1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,009 Ted: Hi. 2 00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,678 Hi. 3 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,146 Okay. 4 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,581 (chuckles) 5 00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,351 So I thought we'd... Try this new restaurant. 6 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,020 It's right around the corner from here. 7 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,554 It's scottish-mexican fusion. 8 00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,056 Scottish-mexican fusion? 9 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,657 Scottish-mexican fusion. 10 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,060 That would seem like two things that do not fuse. 11 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,728 Perhaps you'll change your mind when you try 12 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,196 Their signature haggis enchiladas. 13 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,664 (laughs) okay. (chuckles) 14 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:35,334 All right. Yeah, come on. Lead the way. 15 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:38,137 I was surprised when you called. 16 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,638 Isn't there some universal guy rule 17 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,974 Where you have to wait four days to call a girl? 18 00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:44,009 That... Does not ring a bell. 19 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,411 And it's three days. 20 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,745 (laughs) 21 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,080 Here we are. 22 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,416 (bagpipes and trumpets playing mariachi music) 23 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:53,052 Uh, I did not realize there would be live music. 24 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,254 So, uh, should we... 25 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,488 Eat anywhere but here? 26 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,057 (laughs): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 27 00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,892 Besides, I'm sure we can find a place 28 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,160 Where we don't need reservations. 29 00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,594 Oh, you think it's just that easy? 30 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,897 Just stroll in off the street and get a meal? 31 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:08,700 Well, let me tell you the tale of gary blauman. 32 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,102 There's the blushing bride! 33 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,737 Oh! 34 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,105 Gary blauman! 35 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,540 How are you?! 36 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,408 Uh, duh, like I need to ask. 37 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,876 You're getting married. 38 00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:20,012 Well, don't let me keep you. You have things to do. 39 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:22,948 I will see you walking down the aisle. 40 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:26,251 I'll be the guy in the eighth row going like this. 41 00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:28,921 (laughs) right?! Right. 42 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,289 Good luck today! Thank you. 43 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,857 Okay. (chuckles) 44 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,259 Hey, there's the blushing bride... 45 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,494 Code red! 46 00:01:35,518 --> 00:01:41,518 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 47 00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:50,742 Oh, my god. Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, 48 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,044 Oh, my god! Why the code red? 49 00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:54,213 I mean, if it's... If it's about your hair, 50 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,281 I didn't even notice; especially not from the back. 51 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,550 What? Nothing. 52 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,586 Gary blauman is here, and I had no idea he was coming. 53 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,287 His reply card must've gotten lost in the mail. 54 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,589 I mean, where's he gonna sit? 55 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,924 It took us weeks to plan the seating chart! 56 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,893 Robin. 57 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,027 Shh. 58 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,064 I got you. Huh? 59 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,932 You're talking to the seating chart master. 60 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,802 At my own wedding, I managed to sit small-town minnesotans 61 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:20,572 Right next to liberal new yorkers with grace and aplomb. 62 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:23,675 Table 27 still gets together once a year for a reunion. 63 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,044 Perhaps you've seen their photos on facebook. 64 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,581 Like I said... 65 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,983 (whispers): I got you. 66 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,050 Thanks, marshall. 67 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,921 (door closes) 68 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:39,024 Code red! 69 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,492 Grandma's sitting next to the band, 70 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,961 Divorced couple sitting one table away from each other, 71 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,030 No coherent singles table. 72 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,132 This is the robin's hair of seating charts. 73 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,133 Singles tables are cruel. 74 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,868 I mean, what if you went to a wedding 75 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,370 And there was a table of all fat guys? 76 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,105 That would be awesome. You're right, it would. 77 00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:54,773 Let's crack this gary blauman nut first, 78 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,508 And then we'll work on the fat guy table. 79 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,777 Wait, did you say gary blauman? 80 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,646 Yeah. Why? 81 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:04,049 I... Hate... That guy. 82 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,117 Why? 83 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,618 Remember a few years ago 84 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,554 When I read that biography of teddy roosevelt? 85 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,189 For weeks after I read it, 86 00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:13,292 I only wanted to talk about one thing. 87 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:16,495 Teddy roosevelt was the coolest guy ever! 88 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,663 (others grumbling) 89 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,831 Oh, that's it! No more books, ted. 90 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,467 I don't like the person you become when you read books. 