1 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,920 [car engine revving] 2 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,800 Lesi, could you play something that's got a bit of swing? 3 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,400 I'm in the mood for something modern, but not Bebop. 4 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,120 [soft music playing] 5 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,200 Ah. 6 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,600 Perfect. 7 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,720 Oh, I wish I could stop and give you a lift, but I'm so late. 8 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,480 I'm sure someone will stop for you. 9 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:36,840 [clears throat] 10 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,560 How odd. 11 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,360 I'm so, so sorry. 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,440 I really do have to get to-- Oh! 13 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:48,440 [car brakes] 14 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,560 [Aziraphale grunts] 15 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,120 I'm so sorry, can you be an angel and give me a lift? 16 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,320 My car's broken down and my phone's dead. 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,880 Just to the next town, there's a garage there. 18 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,440 Oh... yes, well... 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,560 I suppose you better climb in, then. 20 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,760 You are the nicest person. 21 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,640 -I'd given up, thank you. -Yeah. 22 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,560 [suspenseful music playing] 23 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,960 I knew you couldn't resist somebody under stress. 24 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,000 What a heap of junk this car is. 25 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,440 You'd think you would've upgraded sometime in the last 90 years, but no. 26 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:32,320 Who are you? 27 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,160 It's Aziraphale, isn't it? 28 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,280 Former Angel of the Eastern Gate. 29 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,840 You have the advantage on me. 30 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,800 I do, yes. 31 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,200 Shax. 32 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,200 Former Admissions demon, senior grade. 33 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,800 [Shax] Now a Hell's ambassador planner, potentially to this corner of the planet. 34 00:01:56,759 --> 00:01:59,280 Replacing the demon Crowley. 35 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:01,880 Oh. 36 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,720 -Crowley's got Gabriel, hasn't he? -[car breaks] 37 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,479 I really have no idea what you're talking about. 38 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,000 [Shax] It's the only thing that makes sense. 39 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,960 Crowley is hiding the Angel Gabriel. 40 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,120 I think you must have me confused for someone else. 41 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:22,440 I'm a little bemused as to why Crowley should risk destruction for you. 42 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,760 [Shax] You don't seem his type at all. 43 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,360 I can tell how Crowley's got him. 44 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,280 Crowley doesn't have Gabriel. Where would he put him? 45 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,160 Gabriel would never go to Crowley, he hates Crowley. 46 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,280 He hates you. 47 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,880 I don't know where he is, but he isn't with Crowley. 48 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,800 -No? -No. 49 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,200 You know what? 50 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,240 Sometime in the last 18, 19 years, 51 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,480 I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item. 52 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,680 [Shax] I didn't believe it then. 53 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,640 Not really. 54 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,680 Poor old Furfur. 55 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,880 He thought you were his ticket to the big time. 56 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,840 Now he's on requisitions. 57 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,520 I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about. 58 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:15,120 Nor where this Angel Gabriel, who I've never heard of, might be. 59 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:17,720 You can let me out here. 60 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,280 -This is in the middle of nowhere. -Sounds about right. 61 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,560 It's okay. 62 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,120 You've already told me where he is. 63 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,040 No! How, how did I tell you where Gabriel is? 64 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:32,400 You didn't. 65 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,240 -You have now. -[door shuts] 66 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,600 [suspenseful music playing] 67 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:37,680 [sighs] 68 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,440 [car engine revving] 69 00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:44,560 [intro theme music playing] 70 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,360 [bombs and weapons noises] 71 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,520 If the bomb does land here, 72 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,200 it would take a real miracle 73 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,000 for my friend and I to survive it. 74 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,560 [explosion and sirens] 75 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,400 That was very kind of you. 76 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,240 -[Crowley] Shut up. -Well... 77 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,360 It was. No paperwork for us to have. 78 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:55,880 Oh, the books. 79 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,280 Oh. 80 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,200 I forgot all the books. 81 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,760 -Oh, they'll all be blown to-- -[Crowley grunts] 82 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,520 Little demonic miracle of man. Lift home? 83 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,040 [soft music playing] 84 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,720 [man through interphone] Hello. 85 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,320 Have a miserable eternity. 86 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,880 We'd like to apologize for the wait and the conditions, but we won't. 87 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:33,080 Cheer up. Things could be worse, and they will be. 88 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,600 Shoot number four, all the way down. 89 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,280 Have a miserable eternity. 90 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:39,640 [Shax] Next. 91 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,360 [through interphone] ...for the rest of eternity, 92 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,400 worse and worse and worse. 93 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:45,680 [Shax] Next. 94 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,720 I've had enough of this, I need a cuppa. You'll have to wait. 95 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,600 -[all complaining] -[man] Excuse me. Excuse me! 96 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,880 [through interphone] Hello. Have a miserable eternity. 