1 00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:04,470 Narrator: Kids, when your uncle marshall's bus broke down 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,105 Five miles away from the farhampton inn, 3 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,272 He made a vow. 4 00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:09,475 I can walk that far. 5 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:13,012 Yes. It was another exciting installment of... 6 00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:19,284 Marshall: ¶ marshall versus the machines 7 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,687 ¶ our hero starts his journey 8 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,023 ¶ with steely-eyed resolve, but let's ¶ 9 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:25,891 ¶ skip ahead to later 10 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,893 ¶ with a slow dissolve 11 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:31,063 ¶ so tired, dehydrated 12 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:34,033 ¶ not making any sense 13 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:37,002 ¶ but wait a second, why is bigfoot ¶ 14 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,004 ¶ standing by that fence? 15 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,239 Oh. Hey. 16 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,074 You didn't see this. 17 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,244 ¶ I'm not hallucinating 18 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,679 ¶ bigfoot really exists 19 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:51,417 ¶ but everyone knows he quit smoking years ago ¶ 20 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,086 Marshall: Oh, crap. I'm losing it. 21 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,555 (vehicle approaching) 22 00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:01,060 (horn honks) woman: Excuse me. Hey. 23 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,828 You guys need a lift? 24 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,330 Narrator: And that's how marshall met your mother. 25 00:01:05,354 --> 00:01:13,354 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 26 00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,613 This is great. The whole gang together. 27 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,283 Well, almost the whole gang. 28 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:27,152 Yeah, there's just one beloved piece of the puzzle missing. 29 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:32,124 That bottle of 30-year glen mckenna scotch. 30 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,792 Mmm... (slurping) 31 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,027 Narrator: So far, that weekend 32 00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:38,030 Had been fatal for not just one... 33 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:40,132 But two bottles of $600 scotch 34 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:43,068 Intended for a special wedding toast. 35 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,937 Also, where the hell is marshall? 36 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,574 I still can't believe he took the judgeship behind my back. 37 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:52,144 Look, I know this is messy, my dream versus marshall's dream. 38 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,580 I won't force you guys to choose sides. 39 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,482 Good, because I totally side with marshall. 40 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:59,084 That would've been so awkward. 41 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,487 Hey, let's go see if they have any glen mckenna up at the bar. 42 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,821 Okay. 43 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,456 Hey, look, don't be mad. 44 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,958 Barney just thinks that if he has a judge friend, 45 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,495 He can get all of his citations for public urination thrown out. 46 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,730 How often does barney pee in public? 47 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,966 A lot. 48 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,734 But don't worry. 49 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,136 I'm on your side. 50 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,003 Aw... (chuckles) 51 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,739 What's poppin', mi amigas? 52 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,175 Robin: Oh, boy, who's this idiot? 53 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:27,012 Lily: And which one of us is he gonna try to make the sex on? 54 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,014 You both look beautiful tonight. 55 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,450 Robin: Bro, going for the tricycle. 56 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:35,787 (scoffs) can you imagine having a three-way with this creep? 57 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,122 (chuckles) yeah, right. 58 00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,690 You, me and this guy, 59 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,692 Naked, going at it. 60 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:44,263 Then he gets tired and it's just you and me going at it. 61 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,365 Robin: Uh, lily... That'd be so stupid. 62 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:49,468 So stupid... 63 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,703 Robin: Um, okay, I'll shoot him down. 64 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,140 By the way, I am so psyched for the wedding tomorrow, robin. 65 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,842 I'm truly honored that you and barney 66 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:57,976 Asked me to be a part of it. 67 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,612 We're honored... 68 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,181 You're here... 69 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,384 ...Valued invitee. (chuckles) 70 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,385 (chuckles) 71 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,187 Robin: Help me. Who is this? 72 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:11,156 Lily: Maybe he's one of your long-lost canadian cousins? 73 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:14,893 Uh, do you happen to have all of your fingers and teeth? 74 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,529 Uh... Yeah. (chuckles) 75 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,131 Robin: Not one of my cousins. 76 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,801 Hey, thanks again for picking us up. 77 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,670 It's been a crazy couple of days. 78 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,505 You can't imagine what we've been through. 79 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,673 Wait, let me guess. 80 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,676 You were visiting a relative, 81 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,511 Maybe... Your mother? 82 00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,579 And I'm getting 83 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,013 A midwest vibe, 84 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,882 Somewhere like... Wisconsin... 85 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,983 (scoffs) ...No, minnesota? 86 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,751 Wow. 87 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,720 You're-you're, like, really good at this. 88 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,356 You're planning an overseas trip with your wife. 89 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,258 I'm seeing a... 90 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,560 A feisty redhead who loves art. 91 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,561 She just got a job 92 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,096 In europe, maybe France? 