1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,545
Aardvark. Armadillo.
2
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,006
Ant. Anteater.
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,966
Now that I'm doing
my fellowship at the district,
4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,468
there's a rotation
of substitutes
5
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,262
who are teaching my class
while I'm gone.
6
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,057
I like to pop by
and see how they're doing
7
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,100
whenever I happen
to be at Abbott.
8
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,269
Just some quick,
light-touch check-ins,
9
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,355
you know, just to show support.
10
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,564
They hardly even know I'm here.
11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,738
Alpaca. Alligator.
12
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,878
♪ I'm a little teapot,
short and stout ♪
13
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,421
My kids are so bored,
they're moshing to
14
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"I'm a Little Teapot."
When can we go back in?
15
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,468
♪ When I get all steamed up,
hear me shout ♪
16
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,553
♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪
17
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,764
And what you tsk'ing at,
Tsk'in' Teagues?
18
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,557
Ugh, just-- I mean,
look-- look at this.
19
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My kids are just meandering.
You know what I mean?
20
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You know, she's not even using
the buddy system. I-- Mm...
21
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,273
What even
set off the alarm?
22
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,857
Don't look at me.
23
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,652
Church or home are the only
places my candles are lit.
24
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,530
What's not lit
is another call from Abbott.
25
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,948
At least it's not
a full fire this time.
26
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,491
Mm.
Just some smoke.
27
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,784
Seems like someone
lit a cigarette
28
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,994
in one of the boys' bathrooms.
What?!
29
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,495
Cigarette?
What?
30
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205
Seriously, who still
smokes cigarettes?
31
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,915
Single dads, criminals...
32
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,500
Morton. Where is he?
33
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,711
Probably lightin' up in
a back alley behind a Dumpster.
34
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,213
Scumbag.
35
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,299
We got him.
Melissa sniffed him out.
36
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:34,219
Oh, yeah. You got menthols,
you can run, but you can't hide.
37
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,555
One whiff,
and I am 14 again...
38
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,682
thinkin' I'm gonna wait
a couple years
39
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,892
before I try one of these.
40
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,144
That would only make you 16.
41
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,230
Smell always
reminds me of my uncle.
42
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,941
Oh, my aunt used
to sit in a chair with a cig
43
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and a glass of Pinot Grig and
recount "Moonlighting" to me.
44
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,112
Yeah, my uncle used
to do the same thing,
45
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,197
except it was scotch and the
Phillies game the night before.
46
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,741
Mm.
47
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:56,908
Childhood.
Childhood.
48
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,414
Nah, but this is a real problem.
Mm-hmm.
49
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,957
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
50
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,500
Where did you
even get a cigarette?
51
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,960
Yeah, what you,
a French child?
52
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,129
The guy around the corner
sold it to me for a dollar.
53
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,256
A dollar?
Inflation is crazy.
54
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,842
But you are in big trouble,
because cigarettes are banned.
55
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,886
Not on any
of the signs I saw.
56
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:16,970
What?
57
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,766
On the school's website,
we got "no skateboarding,
58
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,310
no vaping, no loitering,
no horseplay, no weapons,
59
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,479
no open flames, no bullying,
and no gambling."
60
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,356
That last one's just for
students, though, right?
61
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,149
There's nothing here
about cigarettes.
62
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,692
Did y'all find anything?
63
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,612
Uh, well, I saw a sign
in the hallway that said "no,"
64
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,530
but whatever was under it
was graffitied over.
65
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,075
Yeah, that was
a "no graffiti" sign.
66
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,327
The e-mail from the top
of the year lists everything--
67
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,537
and I mean everything--
including bringing a live spider
68
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,081
to school
is grounds for expulsion,
69
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,374
but it definitely
doesn't list cigarettes.
70
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,958
Fidget spinners-- banned.
71
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:50,170
Cigarettes just seem to have
evaded every sign we've seen.
72
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,631
Wait. So many new hazards
have come out
73
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:55,258
that we forgot to put
cigarettes on the ban list?
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00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,594
Gee willikers, I have
nothing helpful to say,
75
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,098
so I guess I'll just restate the
problem that we're all aware of.