97 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,360 We'd like to apologize for the wait and the conditions, but we won't. 98 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,640 Cheer up. Things could be worse and they will be. 99 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:09,680 Aargh. 100 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,920 Ouch. 101 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,240 [suspenseful music playing] 102 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:22,680 Unbelievable. 103 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:23,920 Having a rough one? 104 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,120 No, no, it's perfect. 105 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,360 I've spent all morning processing 52 men called Otto. 106 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,120 You know, 107 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,240 if you really want to get out of here, 108 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,760 I believe they are looking to move some people from Admissions to Temptations. 109 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,760 Well, it's never come easy to me. Climbing the greasy pole. 110 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,080 I get all double tongue tied. 111 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:44,920 The thing is... 112 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,640 I do have the ear of the higher demons. 113 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,680 I could always put in a word for you. 114 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:53,840 Really? 115 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,720 If you were to hear something on the Hell burn, 116 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,000 some demon somewhere up to some good, 117 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,920 just let me know. 118 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,800 I could get you in front of the Dark Council. 119 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,280 You'd do that for me? 120 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,440 Then some day, 121 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,880 and that day may never come, 122 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,800 I could call on you 123 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,000 to do a service for me. 124 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:18,920 Yeah, yeah I will. 125 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,640 [tense music playing] 126 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,000 You know... 127 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,919 that was a very nice thing 128 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,480 -you did for me. -Shut up. 129 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,919 There must be something I can do for you 130 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,760 -in return. -Forget it, will you? 131 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,600 Right. 132 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,120 Spot of business to do. 133 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,840 Spreading the old demon drink. 134 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,640 [shouting] 135 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,520 [car engine revving] 136 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,400 Ah. 137 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,960 The theater. 138 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,240 Bravo! Sophocles, Shakespeare. 139 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,480 -[Crowley] Something like that. -So improving. 140 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,760 Talking of improving. [thud] 141 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,720 Time for delivery of some black market joy. 142 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,640 Lovely bottles of joy. Thank you for sending proof. 143 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,840 We should not be here. 144 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,160 I'm telling you now, my planning is always exemplary. 145 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,440 I had the Luftwaffe bombing plans 146 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,120 and everything was going to the East end of London. 147 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,400 Absolutely. 148 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,520 It has something to do with that swine Crowley. 149 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,240 What did you just say? 150 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,320 It was Mr. Crowley's meddling that caused this. 151 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,520 Crowley? 152 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,000 Yes, they did say something about... 153 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,480 demonic interventions just before the bomb hit the church. 154 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,640 They? Who is they? 155 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,400 Crowley and his bookseller friend, Mr. Fell. 156 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,600 Real sissy type, a proper fear girl. 157 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,520 Schtum for a minute. So this all happened in a church? 158 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,640 And this Crowley was there? 159 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,160 In a church, on hallowed ground? 160 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,080 Tell me... 161 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,440 everything. 162 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,880 Broken? All of them? 163 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,240 Didn't you have air in your bloody tires? 164 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,720 What's the matter with you, you great lump? 165 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,960 Right, yeah, I did, I parked right next to a place where a bomb went off, Mrs. H. 166 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,480 Don't you Mrs. H me, you cheeky sod. 167 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,440 I paid you for 40 bottles and I bloody well want them. 168 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,120 What a day. 169 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,600 You smashed my Whiskey, 170 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,640 the heating is knackered, 171 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:41,000 and the girls won't go on stage because it's so bleeding cold. 172 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,000 And to top it all off, 173 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:47,480 tonight's magician has just been arrested as a deserter. 174 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,360 -I'm f-- -[piano interrupts] 175 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:55,480 Erm, I wonder if I might be able to help you out on behalf of my... 176 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,480 erm, good friend here. 177 00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:03,120 I am no stranger to the art of prestidigitation. 178 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,680 Right, here is the deal. 179 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,800 I can grant you temporary license 180 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,800 to go back up to Earth as zombies for 24 hours. 181 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,440 -As zombies? -Zombies, yes, the living dead. 182 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,240 Then if you are able to find me hard proof 183 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,240 that the demon Crowley and this Mr. Fell, 184 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,760 who from your description appears to be an Angel, 185 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,320 are not just associating but actively working together, 186 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,560 I will be authorized to grant you freedom from Hell and Damnation. 187 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,840 What if this Angel, Mr. Fell, uses his heavenly powers against us? 188 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,560 No worry about that, I recently qualified as an authorized miracle blocker. 189 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,840 I can stop all that very easily, but... 190 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,360 if you don't want to do it, no problem, 191 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,520 the alternative is this. 192 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,160 [all] Oh! 193 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,520 Not him, that's Asterik, he just brought me the clicker. 