93 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,364 No. Italy? 94 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,066 (gasps) 95 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,435 Total shot in the dark, but... 96 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,502 Rome? 97 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:02,608 Maybe I'll just, like... 98 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,842 I'll get out right here. (doors lock) 99 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,912 You're not going anywhere. 100 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:09,748 No, I'm just messin' with ya. 101 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,116 I rode the train with your wife. 102 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,751 She told me all about you. 103 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:13,819 You must be marshall. 104 00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:20,058 Um... 105 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,460 I was checking on the baby. 106 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,028 (laughs) 107 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,796 (laughing): Wait-wait a minute, wait a minute. 108 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,765 So you guys both got locked out 109 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,067 On the roof in your pajamas? 110 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,771 You guys are hilarious and adorable! 111 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,740 Lily: Any idea who this guy is? 112 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,608 Robin: No, but I like that he gets 113 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,077 How hilarious and adorable we are! 114 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,912 Lily: We are hilarious and adorable! 115 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,814 (laughs) I'll get the next round. 116 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,082 Oh, thanks. 117 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,617 Thanks, lil. 118 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,920 Hey, I'm sorry if I barged in on you guys. 119 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,589 I can be a little overeager 120 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,658 To connect sometimes. 121 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,559 Probably because of my childhood. 122 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,961 Right. 123 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,330 Because of that thing that happened. 124 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,965 My mother died on a hunting trip 125 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,334 When I was very young. 126 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,770 Yeah, that's it, that's the thing. 127 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,772 Sorry, blah, too heavy! 128 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:07,773 (chuckles) 129 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:08,774 So, robin. 130 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,941 What's going on... 131 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,643 With you? 132 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,011 Oh, nothing. 133 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,080 I mean, uh, nothing big, anyway. 134 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,315 Hey, hey, hey... 135 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:18,717 This is me you're talking to. 136 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:22,287 Well, there is this thing with lily... 137 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:24,022 You know, ted, 138 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,657 If you really want to get a bottle 139 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,626 Of glen mckenna 30-year for barney, 140 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:30,128 I got that last one at the farhampton liquor store. 141 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,464 The security there is a total joke! 142 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,466 No, see, I don't want to know that. 143 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,135 I won't be an accomplice to grand larceny. 144 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,538 I am not confirming or denying a thing. 145 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,540 But there's a really high window in the storage room 146 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:42,974 And if you climb up... 147 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,810 La la la la la, I'm not listening! 148 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:45,977 I love barney, 149 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,512 But I'm not going to jail for him. 150 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,947 What? Really? Why not? 151 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:49,948 I'd go to jail for you. 152 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,717 No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. 153 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:52,884 Going to jail for your best friend? 154 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:53,952 That's the dream. 155 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,153 Really? 156 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,321 That's the dream? 157 00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:59,691 Yeah, it's the most noble-- nay, bro-ble-- 158 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,993 Thing a bro can do for a fellow bro. Mm-hmm. 159 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,529 So yes, ted, that's the dream. 160 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,998 You're too liberal with the phrase "that's the dream." 161 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,400 Name one other time I've said that! 162 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,736 A suit made of prosciutto so you can eat your way naked, 163 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,803 "that's the dream." 164 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,139 A pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus, 165 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,140 "that's the dream." 166 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,141 Being able to take 167 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,209 A whole year's worth of dumps 168 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,910 In one, nonstop 24-hour period 169 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,145 Then not having to dump again 170 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,146 For the rest of the year, 171 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,314 "that's the dream." 172 00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,883 I never said dump day was the dream. 173 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,219 I said science is this close to a pill. 174 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,187 There can only be one "the dream"! 175 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,390 You're saying it's going to jail for a bro? 176 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,657 You're comfortable with that being 177 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,159 The one and only dream, forever? 178 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,361 Yes. 179 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,830 Great, now you can never use that phrase again. 180 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,766 And for me, that's the dream. 181 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,101 Hey, lily, robin just told me about Italy! 182 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,771 Oh, yeah, it's gonna be great. 