76
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,517
That's you.
Yeah, I got it.
77
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,894
Besties! Let's finish up
those worksheets
78
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,063
so we can move on
to adjectives.
79
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:11,608
Jessca, do I need to capitalize
the names of the states?
80
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:16,154
The only human needs are water,
food, shelter, and music.
81
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,406
But don't worry about that
right now.
82
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,616
Just focus on getting
your worksheets done.
83
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,702
Ooh. I'm sorry.
84
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,496
You actually do need to
capitalize the names of states,
85
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,207
because that's the correct thing
to do for proper nouns.
86
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,835
Right?
Don't want to build bad habits.
87
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,920
Hi. I'm Janine.
Jessca.
88
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,505
Oh, it's nice
to meet you, Jessica.
89
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:37,134
Jessca. There's no "I."
Jess... Ca.
90
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,761
Who are you again?
91
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,513
Oh, sorry.
92
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,640
I'm Miss Teagues.
This is my classroom.
93
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,559
Oh! You're back.
94
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,311
Friends, looks like
I'm at the end of my time here.
95
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,981
Oh, no, no, no, no. I was just
popping in to say hi to them.
96
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,775
That's it.
Everyone say hi to Janine!
97
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,819
Hi, Janine!
98
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,239
Oh. Uh, no, guys,
it's Miss Teagues,
99
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,284
with a capital "T"
because it's a proper noun.
100
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,785
Is there a reason
why we're abandoning
101
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,621
all the rules of grammar?
Oh, in the first worksheet,
102
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,124
I like for the kids to write
as freely as possible.
103
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,959
Mm.
And, uh, we'll tackle
104
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,335
capitalization later.
105
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,754
Thank you so much
for stopping by.
106
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,174
Bye, Janine.
Oh, see, it's the way
107
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,717
he said that just now
is what I'm trying--
Mm-hmm.
108
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,969
Alright. Let's get back to it.
109
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,973
How could cigarettes
not be banned?
110
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,559
Yeah, somebody really missed
the mark on that one.
111
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,686
I know my fit is going off
today, but don't look at me.
112
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,189
I blame... Janine.
113
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,648
What are y'all even doing
down there at the district?
114
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,734
Shuffling papers?
Doing the Jubi Slide?
115
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,903
The children are smoking.
What's the Jubi Slide?
116
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,362
Oh, it's when you put
one foot down,
117
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,072
and you kind of move
in the opposite direction--
118
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,407
I do not want
to live in a world
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00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:45,994
where white people
explain dance moves to me.
120
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,120
You know,
I just don't get it.
121
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,622
You know, I thought
we beat cigarettes
122
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,539
with the Truth Campaign.
123
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,374
It's just so retro.
124
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,168
Well, maybe they're
getting cool again.
125
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:56,004
I mean, clogs are back.
Anything's possible.
126
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,964
Yes. Well, yes,
but there are some cool clogs.
127
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,343
I just can't believe that
children are smoking ragweed.
128
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,261
I know. Don't they know
that smoking kills?
129
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:06,014
Mm.
Jacob, you literally vape.
130
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,516
Okay, that's different.
That--
131
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,268
Yes, in that it's worse
because you can vape anywhere.
132
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,603
You vaped all
through "Saltburn."
133
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,689
You're inhaling
thousands of toxins. Yuck.
134
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,901
Yeah, well...
Janine smokes weed every day.
135
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:18,818
No.
136
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:19,820
Damn, Afroman.
137
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,072
Nope. Not every day.
138
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,114
Every night.
139
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,407
Janine.
140
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,868
Reefer. Ganja.
141
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,745
The Devil's Lettuce.
142
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,413
That's why your feet so big.
143
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,374
I-It's medicinal,
and-- and it's considerate.
144
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,252
If I didn't smoke, I'd be
an insufferable Energizer Bunny.
145
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,754
What a twist.
Janine is quietly off that loud.
146
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,756
Ava, you can't talk, okay?
You a hookah head.
147
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,050
Mm-hmm. Facts.
And microdosing.
148
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,302
I just eyeball it and say,
"Yeah, that's enough."