194 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:53,600 Thank you. 195 00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,840 [mechanical noises] 196 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,680 -A spider's web? -Give me a minute, it's fiddly. 197 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,640 [man shouting] 198 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,160 -[grumping] -[man shouting] 199 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,160 Comandant Klupps. 200 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,880 [man shouting] 201 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,800 You'd be passed through this spider's digestive system, 202 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,400 expelled as faecal matter, 203 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,360 reconstituted as a Nazi headed fly 204 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,080 and the whole sorry business is repeated. 205 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,520 For how long? 206 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,680 Let me check for you. 207 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,000 Eternity. So, if you'd rather take 208 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,000 the initial 24 hours as a living dead on Earth, 209 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,200 just sign here, otherwise it's straight through there for spinne time. 210 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,600 So... 211 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,480 what do we do when we find the proof? 212 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,000 Just twist the jewel on this, 213 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,840 that summons me, I'll be right there. 214 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:50,760 And then what? 215 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,400 Well, I should be the one to collect the proof 216 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,040 with this state of the art device. 217 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:55,880 All done. 218 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,000 As newly inculcated members of the undead, 219 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,000 you will experience periods of blood lust which you will have to satisfy. 220 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,320 These cravings can only be quenched by the consumption of living human brains, 221 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,800 just to keep you going. Any questions? 222 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,600 Good. 223 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,360 [suspenseful music playing] 224 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,520 [drunkenly singing] ♪ I'll... ♪ 225 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,080 ♪ Tell you a story ♪ 226 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,240 ♪ That is sure to please ♪ 227 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,960 ♪ Of a great farting contest ♪ 228 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,080 ♪ At Burton-on-Tease ♪ 229 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,760 I bet that's worth a packet. 230 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,680 Here, let me try. 231 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,200 -[suspenseful music playing] -[girls screaming] 232 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,280 [man grunting] 233 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,240 [stomach rumbling] 234 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,600 -I am so sorry. -Oh, woops. 235 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,760 All right, I'll say it. 236 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,360 I'm starving. 237 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,400 [drunk man singing] ♪ I'll tell you a story ♪ 238 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,040 ♪ That is sure to please ♪ 239 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,120 ♪ Of a great farting... ♪ 240 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,320 Well... 241 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,320 -At least he has oxygen, eh? -[sighs] 242 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,160 ♪ And this year's event ♪ 243 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,000 ♪ Had drawn quite a large crowd ♪ 244 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,240 ♪ And the betting was even ♪ 245 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,240 ♪ On Mrs... ♪ 246 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,800 [man shouting] 247 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,240 I'll be honest, that wasn't... 248 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,400 unpleasant. 249 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,280 I agree. 250 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000 Almost... 251 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,520 chickeny. 252 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,240 -Or chopped liver. -Mm... 253 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:54,160 Who knew living brains could be quite so... [stomach rumbling] 254 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,560 ♪ But with muscles well-tensed and legs full apart ♪ 255 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,640 ♪ She started a final and glorious fart ♪ 256 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,640 ♪ Beginning with Chopin, and ending with Wing ♪ 257 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:11,320 ♪ And went right up the scales to God Save the King ♪ 258 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,520 [stomach rumbling] 259 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,320 He's repeating on me, sorry. 260 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,440 [suspenseful music playing] 261 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,360 This way, this way. 262 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,680 [woman zombie] He'll be in his bookshop. 263 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,480 Cheers for getting me off the hook. 264 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,840 Oh, there's no need to thank me, that's what... 265 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,040 friends 266 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,520 are for. 267 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,760 You're aware that you're going to be performing on the West End Stage tonight? 268 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,600 ♪ The West End, the West End... ♪ [giggles] 269 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,760 It's just that those stages take some filling. 270 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,800 You're talking to the Angel 271 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,800 who fooled Nefertiti 272 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,720 with a lone caraway seed on three cowry shells. 273 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,240 Aha! Professor Hoffmann's modern magic. 274 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,680 Ah, there you are. 275 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,800 "To Mr. Fell," that's me, 276 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,760 "a wonderful student." 277 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,240 [woman zombie] We must know what they are saying. 278 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,640 [man zombie] Let me look, I'm an expert lip reader. 279 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,240 Hand me those. 280 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:57,720 Go on, then. 281 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,960 I'm a lonely GI anxiously awaiting the arrival 282 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,800 of the Ladies of Camelot. Amaze me. 283 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,319 Yeah, erm... [clears throat] 284 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,520 [in old man voice] Go on, Mr. British man, 285 00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:11,000 wow me with your miracles. 286 00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:13,760 [clears throat] Can I just say that I do 287 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,720 only allow myself one tiny weeny miracle? 288 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,640 Just to warm the audience and myself. 