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[theme music plays]
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-[heartbeats]
-[siren wails]
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[Jess] Somebody help!
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Somebody help, please!
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[Foundry] Back up!
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[indistinct announcement over PA]
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[Clay] That was a week ago.
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[heart monitor beeps]
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He's been in the hospital ever since.
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Intensive care.
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[Ellman] Your mother called
to cancel your Tuesday appointment.
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She told me some of what Justin's facing.
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Yeah, it's not great.
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How does it make you feel?
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What the fuck does it matter what I feel?
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I think it matters a great deal.
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-You know that.
-I don't know that!
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I don't know anything.
We talk and talk, and nothing happens,
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and I still feel like I'm gonna spin off
the face of the fucking Earth,
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then we keep talking,
and we don't get anywhere!
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You don't think we made any progress
these past few months?
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No! I just... All of this just seems so...
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I don't know! Like selfish!
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Talking about feelings...
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to you...
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when Justin is... is...
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is sick.
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Because what he's going through
is so serious.
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And what you're going through
seems less important now
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because his life hangs in the balance.
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Yes.
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But in the work we do together,
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in trying to help you get well,
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doesn't your own life hang in the balance?
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[clicks tongue]
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[whispers] Yes.
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So let's keep working.
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Do you wanna tell me
how it's been at the hospital?
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[woman] Justin has given me permission
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to discuss his treatment
and diagnosis with you.
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I'm afraid
I have some difficult news to share.
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Justin has tested positive for HIV-1.
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And based on his symptoms,
we believe...
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it has progressed to AIDS.
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-That's...
-[sniffles]
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[Matt] How is that possible?
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He... he had the flu.
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He's been tired.
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Well, HIV has a long period of latency
after infection,
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which means that Justin
may not have shown any symptoms
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for some time.
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With his IV drug use
and extended periods of homelessness,
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this would have made him more susceptible
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to rapid progression.
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And according to his records,
he was never tested.
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How... how has he never been tested?
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We got him the best GP.
He had a complete physical.
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[doctor] Testing requires patient consent.
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It's not uncommon for a young man
with a history of IV drug use and sex work
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to avoid testing.
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Sex work?
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Justin never spoke to you
about the time he spent homeless?
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Not about that part, no.
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The pneumocystis pneumonia has
an indolent presentation,
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which means that the symptoms
develop slowly over some weeks,
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and there was a late diagnosis...
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There is also a neurological infection.
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A fungal meningitis
that has not advanced quite so far,
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but is pervasive.
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[heart monitor beeps]
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Hey.
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-Hey. [chuckles]
-[Clay] Um...
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How is it today?
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[Justin] Uh, it's like yesterday.
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Just a little worse.
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[Justin chuckles weakly]
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Uh, so, there's, like, a lineup of people
who'd like to see you,
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but I understand
if you don't wanna see them.
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And I've organized a list
and given time limits, and--
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[both chuckle]
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Of course you have.
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[laughs awkwardly]
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Yeah, sure.
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Bring it on.
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I'll send in the first appointment.
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[Clay sighs]
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[exhales slowly]
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Listen, the, uh...
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The doctor was talking us through stuff,
and, uh...
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[Alex] Hey.
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-I'm sorry, Charlie made me.
-[chuckles]
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[laughs wheezily]
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Charlie can come in too.
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See, I told you he wouldn't mind
both of us at once.
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-[Alex] I'll put it here.
-Uh...
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They wouldn't let us
bring in any flowers, so...
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So, giant bears.
Basically, the same thing.
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[all laugh]
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-[Charlie] His name's Tiger.
-[Alex] This is a panda.
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-[Justin laughs] Tiger panda.
-[Alex] Yeah.
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[Justin] I like it.
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[Clay] It's like the whole world
just shifted out from under our feet.
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Like the darkness just closed in.
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Prom pictures.
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Some good ones of you and Estela.
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You should frame one for her.
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Oh, wow.
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Wow, these are really great.
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Hey, thank you.
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I know it was Jessica...
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who killed Bryce.
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And I know Clay and Ani
and some group of you framed Monty.
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I almost have what I need
to go to the police.
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But I don't have to include you.
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[inhales deeply]
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You got it all wrong.
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You don't really know anything,
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and Jessica and Clay and Ani,
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they're my friends.
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So anything you do to them,
you do to me too.
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[tense music plays]
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[door opens]
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[door closes]
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[wind howling]
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I think he was ashamed.
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That's why he didn't tell you?
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I... I wouldn't have, like, judged.
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[Jess] It's not that.
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It just...
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It takes time.
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To deal with what is.
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[message alert pings]
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Zach's downstairs.
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He says he can't come in.
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Fucking Zach.
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Hey.
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Hey, what the fuck?
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-All right, get upstairs.
-I can't, man. I just...
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Hospitals. [clears throat, sniffs]
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You need to see him.
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Man, I watched my dad die
in this hospital.
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Yeah?
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Yeah, me and my dad
brought my mom home from this hospital
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so she could die in her own bed.
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[Zach sniffs]
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And you know what? Right now,
your best friend is really sick upstairs,
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and if you don't go see him,
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you are gonna regret this
for the rest of your fucking life!
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I can't, man. [sniffles]
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-I can't.
-[Charlie scoffs]
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[Clay] Like, prom was actually
our last chance at being kids.
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Then all of a sudden,
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playtime over.
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There's no more hiding from it,
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what's out there.
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Hi. I was really surprised you texted me.
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It was me.
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I killed Bryce Walker.
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-You're lying.
-[Alex] No.
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I found him on the pier. I was alone.
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I tried to help him up.
He threatened to hurt Zach.
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I shoved him in the river. He drowned.
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-Alex.
-[Alex] Yeah, so...
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that information is yours now.
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Do what you want with it.
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-[heart monitor beeps]
-[ventilator draws in air]
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[doctor clears throat]
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The ventilator breathes for him.
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It keeps his blood oxygenated
and helps protect against organ failure.
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How long does he have to be on it?
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[doctor clears throat]
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Uh, honey...
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He may never be able to breathe
without it again.
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So, like,
when he gets out of the hospital?
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[doctor] The disease in his lungs
is quite advanced.
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And we're also starting to see
advanced neurological symptoms.
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The goal is
to keep him as comfortable as possible
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and manage the symptoms as best as we can.
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[panting]
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Honey! Clay?
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I feel like I just... I need some air.
[panting]
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-[Matt] Clay!
-[Lainie] Does he just need some space?
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Should we give him space?
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Now? Is that really a good idea?
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[Lainie sniffles]
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[tense music plays]
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Whoa! Clay! Clay, what happened?
Is everything OK?
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What do you fucking think, Zach?
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He's never getting any better!
He's fucking dying!
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Should we go after him?
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[sighs] Jesus, I don't know.
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Where'd he go?
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Uh, up the street, that way.
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00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:53,069
-Where's he going? What's down there?
-No clue, Mr. Jensen.
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[breathing heavily]
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00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,496
[Clay] And we can't stop it.
We can't stop it.
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We can't.
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00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,667
We're spinning and spinning,
and we're about to disappear.
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[breathing heavily]
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[suspenseful music plays]
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[quietly] I, um...
202
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I have a gun.
203
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:09,937
[yells] I said I have a gun!
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00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,522
[panicked shrieking]
205
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And I'll fucking use it if I have to,
206
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,151
so everybody back the fuck up!
207
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,027
I have a gun. I have a gun!
208
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,529
Clay. [shushes]
209
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,823
[Diaz] Clay, hey.
Hey, what's going on here?
210
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,116
I... I have a gun.
211
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,452
All right,
well, let's just take a breath here.
212
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:27,872
Slowly take your hands outta your pockets
so no one gets hurt.
213
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,039
People are already hurt!
214
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:33,294
Nobody pays for the things that happen!
No one ever pays! And someone should!
215
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,337
You must hurt so much.
216
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,299
Put the gun down,
and we'll talk about it. OK?
217
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,429
Clay?
218
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:45,890
Clay?
219
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,769
-Clay!
-[Diaz] Get down!
220
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:50,770
Hey, get down!
221
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:52,521
Clay! What the fuck?
222
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,940
Put your guns down!
Guys, put your guns down!
223
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,692
-Guns down, everybody!
-[Clay] Tony?
224
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,652
Put your guns down.
225
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:01,530
Hey, Clay.
226
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,365
Clay, listen to me, buddy.
227
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,621
I know you're going through a lot
right now.
228
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,748
I know you've been through a lot.
229
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:13,292
More than any kid
should ever have to deal with.
230
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:16,295
But listen to me.
231
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,800
Everyone in this room?
Every one of those deputies?
232
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,468
Everyone wants the same thing,
233
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,678
and that's for you to be safe.
234
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,014
To stay alive. OK?
235
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:32,269
Tony... He's your best friend, right?
236
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,357
Tony wants you to be safe.
237
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,109
And that's all that matters right now.
238
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,155
I can't promise
that it gets better right away.
239
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,325
But the only chance we have,
240
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,411
the only way things can start
to feel better...
241
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is if you give me that gun.
242
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:54,750
OK?
243
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,003
I promise you, no one will hurt you.
244
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,297
Just give me the gun.
245
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,802
You can talk to me.
246
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,306
[tense music plays]
247
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,440
[Clay breathes shakily]
248
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,527
[sobs quietly]
249
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:24,947
[Diaz] It's OK.
250
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:26,991
All right.
251
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,410
[sobs loudly]
252
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:32,955
[Diaz] All right.
253
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,374
[wailing sobs]
254
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,588
[Ellman] Did you feel
that you wanted to die?
255
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,256
[Clay] No, that wasn't it.
256
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,467
I just...
257
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:49,471
I wanted someone to...
258
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,099
To notice you.
259
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:56,645
To see you were hurting.
260
00:14:58,647 --> 00:14:59,481
Yeah.
261
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:01,108
[Diaz] All right, buddy.
262
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,653
[pats Clay] All right, I'm here.
263
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:06,697
You're safe.
264
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,743
-[Clay] We talked for a while...
-[Diaz] It's all right.
265
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,119
...me and the Sheriff.
266
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,956
He didn't bust me for pulling that stunt.
267
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,791
And it was, like,
268
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,669
almost like he understood.
269
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,255
Understood what?
270
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,591
[Clay] That I was freaking out. And why.
271
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:29,595
And I realized that all that attention
he'd been giving me this spring?
272
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:33,182
Like, showing up at school
and meeting with my parents,
273
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,643
he was worried about me.
274
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,687
And that surprises you.
275
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,023
I mean, he arrested me once.
276
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,734
But in both cases, then and now,
277
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,569
wasn't he just doing his job?
278
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:49,406
Yeah. And... And I think
maybe he's pretty good at his job.
279
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,493
In a...
280
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,079
sneaky, manipulative way.
281
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,082
Like you.
282
00:15:58,499 --> 00:15:59,875
I'll take the compliment.
283
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:06,048
[Clay] After that, he, um, put me and Tony
in a room while he talked to my dad.
284
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,300
Tony had been in a street fight.
285
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,972
I'm not sure if they put me in here
to look after you or the other way around.
286
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,267
We haven't been doing that so great
for each other lately.
287
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,984
[Ellman] How's Justin doing now?
288
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,321
Not better.
289
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:38,288
[Clay] There's this thing. I mean,
I've been calling it hospital time.
290
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,541
You lose track of days.
291
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,167
It's all one long day.
292
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,505
Time moves so slowly,
and then a week has gone by.
293
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,848
And I think it's got everyone messed up.
294
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,224
The waiting.
295
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,350
The not knowing.
296
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,270
Or the knowing.
297
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:05,983
[Zach groans lightly]
298
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,867
Something tells me
you boys aren't here to party.
299
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,076
Oh... OK.
300
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:20,247
Whoa! Hey, that's a single barrel
small batch Corlett. What the fuck?
301
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,042
Fuckin' bourbon, guys.
You can't even tell the difference!
302
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,502
There are two more in the car, black.
303
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,880
You're gonna get those in you,
and go see Justin.
304
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,715
All right, look,
305
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:31,467
Mothers Teresa.
306
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,512
Learn to know a lost cause
when you see one, like me.
307
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:37,431
Like Justin.
308
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:41,143
[sighs] OK, Zach.
309
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:45,439
Do you remember on the rooftop?
The night I kissed you?
310
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:48,442
-You kissed him?
-It was a shit show. I'll explain later.
311
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,527
-But you remember that night?
-Yeah.
312
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,156
[Alex] OK. That kiss was embarrassing.
It was a disaster.
313
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,532
But right before that,
314
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,242
when I almost fell,
315
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,912
you pulled me back from the ledge.
316
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:03,165
And I'll never forget the feeling
of your hands grabbing me
317
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:04,500
and keeping me safe.
