
Canada? How are you gonna
75
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,019
Slip the ring on
the bride's finger
76
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,320
If she's wearing
mittens?
77
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,588
(laughs)
78
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,823
Two mitten jokes
in a row?
79
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,125
So... You're pretty
much done, then?
80
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:42,327
Narrator:
Kids... We weren't even close.
81
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,529
Canada.
82
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,197
What do we ask on
the wedding invitation?
83
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,933
"will you be having
the elk or the moose?"
84
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,034
Canada.
85
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,869
What, are you gonna
walk down the aisle
86
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,171
Wearing snowshoes?!
87
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,172
(laughing)
88
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,640
Canada.
89
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,675
What, is everyone gonna have
access to universal healthcare
90
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,844
So no one has to choose
between going bankrupt
91
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,380
And treating
a life-threatening illness?
92
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,814
Canada?
93
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,616
W-what's the band gonna play
for your first dance?
94
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,118
Crash test dummies?
95
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,553
(laughing)
see, it's funny
96
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:08,987
'cause who gets a band?
97
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,822
Enough.
It was just an idea.
98
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:11,990
Okay, okay.
99
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,725
Seriously, robin,
doing it here in new york
100
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,827
Would be easier, since
all of our friends
101
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,496
And a lot of
our family are here.
102
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,832
But... I want you
to have the wedding
that you want.
103
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,568
So if it's canada...
104
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,136
Just say the word.
105
00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:25,137
(stifles a laugh)
106
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:27,139
And then say it again
in french.
107
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,307
(laughing)
108
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,676
See? I compromised.
109
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,044
Fine.
110
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,580
We'll just have a nice,
tasteful rehearsal dinner.
111
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:37,382
Maybe at a french restaurant.
112
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,717
I know just the place.
113
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,552
What's the name
of the restaurant?
114
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,589
La... Ser tag.
115
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,225
You know, I was thinking about
116
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,893
What to get you guys
for a wedding gift.
117
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,094
As you know,
118
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,096
I'm kind of
the wedding gift master.
119
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,165
And, well,
all this talk
120
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,166
Of the rehearsal dinner
121
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:56,034
Gives me a fantastic idea.
122
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,169
I've been
meaning
123
00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:59,404
To start taking
piano lessons again.
124
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,539
No.
125
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,673
No piano time.
Guys!
126
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:02,841
Just let me perform something.
127
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,243
I'll-I'll tickle the keys.
128
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,244
It'll be great.
129
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,613
Not even if you
dressed up as liberace.
130
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,081
What if I dressed up
as liberace?
131
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:09,848
Sold!
Sold.
132
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,352
And that was the end of it.
133
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,020
Until my bachelor party.
134
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,188
Uh-oh.
135
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,389
Let me guess:
136
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,624
There was a stripper.
137
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,026
You had a little fun.
138
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,695
Maybe took some
ill-advised pictures.
139
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,763
Next thing
you know,
140
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,865
She's blackmailing you
into bankruptcy,
141
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,200
And your medical degree's
hanging on the wall
142
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,502
Of a laser tag security office!
143
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,872
No.
144
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,707
The night of my bachelor party,
my friends took me
145
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,109
To a crappy hotel,
146
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,944
Hired my ex-fiancée
to be the stripper,
147
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,646
I lost thousands of dollars,
and my best friend
148
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:41,647
Even had his hand cut off.
149
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:42,648
It would've been
150
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,815
The worst night of all time
151
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,150
If the whole thing hadn't been
152
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:46,218
A prank planned by
153
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,320
My beautiful, amazing fiancée.
154
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,822
She put me through hell
just to give me the best
155
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,991
Surprise of my life... Which,
p.S., included an appearance
156
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,259
By my favorite actor--
157
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,295
Non-porn category.
158
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,497
Wow, that sounds pretty cool.
159
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,432
Yeah. Except
pretty not cool,
160
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,668
Because he kept talking about
how he was gonna get me back,
161
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,003
And sure enough,
a few days later...
162
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,472
Robin, there's no
good way to say this.
163
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:09,941
I've made a huge mistake.
164
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,677
I can't go through
with the wedding.
165
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,412
What?
166
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,613
(choked up):
I'm so sorry.
167
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,315
I-I just...
I had to tell you
168
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,916
Before it was too late.
169
00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,352
Oh, my god, you're serious.
170
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,086
Yeah.
171
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,156
And since this is my apartment,
172
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,891
I think that
you should move out.
173
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:30,495
Fine.
174
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:35,067
Puppies!