149
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,429
Now, I don't smoke,
150
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,391
but I do enjoy a protein-bar
edible on the weekends.
151
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:50,725
You know,
research actually shows--
152
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,103
Wow. This man
just made drugs boring.
153
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:57,649
I suggest that you all
drop your vices
154
00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,944
and take a hit
of my drug of choice--
155
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:04,197
J-E-S-U-S.
156
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,284
Street name, Christ.
157
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,160
Uh, you've been known
158
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,414
to demolish those little bottles
of Chardonnay.
159
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,750
And you snort
that liquid marijuana.
160
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,169
You don't snort it.
It is CBD oil,
161
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,880
and I rub it on my joints.
162
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:20,839
It's a gateway ointment.
163
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,465
Your lungs are dust.
164
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,509
Crackheads.
Speaking of joints,
165
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,802
you ever submerge yourself
in the essence of--
166
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,263
Oh, duh-duh-duh-duh, shh.
Don't finish that sentence.
167
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,181
Frankincense and rosemary.
168
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,142
I bathe in it
while I hit a blunt.
169
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,314
Gotcha. Okay. I--
170
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:40,525
Gotcha.
Whew, so glad we found you.
171
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,194
Um, you may or may not have
heard some chatting earlier,
172
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,821
that may or may not have been
by the teachers,
173
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,281
about, you know,
some topics
174
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,241
that you may or may not
know enough about to parse.
175
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,201
What?
Baby, what'd you hear
up in the lounge?
176
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,203
That the teachers
are all dope fiends.
177
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,414
Okay, now, that was an adult
conversation between adults.
178
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,791
That also didn't happen.
We were just joking.
179
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:57,876
Why didn't anybody laugh?
180
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,294
'Cause Janine isn't funny.
181
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,338
Okay, listen,
I'm gonna level with you,
182
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,589
'cause I know
you're a smart kid--
183
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,342
I am. Or at least
that's what my teachers say.
184
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,761
But maybe they didn't mean it.
Since they were high.
185
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,387
Okay, alright, I think the point
186
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,264
is that you overheard
our conversation,
187
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,724
which wasn't meant for you,
188
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,352
so maybe it should
just stay right here.
189
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,603
If it makes y'all
feel better,
190
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,772
it can stay here physically.
Okay.
191
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,149
But, digitally,
it's up on every platform.
192
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,776
I posted it
everywhere immediately.
193
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,319
- Ohh!
- Ooh.
194
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,905
Respect.
195
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,823
Gotcha.
196
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,408
So, the Dust Bowl,
named after--
197
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,993
Is that what the inside
of your car looks like
198
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,162
when you're vaping, Mr. C.?
199
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,748
Look, I-I want to make
something very clear.
200
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:40,669
No one should be talking about,
or doing, any drugs, okay?
201
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,420
Except for
the teachers, huh?
202
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,547
This man
is a hypocrite.
203
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,549
Oh, you just got
smoked, Mr. C.
204
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,135
But I bet you like that.
205
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,762
Hi.
206
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,389
Hmph. Bet you are.
207
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,060
Word Families.
208
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,103
Pet.
Pet.
209
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,938
Mm.
Mrs. Howard,
210
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:02,023
is that Pinot Grigio?
211
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:07,779
This thing has gotten
totally out of control.
212
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,281
You're all drug addicts,
and I'm tired of it.
What do we even say to them?
213
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,950
We can't just have our kids
undermining us.
214
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,618
Okay, but how do we tell them
not to smoke or do drugs,
215
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,870
when, one, they know
that we do them, and, two,
216
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,747
we can't say anything to them
except for "Just say no"?
217
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,791
Okay, well, Janine,
you're at the school district.
218
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,752
What's our move?
219
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:26,464
We do have one more resource
at our disposal.
220
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,925
I think it's time
to call in a professional.
221
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,260
Take a seat in this row,
222
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,554
but leave this seat
for me, okay?
223
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,930
Well, F.A.D.E.
got here quickly.
224
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,974
Yeah, just had to
call in a favor.
Nice work.
225
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,475
And then I had to call in
another favor
226
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,519
when they found out I was
the one who sent them Tariq.