318
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,294
I needed it. I didn't know it.
319
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:09,922
And now you need it.
320
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,049
[sighs]
321
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,552
The kiss wasn't a disaster,
it was a nice kiss, per se.
322
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,638
-Wait, it was?
-Yeah. Yeah.
323
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:20,974
I don't love Justin,
but I love you, and you love him.
324
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,851
So what the fuck, Zach?
325
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:27,147
♪ If I showed up ♪
326
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,860
♪ In the shape of a storm ♪
327
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:40,661
♪ Would you recognize me? ♪
328
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:48,710
♪ If I knew how
I would make myself known... ♪
329
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:58,387
[Clay] I guess it's like high school,
in its way.
330
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:02,182
It seems like I was a freshman
a decade ago.
331
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,309
But then it seems like yesterday.
332
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,151
I don't know where all that time went.
333
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,195
I don't know what we do now.
334
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,909
[Caleb] Here he is now.
335
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,202
Who are you talking to?
336
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,328
It's, uh...
337
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,164
It's your dad.
338
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,878
Antonio! [chuckles]
339
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,464
How's your friend?
340
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,217
He's not good, papá.
341
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,304
[Arturo] You good to be there for him.
342
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:42,806
You're a good friend.
343
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,435
That's always important, m'hijo.
344
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,396
I guess... I guess so, yeah.
345
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:52,357
But you have to think
about yourself sometimes.
346
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,402
Caleb told me about the college offer.
347
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:57,821
He did?
348
00:19:58,488 --> 00:19:59,573
[Arturo] Damn proud of you.
349
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:02,784
It's time, m'hijo.
350
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:07,247
It's time you sell the shop
and get on with your life.
351
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,542
We can't afford that, papá.
352
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:12,753
We have work here.
353
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:14,546
We're gonna be fine.
354
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,175
The shop is your dream.
355
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:19,426
[Arturo] Listen to me.
356
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,886
That shop...
357
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,388
was never my dream.
358
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,017
You...
359
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,812
You are my dream.
360
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,607
Why do we do everything?
361
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,485
So that you can have a better life
than we did.
362
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:38,820
This is your better life, m'hijo.
363
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:41,240
Don't fuck up my dream.
364
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,871
[Clay] Ancient history is
somehow present tense.
365
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,457
Everything is ending, but nothing is over.
366
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,087
And none of us knows how to make sense
of the jumble of things that happened.
367
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:00,884
I win.
368
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,847
Come on, why the silent treatment?
369
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,100
I'm just here to pay my respects to Justy.
370
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,434
You killed him.
371
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,106
Yeah, I did.
372
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,444
I don't rape Hannah,
none of us are here, right?
373
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:21,822
He doesn't run away.
374
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,449
Doesn't start shooting up.
375
00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:27,286
Letting men fuck him.
376
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,080
How can one person cause so much pain?
377
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,373
Look in the mirror.
378
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,834
-You let me die.
-You deserved to die.
379
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:35,419
Yeah, maybe.
380
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:38,672
But here we are.
381
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:42,634
You probably have it too.
382
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,846
Fuck you.
383
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,181
[snickers] Yeah.
384
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,309
-I win.
-[Clay] Jess.
385
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,314
Um... he's up.
386
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,691
If you wanna say hey.
387
00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:00,902
He can't say anything back,
but he writes, so...
388
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:03,071
-If... if you want to.
-Yeah.
389
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:11,830
["Salesman at the Day of the Parade"
by Rogue Wave plays]
390
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:25,177
[Clay] You start to wonder
if anything meant anything.
391
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,057
If all we're doing is reacting,
392
00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:35,437
and the reactions
don't even make any difference.
393
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:41,026
I got into Brown.
394
00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:42,652
That crazy interview?
395
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:44,571
Didn't even matter.
396
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,533
So if nothing fucking matters,
like, why bother?
397
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,539
[Foundry] How's Justin doing?
398
00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:59,044
[Clay] He's not any better.
399
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,129
[Foundry] I'm so sorry.
400
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:06,843
I've lost, in my life,
a number of friends...
401
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:09,805
and one very good friend to that disease.
402
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,265
I'm very sorry.
403
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:15,477
Thank you.
404
00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:20,065
I'm sure you're not thinking about
graduation right now, but... [sighs]
405
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:23,652
it's my duty to tell you
that you have been voted class speaker.
406
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:29,950
What?
407
00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:34,663
Me? Uh...
408
00:23:35,622 --> 00:23:36,540
How?
409
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,669
Apparently, your classmates think you have
something relevant to say to them.
410
00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:45,048
I imagine it might have something to do
with your sermon on the car
411
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:46,883
at the disturbance a few weeks ago.
412
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:48,218
That's, uh...
413
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:51,096
[clicks tongue] That wasn't really me.
414
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:54,433
[Foundry] Then reach out to whoever it was
'cause he's needed on stage June 22nd.
415
00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:56,476
I need to review his speech in advance,
416
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,938
just to ensure it doesn't start any riots,
that sorta thing.
417
00:24:00,021 --> 00:24:02,315
[inhales deeply] Congratulations, Clay.
418
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,534
[Clay] It doesn't make any sense.
I have nothing to say.
419
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,121
Well, your classmates disagree.
420
00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:19,916
And as someone who's been talking to you
for many weeks now,
421
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,544
I think you have a great deal to say.
422
00:24:24,087 --> 00:24:25,297
Who's the signature?
423
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:27,340
Ah, you probably haven't heard of him.
424
00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:29,176
Lindsey Buckingham.
425
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:31,887
Fleetwood Mac.
426
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,638
Although I prefer his solo stuff.
427
00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:35,849
I do too.
428
00:24:37,058 --> 00:24:38,351
You think I'm stalling?
429
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:39,769
[Ellman] Are you stalling?
430
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,522
What kind of bullshit speech can I give?
431
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:45,901
I can't...
I can't get up there and say, like,
432
00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:48,570
"Hope for the future!
And the best days are ahead!"
433
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:49,613
I mean, Jesus!
434
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,241
Justin is lying there in that hospital.
435
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:55,202
He's never coming out, he's dying,
436
00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:58,371
and I'm supposed to give some speech
about the future?
437
00:24:59,122 --> 00:25:00,415
There is no future!
438
00:25:01,249 --> 00:25:05,587
It's hard to think about your own future
when Justin's future is so uncertain.
439
00:25:06,546 --> 00:25:09,591
Oh, my God, if you continue on
with that fucking calm tone,
440
00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:12,844
I'm gonna lose it.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna fucking lose it!
441
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:14,262
OK.
442
00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,599
Now you're just messing with me.
[sighs]
443
00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,142
No, Clay. I'm not.
444
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,770
Honest, I'm just saying that...
445
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,606
it's OK...
446
00:25:25,273 --> 00:25:27,317
in here... with me...
447
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:30,111
if you lose it a little bit.
448
00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:33,657
[breathes shakily]
449
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:35,951
[scoffs]
450
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,667
[sighs]
451
00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:46,503
[sniffles]
452
00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:49,464
[Clay sighs]
453
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:51,174
Look, to give a speech,
454
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:55,554
about anything,
you have to make some kind of sense.
455
00:25:57,973 --> 00:25:59,307
And nothing makes sense.
456
00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:04,771
-[Clay] And all the pieces are just...
-[door opens]
457
00:26:04,854 --> 00:26:06,565
...scattered all over the floor.
458
00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:09,150
I ran to Monet's. I just...
459
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:10,860
Hospital coffee.
460
00:26:10,944 --> 00:26:12,028
I couldn't anymore.
461
00:26:12,445 --> 00:26:13,572
Good call.
462
00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:15,407
[sighs]
463
00:26:21,788 --> 00:26:25,041
I keep thinking this'll get easier,
and it just gets harder.
464
00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:27,502
Every day of this.
465
00:26:28,211 --> 00:26:31,381
Well, you don't want it
to start to feel normal, do you?
466
00:26:32,674 --> 00:26:33,675
No. [chuckles]
467
00:26:35,885 --> 00:26:38,638
[Matt] I remember my grandfather dying
when I was 14.
468
00:26:40,515 --> 00:26:42,017
My first experience of it.
469
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:45,020
And you...
470
00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:48,982
You've looked at death too many times
for a young person.
471
00:26:49,065 --> 00:26:50,692
Your generation, it's...
472
00:26:51,192 --> 00:26:52,193
it's not right.
473
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,616
I'm sorry if I scared you the other night.
474
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,745
I won't scare you ever again.
475
00:27:02,537 --> 00:27:03,747
Clay... [Matt chuckles]
476
00:27:04,539 --> 00:27:07,292
...since the day your mom gave birth,
and the doctor put you in my arms,
477
00:27:07,375 --> 00:27:08,543
I've been terrified.
478
00:27:09,377 --> 00:27:10,295
[chuckles]
479
00:27:13,006 --> 00:27:14,257
But we'll get through it.
480
00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:16,718
I keep telling myself that.
481
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:19,596
[Matt] You know, high school,
482
00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:21,264
it's different today.
483
00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:23,475
But in many ways, not.
484
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:27,103
High school has always been something
to be survived.
485
00:27:28,229 --> 00:27:29,314
But it can be.
486
00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:31,608
I'm living proof.
487
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,237
Yeah.
488
00:27:37,072 --> 00:27:38,990
[Matt] And there's joy too, right?
489
00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:40,575
I hope you've known joy.
490
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:44,204
[chuckles lightly]
491
00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:46,706
Yeah, I have, Dad.
492
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:51,044
[sighs heavily]
493
00:27:56,466 --> 00:27:57,759
[Clay] It's not just me.
494
00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:00,679
It's everyone I know.
495
00:28:04,057 --> 00:28:05,141
Hey!
496
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,226
Welcome back.
497
00:28:06,309 --> 00:28:08,895
I'm here to do my service hours.
They said you asked for me?
498
00:28:08,978 --> 00:28:10,438
I did. I did. Uh...
499
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:13,191
You can help me clean out
the equipment room
500
00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:14,943
and, uh, update the playbooks.
501
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:17,779
And I wanna offer you a job.
502
00:28:18,446 --> 00:28:21,032
I heard you're sticking around town
next year,
503
00:28:21,991 --> 00:28:24,035
and I want you to coach tight ends.
504
00:28:25,453 --> 00:28:26,329
Me?
505
00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:29,541
-A coach?
-[Kerba] Yeah, for sure.
506
00:28:30,250 --> 00:28:31,418
You know the game.
507
00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:33,503
You know how to set an example.
508
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,755
I... I don't know about that.
509
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:38,633
[Kerba] Eh. I do.
Summer coaches' meetings start
510
00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:40,093
day after graduation.
511
00:28:40,176 --> 00:28:41,636
I'ma need you sober, OK?
512
00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:44,472
Yeah, I mean...
513
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:46,641
for sure.
514
00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:48,560
And I'll need you to graduate.
515
00:28:49,477 --> 00:28:50,687
Can you do that?
516
00:28:52,814 --> 00:28:54,816
Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.
517
00:28:55,650 --> 00:28:57,736
Figured out that it takes effort
not to graduate.
518
00:28:57,819 --> 00:28:58,737
Yeah.
519
00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:02,157
All right, uh, let's get to work.
520
00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:06,077
Thank you... for the letter.
521
00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:11,958
I found it in my file in Foundry's office.
522
00:29:12,333 --> 00:29:13,334
I just, um...
523
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:15,086
[Zach unfolds paper]
524
00:29:15,962 --> 00:29:18,173
"Let me tell you
about the Zach Dempsey I know.
525
00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:21,468
One of the finest young men
I've had the opportunity to coach.
526
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:24,179
Zach led our team...
527
00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,515
with fortitude and empathy
on and off the field."
528
00:29:28,057 --> 00:29:29,058
Yeah.
529
00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:32,061
You know, Foundry asked me
why you'd steal that.
530
00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:33,855
Told him I didn't know why.
531
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:36,149
Because I can't live up to this.
532
00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:40,779
-Everything that you've said.
-Of course you can. You already have.
533
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:00,924
[Clay] I don't know anyone
who can turn what's happened
534
00:30:01,007 --> 00:30:02,509
into a neat little story.
535
00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:08,723
[doctor] The brain infection
is advancing quickly.
536
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:13,770
And I'm afraid it might be a good time
to take Justin off the ventilator,
537
00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:17,232
at least for a few hours,
so he can speak to you,
538
00:30:17,982 --> 00:30:19,025
and you to him.
539
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:23,863
You... You mean...
540
00:30:23,947 --> 00:30:25,240
[Lainie sobs quietly]
541
00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:27,200
Yeah.
542
00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:32,747
[doctor] As I understand it, Mr. Jensen,
543
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:35,708
uh, Justin has made you the medical POA,
544
00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:39,963
and he signed a living will
with a DNR order.