183 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,073 Well, that is, if I can convince my husband 184 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,908 To keep his promise and move there with me. 185 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,510 Robin, I know 186 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,211 You told me you want marshall to win, 187 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,246 But I don't know. 188 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,181 I gotta side with lily on this one. 189 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:57,249 Later, skaters. 190 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,789 Thanks again for saving us. 191 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,690 Well, I don't normally stop like that, 192 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,693 But I just had to for the cutest hitchhiker in the world! 193 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,029 Thank you. 194 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,898 Oh, you were talking about marvin. 195 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,034 (coos) sorry, it's been a really, really long day. 196 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,869 When we get there, I'll buy you a drink. 197 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,906 Thank you, but, um, after I drop you off, 198 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,041 I'm heading back to the city. 199 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,142 What? I thought you said that 200 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,143 Your-your band's playing the wedding. 201 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,144 Why are you leaving? 202 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,412 The lead singer. 203 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:28,580 He's the devil. 204 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,981 He's a total fire-starter. 205 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,082 He just ruins people's lives 206 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,818 For his own amusement. 207 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,653 You know, he will walk up to two friends, 208 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,388 He will find the one thing 209 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:39,491 That will destroy their friendship and just-- poof!-- 210 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,092 Burn it to the ground. 211 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,394 Wow. 212 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:43,628 What's his name? 213 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,798 What's poppin', mi amigos? 214 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,133 The mother: Darren. 215 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,507 You're rooting for marshall?! 216 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,409 Well, why don't you just get 217 00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:58,677 A team marshall t-shirt? 218 00:07:58,679 --> 00:07:59,678 What size are you? 219 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,679 Extra-traitor? 220 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,614 No. No, okay... 221 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,683 What I said was... 222 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,618 See, all I meant was... 223 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,119 God, how did we get here? 224 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,288 That's the question you're left asking yourself. 225 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,090 So here's how he does it: 226 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,593 First, he makes you feel like you are 227 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,027 The most hilarious 228 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,129 And adorable person in the world... 229 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,798 You guys are hilarious 230 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:20,932 And adorable! 231 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,701 Ted: I like that he gets 232 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,769 How hilarious and adorable we are. 233 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,105 Barney: We are hilarious and adorable. 234 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,607 (laughing) 235 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,775 Next, he finds some flimsy connection with you 236 00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:32,143 Based on where you're from... 237 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:32,978 Cleveland? Yeah. 238 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,880 Galluci's serves the 239 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,014 Best pepperoni bread! Best pepperoni bread! 240 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,782 And staten island! 241 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,118 Guys getting in fights on their front lawns! 242 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,120 It's like you're from there! 243 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,488 (laughing) 244 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,357 Ted: This guy's awesome! 245 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,125 Barney: So awesome! 246 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,727 Ted: I'd totally go to jail for him. 247 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:51,229 Barney: That hurts. 248 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:54,833 Next, he tells you a "deep personal secret" 249 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,334 That is usually the tragic back-story 250 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,736 From an animated kid's film. 251 00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,238 My mother died on a hunting trip. 252 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,007 It's often bambi. 253 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:04,175 My father was betrayed and killed 254 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,344 By a trusted advisor. 255 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,080 Sometimes he'll throw a little lion king in there. 256 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,916 I have no family. 257 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,018 But tonight... 258 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,853 I think maybe I found two brothers. 259 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,388 (sobs) 260 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,557 Sorry, blah, too heavy. 261 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:19,824 (crying): That's okay, man. 262 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,726 (crying): Let me get you a drink. 263 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,562 The mother: And then, once your guard is down, 264 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,197 The emotional prostate exam begins... 265 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,198 So, ted, 266 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,834 What's going on... With you? 267 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:33,004 Well... I mean, there was this thing... 268 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,172 Never mind. 269 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,740 Hey, hey, hey... 270 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,776 This is me you're talking to. 271 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,680 Look, all I meant 272 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,582 Was that there are two sides here. 273 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:44,583 Yes, 274 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,351 Italy is your dream, 275 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,053 But being a judge is marshall's. 276 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,054 Well, that 277 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,121 And teaching prop comedy 278 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:53,592 Parrot top has nothing to do with this! 279 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,594 I don't need objectivity. 