1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,103
Man:
Well, that party was a dud.
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:05,504
Man 2: I think I struck out
with, like, 20 girls.
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,539
And...
My condom expired.
4
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,841
We are losers!
5
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:10,309
We've tried
everything.
(sighs)
6
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,977
We're covered
in drakkar,
7
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,112
I've got fresh
new white socks,
8
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,947
And I thought our
mime work in there
9
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,949
Was excellent!
10
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:18,017
What?
11
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:27,192
Um, are we in a zombie
movie right now?
12
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,765
(hiccups)
13
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:45,411
(scoffs)
14
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:49,815
(sniffing)
15
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:53,485
Boys...
16
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:56,221
Today is your lucky day.
17
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,991
Because today...
18
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:01,860
I'm gonna teach you
how to...
19
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,929
(vomiting)
20
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:07,199
...Live.
21
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,001
Who's got gum?
22
00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:17,025
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
23
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,017
Narrator:
Kids, for a brief period
when I was seven,
24
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,386
My best friend was a balloon.
25
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,954
It was the classic story:
26
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,889
Boy meets balloon,
27
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,925
Boy and balloon become friends,
28
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,093
Boy loses balloon
29
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,928
When mom sets out hot dogs
in the backyard.
30
00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:39,131
No!
31
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,033
Narrator:
Decades later, boy's new
best friend finds out
32
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,302
About the whole thing and never
lets him live it down.
33
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,137
I hate you so much.
34
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,405
Narrator:
The whole thing
taught me a lesson.
35
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,773
If you love something,
36
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:48,907
You can never let it go,
37
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,809
Not even for a second,
38
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,044
Or it's gone forever.
39
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:55,047
Well, at least
I still got my hot dogs.
40
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:57,983
No!
41
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,818
Narrator:
It was a lesson that took me
42
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,553
Nearly 30 years to unlearn.
43
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,255
Where could barney be?
44
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,057
Oh, relax.
He always finds
his way home.
45
00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:07,159
St. Patrick's
day, 2008.
46
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,994
He did not find his
way home that night.
47
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,963
That dumpster was
a block from his apartment.
48
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,631
I call
that a win.
(laughs)
49
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,134
Also, that isn't
the filthiest trash
he's ever slept with.
50
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,236
Ho! My future
husband, folks!
51
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,271
(both laughing)
52
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,106
Or maybe he bailed
on the wedding.
53
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,107
Oh, come on.
54
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,075
Don't even
think like that.
55
00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:25,577
Well, he's terrified
of commitment--
56
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,680
Although, ironically,
loves being tied down...
57
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:32,317
Look, as the run-offee
at my own almost-wedding,
58
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,086
I can tell you
you are fine.
59
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,288
Barney is no stella.
Mmm.
60
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,923
Hey, have you talked
to her in a while?
61
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,858
Stella?
Yeah.
62
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,693
The woman who
broke my heart
63
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,128
And embarrassed me
in front of
64
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,796
All my friends
and loved ones?
65
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,365
(laughing):
Uh... No.
66
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,799
Narrator:
That was a lie.
67
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:48,967
A few days earlier,
68
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,636
I had talked
to stella on the phone.
69
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,371
Because, as you may recall,
70
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:55,374
I'm kind of
the wedding gift master.
71
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,675
Okay, I'm gonna stop you.
72
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,709
Do you not hear
73
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,144
How weird this all sounds?
74
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,613
You're going to your
ex-girlfriend's wedding.
75
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,515
It's not weird at all.
Where you'll be the best man...
76
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,783
Utterly not weird.
77
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,618
And now, less than
a week before the wedding,
78
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,820
You're calling the woman
who left you at the altar
79
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,956
And moved three time zones away
80
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,191
On the razor-thin chance
81
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,392
That I somehow ended up
82
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,227
With her grandmother's locket?
83
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,295
You know what's weird, stella?
84
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,396
Not seeing star wars
85
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,530
Until you're 30.
86
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,965
You're trying
to blow up the wedding.
87
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,167
You called c-3po "the tin man."
88
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:23,335
He is made of tin!
89
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,903
It's tatooine scrap metal!
90
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,372
This is not an argument
you are gonna win.
91
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,074
Now, do you have
the locket or not?
