1
00:00:02,937 --> 00:00:05,804
Oh, my god! You know that
there is gonna be champagne
2
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,673
At this party, right?
I know, I know.
3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,174
But we're gonna get
there and it's gonna be
4
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,443
Everyone congratulating
you on your book,
5
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,512
Saying, "this is a revelation!
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,681
"you're gonna end
poverty in our time.
7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,949
"this is the greatest book
anyone's ever written
8
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:18,350
In any genre."
9
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,985
You're the only one
that says that, sweetie.
10
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,053
Well, it's true.
11
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,788
So before I lose you
12
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,390
To your adoring public,
13
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,392
I just want to take
a moment, you and I,
14
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:29,762
To celebrate the best
year of our lives.
15
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:31,997
Happy new year.
16
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,298
Happy new year.
17
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,203
(grunts)
18
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,839
We go big tonight!
19
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,341
Easy there, buddy.
20
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,176
We're old people, remember?
21
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,045
We haven't even gone
medium sized in forever.
22
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:49,648
And I cannot carry
you home in this dress.
23
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,749
Sweetie, relax.
24
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:51,984
I got this.
25
00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:53,318
Yeah, right.
26
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,554
I can see your whole future.
27
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,390
You are gonna be
so hungover tomorrow.
28
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,825
I'm gonna be fine.
Hmm.
29
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,161
I made a vow, remember?
30
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,028
Narrator:
Kids...
31
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,196
The story behind that vow
32
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,097
Took place the morning
33
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,932
Of barney and robin's wedding.
34
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,902
You see, after drinking
way too much the night before,
35
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,904
This is
all your uncle barney remembers
36
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:14,073
From the first two hours
of his wedding day.
37
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,408
(gasps)
38
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,576
(roars)
39
00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:22,114
And that's it.
40
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,248
Now here's how the rest of us
41
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,750
Remember those two hours.
42
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,185
(tape rewinding)
43
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,119
Robin:
Found him.
44
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,690
You know, he looks better
than I thought he would.
45
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:35,260
Rise and shine.
46
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,162
Up and at 'em,
let's do this.
47
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:39,598
There's a gas leak!
48
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,134
The building's on fire!
49
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,003
Your shoes don't
match your belt!
50
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,540
(moaning)
51
00:01:48,564 --> 00:01:54,564
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
52
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,381
Both: Uh-oh.
53
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,450
(piano playing
wagner's "bridal chorus")
54
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:08,193
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
55
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,433
Okay, I think my fiancé
56
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,934
Peed himself a little.
57
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,270
Oh, tomorrow
I'm gonna be able to say
58
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,606
My husband
peed himself a little.
59
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,074
(moaning)
don't worry.
60
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,242
I accidentally spilled
some iced tea on him.
61
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,476
Oh, thank god.
62
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,477
(whispering):
I didn't really spill
63
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,812
Some iced tea on him.
64
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,413
Oh, god, this is bad.
65
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:30,149
We're doing
family wedding pictures
66
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,284
At the lighthouse
in two hours.
67
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,019
My father is paying
for the whole thing.
68
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,521
He's gonna kill barney
if he doesn't show up.
69
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,189
Come on, your dad's tough.
70
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,458
But won't he understand a
good old fashioned hangover?
71
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:40,692
My father's recipe
72
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:41,693
For a bloody mary
73
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:42,928
Trades out tomato juice
74
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,296
For wolf's blood.
75
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,631
Ooh.
Ooh.
76
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,865
Bloody mary?
77
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,701
Sounds more like
a bloody scary.
78
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,637
I'm gonna say it again.
79
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,005
Uh, hold on.
Bloody mary?
Sounds more...
80
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,206
You guys are forgetting
81
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,842
Barney stinson has
a super power.
82
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,845
He can't take a bad photo.
83
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,981
(grunts)
okay, here.
84
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,349
Watch.
85
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,321
Guys, barney may be dead.
86
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,489
Marshall:
That's it!
87
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,658
You know what? We are all
now seriously too old
88
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,126
To keep doing this to ourselves!
89
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,627
I vow here and now
90
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:19,231
That I shall never again
get that drunk in my life!
91
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,800
Narrator:
Yeah, he'd wind up
breaking that vow.
92
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,036
And I will not break that vow
93
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,405
As sure as I will always
have a full head of hair!
94
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:29,007
Woman:
In other elections today,
95
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,143
In the race for new york
state supreme court,
96
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,411
Judge brad morris...
97
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,479
Mmm, just look at him.