175
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,304
I know.
Great prank, right?
176
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,872
That is awful.
177
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,541
You're a frickin' weirdo.
178
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:45,544
Such a weirdo.
179
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,945
Careful, watch the robe.
180
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,613
Anyway,
181
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,615
For reasons only
you guys and robin
182
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,651
But nobody normal
like me would understand,
183
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,052
She got cranky.
184
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,954
And she laid
down the law.
185
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,389
No more surprises.
186
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,191
(weird voice):
But you love surprises.
187
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:02,194
Almost as much as
I love lickin' myself!
188
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,029
That was me talking,
not the puppy.
189
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,364
Barney, the surprises
are out of hand
190
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,365
And they have to stop.
191
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,899
Deal?
But...
192
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:08,834
Deal?
But...
193
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,902
Deal.
Butt...
194
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:11,670
Barney...
195
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,039
Fine.
196
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,374
Deal.
197
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:17,409
Man.
198
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,244
This whole "no more
surprises" thing
199
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:20,912
Is so unfair.
200
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:21,980
Who does that?
201
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,349
Barney,
the "no more surprises" thing
202
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,218
Is the best part
of being married.
203
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,686
It's true.
When I wake up
in the morning,
204
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,188
I know what lily's breath
is gonna smell like.
205
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,723
It's like...
Roses.
206
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:33,925
Do you really
want a marriage
207
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,060
Where you have
this paranoia
208
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,095
That robin's hiding
around every corner,
209
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,431
Planning to get
you back with some
crazy new prank?
210
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,366
You're
absolutely right.
211
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:42,501
Thank you, lily.
212
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,436
No, th...
That was me,
over here.
213
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,370
He wasn't listening.
214
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,605
If you guys
are saying
215
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,839
What I think
you're saying...
216
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:48,940
Probably not.
Go on.
217
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:49,941
...Then that
must mean...
218
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,009
No, it doesn't.
219
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,278
...That robin is
planning a surprise
220
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,580
Laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
221
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,521
Dude, robin is not planning
222
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,389
A surprise laser tag
rehearsal dinner.
223
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,390
Yes, she is.
224
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,192
No, she isn't.
Yes, she is.
225
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,760
No, I'm not!
226
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,061
Yes, she is.
227
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,730
All:
No, she isn't.
228
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,398
Then why did
she pretend
229
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,534
To ridicule it
as an idiotic idea?
230
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:18,703
Because it is
an idiotic idea.
231
00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,472
If robin
actually was
232
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,040
Planning a surprise,
233
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,075
Don't you think she would
tell her maid of honor?
234
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,944
She didn't tell you
'cause you can keep a secret
235
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,679
The way my dentist
keeps his car keys.
236
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,551
You don't know him,
but he's lost them...
237
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,652
Like, twice.
238
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:34,886
Actually,
just once, and...
239
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,988
That time they were
in his other pocket.
240
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,224
I can't keep a secret?
241
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,592
He does have a point, lily.
242
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,227
You're kind of famous for
the old blabbity-blabbity.
243
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,395
Hey.
244
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:44,596
How was lunch
with debbie?
245
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,164
Great.
She's pregnant!
246
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,299
(gasps) oops.
247
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,100
I'm not supposed
to tell anybody.
Why not?
248
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,735
Because she's getting
a divorce.
249
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:51,937
Damn it!
250
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,104
Debbie's getting
a divorce?
251
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,774
Yeah, she walked
in on her husband
having sex.
252
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,075
Oh! Come on, lily.
253
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,743
Well, maybe we don't
need to know every gory...
254
00:07:58,745 --> 00:07:59,911
With a man.
255
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:02,747
Will you get it
together, aldrin?!
256
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:03,915
You okay, lily?
257
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,618
And that guy's
the father of the baby.
258
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,753
(sighs)
I gotta go lie down.
259
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:12,090
Which brings us
to earlier today,
260
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,993
When robin was setting up
the decoy rehearsal dinner,
261
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,761
Complete with fake booze.
262
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,465
Trying to pass
this off as scotch,
263
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,534
And we all know
it's apple juice.
264
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,009
(choking):
Typical apple juice burn.
265
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:34,212
Yes, barney,
the booze is real.
266
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,614
The food is real.
267
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,949
Ooh, speaking of which,
where are the
bacon-wrapped figs?
268
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,684
Probably at...
(clears throat)
269
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,019
...The laser tag place,
270
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,288
Where the real rehearsal
dinner's going down.
271
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:46,491
Isn't that right,
theodore?