289 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,200 Erm... 290 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:23,960 For instance, 291 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,560 turning a common turnip 292 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,800 into an inkwell. 293 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,320 [clears throat] But before... 294 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,080 that, everything... 295 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,680 I do is accomplished by... 296 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,080 skillful conjuring alone. 297 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,160 Now... [clears throat] I have here 298 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,560 a sixpence 299 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,320 and a farthing. 300 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,560 But... 301 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,080 if I close my hand thusly, 302 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,520 for but a blink of an eye... 303 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,040 [zombie] Well? 304 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,160 -What is he saying? -He says... 305 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,800 -Banana. -Banana. 306 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,320 -Fish. -Fish. 307 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,080 -Gorilla. -[woman zombie] Gorilla. 308 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,800 -Shoe lace. -[woman zombie] Shoe lace. 309 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,320 A dash of nutmeg. 310 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,640 [woman zombie] Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace with a dash of nutmeg. 311 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,760 [speaking German] 312 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,720 And... 313 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,800 [blows] 314 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,240 The farthing... 315 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,960 has vanished. [wheezes] 316 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:30,800 Right. 317 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,560 [in old man voice] What you just did is remarkable, 318 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:39,000 I don't have the foggiest notion how it's done. [laughs] 319 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,320 [in normal voice] But that's a trick for close quarters, eh? 320 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,680 What you do tonight has to be bigger. 321 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,280 I see, yeah, you're right, of course. 322 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,240 We need something new, something dramatic. 323 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,440 You know if there's somewhere we can... 324 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,320 I don't know, buy tricks. 325 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,280 Well, there is ah... Will Goldstone's magic shop. 326 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,680 But that's for professional conjurers only. 327 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,400 You, my Nefertiti fooling fellow, 328 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,480 are about to perform on the West End Stage. 329 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,520 If that doesn't make you a professional conjurer, 330 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,640 I don't know what does. 331 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,960 [soft music playing] 332 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,960 [music intensifies] 333 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,680 [zombies growling] 334 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,280 [magical music playing] 335 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,240 [door shuts] 336 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960 [tense music playing] 337 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,080 [shopkeeper] Oh, that's marvelous, sir. 338 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,000 -Are you familiar with it? -No. 339 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,080 Well, please hand me the contents and I will gladly show you. 340 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,640 [both shout] 341 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,080 [laughing] A lot of fun that, a lot of fun. 342 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,880 -And it's only two and six. -Oh, well, that's... 343 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,280 not the sort of thing we're looking for. 344 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,760 I need a showstopper. 345 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,040 Erm, oh. 346 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,160 Like these beauties. 347 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,800 Oh, yes. 348 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,200 -You see, I do have a gift for prop-- -[object clatters] 349 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,640 Erm. 350 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,960 [clears throat] Well, a sort of natural dexterity. 351 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,080 [things clattering] 352 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,560 What about this? 353 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,880 We call this one the professor's nightmare. 354 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,080 Now, I've got a big piece of rope, 355 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,320 a medium size piece... 356 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,800 -Ah, with you in a few moments, sir. -[grunts] 357 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,560 [shopkeeper] And a wee baby piece. 358 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,920 Now, if I gather up the ends here, 359 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,280 and collect all of the unequal ends here, 360 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:03,800 a little tug, 361 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,400 and they all stretch to become exactly the same length. 362 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:11,000 You see the big piece is the same length as the medium size piece 363 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,320 and the short piece is the same length as the other two. 364 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,280 [shopkeeper] See, this one here, this one is the long piece. 365 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,320 You can tell it apart from the others, right? 366 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,280 Perhaps is the light. You see, there's the long piece, 367 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,040 there's the medium piece, and there's the short piece. 368 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,760 Now this is perfect for a talented amateur such as yourself. 369 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,240 A talented amateur? 370 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,080 Well, I'll have you know I'm booked to appear in the West End. 371 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,800 Erm, the Windmill theater at 8:30 p.m. tonight. 372 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,320 Thank you very much. 373 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,960 [Aziraphale] I'm looking for something with a bit more scale. 374 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,480 Something climactic. 375 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,640 [Aziraphale] Like that. 376 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,000 [Crowley] A Bullet Catch, lovely. 377 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,200 No, no, no. I'm afraid that's not for you, sir. 378 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,520 -What about this? -No, no, I've found my showstopper. 379 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,160 -How much is it? -You do not understand. 380 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,680 Twelve people have died presenting this effect. 381 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,720 Years ago, I sold one to a lovely Chinese fella and he ended up six foot under. 382 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,720 I'd hate to see the same thing happen to you. 383 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,560 -How much? -Are you sure? 384 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,680 -Are you sure you are sure? -Quite sure. How much? 385 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:14,640 Two pound ten. 386 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,200 And another four pound 15 shillings for the rifle. 