91 00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:24,670 Here's the deal: You get to tell us one more 92 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:27,039 Interesting fact about teddy roosevelt. 93 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,341 One more, and then you're done forever. 94 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,909 So make it a good one. 95 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,045 Okay. 96 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,881 He went blind in one eye... 97 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,317 From getting hit too hard in a boxing match... 98 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,053 ...While he was president! 99 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,221 That's a pretty good one. Wow. 100 00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,422 That is kind of... 101 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,023 Right?! Oh, and when he was at harvard... 102 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,025 No! No! Shut up! Oh, my god! Please! 103 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,027 Ted: Well, one night, we were throwing a party 104 00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:51,496 To celebrate... Something-- 105 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:52,998 I-I can't remember what-- 106 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,000 When a pretty girl I had never met 107 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,702 Noticed the book on the coffee table. 108 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,670 I can't believe you have this book. 109 00:03:58,672 --> 00:03:59,871 I just finished reading it. 110 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:03,375 Teddy roosevelt was the coolest guy ever. 111 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,377 A unicorn. 112 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,678 I couldn't believe it. 113 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,347 It was a stroke of luck on par 114 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,916 With the 50-page manuscript in roosevelt's breast pocket 115 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,118 That helped slow that would-be assassin's bullet. 116 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:13,885 Dude, come on. 117 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,420 Sorry. Anyway... 118 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,923 Enter gary blauman. 119 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,559 Is that the teddy roosevelt biography? 120 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,294 Coolest guy ever. 121 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,596 Right? Right? 122 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,064 Right? Right? 123 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,934 Right? Right? Right? 124 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,303 So the three of us started talking teddy roosevelt. 125 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,238 When he took that four-minute flight 126 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,473 On the wright brother's plane? 127 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,774 So cool. 128 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,609 The time he climbed the tallest mountain 129 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,278 In europe on his honeymoon. 130 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,579 So cool. 131 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,147 And that's when I realized, 132 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,249 Blauman and I were locked in a battle of wills 133 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,418 That made t.R.'s charge up san juan hill 134 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,120 Look like a walk in the park. 135 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,988 Or should I say, in the national park, 136 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,156 Since it was roosevelt 137 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,658 Who spearheaded the establishment... 138 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,660 Dude, come on. I gave you one. 139 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,562 The battle raged on. 140 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,598 In a way, he was... 141 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,669 All: ...The archetype of the modern politician! 142 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:04,670 (all laugh) 143 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,171 Ted: Dude, knock it off. 144 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,006 Gary: Knock what off, bro? 145 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:08,974 This is my apartment, 146 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:09,975 My teddy roosevelt conversation, 147 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,576 I get the girl. 148 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:14,012 Oh, so the fact that you're the incumbent means 149 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,013 She should just pick you? 150 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,015 Tell that to william howard taft. 151 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,651 You're calling me taft? 152 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,486 If anyone's taft, you're taft! 153 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,355 I'm not taft! I'm teddy! 154 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,424 The hell you are. My name is ted! 155 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:28,660 Yeah, right. Go sign the payne-aldrich tariff act, taft! 156 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,996 (gasps) how dare you? 157 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,765 Skinny-dipping in the potomac river. 158 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,267 (all laugh) 159 00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:38,036 Ted: And so the standoff continued, hours passed... 160 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,038 Then days. 161 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,474 Days passed? Days passed. 162 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,977 Finally, a t.R. Stricken by tropical fever 163 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:49,481 On his amazon trek, we could go no further. 164 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,950 When he was assistant secretary of the navy... 165 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,552 Will you just pick one of us already 166 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,454 So I can either have sex or go to sleep! 167 00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,891 Smooth, bro. 168 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,494 After that day, I have never liked that guy. 169 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,563 So let's just tell robin this can't be done, 170 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,164 And send gary blauman packing. 171 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,699 Lily: Did you just say 172 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,201 Gary blauman? 173 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,068 Yeah. 174 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,537 I... 175 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,239 Love that guy! 176 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,841 What?! He's the devil! 177 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,743 He's an angel. 