98
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,148
I would love to rub that down.
99
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,216
(clears throat)
sorry.
100
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,251
Has increased his sizable lead
101
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,353
Over judge marshall eriksen.
102
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,355
It was supposed to
be a victory party.
103
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,357
You ran
a great campaign, baby.
104
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,992
Yeah, but it was
the most stressful
105
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,460
Three weeks of my life!
106
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:52,731
And in other results,
a surprise comeback.
107
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,934
We are now ready to call the new
york state supreme court race
108
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,836
For judge marshall eriksen.
109
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,504
(all cheering)
110
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,440
We'll go to judge eriksen
for a live statement
111
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,208
In just a few minutes.
112
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,177
(slurring):
Come again for judge fudge?
113
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:07,512
As your next commissioner...
114
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,681
State supreme court judge.
115
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,216
...Of gotham city...
116
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:13,418
The state of new york.
117
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,622
...I vow to make
batman work harder.
118
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:17,923
I say
119
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,792
Shine that bat-signal
even for small stuff.
120
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,262
Like, uh, shoveling snow.
121
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:27,366
Or, like, uh, if a police horse
dumps out in the park.
122
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,267
Lily:
Okay, well, that will be
123
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:29,768
All at this time, thank you.
124
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,436
That's all.
Okay.
125
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,471
Mmm, good night.
126
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,139
Never again!
127
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,741
I vow it!
128
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,376
I am more worried
about the vows I have to take
129
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,944
With this useless
pile of garbage
130
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:39,945
A few hours from now.
131
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,213
What do we do?
132
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,414
You guys see the irony here.
133
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,582
The only person
who could possibly get
134
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,150
Barney back on his feet
135
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:46,285
Is barney.
136
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,219
Narrator:
See, over the years,
137
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:48,453
We'd all come to experience
138
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,322
Something barney called...
139
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:53,125
Stinson's hangover fixer elixir!
140
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,226
The most effective
141
00:04:54,228 --> 00:04:55,394
Post-bender,
head's-too-tender ender
142
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,395
From here to denver.
143
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,596
What's in it?
144
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,097
Glad you asked.
Ah, I take it back.
145
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,099
Columbia university, 1941...
I take it back, I take it back.
146
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,968
President franklin
delano roosevelt,
147
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,571
Whom we all know is most famous
for being a world-class drunk,
148
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,106
Commissioned a top-secret
scientific project--
149
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,909
Develop an elixir to cure
the common hangover.
150
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,245
And what brilliant scientific
mind did boozy old fdr pick
151
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:16,081
To head up this historic task?
Ted: Look.
152
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,083
My head really hurts.
Let's just speed this along.
153
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,184
You're clearly ripping off
154
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,086
The story
of the manhattan project,
155
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,422
Which was run
by dr. Robert oppenheimer.
156
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:27,092
So I'm gonna guess it was
your distant relative...
157
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,629
...Barnert stinsonheimer?
158
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,799
Somebody's read
their history books.
159
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,834
The too many manhattans project
160
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,303
Hit a few snags at first.
161
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,504
The first batch exploded.
162
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,440
Which sounded
kind of like this.
163
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,108
Boom!
Oh!
164
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,209
You suck.
165
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,444
Just let me finish.
166
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,479
But the second batch...
167
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,348
Sadly also exploded.
168
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,449
Boom!
Oh!
169
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,317
Why are you here right now?
170
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:53,652
Do you want to hear
the story or not?
171
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,120
Absolutely not. Please leave.
172
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,288
After some trial and error,
173
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:58,690
Dr. Stinsonheimer finally found
174
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,559
The magic formula.
175
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,396
Ted:
Hang on.
176
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:05,630
Funyuns?
177
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,032
Tantrum soda?
178
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:07,899
Sure.
179
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,234
In 1941?
180
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,469
Sure.
181
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,503
They haven't made
new tantrum since then.
182
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,571
That stuff lasts a while.
183
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,841
Anyway, the elixir
was such a success,
184
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,343
He was awarded
the bro-bel prize.
185
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,345
True story.
186
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,480
Boom!
187
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,714
Wh-wh-why?
188
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,182
That time I was
just messing with you.
189
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,784
Just give me the stupid drink.
190
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,353
(groans)
191
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:31,423
Narrator:
And the craziest part was...
192
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,362
I-I feel better.
193
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,398
Over the years,
each of us would discover
194
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,199
That barney's
elixir actually worked.
195
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,868
Like, way better.
196
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,035
What's in this thing again?