92
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,410
Look, I might have it somewhere
93
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,212
In one of my old boxes
in our storage locker,
94
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,814
But even if I did, I cannot get
out there this week.
95
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,115
I'm totally swamped.
96
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,086
One ticket to los angeles,
please.
97
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,088
Marshall:
So the reason someone
can't come up
98
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,523
To fix the air conditioning
99
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:47,092
Is that the ghost
of captain dearduff,
100
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,694
Who haunts this room,
101
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,095
Likes it muggy?
102
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,096
That's correct.
103
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,531
Although, now that
I say it out loud,
104
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,433
It does sound
kind of ridiculous,
105
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,068
Because there's
no such thing as ghosts.
106
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,069
Right?
107
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,839
You have outflanked me,
front desk guy!
108
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,408
Victory is yours!
109
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,245
Narrator:
The truth is, there was
a ghost in that room.
110
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,046
You see, minutes earlier,
111
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,015
Marshall had been in the middle
of the worst fight
112
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,183
Of his marriage,
113
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,352
When all of sudden,
lily stormed out.
114
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:17,055
Damn it, lily.
115
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,223
This is so unfair.
116
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:19,625
I know!
117
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,793
Storming out in
the middle of an argument?
118
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,562
So childish!
119
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,697
Thank you,
ghost lily.
120
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,066
I'm glad at least
you see it that way.
121
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,802
Although, let's be honest,
I did you a favor.
122
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,037
You were gonna lose.
123
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,372
I... What?
124
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,573
I was gonna lose?
125
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,908
Uh, check your spectral
scorecard, ghost lily.
126
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,110
I had you on the ropes.
127
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,211
That's why you ran out.
128
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,813
I ran out because
you brought up san francisco.
129
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,048
It was a valid point.
130
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,950
It's ancient history.
131
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,485
If you're mad at anyone,
132
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,120
You're mad at 2006 lily.
133
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,222
Well, I can't very well
have an argument with 2006...
134
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:52,057
(à la borat):
Is nice!
135
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,892
(normal voice):
Do people still say that?
136
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,662
I'm sorry,
how exactly
137
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,497
Are you gonna
teach us how to live?
138
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,932
The journey to awesome
139
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,068
Starts with a single...
140
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:05,637
Actually, lots of singles.
141
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,672
We're going to a strip club.
142
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,006
(laughs)
strip club?
143
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,142
We're in the middle
of nowhere.
144
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,810
There is always
a strip club.
145
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,947
Hey, are you a little worried
this guy might kill us?
146
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,917
We just put a down payment
on adult bunk beds.
147
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,119
Would getting killed
really be so bad?
148
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,121
Good point.
I got a weird feeling.
149
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,489
I mean, there's
something off about...
150
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,058
Whoa!
151
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:29,928
Barney:
Question:
152
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,698
Why does this sign
say "gentlemen's club"?
153
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,500
Answer: Because the crab shed
154
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,769
Is a place for gentlemen.
155
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,104
A gentleman
156
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,672
Tips generously.
157
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,007
A gentleman uses
158
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,509
The complimentary
bathroom cologne...
159
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,777
(whispering):
...But not too much.
160
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,046
Oh. This is
important.
161
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,615
Your instinct may be
162
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,485
To avoid the free buffet.
163
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:56,988
Your instinct is wrong.
164
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,957
Don't sleep on the meatballs,
gentlemen.
165
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,359
They are
166
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,526
Exquisite!
167
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,762
Come on!
168
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,966
You know,
I liked stella.
169
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,534
Even though she
broke your heart,
170
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,403
I'd still put her
in your top five.
171
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,904
Which are...?
172
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,473
All right,
number five, stella.
Mm-hmm.
173
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,841
Number four,
zoey.
174
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,043
Number three, uh,
the slutty pumpkin.
175
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,044
Ah.
176
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,880
That time you guys
pretended to be a couple
177
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,248
When barney was trying
to sell the apartment.
178
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,316
(both laugh)
179
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:26,718
And number one,
victoria.
180
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,353
Well, you've given
this some thought.
181
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,588
Well, we all have.
182
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,656
There's kind of a running
e-mail chain about it.
183
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:34,059
But the pastry chef
was the best.