227
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,520
To which I said,
"How was I supposed to know
228
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,272
he'd be a liability?"
To which they said,
229
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,690
"Wasn't he your boyfriend?"
To which I said,
230
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,233
"Okay, nosy, good point.
231
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,651
I'd like to use
all other remaining favors.
232
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,986
Can you help me or not?"
Well, it sounds like
233
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,696
the Tariq and F.A.D.E. split
was amicable, then.
234
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,865
They said it's litigious
and Tariq is not winning.
235
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,616
Great.
Look at this.
236
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,744
Why aren't they
in single file,
237
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:58,538
and why are they holding hands?
It's like, germ alert.
238
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,373
Maybe it's to make sure
no one gets left behind.
239
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,292
Okay, well, did you know
240
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,419
that she has them
call her by her first name?
241
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,254
These are your students,
not your buddies.
242
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,630
Also, I overheard
her saying,
243
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,758
"You can use commas
whenever you feel like."
244
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,760
And I just feel like--
Janine,
245
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,137
did you smoke last night? 'Cause
it don't seem like you did.
246
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,889
I just don't think it's
the best way to run a classroom.
247
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,390
Well, she's right over there
if you want to have
248
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,225
an actual conversation
with her.
249
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,479
Mm.
250
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,944
Awwww, yeah!
251
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:34,991
Abbott Elementary two-
thousand-and-twenty-three-ee-ee!
252
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,367
It's 2024.
253
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:40,497
Two-thousand-
and-twenty-fou-ou-r!
254
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,123
Gotta introduce myself
right quick.
255
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,750
My mama named me Timothy.
256
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,461
I call myself Slimothy.
257
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,713
But you can call me Slim.
You feel me?
258
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,715
Welcome to
the F.A.D.E. Experience.
259
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,342
Let's do this!
260
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,719
Drink up the energy!
261
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,347
Drink up the energy,
drink up the energy!
262
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,599
Sober minded.
263
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,436
Aw, yeah, no, it's a great gig.
Like, it was fate.
264
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,772
And your Tariq was
a renaissance, for real.
265
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,273
Definitely my inspiration.
266
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,150
'Cause I just be studyin'
what he be doin'
267
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,860
and puttin' my own spin on it.
268
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,446
And the people,
shh, they like it.
269
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,657
So, what's poppin'
to all my little sweeties.
270
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,493
Smokin' cigs'll
give you diabetes.
271
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,745
Now, I admit that
it make you look cool.
272
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,789
But it make your breath
smell like stool.
273
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,457
And that's poop.
274
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,210
I run up the score
when I step in the booth.
275
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:31,381
You do too much dip,
you might lose a tooth.
276
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,342
I'm feelin' so swaggy
and actin' uncouth.
277
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,427
Please don't get me
started on cancer.
278
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:39,222
I'mma lose it if you think
smokin' the answer!
279
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,516
Get that out. Put it out.
280
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,144
In conclusion, I don't think
children should smoke.
281
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,645
- That's right.
- Yes.
282
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,647
Whoo!
283
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,275
Yeah, y'all warm as hell now!
284
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,777
Fatal overdoses in Philly
are on the rise!
285
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:57,282
And you all are responsible for
stopping it via your decisions.
286
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,700
Say it wit' me.
287
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,953
Decisions.
288
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,789
Alright, now I'm about
to bring out da dopest...
289
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:05,582
Mm.
Mm. Mnh-mnh.
290
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,417
...the tightest
291
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,752
certified
F.A.D.E. representative
292
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,172
in the wo-o-rld!
293
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:16,384
Carol-i-i-i-ne!
294
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,595
Pay attention
so you don't die.
295
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,763
Pay attention...
296
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:24,267
so you don't die.
297
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:28,062
Hello, young...
youth of color.
298
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,856
I'm Caroline.
299
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,984
Look to your left.
300
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,778
Now look to your right.
301
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,781
Now imagine it's blurry.
302
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,576
That's what it's like
to be under the influence.
303
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,578
Hey, Jessca,
how's it going?
304
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:46,456
It's fantastic.