545
00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:40,880
Yes.
546
00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:44,759
[doctor] The palliative care doctor
visited Justin,
547
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:48,388
and Justin participated in a discussion
about his priorities
548
00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:50,473
by writing down his wishes.
549
00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,684
["Half Gate" by Grizzly Bear plays]
550
00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:54,769
[doctor] He would like to be
551
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,604
as comfortable as possible...
552
00:30:56,688 --> 00:31:01,526
♪ I have nothing left to hear ♪
553
00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:09,033
♪ I'm chasing all the words ♪
554
00:31:10,451 --> 00:31:16,499
♪ But everything you say
I only see ♪
555
00:31:19,085 --> 00:31:22,463
♪ But honestly it's fine ♪
556
00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:31,472
♪ When I mention how I love you... ♪
557
00:31:35,810 --> 00:31:36,644
Hi!
558
00:31:39,606 --> 00:31:41,024
Hey. [labored breathing]
559
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:51,409
[Justin] Jess.
560
00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:54,913
Don't cry.
561
00:31:58,291 --> 00:32:00,126
I'm so sorry. I'm so...
562
00:32:01,961 --> 00:32:03,838
I thought I could be strong. I...
563
00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:09,552
Come here.
564
00:32:12,096 --> 00:32:13,097
Come here.
565
00:32:15,224 --> 00:32:16,851
[Justin breathes wheezily]
566
00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:22,357
[Jess sobs quietly]
567
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:27,028
[Justin] You're...
568
00:32:27,987 --> 00:32:29,155
so strong.
569
00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:33,409
-[labored breathing]
-[sobbing]
570
00:32:34,535 --> 00:32:36,996
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.
571
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,001
[gasping] You're...
572
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:44,379
out of your mind.
573
00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:49,801
I ruined your fucking life.
574
00:32:52,428 --> 00:32:53,388
No.
575
00:32:54,013 --> 00:32:54,889
No.
576
00:32:57,392 --> 00:32:59,310
You taught me what love is.
577
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:09,404
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
578
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:12,699
-Yeah?
-[chuckles] Yes.
579
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:15,118
[both laugh]
580
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:17,495
[laughter turns into sobbing]
581
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:19,288
[Justin exhales slowly]
582
00:33:20,748 --> 00:33:21,666
OK.
583
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,002
[Jess sniffles]
584
00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:27,130
You always have that.
585
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,215
[Jess whimpers, sobs]
586
00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:30,717
-OK?
-OK.
587
00:33:31,092 --> 00:33:32,760
-OK, Jess?
-[sobbing] OK.
588
00:33:35,304 --> 00:33:36,180
[sniffles]
589
00:33:36,764 --> 00:33:38,766
-[Justin exhales slowly]
-[sniffles]
590
00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:40,518
[Jess whimpers]
591
00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:42,770
["Half Gate" by Grizzly Bear plays]
592
00:33:45,148 --> 00:33:48,818
♪ At the end of the line ♪
593
00:33:51,070 --> 00:33:56,534
♪ It's as if there's no time at all ♪
594
00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:03,416
♪ Nothing left to win ♪
595
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:10,757
♪ Every pleasure burned to the wick ♪
596
00:34:13,634 --> 00:34:17,055
♪ Content to be alone ♪
597
00:34:19,265 --> 00:34:22,852
♪ A quiet picture drawn ♪
598
00:34:22,935 --> 00:34:27,607
♪ Each day before it ends... ♪
599
00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:30,526
[labored breathing]
600
00:34:40,411 --> 00:34:41,287
Um...
601
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:47,794
Zach's going to coach at Liberty
next year.
602
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:49,670
Kerba asked him.
603
00:34:52,465 --> 00:34:53,549
That's awesome.
604
00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:04,143
I'm... I'm so sorry, Justin.
I don't know how to do this.
605
00:35:04,227 --> 00:35:05,853
[Justin breathes shakily]
606
00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:06,771
Hey.
607
00:35:09,148 --> 00:35:10,441
[chuckles]
608
00:35:12,985 --> 00:35:14,070
You're doing...
609
00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:16,447
You're doing it great. [coughs]
610
00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:25,623
[labored breathing]
611
00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:35,091
Thank you for saving my life.
612
00:35:38,427 --> 00:35:40,054
Like, more times than you know.
613
00:35:44,267 --> 00:35:45,268
[sighs sadly]
614
00:35:47,353 --> 00:35:48,396
I love you.
615
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,817
[labored breathing]
616
00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,280
I love...
617
00:35:58,239 --> 00:35:59,782
[groans] I love...
618
00:36:00,533 --> 00:36:01,576
love you...
619
00:36:02,451 --> 00:36:03,911
you too, man. [chuckles]
620
00:36:08,332 --> 00:36:09,917
[gasping breaths]
621
00:36:12,378 --> 00:36:14,046
[sniffles] I'm sorry.
622
00:36:14,714 --> 00:36:15,923
[sniffles] Um...
623
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:22,555
[sniffles, sighs]
624
00:36:23,431 --> 00:36:24,599
Are you afraid?
625
00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:29,687
Yeah.
626
00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:35,193
I am.
627
00:36:39,113 --> 00:36:40,281
[coughs]
628
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:42,241
[sobs]
629
00:36:45,244 --> 00:36:46,913
[sniffles, breathes shakily]
630
00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:53,628
Will you hold...
631
00:36:54,003 --> 00:36:55,338
Will you hold my hand...
632
00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:56,923
bro?
633
00:36:57,006 --> 00:36:58,758
[both chuckle, sob]
634
00:36:58,841 --> 00:36:59,675
Yeah.
635
00:37:03,679 --> 00:37:07,225
["Washing of the Water" plays]
♪ River, river, carry me on ♪
636
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:10,978
♪ Living river, carry me on ♪
637
00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:14,857
♪ River, river, carry me on ♪
638
00:37:15,441 --> 00:37:18,444
♪ To the place where I come from ♪
639
00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:22,031
♪ So deep ♪
640
00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:24,867
♪ So wide ♪
641
00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:29,830
♪ Will you take me on your back ♪
642
00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:32,500
♪ For a ride? ♪
643
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:39,590
♪ If I should fall ♪
644
00:37:41,884 --> 00:37:47,598
♪ Would you swallow me deep inside? ♪
645
00:37:50,643 --> 00:37:55,523
♪ River, show me how to float ♪
646
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:03,447
♪ I feel like I'm sinking down ♪
647
00:38:06,325 --> 00:38:12,999
♪ Thought that I could get along ♪
648
00:38:13,874 --> 00:38:17,211
♪ But here in this water ♪
649
00:38:17,795 --> 00:38:21,048
♪ My feet won't touch the ground ♪
650
00:38:22,049 --> 00:38:25,052
♪ I need something ♪
651
00:38:25,761 --> 00:38:28,597
♪ To turn myself around... ♪
652
00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:36,814
[machine beeps frantically, flatlines]
653
00:38:39,025 --> 00:38:45,531
♪ ...Away toward the sea ♪
654
00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:52,163
-♪ River deep ♪
-[door opens]
655
00:38:54,123 --> 00:38:58,794
♪ Can you lift up and carry me? ♪
656
00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:00,129
[beeping stops]
657
00:39:01,672 --> 00:39:02,798
[Lainie sobs]
658
00:39:04,091 --> 00:39:08,054
-♪ Oh roll on through the heartland ♪
-[Lainie sniffles]
659
00:39:09,722 --> 00:39:16,687
♪ Till the sun has left the sky ♪
660
00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:21,400
♪ River, oh, river ♪
661
00:39:22,401 --> 00:39:24,695
♪ River running deep ♪
662
00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:28,949
♪ Bring me something ♪
663
00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:29,867
[kisses]
664
00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:32,411
♪ That will let me get to sleep ♪
665
00:39:32,495 --> 00:39:33,913
[sobs quietly]
666
00:39:33,996 --> 00:39:36,791
♪ In the washing of the water ♪
667
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:40,711
♪ Will you take it all away? ♪
668
00:39:42,338 --> 00:39:45,508
♪ Bring me something ♪
669
00:39:46,425 --> 00:39:50,513
♪ To take this pain away ♪
670
00:39:56,852 --> 00:39:58,062
[Clay] After all that,
671
00:39:58,729 --> 00:40:00,731
after... everything,
672
00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:03,025
this is how it ends.
673
00:40:22,711 --> 00:40:25,965
My mom asked me if I wanted
to say something at Justin's funeral.
674
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:30,553
I wanted to, for him, but I couldn't.
675
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:32,513
What could I say?
676
00:40:32,972 --> 00:40:34,098
Running theme, huh?
677
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:52,283
[Tony sighs]
678
00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:00,291
[groans, inhales sharply]
679
00:41:00,374 --> 00:41:02,710
I wish there was something
I could say or do.
680
00:41:03,794 --> 00:41:05,004
[sighs]
681
00:41:06,338 --> 00:41:07,256
Yeah.
682
00:41:07,798 --> 00:41:08,841
What is there?
683
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:12,636
Thank you for wanting to, though.
684
00:41:15,055 --> 00:41:16,724
You always make things better.
685
00:41:17,099 --> 00:41:18,017
[scoffs]
686
00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:20,519
I just show up, man. That's all I do.
687
00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:22,396
Always.
688
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:26,317
More than I have for you.
689
00:41:28,402 --> 00:41:29,361
No.
690
00:41:30,779 --> 00:41:32,531
No, we show up for each other.
691
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,076
[sighs]
692
00:41:41,624 --> 00:41:43,709
No one gets through this life alone, man.
693
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,755
No.
694
00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:54,094
[inhales deeply, exhales]
695
00:42:07,149 --> 00:42:08,526
[inaudible]
696
00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:11,779
What's he doing here?
697
00:42:11,862 --> 00:42:12,863
I don't know.
698
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,283
I hope he's showing his respects.
699
00:42:19,495 --> 00:42:21,455
[breathes shakily]
I don't know if I can do this.
700
00:42:21,539 --> 00:42:23,874
OK, we'll just take it slow.
We don't have to sit up front.
701
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:24,792
No.
702
00:42:26,085 --> 00:42:27,127
No, I don't...
703
00:42:28,754 --> 00:42:32,091
I don't know
if I can do any of this anymore.
704
00:42:33,092 --> 00:42:34,593
We're all supposed to just...
705
00:42:35,553 --> 00:42:38,556
keep waking up
and putting on our clothes
706
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:42,309
and carrying on conversations
and listening to people
707
00:42:42,393 --> 00:42:44,853
while they talk about
how God works in mysterious ways,
708
00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:48,148
and I just don't fucking know
if I can do it anymore!
709
00:42:48,232 --> 00:42:51,068
-OK, I think this is the hardest thing...
-[sniffles]
710
00:42:51,652 --> 00:42:53,904
...that anyone could ever go through.
711
00:42:55,197 --> 00:42:58,492
But I also think you are a lot stronger
than you realize.
712
00:42:58,909 --> 00:43:00,494
-He made me strong.
-No!
713
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:01,829
You are.
714
00:43:02,788 --> 00:43:04,039
All on your own.
715
00:43:04,790 --> 00:43:07,543
Maybe you made each other stronger,
but it's in you.
716
00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:09,211
I've seen it.
717
00:43:10,796 --> 00:43:11,755
[chuckles sadly]
718
00:43:13,173 --> 00:43:14,174
OK.
719
00:43:14,258 --> 00:43:16,760
[inhales shakily, exhales deeply]
720
00:43:19,013 --> 00:43:20,681
[pastor] How did we get here?
721
00:43:20,764 --> 00:43:21,724
Again?
722
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,518
We made a cruel world.
723
00:43:25,352 --> 00:43:28,230
My generation, my parents' generation.
724
00:43:30,024 --> 00:43:31,358
Too little caring.
725
00:43:32,109 --> 00:43:33,861
Too much hate,
726
00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:35,321
anger, and hurt.
727
00:43:36,989 --> 00:43:39,825
We talk a good game
about protecting our children,
728
00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:44,038
but we leave too much on the table
that might surely save their lives.
729
00:43:45,289 --> 00:43:48,250
Justin Foley died of a disease
730
00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:50,586
that, from its inception,
731
00:43:50,669 --> 00:43:52,880
thrives in silence.
732
00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:56,383
And there are a number of such diseases,
733
00:43:56,467 --> 00:44:01,764
a number of ills
that thrive when we are silent about them.
734
00:44:02,765 --> 00:44:05,976
Because we let our fears, our shame,
735
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:10,439
our twisted moral codes
keep us in silence,
736
00:44:10,522 --> 00:44:13,484
as death stalks more children.
737
00:44:13,567 --> 00:44:15,611
I say, enough.
738
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,907
Enough shifting blame.