178 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,846 It was 2006, marshall and I had broken up, 179 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,981 And I was back in new york feeling vulnerable 180 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,484 And listening to my breakup song over and over. 181 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,719 Sugar ray's "fly." you know it. 182 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,488 Man, you know nothing about breakups. 183 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,922 I really don't. 184 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,425 Anyway, then I hit bottom. 185 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,659 There's a bottom below sugar ray? 186 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,261 Mm. 187 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,263 What?! 188 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,232 Why have I never seen that before? 189 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,500 I've been using cover-up 190 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,902 And strategically placed straps for a long time 191 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,771 To keep this puppy quiet. 192 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,039 After all the times you guys made fun of me 193 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,408 For my breakup butterfly tattoo? 194 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,543 (lily and marshall snicker) 195 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,879 Oh, the fact that ted got a butterfly tattoo, 196 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,081 Will you ever stop being hilarious? 197 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,916 So why is it only half a butterfly? 198 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,520 Because gary blauman saw me in the tattoo parlor, 199 00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:03,922 Dragged me out and talked some sense into me. 200 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,924 Lily, trust me, 201 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,926 You and marshall are going to get back together. 202 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:11,029 And when you do, you will be so glad you did not get 203 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,764 The other half of that butterfly. 204 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,802 Actually, I was gonna get a little more than the butterfly. 205 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,973 It's good that I ran into you. 206 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,309 Marshall, blauman saved you from a lifetime 207 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,379 Of looking at sugar ray every time we do it on your birthday. 208 00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:28,914 Find him a nice seat. 209 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,216 No, no, do not find him a seat. 210 00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:32,984 I'm telling you, this guy... You find him a nice... 211 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,386 Neither of us was gonna back down, 212 00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:36,888 So finally we decided to take it to the groom. 213 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:37,889 (gasps) 214 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,791 Wh-what's going on? Shh! 215 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,859 Wha...? 216 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:44,930 Who's that guy? 217 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,998 It's my ex-boyfriend. 218 00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:54,739 So, we're crouching behind a van, 219 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,241 Hiding from your ex-boyfriend. 220 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:59,110 Forgive me, I'm a little bit of a detective. 221 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,679 It was a bad breakup? 222 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:01,947 Pretty bad. 223 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,015 Bad like there was a big fight? 224 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,084 Bad like there was a big ring. 225 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,320 Bad like this happened in the past year? 226 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,256 Bad like it happened Saturday. 227 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,258 So bad. 228 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,392 Yeah. 229 00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,497 Okay, he's gone. 230 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,267 I'm so sorry, ted. 231 00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:25,103 I really like you, but I'm-I'm in 232 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,939 The weirdest place on earth right now. 233 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,441 You're in a scottish-mexican restaurant? 234 00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:30,642 (laughs) 235 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,810 Yup. 236 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:34,012 Yeah, I am. 237 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,016 It's just too soon for me to be dating. 238 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,851 I think I should head home. 239 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:43,355 Well, want me to walk with you? 240 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:46,124 Lots of scary ex-boyfriends in this neighborhood. 241 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,726 Sure. 242 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,328 I do want to hear the rest of that story. 243 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,130 Right, right the story. 244 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,031 Yeah. 245 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,468 So, we decided to take it to the groom. 246 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,003 Did you say gary blauman? 247 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,204 Yeah. 248 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,505 Gary blauman? 249 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:01,373 Yes. 250 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:04,509 Blauman... Comma, gary? 251 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,878 Point, comma, get to the damn. 252 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,481 I... 253 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,223 Love... 254 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,358 That we have the opportunity to destroy 255 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,595 Gary blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding! 256 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,932 Yes! Gary blauman haters' club right here! 257 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,733 What that guy did to me. 258 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,269 Oh... God! 259 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,370 It makes me 260 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,606 Furious to this day! 261 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,075 Okay, okay, I'm gonna try and tell this story 262 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,510 Without completely losing it. 263 00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,612 Ready? Okay, here goes. 264 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,147 I was at the... (growls) 265 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,316 (growls) 266 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,118 Nope, not gonna happen. Give me a second. 267 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,553 Ooh! Ooh! 268 00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,121 I was at the bar. 269 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,023 Hey, barney! 270 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,425 What's up, blauman? Have a seat. 271 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:54,793 Oh, thanks. 