I was just telling the kids
305
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:49,000
they can choose
their own homework assignments.
306
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,877
I see.
Yeah.
307
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:55,131
I find that choice gets them
really excited about homework.
308
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,425
You are worthy of a good life.
Hey, so, um, first of all,
309
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,510
I just wanted to say
thank you for subbing.
310
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,263
The only job harder than
teaching is substitute teaching.
311
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,975
I don't know. Have you
ever seen "Ice Road Truckers"?
312
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,771
That ice thin.
That truck big.
313
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,814
Yeah, good point.
314
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,191
Mm-hmm.
Great show.
315
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,442
Uh, second, you know,
316
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,028
I used to teach this class
for three years,
317
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,280
and so I have a deep,
you know, rich understanding
318
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,240
of the kids
and this grade level,
319
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,493
so, you know,
if you ever need any tips.
320
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,621
Thanks!
But everything's fine.
321
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,082
Right, but there are some
universal teaching practices,
322
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,125
and because of your
lack of experience,
323
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,045
you might just need
a little gentle guidance.
324
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:37,632
Excuse me, Janine,
I'm trying to listen.
325
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,092
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
326
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,761
If I need help,
I will ask.
327
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,054
Okay.
328
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:46,015
But I don't,
so I won't.
329
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,393
So, in conclusion,
330
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:52,355
say no to drugs, cigarettes,
and alcohol.
331
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,440
Remember, F.A.D.E. says,
332
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,943
if it makes you faded,
333
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:01,531
walk away from i-it.
334
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,324
I know that doesn't
exactly rhyme,
335
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,828
but it's the message
that counts.
336
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,747
A-Alright, we're gonna keep
this fun bus moving along
337
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:13,459
and jump right into a Q&A.
338
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,129
When my mom gets off
her shift at the hospital,
339
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,381
she has a cigarette.
Is that okay?
340
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:22,093
Only if she wants to wind up
being a patient there herself.
341
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,344
What about wine?
342
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,263
My dad drinks a glass
at dinner sometimes.
343
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,640
You know what pairs well
with everything?
344
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,517
Sobriety.
345
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,395
My aunt takes edibles the doctor
prescribed for her glaucoma.
346
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,105
I guess that would be
an exception
347
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,190
if it is for medical reasons.
348
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,943
So, you're saying some drugs
are better than others?
349
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,445
I would not say better.
350
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,905
But some are definitely
worse than others.
351
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,033
Well, then,
what's the least bad drug?
352
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,160
All substances are bad.
353
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,828
But if you
had to pick one...
354
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,954
Cigarettes, I guess.
355
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,873
No! No!
356
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:55,251
So if I had to pick one thing
to do if my life depended on it,
357
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,294
it should be cigarettes?
358
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,046
No! Maybe weed?
359
00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,797
Hoo, buddy.
The hell?
360
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,049
Let's end this, guys.
361
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,217
According to CNN...
Uh, fake news.
362
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,053
Okay, now you got
my attention.
363
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,930
...alcohol was illegal
during the Prohibition era,
364
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,558
and we're seeing the same
renaissance now with marijuana.
365
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,226
You know where they don't
have a marijuana problem?
366
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,686
The Third World,
367
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,229
where kids can't just
Google whatever they want,
368
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,606
because they're busy
making the phones.
369
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,107
Okay, alright--
It just seems like
370
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,734
most drugs
aren't that bad.
371
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,445
Fine, you can smoke a little!
Just don't do opioids!
372
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,905
My grandfather's
on opioids.
373
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,490
Drugs from
a doctor are okay.
374
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,158
My mom's on Valtrex.
375
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,701
That's fine.
Your mom has herpes.
376
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,911
- Hey!
- Wow.
377
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,162
Lady, are you high?
378
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,706
Uh--
379
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,209
Whoo! Alright!
380
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,920
When I say "this,"
you say, "went well."
381
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,714
This.
Went well.
382
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,175
Hey, okay. Ah, peace.
383
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,680
[ Over P.A. ] Attention,
Abbott Elementarians--
384
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,265
Due to the district mandate,
we will now be performing
385
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,392
mandatory locker, bag,
and cubby searches.