280 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:58,597 You're my best friend, I just need your support. 281 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,198 I understand. You got it. 282 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,566 (sighs) I'm sorry. 283 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,601 Oh, me, too. 284 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,102 Forgot my phone. 285 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,104 I'm sorry, you guys are probably talking wedding details. 286 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,106 I mean, no maid of honor's gonna steal the spotlight 287 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,107 With her own problem 288 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,375 On the bride's big weekend, am I right? 289 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,110 Keep it real, homies! 290 00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,314 You know, he is right. 291 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,116 Why is this all about you? 292 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,484 I mean, you have been preoccupied 293 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,785 With marshall all weekend. 294 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:21,987 I have not! 295 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,989 You have been sleeping with a doll made of cushions 296 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,423 That you named after him. 297 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,825 Not true! 298 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:27,993 After we do our business, 299 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,594 I make marshpillow sleep on the couch! 300 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,830 So there! Oh, my god, that is so ridiculous! 301 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,131 So, what did darren do to you? 302 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,500 Well, a few years ago, I started this band. 303 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,068 And, you know, it was a goof-- 304 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,338 It was just me and a couple of dorks from business school. 305 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,074 I'm actually embarrassed to tell you our name. 306 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,442 I had an all-lawyer funk band 307 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,078 Called the funk, the whole funk, and nothing but the funk. 308 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,481 Oh, I now feel very safe talking about my band-- 309 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,782 Super-freak-onomics. 310 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,617 Nice. (laughs) anyway, 311 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,919 I brought darren in to split lead vocals, 312 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,488 And he took over. 313 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,423 You know, first he took away my solos, 314 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,025 Then I got demoted to backup vocals, 315 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,360 And now the only time I use a mic 316 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,163 Is after darren's first false exit, when I say, 317 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,165 "do you guys want more darren?" 318 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,500 And then today, 319 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,469 I found this ad online. 320 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,872 "ass player wanted"? 321 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:14,873 Move your thumb. 322 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,708 Oh, "bass player wanted." 323 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,177 Wait, he was gonna kick you out of your own band? 324 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,612 Yeah. 325 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:23,682 But instead... I quit. 326 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,717 You quit?! That's it? 327 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,119 But it's your band-- you must be avenged! 328 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,721 (laughs): Funny you should say that, 329 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:33,058 Because as I was leaving the hotel, I ran into someone. 330 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,795 You need to steal this douche monkey's van. 331 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,997 Aldrin justice, nice! 332 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,066 Your wife is cool. 333 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,068 Oh, the coolest. 334 00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:45,704 Hey, did she, um, happen to mention 335 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,072 The fact that I'm sort of ruining 336 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,673 Her dream of moving to Italy? 337 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,509 Uh, yeah, that did come up. 338 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,713 You need to steal this douche monkey's van. 339 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,881 And then run 340 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,084 My husband over with it. 341 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,686 I think you've got a tough talk coming. 342 00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:03,088 Yeah, well, so do you. 343 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,989 When we get to the farhampton inn, 344 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,092 You're gonna go in there and you're gonna stand up to darren. 345 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,594 Oh, come on, I aldrin justiced him. 346 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,995 Yeah, but I bet you're just gonna give 347 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,064 This van right back to him. 348 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,066 I mean, were you at least gonna pee in it a little? 349 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,670 I was gonna gas it up and get it washed. 350 00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,338 You're too nice. 351 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,906 I'm the same way. 352 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,942 Sometimes you got to get in there 353 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:28,046 I always cave and side with the other person. 354 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,914 I can't handle confrontation. 355 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,015 Yes, you can. 356 00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,350 You make some good points. 357 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,252 Look. 358 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,088 I don't know you, but I can tell that you're strong. 359 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,591 That's your band. 360 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:41,926 Don't let darren steal it away. 361 00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,195 (sighs) 362 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,064 No, there's no defeating the devil. 363 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,633 He's someone else's problem now. 364 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,136 I'm sorry if I've been 365 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,737 Distracted this weekend. 366 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,106 Oh, let's not fight anymore, okay? 367 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,709 Oh, good, robin, you finally told lily 368 00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,077 You feel like she's abandoning you as a friend 369 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,078 By going to Italy. 