272 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,095 Your fries. Need anything? 273 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,930 I'm good, thanks. 274 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,766 Oh, but he was not good, thanks. 275 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,135 He was not good, thanks, at all! 276 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:07,138 Oh, what? Did he take one of your fries? 277 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,607 Take one? 278 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:11,309 Take one? 279 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,078 Lily, it would have been one thing 280 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,914 If he took one of my fries; that would have been one thing. 281 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,783 No, lily, that day, 282 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,852 Blauman took... 283 00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:26,891 ...Four of my fries! 284 00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,260 But that's not even the capper! 285 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,763 Here's the part that still keeps me up at night: 286 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,665 The fourth fry he took... 287 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,067 (yells): The fourth fry he took... 288 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:39,137 (grunting) 289 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,772 Buddy, you oka... You okay? 290 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,341 (grunting) 291 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,877 The fourth fry he took... 292 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,682 ...Was an accidental curly. 293 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,017 (both gasp) 294 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,830 You don't take a man's accidental curly. 295 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:06,965 Marshall: You take a man's wife 296 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,367 Before you take his accidental curly. 297 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,135 Lily: If you wanted 298 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:12,103 Curly fries so bad, 299 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,439 Why not just order them in the first place? 300 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,607 (laughs) yeah, yeah, yeah. 301 00:11:15,609 --> 00:11:16,841 'cause that's what you want. 302 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,677 All curly fries. (laughs) 303 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,279 Regular cut with a few accidental curlies. 304 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,647 That's what you want. 305 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,982 That's the dream. He's right. 306 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,117 That is the dream. No! 307 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,319 I refuse to look down from the altar 308 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,389 As I say my vowels to the woman of my dreams, 309 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,693 And see that damned, stupid, 310 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,661 Accidental-curly- fry-stealing 311 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,630 Gary blauman! 312 00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:39,864 Did you say gary blauman? 313 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,034 I... 314 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,636 Hate... 315 00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,037 To disagree with barney. 316 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:48,406 But I love that guy! 317 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,176 I just met him earlier today. 318 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,744 Oh, my gosh! 319 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:53,845 It's you. 320 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,046 Yeah. 321 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,115 You're the poet william zabka. 322 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,052 Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry. 323 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,921 He has all six of my collections. 324 00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:04,923 When terry gross interviewed me 325 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,991 On fresh air, he listened live. 326 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,061 Gary blauman rules! 327 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,296 Gary blauman? 328 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,566 I... 329 00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:16,501 Hate... 330 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,604 ...That I once thought I loved gary blauman. 331 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,073 Ooh, this sounds good. 332 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,009 Gary's the guy that I had an affair with. 333 00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:28,680 Tom found out, threw me out of the house. 334 00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:31,750 Now the kids are from a broken home. 335 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:35,086 Because of gary blauman, everything that matters to me 336 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,755 Is gone. 337 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,860 I got that beat. 338 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,194 So, I was ordering these fries... 339 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,763 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 340 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:45,764 Blauman's gay? 341 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:46,898 Well... 342 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,533 Then that means that night, 343 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:52,437 The real battle was between blauman 344 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,305 And the girl. 345 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,609 And the prize... Was this guy. 346 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,110 (all groaning) 347 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,378 Keep telling yourself that, buddy. 348 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,147 I don't want to see gary blauman at my brother's wedding. 349 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,315 Neither do I! I'm the brother in question! Now, now, hold on. 350 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,218 (all arguing) 351 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,454 Order! Order! 352 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,290 Robin put this on my plate, and so I'll make the decision. 353 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,993 Now, let's take a short recess. 354 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:15,994 Everybody out. 355 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,328 Okay. 356 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,298 Lily, out of court settlement. 357 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,067 Drop this whole thing, and I'll give you ten bucks. 358 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,803 No. 359 00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,440 I can't go higher than ten. 360 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,810 (clears throat) 361 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:35,580 I'm ready to give my decision. 362 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:36,748 This was a tough one. 363 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,416 Lot of good points on both sides. 