386
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,811
In addition to searches,
387
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:58,064
we are also reinforcing
the zero-tolerance policy.
388
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,400
Any substance found will end in
a mandatory two-day suspension.
389
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,736
Okay...
Any discussion
of illicit substances
390
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,155
will result
in disciplinary action.
391
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,866
This applies to students
and teachers.
392
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,037
It's bad enough
393
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,455
I got to make announcements
sounding like a cop.
394
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,457
Now I got to be a judge
and hand out a sentence.
395
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:19,001
According to this,
I got to suspend Curtis.
396
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,254
Well, that's how it goes.
397
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,881
You bring a substance in,
you get suspended.
398
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,925
This seems like overkill,
to do all this
399
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,094
without even having an honest
conversation with Curtis
400
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,345
or any of our students.
401
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,973
Well, that's the system
for ya.
402
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:35,017
We're not allowed to say
anything except "drugs are bad."
403
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:38,479
It just all seems ridiculous.
Okay, Curtis is a great kid.
404
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,481
He's an "A" student.
He doesn't bother anyone.
405
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,608
It's kind of uncharacteristic
that he smokes.
406
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,319
Smokes or smoked?
407
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,155
Do we even know
if he's done this before?
408
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,535
We let this thing
get so out of control,
409
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:56,289
we forgot to ask the boy
what happened.
410
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,875
So I guess
I got to suspend him?
411
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,877
Hold on, okay?
Let me talk to him.
412
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,587
He's been spending a lot
of time in my classroom,
413
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,172
and I think
he's comfortable with me.
414
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,299
I'll go with you.
As a former child smoker,
415
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,050
I can probably
cough up some advice.
416
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,140
See? It's not funny.
417
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,519
...steps to make sure this kind
of thing doesn't happen anymore.
418
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,146
Feel like some direction...
419
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,066
Uh, some direction from
the school district--
420
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,526
Everything okay?
'Cause, Janine,
421
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,653
I know you love
to return a wave.
422
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,947
Yeah, everything's fine.
I love the sub.
423
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:33,492
And her methods, and her ways.
424
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,078
Yeah, I have no concerns.
Spill the peas.
425
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,039
She's just doing things
differently than I would, okay?
426
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,123
And that's all I'll say.
427
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,793
She is teaching grammar
out of order,
428
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,588
and it is chaos,
and other things, too. It's--
429
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,173
Would you believe it
if I told you
430
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:50,343
that when you first started,
I found that some of your ways
431
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,845
of teaching
were a bit unorthodox?
432
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,473
Uh, no, because
that belief interferes
433
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,266
with my perception
of reality, so...
434
00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,394
Janine, every teacher
has their own style.
435
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,230
You do things differently
than Melissa.
436
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,815
Melissa does things
differently than me.
437
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,525
I know,
but it's my class.
438
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,028
It was your class.
439
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,988
It's not your class
right now.
440
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,826
Okay.
Okay.
441
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,870
But did you know that she took
the "I" out of her name
442
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,205
and just goes by Jessca?
443
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,207
Now, that is foolishness.
444
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,750
Mm-hmm.
These kids nowadays,
445
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,794
they're just gonna do anything.
I know.
446
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:28,130
"Hello, students. My name
is no longer Miss Barbara.
447
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,758
It's Miss Br-ha-ha-ra."
448
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,885
Yeah, yeah. It's absurd.
449
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,136
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
450
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,432
Am I in trouble?
Because I really am sorry.
451
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,434
No, no, we just
wanted to talk, hon.
452
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,104
So, remember when we asked you
where you got the loosie?
453
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,023
Well, we also want to know
why you got it.
454
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,192
I don't know.
Just curious, I guess.
455
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,194
Curiosity is part
of being a kid.
456
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,530
Okay, when I was younger,
I, uh...
457
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,534
Uh, l-look,
you're gonna be presented
458
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,078
with a lot of things in life,
both good and bad,
459
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,205
and we just want to make sure
that you're being careful.
460
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,416
I wasn't even
gonna do it again.
461
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,252
See, that's great. It took me
decades to learn that.
462
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,837
It was nasty.