370 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,981 Honesty is progress. Stay gold. 371 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,450 I'm not... 372 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,951 Ooh, ted. (indistinct chatter) 373 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:07,952 When you move to chicago, 374 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,455 You got to try gazzola's pizza. 375 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,689 Namaste, hermanos. 376 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,232 You're moving to chicago? 377 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,002 Is that even a real place? 378 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,403 It's a style of pizza. 379 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,172 Ted, you can't live in a pizza. 380 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,340 I got an amazing job offer there. 381 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,643 Look, lily knows, but marshall and robin don't. 382 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,944 So please keep it quiet. 383 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,247 (loudly): You're moving to chicago?! 384 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:39,784 He-he's moving to chicago! 385 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,119 When do you move? 386 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,855 At least tell me it's not until next year or something. 387 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,791 It's not until... 388 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:47,959 Monday. 389 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,161 Monday?! 390 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,798 So you are just gonna disappear the day after my wedding? 391 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,534 After ten years of being best friends? 392 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,837 Well, actually, marshall's my... Don't even think about it! 393 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,706 That's fair enough. You are gonna give me one day's notice? 394 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,475 Well, I didn't want to upset you on your wedding weekend. 395 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,977 No, it's good. 396 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:06,945 It'll be easy to say good-bye 397 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,980 Now that I know how much I mean to you. 398 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,115 Well... (sighs) 399 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,153 (door closes) (footsteps approach) 400 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,955 Hey. 401 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,790 Hey. 402 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,058 Look, I was... 403 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,493 I was never really rooting for marshall. 404 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,363 I was rooting to not lose my best friend. 405 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,199 But that's selfish. 406 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,134 No matter where you go, 407 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,203 I'm in your corner and I always will be. 408 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:34,205 And to prove it... 409 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:40,879 What are you gonna do with marshpillow? 410 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:44,549 While you beat the goose down out of this bastard. 411 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,051 Because that's what best friends do. 412 00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,920 Thanks, it-it's not gonna help. 413 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,455 Try it. One punch. 414 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,160 Ooh, that felt good. 415 00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,161 Mm-hmm. 416 00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:58,563 (grunting) yeah, that's it, sweetheart. 417 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:02,000 Head, body, head. Head, body, head. 418 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,404 Barney, wait, wait! 419 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,872 Your friendship is important to me. 420 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,274 I swear on my mother's... 421 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,742 No, I swear to god. 422 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,510 No... I swear to hef. 423 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:15,046 (gasps) don't take that name in vain. 424 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:18,783 If someone is important to you, you tell them you're moving. 425 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:22,020 I'm just some guy you used to know back in new york. 426 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,821 Hey. 427 00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,059 Whoa. 428 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,527 How...? 429 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,537 That's a $600 bottle. 430 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,873 Ted, that's grand larceny. 431 00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,708 You really could go to jail for this. 432 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,811 That's the dream. 433 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,213 So... 434 00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,915 You're moving to chicago. 435 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,618 I'm going to chicago. 436 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,386 Why? I know marshall and lily might leave, 437 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,221 But it's only a year, and in the meantime, 438 00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:58,990 We'll still see each other all the time. 439 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,024 You, me, robin... 440 00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,796 Oh. 441 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,067 I need a new start. 442 00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,837 I'm gonna miss you. 443 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,706 I'm gonna miss you so much. 444 00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:20,511 Well, here we are. 445 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,679 Good luck in there. 446 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,914 Thank you. 447 00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,449 And don't worry, 448 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:25,917 At the reception, I'll yell, 449 00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:28,119 "the lead singer sucks skunk junk," 450 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,253 After every song. 451 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,288 (laughing) 452 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,289 I'll come up with something 453 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,957 Better than "skunk junk." 454 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,025 No, no. 455 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,027 "skunk junk" is pretty solid. 456 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,631 You can't yell that at the lead singer. 457 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:44,035 Because I don't suck skunk junk. 458 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,803 Wait, are you saying...? 459 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,172 I'm coming in. Darren and I are gonna have a chat 460 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,141 About my band! 461 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,542 (whoops) 462 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,611 Marvin: Skunk junk. 463 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,884 For the record... Uh-huh. 464 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,986 His first word 465 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,554 Was "mommy." 