364 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,352 But ultimately... Blauman stays. 365 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,353 Yeah. What in the...? 366 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,822 For one simple reason. 367 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:46,991 There is a higher law at every wedding. 368 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,427 A law that trumps all other arguments. 369 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:52,764 When the bride asks for something, she gets it. 370 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:53,631 Yes. 371 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:54,999 Wow. Zabka: Good point. 372 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,267 He's right. 373 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,703 This fake court thing is adjourned. 374 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,773 Judged. 375 00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:03,441 Well, I guess let's go find blauman 376 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,876 And tell him the good news. 377 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,544 Yeah, about that. Bit of a wrinkle. 378 00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,947 I was just in the hallway, ran into blauman. 379 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,882 I told him if he didn't leave immediately, 380 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,051 Then billy zabka was gonna crane-kick him in the face. 381 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,018 What?! 382 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,720 But that's not even my move! 383 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:16,521 I... 384 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,522 We have to stop him. 385 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,957 Barney! I... (sighs) 386 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,725 Come on, come on, come on. 387 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,060 So, we all run out to the parking lot 388 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,529 To stop gary blauman from leaving the wedding... 389 00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:27,365 What are you doing? 390 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,833 This is my place. 391 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,302 Oh. 392 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,004 So, uh... 393 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,974 Well, I guess this... This is where I leave you. 394 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,082 This is your place. 395 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,884 Yup. 396 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,720 You sure it's not a few blocks that way? 397 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:51,022 Nope, it's right here. 398 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,258 It's right where you picked me up. 399 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,959 So it is. 400 00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,031 Well... Good night. 401 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,132 Good night. 402 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:04,569 Narrator: Eight years earlier, I probably would've given 403 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,937 Some embarrassing speech, confessed my love 404 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,238 And scared her off. 405 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,940 But I didn't. 406 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,776 Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out. 407 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,311 Ted? Oh, thank god. 408 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,919 Do you at least want to finish your story? 409 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:24,188 Right. 410 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:27,525 So, we all ran out to the parking lot, and... 411 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,794 Blauman, blauman, I'm sorry. 412 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,863 You can stay. Billy won't kick you in the face. 413 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,031 It's not even my move. 414 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,033 If I was gonna do anything, I'd sweep the leg, 415 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,235 And put you in a body bag; everyone knows that. 416 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,971 What...? Is that from one of your poems? 417 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,539 Thank you for that. 418 00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,575 Please stick around, for the bride. 419 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,945 You're not a taft. Even if you are, 420 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,546 Roosevelt shouldn't have divided the party like that. 421 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,048 I mean, he handed the election to wilson. 422 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,749 Completely, right? Right? Right? 423 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:52,817 (laughs) 424 00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,886 No, wait! No! All right? 425 00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:55,954 Forget it! 426 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,723 And, james, I'm sorry 427 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,058 About you and tom. 428 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,527 But you have to stop blaming me for your own decisions. 429 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,164 Well, guys, take a good look. 430 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,500 This face you won't be seeing again. 431 00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:14,172 Come... 432 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,473 The bri... The bri... 433 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,909 Gary? 434 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,245 He's really leaving. 435 00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,480 Hey, barney. 436 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,283 You still, uh, have my wedding ring? 437 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,552 (quietly): Yeah. 438 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,089 I've got some work to do. 439 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,423 Excuse me. 440 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,528 Blauman will cool off eventually. 441 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,663 We'll see him again. 442 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,664 Of course we will. 443 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,932 Marshall: I don't know. 444 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,201 I mean, we might really never see him again. 445 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,470 Because I remember at our wedding 446 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:47,105 Looking out and thinking, 447 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,007 "man, everyone here means so much to me." 448 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,309 A bunch of those people, 449 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,878 You know, I haven't seen them since. 450 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,880 Narrator: And that's how it goes, kids. 451 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:58,716 The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies 452 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,718 And partners in crime you love so much 453 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,488 When you're young, as the years go by, 454 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,089 You just lose touch. 