197
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,737
Stinson family secret.
198
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,939
Oh, come on, you told me most of
the ingredients in your story.
199
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,541
Just tell me the secret one.
200
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,176
Ha! I'll never tell you.
201
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,412
I'll take it with me
to my grave.
202
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,446
Damn it, barney!
203
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,914
Why are you always so selfish?!
204
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,449
We are trying to help you!
205
00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,517
Robin: Okay,
we somehow have
206
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,219
Back on his feet before
the wedding pictures.
207
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,989
Well, we know what barney
would want us to do.
208
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,758
Woman:
Say cheese.
209
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,393
All: Cheese!
210
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,361
Robin: No!
211
00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:11,363
We are not doing
weekend at barney's!
212
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:12,431
But that's the dream!
213
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,466
I can't believe
I just said that.
214
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:15,467
Someone suggest
something useful!
215
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:16,968
Okay, here's the plan.
216
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,637
Marshall, you and ted
go gather
217
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,205
The ingredients we do know.
218
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:20,939
Robin,
219
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,541
You wake up barney long enough
220
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,409
To find out
the secret ingredient.
221
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:28,313
And I'll race down to the spa
to keep my 8:15 mani and pedi.
222
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,414
Okay, let's do this!
223
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:30,415
Bitch?
224
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,383
Walk out that door and I tag in
225
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:32,717
Zabka as my maid of honor.
226
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,454
Okay, let's start simple.
227
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,621
Fresh ocean air.
228
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,656
Come on, baby.
229
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,291
Both:
Come on, honey.
230
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,692
Come on, love, yeah.
Baby, baby.
231
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,596
I'll get the elevator.
232
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,631
Oh, I should get some water.
233
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,611
Okay, so...
234
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,613
Accidentally throwing
barney down the stairs
235
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,815
Did not wake him up.
236
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,084
Nor did banging his
head on each step
237
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,619
As we dragged him back up here.
238
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,188
So, how do we
wake him up long enough
239
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,990
To tell us the final ingredient?
240
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,592
You know, when my sister and I
241
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,460
Had trouble getting up
for school,
242
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,496
My dad a few cute little tricks.
243
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,435
(growling)
244
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:24,469
I'll do it!
245
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,605
I swear to god I'll do it!
246
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,673
Your dad used to do this to you?
247
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,442
Well, it was with
a cabbage patch doll and an ax.
248
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:31,510
But same idea. Trust me.
249
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,812
I was never late
for kindergarten again.
250
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,348
What? Come on.
251
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,617
(barney moaning)
252
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,352
(groans)
253
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,553
I second marshall's vow.
254
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:44,789
I will never, ever get
that drunk again.
255
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,691
Narrator:
Yeah. She would.
256
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,693
Lily:
My baby boy's
257
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,028
In college.
258
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,396
Did you pack enough undies?
259
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,531
Yes, mom.
(shushes)
260
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,033
Your father did a lot of puking
261
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,135
In these hallowed halls.
262
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,337
From-from binge studying.
263
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,039
(quietly):
Saved it.
264
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,140
That reminds me, mister.
265
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,708
No underage drinking.
266
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,677
No good comes
from hanging out
267
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,512
In bars and getting drunk.
268
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,348
But every story
from your 20s starts in a bar.
269
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,650
Listen to your mother.
270
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,052
Oh, what are we gonna do
without you in the house?
271
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,353
(groans)
272
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,489
We got him out of the house!
Drink up!
273
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,692
(grunts)
274
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,927
(whoops)
275
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,462
Oh...
276
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,601
You son of a bitch!
You son of a me!
277
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,937
All right, we got most
of the ingredients on our list.
278
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,939
Ginger, bananas, funyuns.
279
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,941
I cannot believe
that minimart sold tantrum.
280
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,576
It's been discontinued
for years.
281
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,610
Uh, hey.
(clears throat)
282
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,046
Will you, uh,
toss me that bottle?
283
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,547
Oh. Yeah, we haven't
done this forever.
284
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,282
(smacks lips)
285
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,283
Dude!
286
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,284
You're a grown man.
287
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,619
Why you throwing a tantrum?
288
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:48,687
Nice!
289
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,788
So awesome!
290
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:50,855
So awesome!
291
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:51,890
Okay, there's only
292
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,725
One more item on the list and...
293
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,760
It's an odd one.
294
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,696
Grease?
Grease.
295
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,298
At the farhampton inn,
we don't cook with grease.
296
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,300
Our menu is organic.
297
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,102
Farm to table, locally grown.