739
00:44:20,616 --> 00:44:22,201
Enough pointing fingers.
740
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:26,163
Enough confusing those
who report the damage
741
00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:28,290
with those who cause it.
742
00:44:29,875 --> 00:44:33,212
Let us remember Justin
for his accomplishments
743
00:44:33,295 --> 00:44:35,798
on the football field
and the basketball court.
744
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:39,176
Let us remember his smile
745
00:44:39,718 --> 00:44:43,013
that I am told melted a hundred hearts.
746
00:44:44,056 --> 00:44:46,600
But let's also remember his death
747
00:44:47,309 --> 00:44:49,645
with sorrow and determination
748
00:44:50,312 --> 00:44:51,814
that spur us...
749
00:44:52,481 --> 00:44:53,565
to action.
750
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:57,027
Amen.
751
00:45:04,910 --> 00:45:06,036
Um...
752
00:45:07,287 --> 00:45:08,414
I...
753
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,209
I'm not sure I can do this. Uh...
754
00:45:14,002 --> 00:45:14,962
[sighs]
755
00:45:15,421 --> 00:45:16,255
Um...
756
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:18,674
Uh...
757
00:45:19,341 --> 00:45:20,300
I believe...
758
00:45:20,843 --> 00:45:21,927
[stammering] I believe...
759
00:45:23,971 --> 00:45:27,641
I believe
Justin Foley helped save my life.
760
00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:30,644
I didn't like him.
761
00:45:32,146 --> 00:45:33,564
And he didn't like me.
762
00:45:34,148 --> 00:45:35,023
But...
763
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:37,776
when I needed him,
764
00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:40,738
he helped me.
765
00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:44,658
Um...
766
00:45:45,117 --> 00:45:46,660
Sorry, I'm... [voice catches]
767
00:45:48,662 --> 00:45:49,663
Go. Go get him.
768
00:45:54,001 --> 00:45:55,794
[Clay] Alex tried to say something...
769
00:45:55,878 --> 00:45:57,671
-[Bill] You all right?
-Yeah.
770
00:45:57,755 --> 00:45:58,964
OK, let's go sit down.
771
00:45:59,047 --> 00:46:00,674
[Clay] ...as much as he could.
772
00:46:03,552 --> 00:46:06,013
But there's so much
none of us could ever say.
773
00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:10,851
Last time I was up here,
774
00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:14,188
I said I was my brother's keeper.
775
00:46:15,397 --> 00:46:16,482
That we all are.
776
00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:20,194
Even though I didn't live up to that.
777
00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:26,867
Justin hated running.
778
00:46:29,661 --> 00:46:32,414
Coach Kerba would make him do a mile,
and he would bitch
779
00:46:32,498 --> 00:46:33,957
-and complain...
-[chuckles]
780
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:35,000
...the whole time.
781
00:46:36,335 --> 00:46:39,588
Coach Kerba would tell him that pain
782
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:42,424
is the feeling of weakness
leaving the body.
783
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,430
But we're all weak, I think.
784
00:46:50,599 --> 00:46:52,226
But we're trying to be stronger.
785
00:46:53,143 --> 00:46:55,771
And the pain that we are feeling today...
786
00:46:57,481 --> 00:46:59,399
is to remind us every day...
787
00:47:02,444 --> 00:47:03,445
to do better.
788
00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,406
To be better.
789
00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:16,041
-[Zach] A few of us are going to Monet's.
-[Jess] I'm gonna head home, I think.
790
00:47:16,124 --> 00:47:17,334
I'm with my folks.
791
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,004
[mournful music plays]
792
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:52,578
[Clay] After the funeral, I couldn't move.
793
00:47:53,662 --> 00:47:54,830
Couldn't even stand.
794
00:47:55,330 --> 00:47:56,290
Stuck.
795
00:47:58,250 --> 00:47:59,626
This is my life now.
796
00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:06,717
[footsteps approaching]
797
00:48:09,636 --> 00:48:11,638
[mournful music continues]
798
00:48:38,540 --> 00:48:39,750
[Jess breathes shakily]
799
00:49:04,942 --> 00:49:05,984
Um... Can I...
800
00:49:06,944 --> 00:49:08,654
I just wanted to say...
801
00:49:10,113 --> 00:49:12,032
I think you saved my life too.
802
00:49:13,075 --> 00:49:14,284
More than anyone.
803
00:49:15,285 --> 00:49:16,411
So, thank you.
804
00:49:17,412 --> 00:49:19,623
And I was mean to you when you got back.
805
00:49:19,706 --> 00:49:22,542
I didn't even think
about everything you were going through.
806
00:49:23,251 --> 00:49:24,586
But anyway, I'm...
807
00:49:25,337 --> 00:49:26,380
I'm sorry.
808
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:27,923
And thank you.
809
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:32,761
Alex.
810
00:49:35,222 --> 00:49:36,223
I'm just...
811
00:49:37,140 --> 00:49:39,434
I'm just really happy
to be alive right now.
812
00:49:44,272 --> 00:49:45,190
[Ani] Yeah.
813
00:49:46,274 --> 00:49:47,275
Me too.
814
00:49:54,282 --> 00:49:55,742
[door opens, bell rings]
815
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:04,292
Can we...
816
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:07,629
Can we talk?
817
00:50:09,172 --> 00:50:10,048
Yeah.
818
00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:15,012
[Clay] And what if the past
follows us everywhere?
819
00:50:18,140 --> 00:50:19,891
What if we can never get away from it?
820
00:50:38,535 --> 00:50:39,661
Can I ask you,
821
00:50:41,246 --> 00:50:42,247
why'd you do it?
822
00:50:47,294 --> 00:50:48,670
Yeah. OK.
823
00:50:51,214 --> 00:50:54,843
Zach had hurt him pretty bad,
he'd broken his leg, his arm.
824
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:58,138
He begged me to help him up, so I did.
825
00:50:59,097 --> 00:51:02,559
And then he started on
about how he was gonna ruin Zach's life,
826
00:51:03,101 --> 00:51:04,436
which he already had done.
827
00:51:05,854 --> 00:51:08,065
And he was just spewing all this shit.
828
00:51:08,690 --> 00:51:10,108
And I saw this...
829
00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:12,069
anger.
830
00:51:14,780 --> 00:51:17,240
I didn't see any soul or anything.
831
00:51:17,324 --> 00:51:18,325
I just didn't.
832
00:51:19,034 --> 00:51:24,873
And then I realized
that he had ruined everyone I ever loved.
833
00:51:26,374 --> 00:51:27,709
And I got this...
834
00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:32,881
this flash of rage.
835
00:51:33,965 --> 00:51:38,386
Ever since my TBI,
I get these flares, like, I go red.
836
00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:41,681
And then I pushed him off the dock.
837
00:51:49,481 --> 00:51:50,774
[Winston inhales sharply]
838
00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:54,486
Are you sorry you did it?
839
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:58,949
More than I can ever say.
840
00:52:01,868 --> 00:52:03,328
Was Jessica with you?
841
00:52:04,538 --> 00:52:05,872
[tense music plays]
842
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:14,131
[chuckles lightly]
843
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:21,805
[sighs] Did you ever really like me?
844
00:52:25,058 --> 00:52:27,060
Yeah. Yes.
845
00:52:29,229 --> 00:52:31,606
You opened up a new world for me.
846
00:52:32,816 --> 00:52:35,569
You helped me figure out stuff
about myself.
847
00:52:35,652 --> 00:52:37,154
I loved being with you.
848
00:52:39,281 --> 00:52:40,574
[sighs]
849
00:52:42,284 --> 00:52:43,368
Yeah, me too.
850
00:52:46,705 --> 00:52:47,831
[Winston inhales shakily]
851
00:52:54,462 --> 00:52:55,755
[sighs heavily]
852
00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:01,553
I'm not gonna do anything.
853
00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:06,558
I thought I was...
854
00:53:08,643 --> 00:53:09,644
because...
855
00:53:09,728 --> 00:53:11,021
[inhales, exhales deeply]
856
00:53:11,771 --> 00:53:13,231
...because I loved Monty.
857
00:53:14,816 --> 00:53:16,109
I knew him somehow.
858
00:53:16,526 --> 00:53:17,569
I swear I did.
859
00:53:22,657 --> 00:53:23,909
But I loved you too.
860
00:53:26,661 --> 00:53:28,246
And I am trying not to...
861
00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,124
but I still fucking do.
862
00:53:35,712 --> 00:53:36,713
OK.
863
00:53:38,256 --> 00:53:39,257
Thank you.
864
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:42,928
Can I hug you?
865
00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:53,438
[Winston sniffles]
866
00:54:23,843 --> 00:54:24,678
All right.
867
00:54:25,053 --> 00:54:29,099
It's done. The sales papers are drawn up.
All it needs is a buyer's signature.
868
00:54:29,182 --> 00:54:30,976
Tony, that's great.
869
00:54:31,810 --> 00:54:33,103
-Right?
-I don't know!
870
00:54:33,186 --> 00:54:35,480
I... I... I don't know if it's great!
871
00:54:35,563 --> 00:54:37,107
I don't know what to think!
872
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:38,024
Fuck!
873
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:41,069
Second thoughts are natural,
but this is a solid plan, Tony.
874
00:54:41,152 --> 00:54:42,237
This is safe.
875
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,657
No plan in this fucking world
is safe, Caleb.
876
00:54:45,740 --> 00:54:47,784
Safe is not a word I believe in anymore.
877
00:54:47,867 --> 00:54:50,328
[Caleb] OK. OK.
But the garage is protected.
878
00:54:50,412 --> 00:54:52,914
This gives you a chance to...
to have a life.
879
00:54:53,623 --> 00:54:55,000
What if I like this life?
880
00:54:55,083 --> 00:54:57,294
What if I like this right now?
881
00:54:57,377 --> 00:54:58,628
The garage is protected.
882
00:54:58,712 --> 00:55:01,089
I mean, the buyer doesn't know shit
about fixing cars,
883
00:55:01,172 --> 00:55:02,799
but Javi's ready to manage the place.
884
00:55:02,882 --> 00:55:03,883
He does already.
885
00:55:03,967 --> 00:55:06,720
What if one of the businesses
takes a dive?
886
00:55:07,053 --> 00:55:09,139
What if it's too much
for one person to handle?
887
00:55:09,222 --> 00:55:11,891
Tony, I've lived with you
for more than a year.
888
00:55:11,975 --> 00:55:13,810
Nothing's too much for me to handle.
889
00:55:14,686 --> 00:55:15,603
Here.
890
00:55:19,232 --> 00:55:20,775
-Javi and I...
-[groans]
891
00:55:22,610 --> 00:55:23,945
...will take good care.
892
00:55:24,696 --> 00:55:27,073
What if I'm not good enough
to stay on the team?
893
00:55:27,157 --> 00:55:29,492
What if I flunk out?
I'm no good at school!
894
00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:31,453
You're good at anything
you wanna be good at.
895
00:55:31,536 --> 00:55:33,455
Oh, my God. This is so easy for you.
896
00:55:33,538 --> 00:55:36,166
-Why is this so fucking easy for you?
-It's not easy!
897
00:55:36,249 --> 00:55:37,625
This is fucking killing me.
898
00:55:38,418 --> 00:55:41,421
But this gives you a chance
to live a whole life.
899
00:55:41,504 --> 00:55:43,298
[inhales deeply, exhales]
900
00:55:43,381 --> 00:55:44,924
[shakily] What if I can't do it?
901
00:55:48,303 --> 00:55:50,055
I don't know. What if I'm lonely?
902
00:55:50,722 --> 00:55:52,766
Well, I'm eight hours away by car.
903
00:55:53,725 --> 00:55:55,602
Seven the way that you drive.
904
00:55:55,685 --> 00:55:57,187
[both chuckle]
905
00:55:57,270 --> 00:55:58,730
-[Tony sniffles]
-Here.
906
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:04,736
Oh, fuck.
907
00:56:09,115 --> 00:56:10,158
I'm scared.
908
00:56:11,368 --> 00:56:12,369
I know.
909
00:56:14,037 --> 00:56:15,163
And that's OK.
910
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,209
-OK.
-Yeah.
911
00:56:19,626 --> 00:56:20,794
Come here.
912
00:56:20,877 --> 00:56:21,836
It's OK.
913
00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:27,759
-It's OK, Tony.
-No.
914
00:56:27,842 --> 00:56:29,803
It's OK to be scared. I'm scared too.
915
00:56:30,553 --> 00:56:33,223
[Clay] What if what's ahead of us
is even more terrifying
916
00:56:33,306 --> 00:56:34,849
than what we've been through?
917
00:56:34,933 --> 00:56:35,934
OK.
918
00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:37,811
[breathes deeply]
919
00:56:37,894 --> 00:56:39,270
[keyboard clattering]
920
00:56:44,984 --> 00:56:45,860
You good?