184
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,427
No question.
185
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,229
I do miss her
sticky buns.
186
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,397
Uh, euphemism?
187
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:41,400
Nope.
(laughs)
188
00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:42,667
Can I be honest?
189
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:45,837
Um, it was kind of crazy
how all of sudden
190
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,574
It was just... Over
between you and victoria.
191
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,710
I mean...
192
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,513
You guys were seven
years in the making.
193
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:57,115
She left her fiancé
for you.
194
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,350
What... Why would
you break up?
195
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,320
What happened?
196
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:06,024
(clears throat)
197
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,960
We, um...
198
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,096
We broke up because of you.
199
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,604
Oh, my god,
this is amazing!
200
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,073
I ruined my pants, but
it's totally worth it!
201
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,975
Best meatballs ever!
202
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,044
Mmm!
I'm gonna ask
203
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:26,945
A serious question
right now.
204
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,581
Can a person live
in a strip club?
205
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,249
Yes.
206
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,451
For the next few years,
207
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,219
Your strip club
will be like home.
208
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,421
Then, one day,
you'll date a stripper
209
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:39,124
And almost marry her,
and after that,
210
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,326
You'll realize
you're done with strip clubs.
211
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,596
In the sense that you'll dial it
back to, like, once a week.
212
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,832
I feel like I can
talk to women now.
Yeah.
213
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,433
You just stick
a dollar bill in your mouth,
214
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,101
And the conversation
starts itself.
215
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,970
You know, I think we're ready
to go back to that party
216
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,104
And meet some ladies.
217
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,906
(laughs)
yeah!
218
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,274
Yeah!
Yeah!
219
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:59,678
You! Are!
Not! Ready!
220
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,580
Your training is complete
221
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:05,150
When I say
your training is complete!
222
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,218
Come on, let's go.
223
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,989
You-you broke up with victoria
224
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,157
Because of me?
225
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:15,327
She didn't want us
to be friends anymore,
226
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,928
So I had to let her go.
227
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,997
Ted...
228
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,336
I just...
229
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,271
Wow, I...
230
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,006
And-and you haven't
talked to her since?
231
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,975
Haven't talked to her since.
232
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,543
Narrator:
Also a lie.
233
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,111
Unbelievable.
234
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,946
And I assume this is
all in the hopes
235
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,348
That robin'll ditch
her own wedding
236
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,549
And run off with you?
237
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,284
What? No.
238
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:40,318
I would never.
239
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,353
You would never
run off with a girl
240
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,354
On the day of her wedding?
241
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,722
Ri...
242
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,990
Okay, that's a fair point.
243
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,057
I'm not done.
244
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,692
...Ight.
245
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,060
So, do you have it?
246
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,866
I'm looking at it right now.
247
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,967
What?
Oh, uh... Stay there.
248
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:56,968
I'm-I'm on my way.
249
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,136
I'm in germany.
250
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,204
Danke schon!
251
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:01,973
I see.
252
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,642
Look, if it means
that much to you,
253
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,076
As soon as I'm done
here at the bakery,
254
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,077
I'll overnight it.
255
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,579
It'll be there in 24 hours.
256
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:08,580
(exhales)
257
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:09,981
Thank you.
258
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,050
So this bakery,
what kind of, uh...
259
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,084
You want me to send you
260
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,252
Some chocolate truffle
streuselkuchen?
261
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,221
Yes, please,
you're the best, thank you.
262
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,256
Narrator:
But then, 24 hours later...
263
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,558
Disaster.
264
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,026
Man:
I'm sorry, mr. Mosby.
265
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,695
It says here your package
was delivered earlier today.
266
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,063
Your wife signed for it.
267
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,231
My... What?
268
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,365
I... I don't have a wife.
269
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,068
So, then, who's jeanette mosby?
270
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,103
Oh, you're kidding me.
271
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,208
Oh, my gosh,
2013 me!
272
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,777
So many questions!
273
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,112
How many myspace friends
do I have now?
274
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,348
Has james blunt
put out
275
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,116
The steady stream
of number one hits
276
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,551
We all expect from him?
277
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:49,020
And why are we in
this hotel room?
278
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,555
We're here for barney's wedding.
279
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,023
Barney's wedding?