272
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,894
Barney, there is
no laser tag.
273
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,161
We're gonna have
a nice dinner,
274
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,530
Some drinks,
and then,
275
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,564
According to robin,
276
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,065
If her aunt edith
gets drunk enough,
277
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,734
She'll take off her wig and
they'll play hockey with it.
278
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:56,868
Poppycock!
279
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,004
You know how
she's gonna do it,
280
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,038
And you're gonna
tell me!
281
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,341
Or do I have
to get my face
282
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,711
Even closer
to yours?
283
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,712
Lily:
Hey.
284
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,980
How come you're
not getting
285
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,549
Uncomfortably
close to my face?
286
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:13,018
I could be in on it, too.
287
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,719
(both laughing)
288
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,887
'course you could,
lil.
289
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,556
I can keep a secret.
290
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,024
Lily, don't
make me laugh.
291
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,358
I'd trust you
with a secret
292
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,227
As much as I'd trust
marshall with pop secret.
293
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,429
I can keep a secret!
294
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,498
I can keep a secret
real good.
295
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,900
I can keep a secret
like nobody's business,
296
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,736
'cause it is
nobody's business.
297
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,004
'cause it's a secret,
298
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,739
And I'm keeping it!
299
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,707
Does marshall
shave his back?
300
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,742
No, I shave it
for him. Damn it!
301
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:38,743
Ooh!
302
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,078
I should call
marshall.
303
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,546
I bet he's
in on this.
304
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,582
If he really exists.
305
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,384
Okay.
306
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,619
Setting aside the fact
307
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:48,954
That I've kept your whole
308
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,189
"moving to chicago" thing
a secret,
309
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,059
Aren't you supposed to be
dressed like liberace right now?
310
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,594
Okay, first of all,
311
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,295
If I showed up in costume,
312
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,030
It would steal from
the surprise and spectacle
313
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,465
Of my grand entrance.
314
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,133
And second of all,
I'm not doing that.
315
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,401
Why not?
316
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,705
Because dressing like liberace
is easy, but...
317
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:10,375
Uh, yes, 4/4, e-sharp...
318
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,745
Major...
319
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,447
Okay.
320
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,917
Let's make something
beautiful, shall we?
321
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,453
(inhales deeply)
322
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,288
I think that's
enough for today.
323
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,559
Okay, I figured out how
this is gonna go down.
324
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:29,928
We're gonna "run out" of ice,
325
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,930
And robin's gonna ask me
to go get some,
326
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,499
And lo and behold,
the only place that sells ice
327
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:38,503
In this whole town is right next
to the local laser taggery.
328
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,171
I go inside and... (gasps)
329
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,406
Surprise!
330
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,742
Beautiful dinner,
family and friends,
331
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,244
Free game tokens
and an off-road arcade game
332
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,179
That's rigged
for unlimited turbos!
333
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,148
That is the
single stupidest...
334
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,516
Guys, you aren't
gonna believe this.
335
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,652
The ice machine
is broken.
336
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:55,754
Is it now?
337
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:59,491
Well, dog my cats,
what are the chances?
338
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,127
Huh? What do we do?
339
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,763
Well, I guess I could go get
some ice.
340
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:05,930
Uh, no,
they'll send someone.
341
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,632
All right, fine.
Twist my arm. I'll do it.
342
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:08,633
But seriously,
hmm?
343
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,602
Did you get everything set up
over there?
344
00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,270
Do you have enough food,
have enough guns?
345
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,773
Did you get a vest extender
for grandma stinson? She's...
346
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,275
What are you
talking about?
347
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:21,379
Oh, babe, you're so good
at this. I love it.
348
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,214
All right, I'll see you guys
over there.
349
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,783
I mean, be right back.
350
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:28,553
Barney, barney, this is
our rehearsal dinner, okay?
351
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,321
Do not leave the premises.
352
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,057
Promise me you're not going
anywhere.
353
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,124
Fine.
354
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:33,892
Say it.
355
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,461
Say you promise
you won't leave.
356
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,898
I promise I won't leave.
357
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,067
So I left.
And what do you know,
358
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:46,137
The ice store is right next
to a laser tag place!
359
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,473
No, it isn't!
It's six miles away
360
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,674
In the opposite direction.
361
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,509
And I told you not to go!
362
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:52,744
Yeah, well, you also told me
363
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,646
You didn't want a ring bear
at the wedding.
364
00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:55,580
Ring bear-er!
365
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:56,681
We all know how great
366
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,816
That's gonna be. The point is,
367
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,250
I played along with her plan,
368
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,854
And I acted "natural" so I
wouldn't spoil the surprise.