387 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,520 But you'll need a firearms license. 388 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,960 Oh, I have one of those already. 389 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,760 -You what? -Oh, yes, I keep a Derringer 390 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,080 in the bookshop, inside a hollowed out book. 391 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,120 [Aziraphale] In case I get into a scrape. 392 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,680 You read too many books. 393 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,160 And seven pounds, and... 394 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,880 five shillings. 395 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,200 Your life is worth a lot more than seven pounds five shillings. 396 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,440 Well, is a life worth more than... 397 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,040 27 pounds and five shillings? 398 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,600 On your head be it. 399 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:53,800 I mean, I have warned you. 400 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,360 It'll take a miracle for you to be able to perform this safely tonight. 401 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,760 That's why you just sell us the trick. 402 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,480 Leave the miracles to us. 403 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,560 You don't understand, look. 404 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:04,920 [shopkeeper] Where are we? 405 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,920 Here, you need nerves of steel. 406 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,800 And a hand as steady as the rock of Gibraltar. 407 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,800 Well, I have those. 408 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,600 Sir, go and take a look at the pocket tricks over there, go on. 409 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:19,880 I'll be with you in a minute. 410 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,960 You're going to need a 100% reliable marksman. 411 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,040 Someone you can really trust. 412 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,240 Otherwise, it's lethal. 413 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,400 Oh, I've got the perfect man for the job. 414 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,360 At least, 415 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,640 I think I have... excuse me, for one minute. 416 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,960 You'll do the shooting, I'll catch the bullet. 417 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,840 I'll do all the hard bits. 418 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,880 As a demon, you must have fired off a lot of guns, yeah? 419 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,800 -I'll do it. -Yay. 420 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,280 But if anything goes wrong, can we agree that we break your... 421 00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,000 one miracle limit? 422 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,120 Neither of us wants the paperwork, do we? 423 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,480 [laughs] 424 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,840 [suspenseful music playing] 425 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,200 [door opens] 426 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,920 [door shuts] 427 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,760 Excuse me, sir. Fake ears are two shillings, thank you very much. 428 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,960 It's not fake. 429 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,720 It's my own. 430 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,120 I didn't mean it, sir. 431 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,040 I mean, 432 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,120 take everything you want. 433 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:43,800 It's my treat. 434 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,520 [shopkeeper] Sir? 435 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,120 Sir? 436 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760 Please. Sir! 437 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,560 [shopkeeper screaming] 438 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,200 [Cabaret music playing] 439 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,520 [applause and cheering] 440 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,680 [announcer] And now, a master of misdirection, 441 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,920 marvelous in his mysteriosity, 442 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,800 with miracles at his fingertips. 443 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,720 Let us welcome the death defying prestidigitation 444 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,880 of the amazing Mr. Fell. 445 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,520 You're on. Get on with it. 446 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,400 Those were the Ladies of Camelot, 447 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,880 they're the bees knees. 448 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:56,680 I bet you're all thinking, 449 00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,640 "What's that man doing up there, 450 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,880 on the stage? 451 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,560 Is he here to amaze and befuddle us all 452 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,520 with his prestidigitation 453 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,960 and jiggery-pokery?" 454 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,880 -[man in public] Get on with it! -Oh. 455 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:12,960 Erm... 456 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,120 Well, the answer is, yes, I am. 457 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,200 Erm... 458 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:18,880 To amaze you, 459 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,320 first, I shall require 460 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,080 the assistance of a gentleman 461 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,920 from the audience. Now, 462 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,120 is anyone here familiar with using firearms? 463 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,320 Oh. 464 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:36,720 Erm... 465 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,880 [curious music playing] 466 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,560 Erm... you, sir! 467 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,440 [Aziraphale] You look like you might have a steady hand. 468 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,120 -Yep. -[Aziraphale] Ah. 469 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,600 Erm, yep, we'll escort you up onto the stage. 470 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,840 [Aziraphale] Erm... 471 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,640 Before we-- thank you. 472 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:03,720 Before we begin, 473 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,160 [Aziraphale] we just need a little something 474 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:08,880 to check 475 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,360 that the magic 476 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:11,760 is working 477 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,000 [whispers] today. 478 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,280 Miracles blocked. 479 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,840 What have we here? 480 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,560 A common or garden turnip. 481 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,520 [Aziraphale] But in a blink, 482 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,200 and before your very eyes, 483 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,160 I transform it 484 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,560 into an inkwell. 485 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,760 What on earth is he playing at? 486 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,080 -I thought you said he was a magician. -He is. 487 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,520 I say again. 