921
00:56:46,277 --> 00:56:49,948
Yeah. I'm good. I'm just finishing up
these patrol reports.
922
00:56:50,490 --> 00:56:51,699
[Diaz] I was thinkin'.
923
00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:56,037
I always say that this job
is everything to me.
924
00:56:57,205 --> 00:56:58,498
I don't come from much.
925
00:56:59,290 --> 00:57:00,625
I know you don't either.
926
00:57:00,708 --> 00:57:04,754
No, sir. My two boys are the first
in my family to go to college.
927
00:57:05,213 --> 00:57:06,464
[Diaz] Same with my kids.
928
00:57:07,424 --> 00:57:10,093
And I say this job is everything,
but it's not true.
929
00:57:11,052 --> 00:57:14,556
I live my life for family,
for God, for country.
930
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:16,015
In that order.
931
00:57:16,349 --> 00:57:18,601
And a father's love is a, uh...
932
00:57:19,644 --> 00:57:21,604
fierce and complicated thing.
933
00:57:22,021 --> 00:57:24,399
As I'm sure my daughter Valerie
would tell you.
934
00:57:25,567 --> 00:57:26,568
But family...
935
00:57:28,903 --> 00:57:30,071
Family comes first.
936
00:57:31,072 --> 00:57:32,073
Wouldn't you agree?
937
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:34,242
I do.
938
00:57:35,618 --> 00:57:36,453
Hmm.
939
00:57:37,912 --> 00:57:38,913
[inhales slowly]
940
00:57:38,997 --> 00:57:40,832
The Bryce Walker files, um...
941
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:43,626
they're going down to permanent storage.
942
00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:48,548
That case is closed for good.
943
00:57:54,804 --> 00:57:55,889
Understood.
944
00:58:00,852 --> 00:58:02,145
Don't work too late, Bill.
945
00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:06,357
[Bill] Hey, Sheriff.
946
00:58:09,569 --> 00:58:10,570
Thank you.
947
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:17,911
[relieved sigh]
948
00:58:19,370 --> 00:58:20,371
[door closes]
949
00:58:24,209 --> 00:58:26,294
[Clay] How do we get on with our lives?
950
00:58:31,716 --> 00:58:32,759
Hey.
951
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:35,345
You waited for me.
952
00:58:35,845 --> 00:58:37,305
Of course I waited for you.
953
00:58:39,557 --> 00:58:41,434
Um... Negative.
954
00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:43,520
Good.
955
00:58:44,062 --> 00:58:45,188
Yeah, me too.
956
00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:50,235
Um, thanks for telling me,
and coming with me.
957
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:51,569
Of course.
958
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:53,446
I wasn't worried.
959
00:58:53,863 --> 00:58:57,784
He'd never do it without protection.
He was pretty hardcore on that.
960
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:02,455
They, uh... They tell you about PrEP?
961
00:59:03,623 --> 00:59:05,375
That seems like a good thing.
962
00:59:05,458 --> 00:59:06,417
Yeah.
963
00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:09,754
Though I don't plan on
having sex again, ever, so...
964
00:59:12,423 --> 00:59:13,758
Look, I'm sorry...
965
00:59:15,134 --> 00:59:16,427
about Justin. I...
966
00:59:17,887 --> 00:59:19,597
I know how much you loved him.
967
00:59:21,683 --> 00:59:23,017
How would you know that?
968
00:59:24,561 --> 00:59:25,562
I...
969
00:59:25,645 --> 00:59:27,397
I saw you dance together.
970
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:33,945
And...
971
00:59:34,696 --> 00:59:35,822
a guy can tell...
972
00:59:36,698 --> 00:59:38,575
when a girl's heart is spoken for.
973
00:59:53,006 --> 00:59:54,132
I'm sorry...
974
00:59:54,549 --> 00:59:55,383
for...
975
00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:58,469
everything I put you through.
976
00:59:59,554 --> 01:00:01,222
I'm done with it. I just...
977
01:00:03,558 --> 01:00:04,892
I couldn't let it go.
978
01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:08,062
I... [breathes shakily]
979
01:00:08,146 --> 01:00:10,690
I miss Monty so much.
980
01:00:12,191 --> 01:00:13,192
But it...
981
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:16,904
It can't be anything
like what you miss Justin.
982
01:00:17,739 --> 01:00:18,740
[Jess sighs]
983
01:00:19,699 --> 01:00:20,658
I don't know.
984
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:23,745
Missing is missing.
985
01:00:29,917 --> 01:00:31,461
[chuckles lightly] I...
986
01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:37,216
I know it's very much too soon
to be saying anything like this, but...
987
01:00:38,217 --> 01:00:41,846
if you ever need someone
to miss people with,
988
01:00:41,929 --> 01:00:45,099
I would like to maybe
ask you out sometime.
989
01:00:45,808 --> 01:00:47,018
To go out with me.
990
01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:49,270
Again.
991
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:51,898
But in a new way, sometime.
992
01:00:56,194 --> 01:00:58,696
Maybe I can...
Can I start asking in about a month?
993
01:01:00,615 --> 01:01:01,741
Maybe in a month.
994
01:01:04,452 --> 01:01:07,080
[Clay] How do we even imagine
starting something new?
995
01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:11,084
You'd think I'd know these answers.
996
01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:14,504
You'd think I'd be good at goodbyes
by now.
997
01:01:14,587 --> 01:01:16,297
[tense music plays]
998
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:33,064
[tense music continues]
999
01:02:04,470 --> 01:02:05,972
[Clay] Mrs. Baker sent them.
1000
01:02:07,515 --> 01:02:10,226
The court had returned them to her
after, like, months,
1001
01:02:10,309 --> 01:02:12,854
and she thought
Tony and I should have them.
1002
01:02:13,271 --> 01:02:14,772
That they were never hers.
1003
01:02:15,231 --> 01:02:18,609
That they were something of Hannah
that we got, and she never would.
1004
01:02:20,445 --> 01:02:23,448
-[Ellman] What do you think that was?
-I don't know.
1005
01:02:24,532 --> 01:02:25,450
Think harder.
1006
01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:27,410
I don't know.
1007
01:02:28,494 --> 01:02:31,330
I think you do.
And I think you're being lazy.
1008
01:02:32,874 --> 01:02:34,459
What the hell? Screw you!
1009
01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:35,626
[Ellman] There we go.
1010
01:02:36,169 --> 01:02:39,797
I was worried we'd have Mumbles McGee
for the whole session.
1011
01:02:39,881 --> 01:02:40,798
[stutters]
1012
01:02:40,882 --> 01:02:42,800
What the fuck is this? Tough love?
1013
01:02:42,884 --> 01:02:43,968
Some shit like that?
1014
01:02:45,470 --> 01:02:47,972
Why did Hannah's mother
send you the tapes?
1015
01:02:49,307 --> 01:02:52,185
Why do you and Tony feel
so responsible for Tyler?
1016
01:02:52,268 --> 01:02:55,313
Why did your graffiti say,
"Monty was framed"?
1017
01:02:55,396 --> 01:02:56,481
Why do you care?
1018
01:02:56,564 --> 01:02:59,108
-Because I care about you.
-You care about a paycheck.
1019
01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:00,693
You think I only care 'cause I'm paid?
1020
01:03:00,777 --> 01:03:02,570
Would you wanna see me
if the bill wasn't paid?
1021
01:03:02,653 --> 01:03:03,654
If you needed me.
1022
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:04,739
Yeah, bullshit!
1023
01:03:07,158 --> 01:03:08,743
What are you really asking, Clay?
1024
01:03:09,494 --> 01:03:13,539
I'm not asking anything,
I'm just... I'm fucking fed up!
1025
01:03:13,623 --> 01:03:15,416
Well, good. Why?
1026
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:18,753
Because! Because none
of this fucking matters! OK?
1027
01:03:18,836 --> 01:03:20,630
If Justin is dead,
1028
01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:23,424
then none of the rest of it matters!
1029
01:03:27,220 --> 01:03:28,137
It's...
1030
01:03:29,972 --> 01:03:31,682
[sobs] How could he let it happen?
1031
01:03:31,766 --> 01:03:33,935
How could he let himself
get sick like that?
1032
01:03:34,018 --> 01:03:36,646
We... It would've been so easy
to save him!
1033
01:03:38,147 --> 01:03:42,318
[Ellman] Maybe deep down, he didn't think
he was worth saving or worth loving.
1034
01:03:43,736 --> 01:03:45,530
But Jessica loved him.
1035
01:03:45,613 --> 01:03:47,365
And my... my... my parents did.
1036
01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:48,616
And I did!
1037
01:03:48,699 --> 01:03:51,244
But what if there was some part of him
from a long time ago
1038
01:03:51,327 --> 01:03:53,120
that couldn't let himself be loved?
1039
01:03:53,830 --> 01:03:55,623
Couldn't let himself be cared for?
1040
01:03:55,706 --> 01:03:57,959
That makes no sense!
1041
01:03:58,042 --> 01:03:59,043
Really, Clay?
1042
01:03:59,126 --> 01:04:02,922
You can't imagine a kid who keeps secrets
from the people who love him most?
1043
01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:05,091
A kid who won't let himself be cared for?
1044
01:04:06,759 --> 01:04:07,844
Fuck you.
1045
01:04:10,471 --> 01:04:11,472
[Clay sighs]
1046
01:04:33,119 --> 01:04:35,955
My Guild Starfire. I love that guitar.
1047
01:04:39,667 --> 01:04:41,085
I grew up here, you know.
1048
01:04:42,837 --> 01:04:43,838
In Evergreen.
1049
01:04:46,382 --> 01:04:48,676
It was the late '60s and early '70s.
1050
01:04:48,759 --> 01:04:51,262
It was a turbulent, difficult time.
1051
01:04:51,929 --> 01:04:54,056
Country was desperately divided.
1052
01:04:54,140 --> 01:04:55,766
Drugs were everywhere.
1053
01:04:56,642 --> 01:04:58,102
I was a troubled kid.
1054
01:04:59,937 --> 01:05:01,731
Yeah, I'm sure you were a hellion.
1055
01:05:02,565 --> 01:05:03,691
I stole a car.
1056
01:05:07,069 --> 01:05:08,779
So I could steal a guitar amp.
1057
01:05:10,364 --> 01:05:11,490
I sniffed glue.
1058
01:05:11,991 --> 01:05:13,159
Dropped acid.
1059
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:14,660
Smoked dope.
1060
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:16,078
Occasionally I sold it.
1061
01:05:17,538 --> 01:05:18,372
Shit.
1062
01:05:18,789 --> 01:05:20,791
[Ellman] I was going down a dark road,
1063
01:05:20,875 --> 01:05:24,629
and then a teacher in my high school
saw something in me.
1064
01:05:25,546 --> 01:05:26,505
Saw...
1065
01:05:27,798 --> 01:05:28,633
me.
1066
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:31,761
She believed I had something to offer.
1067
01:05:31,844 --> 01:05:34,055
She was an English teacher.
1068
01:05:34,722 --> 01:05:36,223
She thought I could write.
1069
01:05:36,307 --> 01:05:40,019
And I said something to her
very much like what you said to me.
1070
01:05:41,145 --> 01:05:42,730
Nothing makes sense.
1071
01:05:42,813 --> 01:05:44,523
None of the pieces fit together.
1072
01:05:44,899 --> 01:05:46,192
And she said to me...
1073
01:05:47,068 --> 01:05:47,902
"Try."
1074
01:05:49,528 --> 01:05:50,529
She said...
1075
01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:53,950
"Begin."
1076
01:05:57,453 --> 01:05:58,621
So I began.
1077
01:05:59,830 --> 01:06:04,418
And years later I found myself back here,
in my home town,
1078
01:06:04,502 --> 01:06:06,170
to help kids like me.
1079
01:06:08,422 --> 01:06:09,423
Like you.
1080
01:06:10,758 --> 01:06:14,595
I can't promise
the story has a happy ending, Clay.
1081
01:06:15,346 --> 01:06:16,889
What happens to us,
1082
01:06:17,682 --> 01:06:20,184
it may only have the sense
that we make of it.
1083
01:06:22,436 --> 01:06:26,190
But I do know
that it's in telling the story...
1084
01:06:27,650 --> 01:06:29,276
that we learn who we are.
1085
01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:32,780
And maybe see who we might become.
1086
01:06:37,994 --> 01:06:38,995
[Clay sniffles]
1087
01:06:48,212 --> 01:06:50,840
[breathes shakily]
1088
01:07:15,031 --> 01:07:16,032
[clicks tongue]
1089
01:07:18,993 --> 01:07:21,120
It starts with Hannah Baker.