369
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,657
Oh, my goodness!
370
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,525
Laser tag?!
371
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,594
Maybe I should go in here
for a minute,
372
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,229
Just check it out
for no apparent reason.
373
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,864
And what's this?
374
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,400
My hands-free token satchel?
375
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,802
And my free lifetime refill
root beer mug?
376
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,173
So for the past
two months
377
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,209
When we were letting you use
our apartment
378
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,044
To practice the piano
every Sunday night,
379
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,545
What were you doing?
380
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:31,583
Oh, so that's not traveling
'cause he's the mvp?
381
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,419
Come on!
382
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,021
Where's barney?
Has anyone seen him?
383
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,423
Robin, ted's totally bailing
384
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,425
On playing the piano
for you and barney.
385
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,962
Oh, really? Ted, you didn't
have to not do that.
386
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,029
But thank you.
387
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:47,799
But he promised!
A promise is a promise.
388
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,601
You can't say you're
gonna do something
389
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:52,270
And then suddenly do something
completely different!
390
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,105
Why are you getting
so worked up about this?
391
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,809
Because, obviously, I'm worked
up for a different
392
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:58,943
But somewhat similar reason.
393
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,545
And someone should ask me
about it!
394
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,314
I'm sorry. I don't have time
for your drama right now, lily.
395
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,582
My fiancé is missing.
396
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,384
Marshall got picked
to be a judge.
397
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,453
He took the job
without even asking me.
398
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,989
Italy's off!
399
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:15,794
I have time for your drama.
400
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:26,104
So, marshall can't go
to Italy?
Not if he wants to be a judge.
401
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,439
And my italian was getting
so good.
402
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,176
It was so (speaks italian).
403
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,981
But wait, you guys already
sublet the apartment.
404
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,950
You're already packed.
405
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:41,619
Marshall already borrowed
and lost my rosetta stone.
406
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,354
That selfish bastard!
407
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,623
(phone rings)
sorry, lil. Hello.
408
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,325
Okay, I'm mad, too.
409
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,927
I should hope so.
410
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,262
All of a sudden, his dream
is more important than yours?
411
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,997
And he did it behind your back.
412
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,265
Bastardo!
413
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,934
He would never hurt me
intentionally.
414
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,669
I'll hurt him intentionally.
415
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:58,970
Molto bastardo!
416
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,305
That's sweet of you to say.
417
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,440
You could never take
marshall in a million years,
418
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,375
But that's sweet of you to say.
419
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:08,379
Well, apparently, barney went
to the laser tag place
420
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,015
Looking for a surprise
rehearsal dinner.
421
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,284
When he didn't find one,
he threatened
422
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,986
To dunk
the snack bar guy's head
423
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:18,623
Into a vat
of scalding nacho whiz.
424
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,225
He's being held
until the police arrive
425
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:23,027
I need your apple juice.
426
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:26,865
Ha!
427
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,299
And here we are.
428
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:32,203
Now, I believe this charade
has gone on long enough.
429
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,874
Can we please get to the
surprise laser tag rehearsal?
430
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,409
Hey, there is no surprise
laser tag rehearsal dinner!
431
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:42,247
Okay, but if I may offer
an opposing view.
432
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,915
Of course there is!
433
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,184
This place is lousy
with clues.
434
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:49,654
Is he even really
a security guard?
435
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,223
Because he looks an awful lot
like a non-pakistani version
436
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,193
Of the guy who delivers
sandwiches at my office.
437
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,061
Also...
438
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:03,935
"laser tag" has the same number
of letters as "rehearsal."
439
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,105
Laser tag has eight,
rehearsal has nine.
440
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:11,743
And if you rearrange the letters
and add some other ones,
441
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:15,947
It says, "get ready, barney,
for the biggest surprise ever,
442
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,383
You handsome son of a..."
443
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,718
And then not quite enough
letters for "bitch,"
444
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:21,786
But good try, robin.
445
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,188
This is crazy, barney.
446
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,357
We-we can't have a marriage
like this.
447
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:30,361
A marriage has to be built on
honesty and trust
448
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,630
And all of that lily-
and-marshall crap.
449
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:36,067
I though our marriage was built
on honesty and trust
450
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,404
And all that lily-
and-marshal crap.
451
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:42,106
I just feel so alone right now.
452
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,642
Well, you're not. I'm here.
453
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:48,279
And I know you can keep
a secret.
454
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,281
(scoffs) yeah, right.