488 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,440 From turnip 489 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,120 to inkwell. 490 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,480 -[booing] -[crowd booing] 491 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:03,880 Oh, well. 492 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:05,760 Sometimes... 493 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:07,880 you meet a... 494 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,200 stubborn turnip. 495 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,520 [Aziraphale clears throat] So... 496 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,600 best get on to the main event. 497 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,040 Tonight... 498 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,440 I will take my life in my hands, 499 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,160 as I dare to perform... 500 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:22,520 the bullet catch! 501 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,800 [tense music playing] 502 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:28,080 A round of applause for 503 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,560 this total stranger. 504 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,760 [applause] 505 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:38,640 Yeah. 506 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,640 -My miracles aren't working. -Neither are mine. 507 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,400 Now, would you be so good 508 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,120 as to... 509 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,680 take this rifle... 510 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,000 -[camera flash] -Ah! 511 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:57,280 The gentlemen of the press are intrigued already, I see. 512 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,360 -[Aziraphale] Now, sir... -Got you. 513 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,000 ...I would ask that you take this bullet 514 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,640 and load it into the rifle. 515 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,040 Very carefully. 516 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,480 It's perfectly simple. Aim for my mouth, 517 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,680 but shoot past my ear. 518 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:22,920 I just squeeze that there, do I not? 519 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,280 Haven't you fired a gun before? 520 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,680 Not as such. 521 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,160 If you would... 522 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,080 load the bullet into the gun. 523 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:41,720 That's right. 524 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,560 Bullet loaded! 525 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:45,920 Yes, thank you. 526 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:47,720 Ladies and gentleman, 527 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,480 my volunteer 528 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,600 here, will on... 529 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:54,880 on my signal, 530 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,920 fire the rifle at my head, 531 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,240 and in that explosive moment, 532 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,000 I will attempt to catch that bullet 533 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,720 in my teeth! 534 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,920 [suspenseful music playing] 535 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,040 Are you ready, sir? 536 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,400 When you hear my signal, sir, 537 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,400 shoot. 538 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,040 [drum rumbling] 539 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:31,640 Ready? 540 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:35,720 Of course, we are hooked. 541 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,160 Aim. 542 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,880 If that gun goes off in his face, now it'll be a right old mess. 543 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,640 Never mind the paperwork, they probably won't be able 544 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,200 to put him back together again. 545 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:49,760 [drum rumbling] 546 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,280 Get on with it, for God's sake. 547 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,480 [suspenseful music intensifies] 548 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,320 Fire! 549 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,160 [gun fires] 550 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,320 -[bullet impacts] -[Crowley grunts] 551 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:21,800 What the f... 552 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,920 [applause and cheering] 553 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,320 [Aziraphale] Thank you! 554 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,200 No paperwork. 555 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,000 Oh, thank you. 556 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:38,920 Thank you! 557 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,520 [Aziraphale] Oh, thank you! 558 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,760 Get on, girls, for God's sake. 559 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,400 But do you really think it went well? 560 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:51,920 Absolutely. 561 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,000 Chalk up a win for the side of the Angels. 562 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,400 Ah! [laughs] 563 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,320 -[knocking on door] -Enter. 564 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,000 [door shuts] 565 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,960 Hmm, well, well, well... 566 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:06,720 What have we here? 567 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:08,560 Sorry, have we met? 568 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,760 Oh, no, you never had the pleasure, but... 569 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,000 we have, haven't we? 570 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,080 Have we? 571 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,840 What do you mean "have we?" You know we have. 572 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,400 We were in the same legion. 573 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,440 Just before the fall. 574 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,640 Doing dubious battle on the plains of Heaven. 575 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:25,600 Remember? 576 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,800 I remember going into battle, I don't remember being there with you. 577 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:31,360 [Crowley] Sorry. 578 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,000 I was right next to you. 579 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,840 We did loads together. 580 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,040 You said jump on me back like a monkey in a waist coat. 581 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,640 Anyway, whether you do or whether you don't, it doesn't matter. 582 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,080 I'm here to inform you, 583 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,040 as a representative of the high powers of Hell, 584 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,560 that you, Crowley, 585 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,800 are in breach of the infernal code. 586 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:57,280 Consulting and collaborating with an Angel, 587 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,880 Fell the Marvelous, aka... 588 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,160 Azirapalala. 589 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,320 Azirapapap. 590 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,360 Aziphapalala. 591 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:12,000 Aziraphale. 