1090
01:07:25,916 --> 01:07:27,960
[Bolan] Graduation is that special time,
1091
01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:31,547
not only to celebrate
but to acknowledge the hard work
1092
01:07:31,630 --> 01:07:36,635
and the countless sacrifices it took
to transform dreams into reality.
1093
01:07:37,053 --> 01:07:39,138
And let's not forget the fortitude
1094
01:07:39,638 --> 01:07:42,016
to carry on in the face of adversity.
1095
01:07:42,683 --> 01:07:44,560
This graduating class
1096
01:07:44,643 --> 01:07:47,021
has shown a special kind of fortitude.
1097
01:07:47,646 --> 01:07:49,023
I admire you all.
1098
01:07:49,106 --> 01:07:50,483
You've been tested
1099
01:07:51,025 --> 01:07:52,443
well beyond the classroom,
1100
01:07:53,277 --> 01:07:54,737
and you have endured.
1101
01:07:55,780 --> 01:07:57,990
Now, you may not believe me.
1102
01:07:58,074 --> 01:07:59,450
Your... [chuckles]
1103
01:07:59,992 --> 01:08:04,789
...class president and class speaker,
in particular, may not believe me.
1104
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:08,000
But all we have ever wished for,
1105
01:08:08,459 --> 01:08:11,587
myself, the educators here today,
1106
01:08:12,129 --> 01:08:13,255
all of your parents,
1107
01:08:13,339 --> 01:08:15,925
all we have truly wished for
1108
01:08:16,008 --> 01:08:20,304
is to see that you are all happy
and healthy and safe.
1109
01:08:20,638 --> 01:08:22,556
This class, in particular,
1110
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,142
has made that hellishly hard.
1111
01:08:25,226 --> 01:08:26,685
[laughter]
1112
01:08:29,480 --> 01:08:31,690
But I have faith in you. [chuckles]
1113
01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:33,359
All of you.
1114
01:08:33,442 --> 01:08:35,694
And I hope that we have taught you well.
1115
01:08:37,029 --> 01:08:38,864
I know you have taught me.
1116
01:08:41,492 --> 01:08:42,535
I'm grateful.
1117
01:08:43,953 --> 01:08:45,287
And I'm proud of you all.
1118
01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,790
[cheering, whistling]
1119
01:08:50,251 --> 01:08:51,836
[Jess] Look, here's the thing.
1120
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:54,713
There should be more of us here.
1121
01:08:57,049 --> 01:09:00,010
And lately, I have been thinking about
why they're not here.
1122
01:09:01,345 --> 01:09:04,807
I have a history of causing trouble
with my speeches.
1123
01:09:05,724 --> 01:09:08,269
Principal Bolan
actually had to approve my speech
1124
01:09:08,352 --> 01:09:10,146
just so I wouldn't make trouble.
1125
01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:13,315
But that was a month ago.
1126
01:09:14,358 --> 01:09:16,527
And my life has changed since then.
1127
01:09:18,904 --> 01:09:22,992
But don't worry,
I'm not causing any trouble today.
1128
01:09:25,244 --> 01:09:27,454
Because I just want you to hear me.
1129
01:09:28,789 --> 01:09:31,167
Some of you circulated a petition
this year,
1130
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:33,377
demanding I be removed from office.
1131
01:09:33,919 --> 01:09:35,504
Saying that I was a one-issue president,
1132
01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:38,507
and I had made my point,
and I should just shut up.
1133
01:09:38,591 --> 01:09:40,426
Well, no girls signed that petition.
1134
01:09:40,509 --> 01:09:41,802
-[laughter]
-So, news, boys,
1135
01:09:42,344 --> 01:09:43,971
our point is far from made.
1136
01:09:44,555 --> 01:09:46,056
And we're not shutting up.
1137
01:09:46,140 --> 01:09:47,474
-Yeah!
-[whistling]
1138
01:09:49,643 --> 01:09:51,645
[whooping]
1139
01:09:52,354 --> 01:09:54,773
[Jess] But you are right about one thing:
1140
01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:56,901
I am a one-issue president.
1141
01:09:58,569 --> 01:10:00,279
I'm a one-issue person.
1142
01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:04,491
I spent the last couple of years angry.
1143
01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:06,493
Hurt.
1144
01:10:06,911 --> 01:10:07,912
Scared.
1145
01:10:09,288 --> 01:10:11,081
But I'm not gonna do that anymore.
1146
01:10:12,625 --> 01:10:15,252
I'm gonna focus on my one issue.
1147
01:10:17,254 --> 01:10:18,380
Which is love.
1148
01:10:18,464 --> 01:10:19,924
[laughter, jeering]
1149
01:10:20,299 --> 01:10:23,594
Oh, what? Does talking about love
make you embarrassed?
1150
01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:25,679
Is it girly? What?
1151
01:10:26,472 --> 01:10:28,474
Because it's the thing.
1152
01:10:29,475 --> 01:10:31,894
It's the only thing.
1153
01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:34,813
It's easy to hate.
1154
01:10:35,606 --> 01:10:37,066
It's easy to fear.
1155
01:10:37,691 --> 01:10:39,652
It's goddamn hard to love.
1156
01:10:41,028 --> 01:10:42,238
But it's not optional.
1157
01:10:43,364 --> 01:10:44,573
It's essential.
1158
01:10:47,743 --> 01:10:49,203
It's life or death.
1159
01:10:50,663 --> 01:10:51,956
I challenge you.
1160
01:10:52,456 --> 01:10:53,999
Love each other.
1161
01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:55,084
Do it.
1162
01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:56,710
Do it better.
1163
01:10:56,794 --> 01:10:59,088
Now and every day.
1164
01:11:00,130 --> 01:11:01,340
I love you all.
1165
01:11:05,511 --> 01:11:07,346
Oh, and fuck the patriarchy.
1166
01:11:07,763 --> 01:11:09,723
[cheering, whistling]
1167
01:11:09,807 --> 01:11:11,684
[whooping]
1168
01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:14,853
[raucous applause]
1169
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:21,318
[Clay] It comes down to one question.
1170
01:11:23,362 --> 01:11:25,030
Will you survive high school?
1171
01:11:25,698 --> 01:11:26,699
Will I survive?
1172
01:11:28,409 --> 01:11:30,577
Because I know too many people who didn't.
1173
01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:45,884
In the past two years,
1174
01:11:48,470 --> 01:11:51,432
three people who I loved have died.
1175
01:12:00,107 --> 01:12:02,359
And two... two other people...
1176
01:12:02,443 --> 01:12:04,570
[sniffling] ...who I thought I hated,
1177
01:12:05,195 --> 01:12:06,238
also died.
1178
01:12:08,407 --> 01:12:10,743
But I learned that hate is too simple.
1179
01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:12,536
Jessica's right.
1180
01:12:12,619 --> 01:12:13,704
Hate is easy.
1181
01:12:15,039 --> 01:12:17,791
Love and understanding are harder.
1182
01:12:18,208 --> 01:12:20,753
But they are how we take care
of each other,
1183
01:12:21,795 --> 01:12:23,047
how we survive.
1184
01:12:24,590 --> 01:12:25,758
[sniffs]
1185
01:12:31,555 --> 01:12:34,808
My dad loves to tell me stories
about when he was in high school.
1186
01:12:36,977 --> 01:12:39,688
The stories usually involve chess club
1187
01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:42,649
and obscure bands with funny haircuts,
1188
01:12:42,733 --> 01:12:45,652
because the '80s were a strange,
strange time.
1189
01:12:45,736 --> 01:12:47,279
[laughter]
1190
01:12:49,448 --> 01:12:51,367
But he always gets one thing right.
1191
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,664
He knows high school can hurt.
1192
01:13:01,502 --> 01:13:02,878
That it can be painful.
1193
01:13:03,253 --> 01:13:05,839
That there are days when that's all it is.
1194
01:13:08,300 --> 01:13:11,136
And he once told me
that he's living proof...
1195
01:13:12,346 --> 01:13:13,722
you can survive.
1196
01:13:16,392 --> 01:13:17,768
You can get through it.
1197
01:13:19,895 --> 01:13:22,606
He's living proof, and so am I.
1198
01:13:23,607 --> 01:13:25,442
And so are all of you.
1199
01:13:26,735 --> 01:13:27,903
And the thing is,
1200
01:13:27,986 --> 01:13:29,113
for me,
1201
01:13:30,155 --> 01:13:31,782
for us,
1202
01:13:32,908 --> 01:13:35,411
this class, this... this generation,
1203
01:13:37,621 --> 01:13:39,998
high school actually is life or death.
1204
01:13:42,543 --> 01:13:45,838
We show up every day
not knowing if this is the day we die.
1205
01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:51,009
If this is the day someone shows up
with a gun and tries to kill us all.
1206
01:13:51,760 --> 01:13:53,971
We practice what we'll do if that happens.
1207
01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:57,141
Life or death.
1208
01:14:02,229 --> 01:14:04,189
I suffer from anxiety...
1209
01:14:07,192 --> 01:14:09,069
and, uh, depression.
1210
01:14:09,778 --> 01:14:11,113
But mostly anxiety.
1211
01:14:16,326 --> 01:14:19,538
I sometimes think all of us kids do,
in some way.
1212
01:14:21,081 --> 01:14:23,584
And how could we not,
with the world the way it is?
1213
01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:27,713
We hear a lot of promises
that things will get better.
1214
01:14:28,672 --> 01:14:30,591
And... and, look, maybe they will,
1215
01:14:31,550 --> 01:14:32,593
maybe they won't.
1216
01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:36,680
And what I think I've learned,
1217
01:14:38,098 --> 01:14:39,725
what I wanna say to you...
1218
01:14:42,311 --> 01:14:45,314
is whatever happens, keep moving.
1219
01:14:47,524 --> 01:14:48,609
Get through it.
1220
01:14:50,944 --> 01:14:52,279
Choose to live.
1221
01:14:54,865 --> 01:14:56,825
'Cause even on the worst day, there...
1222
01:14:57,826 --> 01:14:59,578
are people who love you.
1223
01:15:01,205 --> 01:15:05,417
There's new music waiting for you to hear,
some... something you haven't seen before
1224
01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:07,753
that will blow your mind in the best way.
1225
01:15:11,381 --> 01:15:12,925
Even on the worst day,
1226
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:20,140
life is a pretty spectacular thing.
1227
01:15:35,239 --> 01:15:36,198
Thank you.
1228
01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:38,951
Good luck.
1229
01:15:39,284 --> 01:15:40,452
Yeah!
1230
01:15:41,119 --> 01:15:43,789
[cheering, whooping]
1231
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:45,499
[whistling]
1232
01:15:45,582 --> 01:15:46,875
[whooping]
1233
01:15:47,668 --> 01:15:50,420
["Unbelievers" by Vampire Weekend plays]
1234
01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:54,925
♪ Got a little soul ♪
1235
01:15:55,008 --> 01:15:58,053
♪ The world is a cold, cold place to be ♪
1236
01:15:59,846 --> 01:16:01,098
♪ Want a little warmth ♪
1237
01:16:01,181 --> 01:16:04,226
♪ But who's gonna save
A little warmth for me? ♪
1238
01:16:05,143 --> 01:16:10,440
♪ We know the fire awaits unbelievers
All of the sinners the same... ♪
1239
01:16:13,026 --> 01:16:14,111
-[Jess] Hey!
-[Ani] Hey!
1240
01:16:14,194 --> 01:16:17,322
-Where's your mom?
-Oh, she had to work. Couldn't leave.
1241
01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:19,616
Then you have to help me
endure my relatives.
1242
01:16:19,700 --> 01:16:21,910
My uncle flew in from Milwaukee.
1243
01:16:21,994 --> 01:16:25,581
Dude. No way.
You do not like The Descendants.
1244
01:16:25,664 --> 01:16:27,499
Saw their Sacramento show last year!
1245
01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:30,836
You know,
I love that the new quarterback is a homo.
1246
01:16:30,919 --> 01:16:33,213
Uh, he identifies as bisexual, actually,
1247
01:16:33,297 --> 01:16:35,215
and I don't think
we're supposed to use that word.
1248
01:16:35,299 --> 01:16:37,342
Yeah, we designed the whole thing!
1249
01:16:37,426 --> 01:16:39,845
We like to keep a hand in,
even though you're off at Wellesley.
1250
01:16:39,928 --> 01:16:42,514
Oh, my God! This is where I get it from!
1251
01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:46,435
You know, she wrote her new essay
about causing riots, stripping naked,
1252
01:16:46,518 --> 01:16:49,104
-um, getting suspended--
-Then I got into Berkeley.
1253
01:16:49,187 --> 01:16:50,314
[Tony] Graciella!
1254
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:52,024
Mi vida!
1255
01:16:52,190 --> 01:16:53,984
-Tonio!