455 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,060 That being said, 456 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,163 I did manage to keep track of a few people. 457 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:15,166 Carl's still behind the bar at maclaren's. 458 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,001 Hey, watch it over there. 459 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,369 Yeah, watch it over there! 460 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,405 It's become a family business. 461 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,140 Jeanette was arrested for mailing jars of urine 462 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,408 To val kilmer. 463 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,709 No, not that val kilmer. 464 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,577 She narrowly avoided prison time, 465 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:29,580 But did receive mandatory psychological counseling. 466 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,483 Hello, handsome. 467 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,686 I should say up front, I'm not allowed to date my... 468 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,021 Oh, what the hell. 469 00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:40,224 She and kevin live in poughkeepsie now. 470 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,027 Ranjit made a couple really good stock picks, and, well, 471 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,029 He owns the limo service now. 472 00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:47,065 Bitterman, get the car. 473 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,833 Getting the car, sir. 474 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,102 Patrice has her own drive-time radio show. 475 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,071 People call in, she gives advice. 476 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,939 Robin (over phone): Because sometimes I just feel like 477 00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,574 He never listens to me, you know? 478 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,743 Gosh, caller, that's a real pickle. 479 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,545 You know, my grandma always says... 480 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,780 Robin: Damn it, patrice, I'm not finished! 481 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,949 Sorry, sorry, go on. 482 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,051 William zabka became the youngest poet ever 483 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:10,021 To win the american humanities medal for literature. 484 00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:13,257 He's currently working on a collection of travel essays. 485 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,126 Hyah! 486 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,095 Zoey pops up in the news every now and then 487 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,430 Supporting some cause or another. 488 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,932 It doesn't always go well for her. 489 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,533 The hawk is a majestic creature! 490 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,035 She means you no har... (hawk screeching) 491 00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:26,938 Aah, no! I'm your friend! I'm helping you! 492 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,739 Still, it's nice knowing she's out there 493 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,241 Fighting the good fight. 494 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,776 Scooter's been married for a while. 495 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,311 Apparently, he met a girl at work, 496 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,946 And it was love at first sight. 497 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,949 I guess something about her helped him get over lily. 498 00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,951 You look beautiful today, jasmine. 499 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,886 Like every day. 500 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,422 Move. I serve sloppy joe now. 501 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,991 Blitz struggled with a gambling addiction for a while. 502 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,927 But after a three-day bender on the same slot machine, 503 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:50,995 He finally kicked it. 504 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,064 I got to get help. 505 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:01,139 Yes! (whoops) 506 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,074 Aw, man! 507 00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,243 I'm not sure what happened to blah blah. 508 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,512 But I'd like to think that wherever she is, she... 509 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,114 Carol! Her name was carol! 510 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,782 Thank you. 511 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,417 Sandy rivers' inappropriate office behavior 512 00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:16,187 Finally caught up with him, ending his news career... 513 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,822 In america. 514 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,891 (speaking russian) 515 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,036 He hasn't changed. 516 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,505 It took some doing, but james finally convinced tom 517 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,674 To take him back. 518 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,378 And nobody's happier about it than their kids. 519 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:45,116 Hey, kids, have I ever told you how I met your father? 520 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:46,484 It was at a party. 521 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,187 And as for blauman... 522 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,157 Guys, wait! 523 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,492 (car door closes) 524 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,127 I'm sorry for storming off like that. 525 00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:57,662 I don't want to miss this wedding. 526 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,897 You will be shocked, kids, 527 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,999 When you discover how easy it is in life 528 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,001 To part ways with people forever. 529 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:07,071 That's why when you find someone 530 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:10,908 You want to keep around, you do something about it. 531 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,544 So, I guess... 532 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,079 Good night. 533 00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:19,083 Good night. 534 00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:38,002 Unless... 535 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,037 Do you want to walk around some more? 536 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,472 It's still early. 537 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,409 Sure. 538 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,850 What are you doing? 539 00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,655 Remembering this. 540 00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:05,730 Come on. 541 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:06,797 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org