298
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,404
No "grease."
299
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,405
Sir,
300
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,074
I am from minnesota,
301
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,942
Where every meal
is cooked with grease.
302
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,712
And my father dubbed
that food the tastiest eats
303
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,548
In the whole
gosh darn world, so...
304
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:17,716
And how is your father's health?
305
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,786
Point is,
it tastes really good.
306
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,121
Also, uh,
307
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,056
We need it to help a friend
recover from a hangover.
308
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,891
Wait a second.
309
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,727
There's bacon right here.
310
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,828
And where there's bacon,
311
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,096
There's bacon grease.
312
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,631
Which we throw out.
313
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,733
And we aren't making
any more bacon today.
314
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,569
Not unless it all somehow gets
eaten in the ten minutes
315
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:39,671
Before breakfast is over.
316
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,641
No, no, no!
317
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,908
Ted, do not give me that look!
318
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,143
A mountain of food.
319
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,478
A ticking clock? Come on!
320
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,746
You live for this stuff!
321
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,648
No, I'm not a wild animal.
322
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,950
I'm a columbia-educated lawyer,
323
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:55,020
Poised to become a judge
before age 35.
324
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,421
And remind me,
how did you celebrate
325
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,956
Getting accepted into columbia?
326
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,759
You eat one
eight-pound block of fudge
327
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,827
In 12 minutes
and you're marked for life.
328
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,829
You're not marked for life...
329
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:05,830
Big fudge.
330
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,165
I'm out, okay?
331
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,266
You eat the bacon.
332
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,768
You know I can't.
333
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,935
I'm allergic.
Ted.
334
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,671
I've been trying
to tell you this for years.
335
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,372
Your bacon allergy is a lie
336
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,608
Your mother made up
so you'd eat healthy as a kid.
337
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,843
No, I'm just allergic
to a lot of stuff.
338
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,311
Bacon, doughnuts,
339
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,681
Halloween candy.
340
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,816
Not saying thank you.
341
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,384
Oh, my god!
342
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,619
That bitch lied to me!
343
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:30,622
Okay, I'll-I'll do it.
344
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:33,024
But I... Look, I don't, I don't
even know if I'll like bacon.
345
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:36,828
(sniffs)
346
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,763
Mm-hmm.
347
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,033
What do you think?
348
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,169
(choir humming)
349
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,638
I have seen the face of god.
350
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:52,577
Okay, there is one thing
we haven't tried yet.
351
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,512
Making out with each other.
352
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,247
You really think
that will wake him up?
353
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,515
Wake up who now?
354
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,818
(barney moaning)
355
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:00,819
(groans)
356
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,821
Look at this soggy bag of snot.
357
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,823
That's it,
I am joining marshall's vow.
358
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,926
I am never, ever getting
that drunk again.
359
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,729
Narrator:
Kids, you see
where this is going.
360
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:16,034
Did last night really happen?
361
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:18,336
I think so.
362
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,271
Look, let's just agree.
363
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,674
Absolute silence for
the rest of the day.
364
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:24,209
(baby crying)
365
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:25,877
(groans)
(laughs)
366
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,746
Every time.
367
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:28,713
You want me to get her?
368
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,949
No, I got her.
369
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,718
(grunts)
370
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,187
Yeah, I know, I know.
371
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,256
(shushing)
372
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,794
Hey, barney?
373
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:43,561
Yeah?
374
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,263
Whose baby is this?
375
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:54,005
Uh, pardon.
376
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:56,941
(speaks french)
377
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,743
How could you, mom?!
378
00:12:58,745 --> 00:12:59,911
You had the map
379
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,280
To heaven
and you never showed me the way.
380
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,215
May you rot
in the bacon-less hell
381
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,818
That I've lived in
my entire life.
382
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,053
Yeah, they-they, uh,
crisp it up real nice here.
383
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:10,155
Don't they?
Mm-hmm.
384
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,156
What is that--
applewood smoked?
385
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,257
You know what, ted,
386
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,758
You've been going
at it real hard.
387
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,126
Why don't you take a breather?
388
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,628
And I'll drive us home.
389
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,229
(growls)
390
00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:20,999
Well, congratulations.
391
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,767
Here's your grease.
(grunts)
392
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:23,902
No!
393
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,904
I don't want to lose a finger.
(grunts)
394
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:26,838
Here.
Thanks.
395
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:27,839
All right, ted, let's go.
396
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:28,873
No, no!
397
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,243
I finally found
the one, marshall.
398
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,913
Her name is bacon.