-[chuckles] Yes!
1256
01:16:54,568 --> 01:16:56,361
Oh, it's so good to see you!
1257
01:16:56,445 --> 01:16:58,822
-[Graciella] I missed you.
-[Tony] I missed you!
1258
01:16:58,905 --> 01:17:00,782
Oh, my God, you're so big.
1259
01:17:00,866 --> 01:17:02,409
-Look at your hair!
-Yeah, I know.
1260
01:17:02,492 --> 01:17:04,953
[Ani] Mrs. Walker had some money
she wanted to give away,
1261
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:06,747
so she's endowing HO.
1262
01:17:06,830 --> 01:17:09,541
So, although we will soon be forgotten
around here...
1263
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:10,876
The cause lives on.
1264
01:17:10,959 --> 01:17:12,502
The torch is passed.
1265
01:17:12,586 --> 01:17:13,545
Use it well.
1266
01:17:13,629 --> 01:17:18,008
You guys want me to take over HO?
Tyler will be so proud! Can I tell him?
1267
01:17:18,091 --> 01:17:19,092
-'Course!
-Sure.
1268
01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:20,218
[Tyler] I was thinking
1269
01:17:20,302 --> 01:17:22,596
maybe we could carpool
up in the Bay Area to visit our boos.
1270
01:17:22,679 --> 01:17:24,681
You're coming up
for every football game, right?
1271
01:17:24,765 --> 01:17:26,600
Uh... Am I supposed to?
1272
01:17:26,683 --> 01:17:28,518
Yeah. You are. You're the boyfriend.
1273
01:17:29,019 --> 01:17:30,062
Every game?
1274
01:17:30,145 --> 01:17:33,190
Those little short routes
are a waste of time! Let him air it out!
1275
01:17:33,273 --> 01:17:36,401
Luke, I love you. You got a great arm,
but you haven't been known for your brain.
1276
01:17:36,485 --> 01:17:38,528
-OK?
-Offense is boring.
1277
01:17:38,612 --> 01:17:39,696
[Peter] Check it out.
1278
01:17:40,530 --> 01:17:41,615
[Diego] Winston, man!
1279
01:17:42,157 --> 01:17:43,325
Congrats, dude!
1280
01:17:44,451 --> 01:17:45,535
-Thanks.
-You finally did it.
1281
01:17:45,619 --> 01:17:47,537
We're gonna hang out this week, right?
1282
01:17:47,621 --> 01:17:49,998
-For sure.
-[Diego] Cool. Looking forward to it.
1283
01:17:51,583 --> 01:17:53,627
Look, they hate you until they love you.
1284
01:17:53,710 --> 01:17:54,878
That's all I gotta say.
1285
01:17:55,379 --> 01:17:56,338
I'm Ryan.
1286
01:17:56,713 --> 01:17:58,465
-Winston.
-Oh, I know.
1287
01:17:59,174 --> 01:18:01,051
-So...
-Always workin' the room.
1288
01:18:01,593 --> 01:18:03,720
-[Ryan] She's an old friend.
-Ryan Shaver.
1289
01:18:04,179 --> 01:18:05,222
[Zach] I, uh...
1290
01:18:05,555 --> 01:18:07,224
-It was a late application...
-Right.
1291
01:18:07,307 --> 01:18:08,975
...but I got in off an audition.
1292
01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:11,186
Wait, so you're gonna study music?
1293
01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:12,854
Yeah!
1294
01:18:12,938 --> 01:18:14,815
-That's awesome, Zachy!
-It's great!
1295
01:18:14,898 --> 01:18:16,775
And your mom is totally cool with it?
1296
01:18:17,192 --> 01:18:18,819
Well, she thinks it's for violin,
1297
01:18:18,902 --> 01:18:22,114
and it's actually for guitar and voice,
but one step at a time.
1298
01:18:22,197 --> 01:18:25,742
-I'm gonna forget I know that last bit.
-Probably for the best, yeah.
1299
01:18:25,826 --> 01:18:26,910
Hey, Clay.
1300
01:18:27,411 --> 01:18:29,079
-Congratulations.
-Oh, thanks, Dean Foundry.
1301
01:18:29,162 --> 01:18:31,081
Really, no, your speech was wonderful.
1302
01:18:31,957 --> 01:18:34,793
Honestly, it was inspiring,
even for an old guy like me.
1303
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:36,336
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
1304
01:18:37,087 --> 01:18:41,007
No, it was really moving.
It's a good reminder... [voice fades]
1305
01:18:50,934 --> 01:18:53,270
I gotta do something with my friends
for a bit,
1306
01:18:53,353 --> 01:18:55,647
but I'll definitely be back
in time for dinner.
1307
01:18:55,731 --> 01:18:58,650
And very soon,
I'm gonna be so close to Arizona.
1308
01:18:58,734 --> 01:18:59,609
Like, four hours.
1309
01:18:59,693 --> 01:19:00,569
Maybe three.
1310
01:19:00,652 --> 01:19:02,571
We're so proud of you, kid.
You know that, right?
1311
01:19:02,654 --> 01:19:05,365
-Said it about a million times.
-And we'll say it a million more.
1312
01:19:05,449 --> 01:19:06,283
Hey, one more.
1313
01:19:06,366 --> 01:19:08,702
-Really embarrass him this time, Mom.
-Come on, bring it in.
1314
01:19:09,244 --> 01:19:10,620
[Peter] Yeah!
1315
01:19:10,704 --> 01:19:12,956
I gotta see my friends.
I'll be home later.
1316
01:19:13,039 --> 01:19:16,501
-Can we make pozole and sopapillas?
-Por supuesto. Of course we can.
1317
01:19:16,585 --> 01:19:17,461
[kisses]
1318
01:19:17,961 --> 01:19:20,672
Teaching you has been
an absolute pleasure, Amorowat.
1319
01:19:20,756 --> 01:19:22,549
Oh, thank you, Mr. Wood.
That's very kind.
1320
01:19:22,632 --> 01:19:24,926
-It's not often in a teacher's career--
-Sorry, we need Ani.
1321
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:27,095
We've got a robotics emergency.
1322
01:19:27,179 --> 01:19:28,764
Excuse me, Mr. Wood. Thank you.
1323
01:19:28,847 --> 01:19:33,435
I have to go do, um, a totally legal thing
with my friends, so...
1324
01:19:33,518 --> 01:19:35,061
-Of course.
-[chuckles] Um...
1325
01:19:35,854 --> 01:19:36,855
Thanks, guys.
1326
01:19:37,314 --> 01:19:38,523
Great day, kiddo.
1327
01:19:41,818 --> 01:19:42,819
I, uh...
1328
01:19:44,988 --> 01:19:46,448
Uh, thank you, guys...
1329
01:19:47,115 --> 01:19:48,116
for everything...
1330
01:19:49,034 --> 01:19:49,951
ever.
1331
01:19:51,536 --> 01:19:52,579
I love you.
1332
01:19:55,123 --> 01:19:56,124
[sighs]
1333
01:19:57,459 --> 01:19:58,460
[kisses]
1334
01:19:59,503 --> 01:20:01,505
[sentimental music plays]
1335
01:20:02,506 --> 01:20:05,008
I just wanna take pictures
that matter to somebody.
1336
01:20:05,884 --> 01:20:09,137
I'd like to make enough money
so that my mum doesn't have to work.
1337
01:20:09,221 --> 01:20:10,096
Yeah.
1338
01:20:10,180 --> 01:20:11,932
I fully plan on being famous.
1339
01:20:12,015 --> 01:20:15,769
Like, not social famous, I mean,
so even The New York Times knows who I am.
1340
01:20:17,062 --> 01:20:18,647
I just wanna remember this day.
1341
01:20:19,397 --> 01:20:20,899
Just like this. Right now.
1342
01:20:21,817 --> 01:20:22,734
[Courtney] Yeah.
1343
01:20:40,168 --> 01:20:41,670
[Clay] I just wanna be clear.
1344
01:20:41,753 --> 01:20:44,089
I don't actually see ghosts.
1345
01:20:44,548 --> 01:20:46,049
I just, like...
1346
01:20:47,425 --> 01:20:49,594
imagine people and...
1347
01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:51,972
what I would say to them.
1348
01:20:54,099 --> 01:20:55,141
Yeah, I get it.
1349
01:20:56,518 --> 01:20:58,812
You wrote my paper on magical realism.
1350
01:20:58,895 --> 01:21:00,230
I didn't write your...
1351
01:21:00,313 --> 01:21:01,815
I just helped you write it.
1352
01:21:02,232 --> 01:21:05,193
Yeah, I know.
I just like to get you goin'.
1353
01:21:06,236 --> 01:21:07,153
[Clay sighs]
1354
01:21:07,821 --> 01:21:11,575
But what I don't get is why ghost you
is hanging out with Bryce?
1355
01:21:11,908 --> 01:21:12,742
Even in my head.
1356
01:21:13,577 --> 01:21:15,328
We loved each other, me and him.
1357
01:21:17,289 --> 01:21:18,415
We were brothers.
1358
01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:24,754
You know,
you can love people who did...
1359
01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:26,548
bad shit.
1360
01:21:28,008 --> 01:21:30,302
You can forgive people.
1361
01:21:33,096 --> 01:21:35,223
Even the people who hurt you worst.
1362
01:21:39,311 --> 01:21:40,896
You're talking about Hannah.
1363
01:21:43,148 --> 01:21:46,526
[Justin] When you forgive someone,
it's more for you than them.
1364
01:21:52,240 --> 01:21:53,491
How much I hurt...
1365
01:21:54,784 --> 01:21:55,785
with Hannah.
1366
01:21:56,536 --> 01:21:57,454
Always.
1367
01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:00,123
It's my fault.
1368
01:22:00,624 --> 01:22:03,043
I fall in love with girls too fast,
1369
01:22:03,793 --> 01:22:04,920
too hard.
1370
01:22:11,593 --> 01:22:13,261
[sentimental music continues]
1371
01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:24,105
[girl] Clay?
1372
01:22:24,606 --> 01:22:25,857
Are you Clay Jensen?
1373
01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:29,277
[giggles] Oh, my gosh.
Sorry, I'm a little nervous.
1374
01:22:29,361 --> 01:22:31,905
You're just like a rock star
after that speech.
1375
01:22:32,447 --> 01:22:35,784
Uh, but I go to East County,
and I'm going to Brown next year,
1376
01:22:35,867 --> 01:22:37,577
and I heard you are too,
1377
01:22:37,661 --> 01:22:41,164
so I was wondering if maybe
you wanted to get, like, a coffee?
1378
01:22:41,247 --> 01:22:42,248
Or some other beverage
1379
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:45,251
to, like, go over the course catalog
and first-year handbook?
1380
01:22:46,127 --> 01:22:47,796
Or is that too dorky?
1381
01:22:49,130 --> 01:22:50,465
Oh... [chuckles]
1382
01:22:51,132 --> 01:22:52,092
I'm Heidi.
1383
01:22:52,968 --> 01:22:53,927
That's...
1384
01:22:54,844 --> 01:22:56,179
That would be very cool.
1385
01:22:56,805 --> 01:22:57,639
Oh!
1386
01:22:57,722 --> 01:22:58,807
[chuckles] Phew!
1387
01:22:58,890 --> 01:22:59,766
[both laugh]
1388
01:22:59,849 --> 01:23:01,935
I was worried
that would sound completely nerdy.
1389
01:23:02,018 --> 01:23:03,019
[Zach] Jensen!
1390
01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:05,730
Are we gonna do this?
1391
01:23:05,814 --> 01:23:07,190
Yeah. Uh, yes.
1392
01:23:07,273 --> 01:23:08,566
Um... [clicks tongue, claps]
1393
01:23:08,650 --> 01:23:10,694
I have to go do a... a thing.
1394
01:23:10,777 --> 01:23:11,820
-Mm-hmm.
-[Clay] Um...
1395
01:23:12,529 --> 01:23:14,489
-You... you can email me.
-OK.
1396
01:23:14,572 --> 01:23:15,740
Yeah, it's, uh...
1397
01:23:15,824 --> 01:23:21,454
It's percyakr2161@gmail.com
1398
01:23:21,538 --> 01:23:22,622
Nice.
1399
01:23:22,706 --> 01:23:23,915
Alien Killer Robots.
1400
01:23:25,500 --> 01:23:26,334
Yes!
1401
01:23:26,459 --> 01:23:27,752
Yeah. [Heidi giggles]
1402
01:23:28,378 --> 01:23:29,587
[Zach] Jensen!