466 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,856 Mm-hmm. 467 00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:07,658 This is my band. I started it. 468 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:11,362 And if anyone is getting fired here, it's you, darren. 469 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,964 So hit the bricks, 470 00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:14,632 S-skunk... 471 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,501 Junk. 472 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,970 Is that even a little bit intimidating? 473 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,039 Nope, and the knitting's not helping. 474 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,075 I'm sorry, I just met this baby and he needs a hat. 475 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,077 What... (stammers) you can't fire darren. 476 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,980 He gets how hilarious and adorable I am. 477 00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:31,549 Plus it is so inspiring 478 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,186 How he overcame his mother being eaten by a barracuda. 479 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,188 Gah! It's finding nemo. 480 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,589 (sighs) 481 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,791 That's new. 482 00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:43,928 There's no defeating the devil. 483 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,030 New plan. Linus, if at any point 484 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,899 Tonight you see me with an empty glass... 485 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:48,933 Kennedy package. 486 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,735 It's a very popular choice this weekend. 487 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,670 Thank you, linus. 488 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,739 (grunting) yup. 489 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,609 Uh, lily? 490 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,711 Lily. 491 00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,113 Marshall: Lily. 492 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,427 Pause? 493 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,663 Pause. 494 00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,534 Hi. 495 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:29,974 Thank you, linus. 496 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,876 Mm-hmm. 497 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,445 There are real villains in this world. 498 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:38,316 But they don't always get real justice, do they? 499 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:41,085 You want to believe karma's gonna get them. 500 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,386 All right, who wants a drink? 501 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,454 I'm stealing. 502 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,389 (all cheer) 503 00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:48,126 But karma doesn't 504 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,627 Always come through. 505 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,462 I love how strong your marriage is. 506 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,064 And you don't need to lose weight, louise, 507 00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:54,599 No matter what he told me. 508 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,801 Catch you on the flip-flop, muchachos. 509 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,503 Oh! (groans) 510 00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,770 (short laugh) 511 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,739 Sorry, mi amigos. 512 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,909 I guess you have to accept that sometimes in life... 513 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,446 ...You just don't get that knockout punch. 514 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,447 (loud punch) 515 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:12,183 (loud grunt) 516 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,921 (all laughing) 517 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,322 Hey, can I get some ice? 518 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,092 The best man just punched me in the face for no reason. 519 00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,093 (laughs) 520 00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:24,028 Oh, what, that's funny to you? 521 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,129 You know what? I quit. 522 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,131 You can have your stupid band back. 523 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:31,135 I miss being in a band where people are decent to each other 524 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,670 And there's no drama. 525 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,739 I'm going back to the new guns n' roses. 526 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,110 Linus, whoever that best man is, 527 00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:42,480 I would like to buy him a double of your finest scotch. 528 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,949 ¶ you started a band 529 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:47,952 ¶ that was cool for a while 530 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,555 ¶ but it turned pretty bland 531 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:54,058 ¶ I started a fight 532 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,160 ¶ with a neighbor next door 533 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,863 ¶ and his pesky wife... 534 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,531 Here you go. 535 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,567 Is this from one of you guys? 536 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,068 Nah. Uh-uh. No. 537 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,070 Okay. 538 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,738 ¶ and hate even more when you're not ¶ 539 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,040 Well... This is incredible. 540 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,041 What is this? 541 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,243 It's the glen mckenna 35-year. 542 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,245 Wait a minute. 543 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:16,681 This whole time, you had glen mckenna 35-year? 544 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,982 Why didn't you say something? 545 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,084 You didn't ask about the 35. 546 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,019 Narrator: And, kids, that's the first drink 547 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,254 Your mother ever bought me. 548 00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:34,565 Hey, barney, I'm so sorry I missed your rehearsal dinner. 549 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,067 Oh, that's okay. 550 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:39,604 We didn't even know you weren't here, jerk. 551 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,572 Listen, I know that I can't make up for being late, 552 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,407 But I did get you a-a special gift. 553 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,376 Well, hand it over, fathead. 554 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,345 Well, you might want to wait until after the wedding photos. 555 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:50,114 Hand it over now, travel breath. 556 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,016 Okay, barney, I'll hand it over. 557 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:54,552 Oh, god, it's the fourth slap! 558 00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,220 I don't know why I was so obnoxious. 559 00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,356 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org