463
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,298
Yeah, it is nasty,
so don't forget that taste.
464
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,467
Was F.A.D.E.
my fault?
465
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,344
No, no, sweetie.
466
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,887
F.A.D.E. is
the government's fault.
467
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,850
I really am sorry.
468
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,853
Yeah, we know you are. Why don't
you head on back to class?
469
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,400
I hate that we can't be
more honest with them.
470
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,902
Me, too. That kid
should not be suspended. Ugh.
471
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,698
Maybe he doesn't
have to be.
472
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,910
Hey.
Now it's vibe time.
473
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,039
Hey, Jessca.
474
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,957
So, I just
wanted to apologize.
475
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,543
Um, while you're here,
476
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,253
these kids are your class,
not mine,
477
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,796
and I should not
have tried to force
478
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,257
my albeit tried-and-true
methods onto--
479
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,301
"K," so let me stop you
right there,
480
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,804
because actually, I'm only
signed up to be here this week.
481
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,222
And I won't be returning,
482
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:02,767
because this week
has been exceptionally mid.
483
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:06,479
Oh! So-- Mm.
I thought you would, uh--
484
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,481
I don't know. I just thought
you were having a good time,
485
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,609
so that's why I wanted to come
and, you know, say sorry
486
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,362
for the way I'd been acting,
because it wasn't, you know--
487
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,906
Yeah, you're talking as if there
was some sort of interaction
488
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,908
I'm supposed to remember,
but I don't.
489
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,660
Nevertheless...
Oh.
490
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,329
...I accept your apology,
491
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,707
which I'm sure
I humbly deserve.
492
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,251
Toodle-oo.
493
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,003
Okay. Oh. Oh, the door.
494
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:31,754
Toodle-oo.
Click it.
495
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:39,095
I'm gonna be honest.
This was a rough week at Abbott.
496
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,554
Uh, sometimes, as a teacher,
497
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,765
there's only so much
you're allowed to say.
498
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:43,974
But that doesn't mean
that you can't still be there
499
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,810
for your kids.
500
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:48,354
I remembered that I had
an in at the district,
501
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,855
and she's gonna speak
to the board
502
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,565
and see if she can get
Curtis' suspension lifted.
503
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,651
I'm confident
she'll get it done.
504
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:56,320
She always does.
505
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,407
Thank you.
The truth is, attitudes change.
506
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,283
And as teachers,
we have to figure out
507
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,744
how to keep an open mind
while staying within the bounds.
508
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,454
And the result is,
509
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,957
sometimes we end up
learning something ourselves.
510
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,001
You're gonna feel so much better
when you just let it go.
511
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,169
Let it go.
512
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:12,962
- Drop it.
- Good, there you go.
513
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,004
- Okay. See?
- Very good.
514
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,047
Good job.
Yes!
515
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,382
There you go!
516
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,259
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
Yes. Yes.
517
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,718
No!
518
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,220
No!
Oh, my God!
519
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,389
Get him out! Get him out!
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob? Relax.
520
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,724
I got it!
521
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,559
No! Jacob!
Give it to me!
No!
522
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:31,605
They say quitting vaping
is easy-peasy. Total lie.
523
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,774
Nicotine gum-- I kept
accidentally swallowing it.
524
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,026
Reading Allen Carr's
"Easy Way to Stop Smoking,"
525
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,696
I was falling asleep
and dreaming about smoking.
526
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:42,366
Anyway, I have found a solution
that I really think is the one.
527
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,538
Hey, didn't you listen
to F.A.D.E.?
528
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,956
You can't have vape pens
in school.
529
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,916
I buried my vape pen.
530
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,501
This is my Bref.
531
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:56,255
No vapor, no nicotine,
just real natural air.
532
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,174
Damn, they got dumbasses
paying for air?
533
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,717
Why didn't I think of that?
534
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,636
Dumbasses? No--
Uh, it was only $200.
535
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,847
And it comes with
a lifetime guarantee...
536
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,308
Wait.
537
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,478
I got got.
538
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,488
Well, I'll be.
539
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,782
This oxygen is bussin'!
540
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,576
Captions by VITAC--