1403
01:23:30,171 --> 01:23:33,091
["Here Comes a Regular"
by the Replacements plays]
1404
01:23:38,555 --> 01:23:41,725
♪ Well, a person can work up ♪
1405
01:23:42,350 --> 01:23:45,103
♪ A mean, mean thirst ♪
1406
01:23:45,729 --> 01:23:50,692
♪ After a hard day
Of nothin' much at all... ♪
1407
01:23:54,821 --> 01:23:55,822
[Clay sighs]
1408
01:23:57,699 --> 01:23:59,659
This is where I first listened to my tape.
1409
01:24:04,039 --> 01:24:06,041
And this is where we lay them to rest.
1410
01:24:11,337 --> 01:24:12,422
Rest in peace.
1411
01:24:17,343 --> 01:24:18,344
Come on, people.
1412
01:24:20,555 --> 01:24:22,223
Let's pile on the closure dirt.
1413
01:24:59,260 --> 01:25:01,763
I'm on those tapes. It's my day too.
1414
01:25:02,472 --> 01:25:03,306
No.
1415
01:25:04,390 --> 01:25:05,600
Your day's gone.
1416
01:25:06,351 --> 01:25:07,435
Long gone.
1417
01:25:08,228 --> 01:25:09,729
You need me in this world.
1418
01:25:09,813 --> 01:25:12,690
Otherwise, what would girls like you
start riots about?
1419
01:25:12,774 --> 01:25:13,900
Oh, there's plenty.
1420
01:25:13,983 --> 01:25:15,819
Still, I kinda feel like I won.
1421
01:25:17,403 --> 01:25:18,321
You didn't.
1422
01:25:19,322 --> 01:25:21,574
I was looking around today at graduation,
1423
01:25:21,991 --> 01:25:24,744
and I was thinking
about how Justin was missing,
1424
01:25:26,079 --> 01:25:27,080
and Hannah.
1425
01:25:29,582 --> 01:25:30,708
But then I thought,
1426
01:25:31,626 --> 01:25:33,628
I love these people.
1427
01:25:34,462 --> 01:25:37,382
Clay Jensen, Zach, and Courtney,
1428
01:25:37,465 --> 01:25:41,052
Ryan freakin' Shaver, for fuck's sake.
[chuckles]
1429
01:25:41,427 --> 01:25:44,389
In what kind of world
do I love all these kinds of people?
1430
01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:47,892
The world you made.
1431
01:25:49,102 --> 01:25:51,688
We had to love each other
at the end of it all.
1432
01:25:53,356 --> 01:25:54,357
You did that.
1433
01:25:55,441 --> 01:25:57,235
So that's something, right?
1434
01:25:58,695 --> 01:25:59,612
Sure.
1435
01:26:06,327 --> 01:26:09,247
["Take Care" by Beach House plays]
1436
01:26:22,385 --> 01:26:25,471
♪ Stand beside it ♪
1437
01:26:25,555 --> 01:26:31,102
♪ We can't hide the way it makes us glow ♪
1438
01:26:33,188 --> 01:26:37,066
♪ It's no good unless it grows ♪
1439
01:26:37,150 --> 01:26:41,446
♪ Feeling this burning love of mine... ♪
1440
01:26:41,529 --> 01:26:44,991
[Clay] For the first time I can remember,
the town seemed small.
1441
01:26:45,783 --> 01:26:46,701
Tiny.
1442
01:26:49,037 --> 01:26:53,082
Like I had seen every corner of it
I needed to see, as of today.
1443
01:26:57,545 --> 01:26:59,672
All the shit that never would've happened.
1444
01:27:00,423 --> 01:27:02,383
But we would've never been friends.
1445
01:27:03,676 --> 01:27:04,969
We'll always have that.
1446
01:27:06,304 --> 01:27:09,515
If anyone ever needs any help,
anytime, anyplace,
1447
01:27:09,599 --> 01:27:11,976
just send a group text,
say, "Gordon Lightfoot."
1448
01:27:12,310 --> 01:27:13,811
-Right on.
-Wait. What?
1449
01:27:13,895 --> 01:27:14,938
Gordon Lightfoot?
1450
01:27:16,022 --> 01:27:17,941
It's the strangest fucking code word.
1451
01:27:21,945 --> 01:27:26,324
♪ I'd take care of you ♪
1452
01:27:28,368 --> 01:27:32,622
♪ If you'd ask me to ♪
1453
01:27:41,673 --> 01:27:43,258
[Justin] It was a nice speech.
1454
01:27:49,430 --> 01:27:50,348
Thanks.
1455
01:27:50,974 --> 01:27:55,520
I mean, it was super dark
and... a little meandering, but very...
1456
01:27:56,437 --> 01:27:57,397
you.
1457
01:27:58,564 --> 01:27:59,440
[chuckles]
1458
01:28:02,610 --> 01:28:03,611
What's all that?
1459
01:28:06,281 --> 01:28:07,991
Uh, it's just stuff from school.
1460
01:28:08,825 --> 01:28:10,952
They had me clean out your locker today.
1461
01:28:13,121 --> 01:28:14,789
-Both of them.
-Oof!
1462
01:28:15,748 --> 01:28:16,833
Sorry about that.
1463
01:28:16,916 --> 01:28:17,750
[Clay] And...
1464
01:28:18,835 --> 01:28:19,961
I found this.
1465
01:28:21,587 --> 01:28:22,797
Your college essay.
1466
01:28:23,256 --> 01:28:24,507
The one that got you in.
1467
01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:26,426
I didn't read it.
1468
01:28:26,801 --> 01:28:27,844
It's personal.
1469
01:28:28,177 --> 01:28:32,098
Dude, I mean, we have literally
breathed each other's farts.
1470
01:28:33,558 --> 01:28:35,685
You've walked in on me jerking off
1471
01:28:35,768 --> 01:28:38,896
more times than you even know,
and now you draw the line?
1472
01:28:39,397 --> 01:28:40,315
Yeah.
1473
01:28:46,195 --> 01:28:47,822
[clears throat, clicks tongue]
1474
01:28:48,698 --> 01:28:52,285
"I didn't really grow up
with much positivity in my life.
1475
01:28:52,368 --> 01:28:55,872
And if I had influences around me,
they were definitely bad.
1476
01:28:56,331 --> 01:28:57,957
My mother was a drug addict.
1477
01:28:58,041 --> 01:29:01,544
Her revolving door of boyfriends,
mostly drug addicts too.
1478
01:29:02,003 --> 01:29:04,213
I had a best friend
I used to look up to,
1479
01:29:04,297 --> 01:29:07,383
but then he hurt people close to me,
and now he's dead."
1480
01:29:08,468 --> 01:29:10,219
Jesus, Justin, talk about dark.
1481
01:29:10,636 --> 01:29:12,847
Just... keep going.
1482
01:29:14,140 --> 01:29:15,308
[inhales slowly]
1483
01:29:16,184 --> 01:29:17,727
"There was a time in my life
1484
01:29:17,810 --> 01:29:20,229
I truly had nothing
but the clothes on my back
1485
01:29:20,313 --> 01:29:22,565
and the regret for the people I'd hurt.
1486
01:29:23,232 --> 01:29:25,193
And then a person came into my life.
1487
01:29:25,276 --> 01:29:27,111
A person named Clay Jensen."
1488
01:29:29,655 --> 01:29:30,865
You wrote about me?
1489
01:29:31,199 --> 01:29:32,075
They, uh...
1490
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:36,245
They said to write
about a positive influence in your life.
1491
01:29:43,628 --> 01:29:44,712
[sighs]
1492
01:29:45,671 --> 01:29:49,592
"Even when I was puking all over his room,
he was there.
1493
01:29:50,009 --> 01:29:51,469
He's always been there,
1494
01:29:51,552 --> 01:29:54,972
which is why even though
I've never had a proper family,
1495
01:29:55,515 --> 01:29:57,600
I know what it feels like to have one
1496
01:29:58,226 --> 01:30:00,186
because Clay gave that to me.
1497
01:30:01,354 --> 01:30:02,605
Because he's my...
1498
01:30:10,238 --> 01:30:11,280
He's my..."
1499
01:30:14,117 --> 01:30:15,368
"He's my brother.
1500
01:30:17,120 --> 01:30:19,288
He's my positive influence.
1501
01:30:20,706 --> 01:30:25,795
He's the reason I'm alive
and able to write this college essay
1502
01:30:25,878 --> 01:30:27,130
in the first place."
1503
01:30:31,384 --> 01:30:32,635
[choked] I miss you.
1504
01:30:38,057 --> 01:30:39,058
[Clay sobs]
1505
01:30:42,103 --> 01:30:44,564
How am I supposed to do this without you?
1506
01:30:47,358 --> 01:30:48,776
Clay, it's like you said.
1507
01:30:52,613 --> 01:30:53,948
You'll survive.
1508
01:31:08,838 --> 01:31:09,922
You will, you know.
1509
01:31:13,176 --> 01:31:14,135
Survive.
1510
01:31:15,845 --> 01:31:16,721
Yeah.
1511
01:31:18,723 --> 01:31:19,849
I know it now.
1512
01:31:21,058 --> 01:31:22,518
You're out of town next week?
1513
01:31:22,602 --> 01:31:24,937
Yeah, I'm driving with Tony
to see his school.
1514
01:31:25,021 --> 01:31:26,272
He's starting summer quarter
1515
01:31:26,355 --> 01:31:29,775
because he's still got some stuff
to... make up.
1516
01:31:29,859 --> 01:31:31,235
Um... [clicks tongue]
1517
01:31:31,319 --> 01:31:34,572
But you said
we could maybe still FaceTime?
1518
01:31:34,989 --> 01:31:36,991
Sure. Let me know what works.
1519
01:31:37,074 --> 01:31:41,245
I'm back in two weeks for the summer,
but then, um...
1520
01:31:41,329 --> 01:31:43,873
We can meet online
as you settle into school.
1521
01:31:43,956 --> 01:31:47,668
And then...
I'm sure there are resources on campus.
1522
01:31:48,628 --> 01:31:49,629
Yeah.
1523
01:31:49,712 --> 01:31:52,507
Yeah, no, I'm sure.
[chuckles lightly, clicks tongue]
1524
01:31:53,090 --> 01:31:53,966
All right.
1525
01:31:54,759 --> 01:31:55,635
See ya.
1526
01:31:56,802 --> 01:31:57,720
See ya.
1527
01:32:06,020 --> 01:32:09,398
["Half Light II (No Celebration)"
by Arcade Fire plays]
1528
01:32:22,995 --> 01:32:26,582
♪ Now that San Francisco's gone ♪
1529
01:32:26,999 --> 01:32:30,753
♪ I guess I'll just pack it in ♪
1530
01:32:31,462 --> 01:32:35,299
♪ Wanna wash away my sins ♪
1531
01:32:35,383 --> 01:32:39,637
♪ In the presence of my friends ♪
1532
01:32:53,484 --> 01:32:57,154
♪ Though we knew this day would come ♪
1533
01:32:57,613 --> 01:33:01,826
♪ Still it took us by surprise ♪
1534
01:33:02,326 --> 01:33:05,830
♪ In this town where I was born ♪
1535
01:33:05,913 --> 01:33:10,167
♪ I now see through a dead man's eyes ♪
1536
01:33:11,043 --> 01:33:16,966
♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪
1537
01:33:19,552 --> 01:33:25,349
♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪
1538
01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:33,858
♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪
1539
01:33:36,444 --> 01:33:42,325
♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪
1540
01:34:09,560 --> 01:34:10,686
[Clay sighs]
1541
01:34:46,597 --> 01:34:48,599
["Trouble" by Lindsey Buckingham plays]
1542
01:34:50,351 --> 01:34:52,812
♪ I should be saying goodnight ♪
1543
01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:57,608
♪ I really shouldn't stay anymore... ♪
1544
01:34:58,651 --> 01:35:02,279
[Clay reads text]
1545
01:35:08,661 --> 01:35:13,624
♪ I should run on the double ♪
1546
01:35:19,255 --> 01:35:21,924
-♪ I think I'm in... ♪
-♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪
1547
01:35:27,513 --> 01:35:30,182
♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪
1548
01:35:34,395 --> 01:35:37,064
-♪ I think I'm in... ♪
-♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪
1549
01:35:44,029 --> 01:35:47,408
♪ So, come to me, darling
And hold me ♪
1550
01:35:47,491 --> 01:35:50,828
♪ Let your honey keep you warm ♪
1551
01:35:51,662 --> 01:35:54,957
♪ Been so long since I held you ♪
1552
01:35:55,332 --> 01:35:59,044
♪ I've forgotten what love is for ♪
1553
01:36:02,548 --> 01:36:08,012
♪ I should run on the double ♪
1554
01:36:12,558 --> 01:36:16,061
-♪ I think I'm in... ♪
-♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪
1555
01:36:21,859 --> 01:36:24,111
♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪
1556
01:36:57,895 --> 01:36:59,688
[man] Well done, Ed. Well done.