399
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:37,816
You know, this would go great on
one of my mom's lt sandwiches.
400
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,350
Buddy, you got to take it easy.
401
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,585
Never!
402
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,954
I got a lifetime without bacon
to make up for.
403
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,656
I will keep eating and eating
404
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,191
And eating...
Oh, god, help me.
405
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:47,358
I'm going down.
406
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,160
Narrator:
And that's the first
407
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,863
And last time I ever ate bacon.
408
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,531
He's not waking up!
409
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,532
I'm out of ideas!
410
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,467
We've tried everything!
411
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,769
Not everything.
412
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,271
Lily aldrin?
413
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,706
Let's make out.
414
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,141
(gasps)
415
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,642
Are you sure?!
416
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,044
Yeah, baby, I'm sure.
417
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,846
Um...
418
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,848
Okay, well, you know what?
I mean...
419
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:12,217
It probably won't even work.
420
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,985
And it was stupid.
421
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,220
I'm stupid.
422
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,821
(shushing)
423
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,389
You're beautiful.
424
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,229
(gasps)
425
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,364
More, more, more, more,
more, more, more, more.
426
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,365
Whoa, he's awake!
427
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,833
How'd you do it?!
428
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:29,868
Nothing special.
429
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:30,869
Hydration, patience.
430
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,003
Quick, before he
passes out again.
431
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,304
Barney!
(grunts)
432
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,206
What's the secret ingredient
433
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,876
In stinson's
hangover fixer elixir?
434
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,377
Come on, stay with us.
435
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,813
The secret ingredient
436
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:43,081
Is...
437
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,649
Nothing.
438
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:45,483
All: Huh?
439
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,852
I ate too much bacon.
440
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,088
Stinson's hangover fixer elixir
441
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,324
Is a lie.
442
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,894
That's the secret.
443
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,896
You...
444
00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:00,131
You know, I could use
a little lie-down myself.
445
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,007
So, stinson's hangover
fixer elixir is a lie?
446
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,042
Why would you lie about that?
447
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,344
Like that one jerk
in every high school
448
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,746
Who brings in fake mushrooms
449
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,847
Just to see
who's gullible enough
450
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:17,048
To think they're tripping?
451
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,883
Damn you, ollie gunderson.
452
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:21,619
I knew those shrooms
tasted like sea-monkeys.
453
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,221
How do you know
what sea-monkeys taste like?
454
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,956
My older brothers are not...
455
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,025
The best people.
456
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:27,959
Why did you lie?
457
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,961
I...
458
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:33,298
Love you guys.
459
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,768
He loves us?
460
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,269
Let's throw him down
the stairs again.
461
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,404
Yeah!
Yeah!
462
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,538
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Think about it.
463
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,773
The first time barney
464
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:42,774
Gave us that drink,
465
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:43,808
Those hangovers all happened
466
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,944
At the worst possible moments.
467
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,079
Remember? Marshall thought
he botched day two
468
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,882
Of the bar exam, so he freaked
out that night and got wasted?
469
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,917
Now I'm gonna miss
the last day of the bar?
470
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,319
I'll never be a lawyer!
471
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,888
I should just go back to being
a manager at structure.
472
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,790
That ten percent
off all vests sale?
473
00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,958
That was my idea!
474
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,259
As was cutting the arms off
475
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,593
All the shirts
that weren't selling.
476
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,128
That's where I belong.
477
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,230
No, marshall.
478
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:07,966
You're gonna be a lawyer.
479
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,734
(groans)
no, I can't do it.
480
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,470
Yes, you can. Your first day
back live on the air
481
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,973
Is gonna be legend--
wait for it--
482
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,007
Dary!
483
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,809
Your kindergarten field trip
484
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,677
To the jackhammer and
siren museum today...
485
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:20,678
(groans)
486
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,947
...Is gonna be legendary.
487
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,248
No, it's not.
488
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,284
Nothing's ever gonna
be legendary again.
489
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,686
I-I'm never gonna
recover from this.
490
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:29,988
It's just a hangover, ted.
491
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,255
Not that!
492
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,858
I got left at the altar, barney.
493
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:37,528
I'm now a guy
who got left at the altar.
494
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,964
There's no coming back
from that.
495
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,033
Drink this.
496
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,102
You're gonna be okay.
497
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:48,139
Barney made up the stinson's
hangover fixer elixir
498
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,541
So we would all believe
that we could rally.
499
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:53,811
I mean, even though it's fake,
it-it worked.