455
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,616
Tell you what.
456
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,218
How about I let you in
on another secret?
457
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,154
Something bigger.
458
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,022
Bigger than chicago?
459
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,760
Are you kidding?
460
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,563
Nope. Want to do the honors?
461
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,135
Ladies and gentlemen,
462
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,439
There's been a slight change
of plan.
463
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,407
Fine! Fine.
464
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:17,942
You're right, robin.
465
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,745
Marriage isn't about playing
crazy pranks.
466
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,748
It isn't about telling
long expertly crafted lies
467
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:24,849
To cover those pranks...
468
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,684
How'd you get out
of those handcuffs?
469
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,853
...And hiring actors
to play security guards
470
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,456
And spending exorbitant
amounts of money on things
471
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,458
Like giant,
fake laser tag signs.
472
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,293
No, it's about honesty.
473
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,428
Size six skate, right?
474
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:41,799
And in that spirit,
I got to be honest.
475
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,469
Every now and then,
476
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:48,639
I am gonna lie to you.
I just am.
477
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:52,010
If it's in the interest
of an amazing surprise, that is.
478
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:56,180
You're gonna get bamboozled,
hoodwinked.
479
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,649
Heck, I'll just say it.
480
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,252
You're gonna get snowed.
481
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,023
Why is it snowing in here?
482
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,224
Put on the skates.
483
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,625
We gotta go.
484
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,460
Where?
485
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,629
Where are we going?
486
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,765
To the rehearsal dinner, silly.
487
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,201
Let's get this party started.
488
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:22,340
What?!
489
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,108
All:
Surprise!
490
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,645
What-what is going on?
491
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:31,983
I know how much you wanted
to be in canada this weekend.
492
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,985
So I brought canada to you.
493
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:37,321
Oh, and here's an autographed
picture of wayne gretzky.
494
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,756
Thanks.
495
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,726
And this guy's not really
a security guard.
496
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:50,101
♪ once there was this boy who
497
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:56,107
♪ wore a lot of suits and said
that stuff was "legendary" ♪
498
00:17:56,109 --> 00:18:00,178
♪ he gave lots of high fives
499
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,347
♪ and swore...
500
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:08,186
♪ that he would
never get married ♪
501
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,789
♪ he really thought
he meant it ♪
502
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,891
Thanks for letting me
in on this.
503
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,793
Even if it was
at the very end.
504
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:16,928
My pleasure.
505
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,463
Oh, and by the way,
506
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,465
There's one more secret
I've been keeping.
507
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,966
All those nights
I was supposed
508
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,367
To be taking piano lessons?
509
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:28,005
I was actually taking
figure skating lessons!
510
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,743
♪ once, there was
this girl who... ♪
511
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,545
Narrator:
Kids, it takes more
than two months
512
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,881
To learn how to figure skate.
513
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,384
I love you.
514
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,553
I love you, too.
515
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,156
I'm gonna get you back,
you know?
Bring it.
516
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:52,497
♪ and swore she'd also
never get married ♪
517
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,867
♪ she really thought
she meant it. ♪
518
00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:01,973
I can't believe
you did all of this.
519
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,774
Hey, I thought you
didn't like canada.
520
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,643
Are you kidding?
I love canada.
521
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,145
Holy musk ox,
522
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,947
Is that legendary
canadian doctor
frederick banting?
523
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,115
Whoa!
524
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:13,351
In 1924,
I discovered insulin.
525
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,253
Take that, diabetes.
526
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:18,322
Hey, look, it's manitoba's
native son, norman breakey.
527
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,490
You're welcome, world.
528
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,627
Enjoy my invention,
the paint roller.
529
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,463
And of course,
you know alan thicke.
530
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,165
Hey, hey, you...
Oh, hey.
531
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,100
...Are the prettiest girl
in the place.
532
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,168
Oh, thank you,
alan.
533
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,669
All right, all right,
all right.
534
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,837
Good to see you.
535
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,138
Hey, look,
it's louise poirier,
536
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,840
Who I think worked
for the company
537
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,208
That probably created
wonderbra.
538
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,644
(speaks french)
539
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:40,978
(speaks french)
okay, okay.
540
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,549
Canadians also helped
win two world wars...
Mm-hmm.
541
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,350
...And gave the world
neil young, william shatner,
542
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,985
Leonard cohen,
pamela anderson,
543
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,520
One quarter
of barney stinson,
544
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:53,357
Instant mashed potatoes,
and best of all, you.
545
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,426
Thank you.
546
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:09,907
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org