280
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,024
Oh, god.
281
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,693
What desperate ho-bag
282
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,895
Is handcuffing herself
to that time bomb?
283
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,964
My dad did a real
number on me.
284
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,433
Okay, uh... Ghost lily,
seven-years-ago ghost lily,
285
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,634
Can we get on with this
286
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,069
So I can win the argument
287
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,437
And we can move on to my
regularly scheduled fantasy
288
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,871
Of you two making out
with each other?
289
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,106
Sure.
Just so
you know,
290
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,641
I really like it when...
291
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,109
I know.
I'm you.
292
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,545
And I don't like
that anymore.
293
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:14,446
Marshall:
Okay, yes,
294
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,914
Seven-years-ago lily,
295
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,083
Maybe I am wrong
for still being mad at you
296
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:21,586
About san francisco
and our breakup.
297
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,122
But the truth is,
when you left me,
298
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,224
That was the saddest
I've ever been in my life.
299
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,325
Really?
300
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,127
The saddest you've
ever been in your life?
301
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,128
Saddest I've ever been
in my life.
302
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,564
I mean, I am
sitting right here.
303
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,734
Look, dad, yes, obviously,
losing you was way worse,
304
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,837
But I'm trying to make
a bigger point here.
305
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,005
And what point is that?
306
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:43,341
Because she hurt you once,
you now get to hurt her?
307
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,143
It's not how it works
in a marriage.
308
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:45,944
All:
Ooh...
309
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,680
You're totally gonna lose.
310
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:52,984
I can't believe
you're open at this hour.
311
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,586
I'm always open
for my friends.
312
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:55,754
What are we doing here?
313
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:56,988
We should go back
to the party.
314
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,457
In relaxed-fit domestic denim?
315
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,259
I'm sorry,
is this a costume party,
316
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,028
And you're going as 1994?
317
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,163
Would you be a peach
and bump this, please?
318
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:07,999
Who cares
about any of this?
319
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,034
They're just clothes.
320
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,836
Just clothes? Ted--
321
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,039
Sorry, force of habit--
322
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,707
Boys, suits are cool.
323
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:16,941
Exhibit a.
324
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:18,543
I don't care
how well-dressed I am.
325
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,311
The real challenge is walking
up to a girl
326
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,713
That I've never met before
327
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:25,316
And somehow talking to her
with words from my mouth.
328
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,018
I've looked at it
from every possible angle.
329
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,720
There's just no way to do it.
330
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,889
(both chuckle)
331
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,127
What's your name?
332
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,162
Justin.
333
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,230
Have you met justin?
334
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,966
Uh, no. Hi, I'm julie.
335
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,135
So simple, so elegant.
336
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,503
Hmm.
That's it?
337
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,338
You just walk up to someone
you don't know
338
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,740
And introduce them
to your buddy?
339
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,075
I don't know.
That sounds kind of...
340
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,342
Have you met kyle?
341
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:52,677
Hi, kyle.
342
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,446
Are you jesus?!
343
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:57,916
I would have understood,
344
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,384
You know?
345
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,852
I mean, if you told me
346
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,021
That we couldn't be friends
anymore,
347
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,322
I-I wouldn't have liked it,
348
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,024
But I, god,
I would have understood.
349
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,559
I could never do that.
350
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,931
Ted, okay, I insist
that you tell me why not.
351
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,935
Answer the question.
It's... It's for the bride.
352
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,069
I'm not gonna answer
the question,
353
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:21,239
Because you know the answer.
354
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:24,042
You want to talk
about my top five?
355
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,543
There's no top five, robin!
356
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,012
There's just a top one,
and it's you.
357
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,516
And the only reason I'm saying
any of this is 'cause
358
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,352
I know that it's not gonna
change anything.
359
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,421
You and barney are getting
married today.
360
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,224
If I have to hold the shotgun
myself, it's happening.
361
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:42,060
I thought you don't like guns.
362
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,361
I'm the best man.
363
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,131
I swore on the bro code.
364
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,933
I don't want to go to bro hell.
365
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,368
Bro hell sounds bad.
366
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,771
I'm sure barney's got
a whole thing about bro hell.
367
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:58,276
But what about when we
get back from our honeymoon?