500
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,146
Like-like dumbo's feather.
501
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,181
Dum-bro's feather.
502
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,216
A placebo.
503
00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,984
Place-bro.
504
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,019
A sugar pill.
505
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,520
(gasps)
506
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,022
I...
507
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,024
He lied so we'd be okay.
508
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,525
Hmm.
509
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,028
Barney does love us.
510
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:13,131
I wish we could help him out
the way he helped us.
511
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,233
But the wedding photos
are in 20 minutes.
512
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,135
(groans)
my dad's gonna be so pissed.
513
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,536
Yup.
514
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,605
Barney's a dead man.
515
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:29,447
(camera shutter clicking)
516
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:34,886
Barney?
517
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,087
You were always a bit...
518
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,723
Chatty and blond
519
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,324
For my taste. Like a woman.
520
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,061
But this new side of you--
521
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,162
Quiet,
522
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,663
Steady?
523
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,698
I like it!
524
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:50,935
You've earned my
respect today, son.
525
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,170
I request the highest of fives.
526
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,604
Oh, no.
Stay cool.
527
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,908
I got this.
528
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,048
Barney:
I don't believe this.
529
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,750
You did weekend at barney's.
530
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,018
And it worked.
531
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:10,221
God, today's gonna be
all downhill from here.
532
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,756
That's what the bride
wants to hear.
533
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,124
No, that's not what I meant.
534
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,926
I just mean weekend at barney's
535
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:17,562
Is a thousand times more amazing
than our wedding could ever be.
536
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:20,364
I'm gonna get some more coffee.
I can't wait to see the photos!
537
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:24,936
Well, he bought it.
538
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,037
We lied out of love.
539
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,438
Look how happy he is.
540
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,107
I mean, he has no idea
we had to cancel
541
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,808
The wedding photos
and my dad was so angry,
542
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,244
He came up to our room
and kicked barney in the crotch.
543
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:36,080
And the best part is
your dad has no idea.
544
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:38,049
He still loves me.
545
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:41,052
Hey, do anyone else's
balls hurt?
546
00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:42,253
Marshall:
And, look,
547
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:43,454
Some good came out of all this.
548
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,056
Seeing you like that,
we all vowed
549
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:47,091
Never to get that drunk again.
550
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,559
Well, actually I didn't.
551
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:49,827
But I will now.
552
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,062
Never again.
553
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:52,797
Never again.
Never again.
Never... Ow!
554
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,332
Narrator: Kids, no matter
how hard we try,
555
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,068
Even the best of us go
a little too wild sometimes.
556
00:18:57,070 --> 00:19:00,004
And in those moments,
we all need
557
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,140
Someone who loves us
to help us rally.
558
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,208
(groans)
559
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,346
(whispers):
Happy new year.
Okay.
560
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,914
That was, that was way too loud.
561
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:12,016
You're practically screaming.
562
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,684
What you need
563
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,687
Is stinson's
hangover fixer elixir.
564
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,689
Even if that means lying
once in a while.
565
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:19,991
Does it work?
566
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:20,925
Totally works.
567
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,695
(gags)
568
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,364
It's normal,
it's totally normal.
569
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:29,200
(groans)
570
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,036
(laughs)
I love you so much.
571
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,004
I love you, too.
572
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,139
Whoop, whoop.
573
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,507
Better drink it fast.
574
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,175
Both: Mommy!
575
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,509
Hey, look who it is!
576
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,944
Get her!
577
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,013
(all clamoring)
578
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:48,853
I can't believe we kissed today.
579
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,955
Weird.
580
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,523
I-I feel kind of bad
581
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,226
That, um,
ted and marshall missed it.
582
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:57,361
Hey, we should kiss
one more time
583
00:19:57,363 --> 00:20:00,898
In front of them just to,
like, blow their minds.
584
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,466
Right?
585
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,734
Nah, I don't think so.
586
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,469
Exactly, totally.
587
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:08,906
Ha-ha, guys, you don't get
to see this kiss either.
588
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,508
So, where should we go?
589
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,343
Closet, patio?
590
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,711
Ooh, I think the sauna's open.
591
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,079
Well, I... Actually...
592
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:18,683
To be honest,
it-it felt kind of weird to me.
593
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:19,884
Once was enough.
594
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,085
Totally.
595
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,220
We could kiss.
596
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,254
We could not kiss.
597
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,655
We could kiss.
598
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,656
Doesn't matter to me.
599
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:26,657
It's stupid.
600
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,559
I'm stupid.
601
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:33,764
So stupid.