592 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,800 Pure coincidence. I happen to be here, 593 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,720 he asked for a volunteer. 594 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,920 The miraculous Bullet Catch 595 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,200 requires the use of a trusted stooge and confidant. 596 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,840 Where did you get that booklet? 597 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,360 It's only available to working professional magicians, 598 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:31,920 such as myself. 599 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,560 [speaking German] 600 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,520 -[suspenseful music playing] -[zombies grunting] 601 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,040 Be it be. 602 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,080 Got it from the man in the magic shop just after you left. 603 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,680 It was... [laughs] his last wish that we should have it. 604 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,320 But you're dead. 605 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,280 Living dead. 606 00:33:58,920 --> 00:33:59,920 Now, 607 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:01,240 agents of Hell. 608 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,000 [zombies screaming] 609 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,159 Don't bother trying any funny business, 610 00:34:21,199 --> 00:34:23,880 I think you'll find someone who has great authority 611 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,639 has put a half hour miracle block on this entire theater. 612 00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:30,159 -Who? -Me! Who do you think? 613 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:32,360 Come on, come on. 614 00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:34,679 Erm... 615 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:39,840 All right, Crowley. 616 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:43,440 -Shall we? -Oh, we shan't, this is ridiculous. 617 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,480 No, what's ridiculous is demons like you doing what they please. 618 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,080 And somehow still getting on, while demons like me graft 619 00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:50,639 for hundreds and hundreds of millennia 620 00:34:50,679 --> 00:34:52,400 and never get a sniff of a promotion. 621 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:54,440 Well, not this time. 622 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,880 Expect a legion to come for you first thing tomorrow. 623 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,800 Enjoy your last night on Earth. 624 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,200 But first, what about our deal? 625 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,880 -Freedom from Damnation. -Absolutely. 626 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,120 You're free to go. Ta-da. 627 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:17,960 But you can't leave us like this. 628 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,760 You need to make us into living humans. 629 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,160 Oh, no... clause 17. 630 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,520 Un-revocable eternal life on Earth 631 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:27,760 as zombies. 632 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:29,520 Granted. 633 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,000 [suspenseful music playing] 634 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:35,960 Might be all right. 635 00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:37,560 [thud] 636 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:39,880 [sighs] 637 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:45,480 [zombies grunting] 638 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,120 Thank you for seeing me, your maleficences. 639 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,880 I took this photograph of Crowley and Aziraphale together. 640 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,040 So you have your audience for the dark council then? 641 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,000 There are vacancies in... 642 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:00,400 Temptations? 643 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:05,640 Indeed there are. 644 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,560 But I'm afraid it looks like you'll be staying right here. 645 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:13,920 Eh? 646 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:17,800 Oh, hang on, that's not... 647 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:21,680 [sighs] But... 648 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,160 [funny music playing] 649 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:30,680 [Crowley] How? 650 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,840 There was a miracle blocker in the room, I saw you put it back in the envelope. 651 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,040 Who needs a miracle when you've had private lessons 652 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,160 from the great Prof. Hoffmann himself. 653 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,480 I simply say the magic words. 654 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,080 Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace, 655 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,160 with a dash of nutmeg, and... 656 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,200 Well, I got it right the time that mattered. 657 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,320 You really are... 658 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,520 terrible at magic. 659 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,160 Shall we retire the act? 660 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:05,800 Perhaps. 661 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,880 -Might be for the best. -Hmm. 662 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:11,480 I... 663 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,160 I knew you would come through for me. 664 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,200 You always do. 665 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,640 Well, you said "trust me." 666 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:20,760 And you did. 667 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:24,920 You could've walked away. 668 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,000 If you were truly 669 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,280 as evil as you like to paint yourself, you would've done that. 670 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:31,360 Nah. 671 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,160 That's the trouble with you lot. 672 00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,920 You don't just see things in black and white. 673 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,360 Sometimes, 674 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,160 you've just gotta blur the edges. 675 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,120 Well, maybe there is something to be said for. 676 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,680 Shades of grey. 677 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:47,200 [glasses clink] 678 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,600 Well, shades of... 679 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:52,160 dark grey. 680 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,520 Shades of a very light grey, 681 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,000 I'd rather fancy. 682 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,880 [suspenseful music playing] 683 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,880 State your business. 684 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,320 Oh, for Satan's sake, you know who I am. 685 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,600 I have an appointment with Lord Beelzebub. 686 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,400 State your business. 687 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,200 [sighs] 688 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,800 I am Shax, demon of the fifth house, 689 00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,440 earthly representative of plenipotentiary 690 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,280 of the vastness of Hell. 691 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,360 Here to see Lord Beelzebub. 