368
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:01,045
What about our first night out
at the bar?
369
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:01,980
But what then?
370
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,082
I mean, is it gonna be weird?
371
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,817
No.
372
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,652
How can you be so sure?
373
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,088
Because I'm not gonna be there.
374
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,956
I'm moving to chicago.
375
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,231
You're moving
to chicago?
That's right.
376
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,733
I'm gonna work
for hammond druthers.
377
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,134
The penis-building guy?
378
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,936
They're not all penis buildings.
379
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,905
They just designed
this clamshell amphitheater
380
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,106
For the st. Louis symphony.
381
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:32,143
That one, it doesn't look
like a penis, anyway.
382
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,879
I can't believe
you're leaving new york.
383
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:38,016
Wait, is this be--
is this because of me?
384
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,351
No, it's not because of you.
385
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,921
Well, maybe at first
it was, but...
386
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:47,125
(sighs)
387
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,927
(grunts)
388
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,936
It's been a really long week.
389
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:02,507
Some stuff has happened and...
390
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,211
It's just made me feel like
it's, it's time to move on.
391
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:09,981
Yes, good things happened
to me in new york,
392
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:13,618
But bad things happened, too.
393
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:17,322
Like your top five
worst relationships?
394
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:21,392
Okay, come on. Let me hear it.
395
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,394
Number five, blah blah.
Mm-hmm.
396
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,364
Number four,
boats, boats, boats.
397
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,132
Number three, karen.
Mm.
398
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:32,237
Number two, uh, zoey.
She made both lists.
399
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:35,807
Number one, by a landslide,
jeanette.
400
00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:37,976
Jeanette, of course.
By the way,
401
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,077
Have you talked
to jeanette lately?
402
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,912
I haven't talked to her.
Narrator:
Liar.
403
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:44,082
So I was at your apartment
stealing your mail,
404
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:47,352
And apparently there's
some chick named victoria
405
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,020
Sending you jewelry
406
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,054
From germany?
407
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,991
Somebody owes somebody
an explanation.
408
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,059
Jeanette, that locket
is a wedding gift for robin.
409
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,762
Robin?! Oh, god, this again?
410
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,998
That I'm giving
to her as a friend
411
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,066
Because I'm kind
of the wedding gift master!
412
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,735
Now bring it back
to me right now!
413
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,770
Fine. Meet me
at the bow bridge
414
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,538
In central park in one hour.
415
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,008
And by the way,
I want kenny back.
416
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,009
Who's kenny?!
417
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,443
My pet tarantula.
418
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,912
(gasps)
419
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,047
By the way, I love your hair.
420
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,515
I love your hair!
421
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,783
Imaginary women, right?
422
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:22,921
I need everyone
to just be quiet, please.
423
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:28,026
Look, I know that I could
have handled all of this better.
424
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:31,095
But setting aside the fact
that all of our friends are here
425
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,597
And that we don't speak italian,
426
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,199
If we stay in new york, we both
get to follow our dreams.
427
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,567
Are we really gonna go someplace
428
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,436
Where only one of us gets
to do that?
429
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,038
Of course not.
Well, then how can you...?
430
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,739
Wait-- what?
431
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,474
We're not moving to Italy.
432
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:46,077
We have a baby.
It makes sense to stay here.
433
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,145
Even I know that.
434
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,880
You do?
435
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:51,349
So... I win?
436
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:55,153
Well, then, ho, hey, ho.
437
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:59,257
In your ethereal face,
ghost lily.
438
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:02,660
Oh, yeah, the convincer
right here!
439
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,928
She thought I was gonna lose.
440
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,296
You agonna lose.
441
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:09,100
You're gonna lose this.
442
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,501
If you keep lying to me,
443
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,670
If you keep cutting me out
of decisions,
444
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:16,274
If you keep using words
like "winning" and "losing"
445
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,942
When you talk
about our marriage.
446
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:21,112
It's not like it'll happen
all at once,
447
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,781
But if you keep acting
this way,
448
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,985
Little by little,
449
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,119
You're gonna lose me.
450
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,955
Is that what you want?
451
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:33,024
No, of course not.
452
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:36,928
You're not my enemy.
You're my wife.
453
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:37,996
(à la borat):
My wife!