692 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:44,640 Well, 693 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,440 you're not on the list. 694 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:49,480 What's up, babe? 695 00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,120 Let me in to see Lord Beelzebub 696 00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,160 or I will rearrange your vital organs and hang them on the wall. 697 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,120 In a frame. 698 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,000 Ah, fair enough. 699 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:07,600 [door opens] 700 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,280 Shax, demon of the fifth house. 701 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,040 [suspenseful music playing] 702 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:17,880 Well? 703 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:19,400 What news? 704 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,200 -The Angel went to Edinburgh. -Which Angel? 705 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:23,360 You know which one. 706 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,040 [Shax] Crowley's pet. 707 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,520 -Why Edinburgh? -Not sure. 708 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,680 Maybe they want us to think Gabriel is in Edinburgh. 709 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,200 Maybe Crowley wants the Angel to make us think Gabriel is in Edinburgh. 710 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,960 -Maybe-- -Maybe he actually is in Edinburgh. 711 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:38,800 -Oh, he's not in Edinburgh. -Why not? 712 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:40,640 Because he's in the bookshop. 713 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:44,120 Gabriel's in the bookshop? 714 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:46,520 You're certain of it? 715 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:47,640 Yes. 716 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,640 Thank you, Shax. 717 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:51,600 Good work. 718 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:56,400 Yes? 719 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,560 Now that we've located Gabriel, 720 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:00,360 what do we do? 721 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,080 -Well, we formulate a plan. -I formulated a plan. 722 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,120 I take a legion of demons and we storm the bookshop, 723 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,680 killing anyone and anything that stands in our way. 724 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000 We capture Gabriel and we drag him as tribute 725 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,000 before the throne of Satan, our master. 726 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,160 Can you enter the bookshop, 727 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,600 without permission? 728 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,560 Not technically, no. 729 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,280 But give me a legion of Hell's finest troops 730 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,320 and see what I can do. 731 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,640 It's a chance I've been waiting for, Lord Beelzebub. 732 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:33,440 To be clear, 733 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,560 you are hereby authorizing me 734 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,200 to storm the Angel's bookshop, 735 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,760 sending wave after wave of demons 736 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,520 to besiege it until it falls and capture the Archangel, 737 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,520 destroying anything and everything that stands in our way? 738 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:47,120 No. 739 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,640 I am not authorizing you to do that. 740 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:51,760 [Shax] Oh. 741 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,960 I am commanding you to do it. 742 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,200 I want you there, Shax. 743 00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:58,960 On the ground. 744 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,840 Bravely leading the attack into the bookshop, 745 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,520 leading the army of the damned. 746 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:07,600 I can do that. 747 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,160 [car engine revving] 748 00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:16,360 [door shuts] 749 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:19,880 [sighs] 750 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,440 [happy music playing] 751 00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:29,520 Oh. 752 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,360 Oi, you need to put your brakes on. 753 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,120 Now go back to where I parked you. 754 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:47,680 [door shuts] 755 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:48,880 [phone beeps] 756 00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,840 [sad music playing] 757 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,640 [door shuts] 758 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:03,920 There you are! 759 00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:05,880 I was worried something might've happened to you. 760 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,400 Erm, no, nothing happened to me. 761 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,280 Very uneventful journey indeed, no strange things at all. 762 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,160 Good, that's what we want to hear. 763 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,680 Erm, everything okay with...? 764 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:16,280 Oh, yeah, fine. 765 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:17,760 He's singing to himself. 766 00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:19,400 I think he must've been asleep, 767 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,160 I heard snoring coming from his bedroom. 768 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:22,520 Did you miss me? 769 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:24,520 I bet you did. 770 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,160 -I'm sure it did. -[Crowley] So... 771 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,280 Any more clues from the mystery of the missing Archangel? 772 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:32,640 Not exactly. 773 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:36,400 Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. 774 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,640 But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something. 775 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,160 I'm sure you are. 776 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,520 Oh, by the way, 777 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,280 the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout. 778 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:48,640 Sorry? 779 00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:50,400 You know, project 780 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,160 making Nina fall in love with Maggie. 781 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:53,840 I failed, it's your go. 782 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:54,960 Oh, I see. 783 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:56,400 Well, then. 784 00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,800 Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association 785 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,600 monthly meeting, here we come. 786 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,560 You're really hosting the meeting? 787 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:03,880 Absolutely. 788 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:05,560 And I can guarantee you 789 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:06,760 it will be a night 790 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:08,040 to remember. 791 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:11,440 [outro theme music playing]