454
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,097
(normal voice):
Right?
455
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,032
No. Sorr... Sorry.
456
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,602
We should
probably head back.
457
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:48,406
Do you want to watch
the sun come up?
458
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:53,277
Sure.
459
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,546
Jeanette:
Thanks for meeting me here.
460
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,116
I'm heading over to the east
side to stuff a dead squirrel
461
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,118
Into a different
ex-boyfriend's mailbox,
462
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,986
So, you know, this made sense.
463
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,454
Of course.
464
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,356
So, can I have the locket?
465
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,291
No.
466
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,027
What? Jeanette...
467
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,229
Ted, listen to me.
You're being crazy.
468
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,630
I'm being crazy?!
469
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,633
Yes! How long have you been
hung up on robin?
470
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,235
Eight years?!
471
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,703
And you're still
killing yourself
472
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,039
To fetch dumb little trinkets
for her. That's crazy!
473
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,974
That's more than crazy.
474
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:24,809
I don't think there's a word
for what that is!
475
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:27,145
Actually, there is a word
for that. It's "love."
476
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,248
I'm in love with her, okay?
477
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,850
If you're looking for the word
that means caring about someone
478
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,219
Beyond all rationality
and wanting them to have
479
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,921
Everything they want,
no matter how much
480
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,156
It destroys you, it's love!
481
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,692
And when you love someone,
you just, you...
482
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,194
You don't stop, ever.
483
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,930
Even when people roll their
eyes or call you crazy.
484
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,932
Even then. Especially then!
485
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,701
You just-- you don't give up!
Because if I could give up...
486
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,771
If I could just, you know,
take the whole world's advice
487
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,941
And-and move on and find someone
else, that wouldn't be love.
488
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,409
That would be...
489
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,678
That would be some other
disposable thing
490
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,448
That is not worth fighting for.
491
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:09,387
But I--
that is not what this is.
492
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:13,291
So, please, can I have
the locket?
493
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,263
Cuckoo.
494
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,175
I think we should
get back together.
495
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:39,117
Robin:
And... New day.
496
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,353
Yep, new day.
497
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:46,124
♪ close your eyes...
498
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:49,927
Okay, you need to get
at least a little sleep.
499
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,064
♪ do you feel
my heart beating? ♪
500
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:55,900
♪ do you understand?
501
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,136
♪ do you feel the same?
502
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,138
Barney (slurring):
A few final thoughts.
503
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,607
Don't get married
until you're 30.
504
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:05,076
Play laser tag once a week.
505
00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:09,147
Give at least as many high fives
as you get.
506
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,149
Teacup pigs are lady magnets,
507
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,352
But very hard to care for.
Not worth the effort.
508
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:19,190
The same goes for dogs
and babies.
509
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:21,926
And most importantly,
510
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:25,763
Whatever you do in this life,
511
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,832
It's not legendary
512
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,867
Unless your friends are there
to see it.
513
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,372
Good luck, boys.
514
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:37,175
Take care of
the game for me.
515
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,544
We will.
516
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,948
Did you ever get
his name?
517
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,817
No. What'd he give you?
518
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:47,852
I don't know,
519
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,621
But I think it's important.
520
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:55,960
♪ I don't want to lose
this feeling ♪
521
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,862
Lil-lily...
522
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,665
I love you. And I'm so sorry.
523
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,166
It doesn't matter
where we live.
524
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,167
I just want us
to be...
525
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,702
We're staying in new york.
526
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,003
What? No.
527
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,805
Yes.
528
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,641
It just makes sense.
529
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,978
I've missed you so much.
530
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:18,916
♪ am I only dreaming?
531
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,219
I have to let go now.
532
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:24,188
♪ is this burning
I know you do.
533
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:27,325
♪ an eternal flame?
534
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:32,997
♪ close your eyes,
give me your hand, darling ♪
535
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,434
♪ do you feel
my heart beating? ♪
536
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,003
♪ do you understand?
537
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,073
♪ do you feel the same?
538
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:46,677
♪ am I only dreaming?
539
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,088
When we went out
on our first date,
540
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,389
At the end
of the night,
541
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:01,058
Did you want me
to kiss you?
542
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:06,130
Yeah, I did.
Damn it!
543
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,199
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org