1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,128 It's too peaceful in here. 2 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,379 That's because these children spend 3 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,006 all of their time on their phones. Hm! 4 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,925 They barely interact with each other. 5 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,593 Isn't that right, Ava? 6 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:12,012 Huh? Oh, yeah. 7 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,056 It's probably 'cause they don't have hand games anymore. 8 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,683 Hey! Do you guys know Shame? 9 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,143 Rockin' Robin. Miss Mary Mack. 10 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,229 ♪ Miss Mary ♪ 11 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,647 ♪ Mack, Mack, Mack ♪ 12 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,440 ♪ All dressed in black, black, black ♪ 13 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,193 Oh, we have those, too! 14 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,611 Let's do it. Okay. 15 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,238 ♪ Girls rule, boys drool ♪ 16 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,822 ♪ We use too much fossil fuels ♪ 17 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,115 ♪ Loser, loser, double loser ♪ 18 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,825 ♪ Biden drives a P.T. Cruiser ♪ 19 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,035 ♪ Know the answer, raise your hand ♪ 20 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,495 ♪ We live on Native Land ♪ 21 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:38,205 ♪ Don't call me sir, don't call me miss ♪ 22 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,873 ♪ Aliens do exist ♪ Oh, my. 23 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:40,958 ♪ He's too short, she's too tall ♪ 24 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,334 ♪ When will this country fall? ♪ 25 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,003 Okay. Okay. Uh... go back to your phones. 26 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,812 Mr. Eddie, my tooth is loose. 27 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,480 Mm-hmm. 28 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,108 If it falls out, do I eat it like I did last time? 29 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,026 I'm a little busy right now, okay? 30 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,070 You're coloring a carrot. 31 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,699 Go take a seat for me. Okay? 32 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,450 So, after the teachers' panel, 33 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,327 a man from the Philadelphia Activities Fund 34 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,912 approached me about applying for a grant 35 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,289 for the Garden Goofballs program. 36 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,748 That would mean field trips to fields... 37 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,417 seed money for seeds... 38 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,670 and the kids' top request-- matching T-shirts. 39 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,797 So I've been working nonstop on the proposal 40 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,674 to make that happen. 41 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,217 You know, it's really exciting to think about what 42 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,261 the Garden Goofballs program can become, 43 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,806 and to think it all started because of a fart. 44 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,516 Hi. Mr. Eddie? 45 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,810 I'm subbing for Ms. Teagues next door this week. 46 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,895 Everything alright? Well, there's a student 47 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,523 who's had unexcused absences the last three days. 48 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,275 Just wondering what the protocol is. 49 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,276 Well, which child? 50 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,403 - Alex. - Alex Perkins? 51 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,988 He was with me last year. 52 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,532 Yes, and I noticed he only came to class twice last week. 53 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,284 Oh, well, that's not like Alex. 54 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,536 So can you just not come to school? 55 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:02,331 No. Sounds like you don't have to. 56 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,792 I can't wait for second grade! 57 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,961 Thanks for letting me know. I'll look into it. 58 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,173 My tooth! I just swallowed my tooth! 59 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,719 Yes. This is incredible. 60 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,305 Okay. Bye, Principal Oldman! 61 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,724 That was Principal Oldman over at Robinson Prep. 62 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:23,060 He was calling to personally thank me for the institution 63 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,478 of the librarian program. 64 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,646 That's awesome! Oh, my God! 65 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,358 Superintendent John Reynolds in my office. Ha ha ha! 66 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,817 Am I being fired? 67 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,444 I was just quoting that joke. 68 00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:34,279 No, you're not being fired, Janine. 69 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,239 I-I came in here to compliment you. 70 00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,700 Oh. 71 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,494 "Oh"? That's it? 72 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,953 Y-You thought you were getting fired, 73 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,497 and now I'm complimenting you, 74 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,582 and just..."Oh." Oh. 75 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,335 Anyway, I've been very impressed with your work. 76 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,630 Your ability to problem-solve under pressure is why I think 77 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:55,300 you should be calling a few more of the shots around here. 78 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,676 Wow. 79 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,887 "Wow." That's the reaction I was looking for! 80 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,016 When your fellowship is up, 81 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,394 we really want to offer you a full-time position here. 82 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,688 A real job here? Yeah, here. 83 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,190 We think that you have barely scratched the surface. 84 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,567 You have the chance to be a superstar. 85 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,736 Minus the flashing lights and the insane salary. 86 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,488 You would be getting a little bit of a raise. Oh! 87 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,323 But you're still a government worker. Okay. 88 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,242 Um, but we're gonna give you that chance. 89 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:25,080 The district has provided us with a new software 90 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,457 to detect the use of A.I. in your work. 91 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:30,335 You need to understand this growing technology, 92 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,212 and I thought we could try it all together. 93 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,257 So here is a poem by Robert Frost. 94 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,925 And when I hit this button, 95 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,553 it will tell us if Frost was a robot... 96 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,055 and my entire life has been a lie. 97 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,852 Ah! I knew it was all Bobby. 98 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:51,606 And here is Javon's paper on World War II. 99 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,734 I-I only used Wikipedia to make sure I spelled the names right. 100 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,572 Ha ha ha! Let's go! Hey. I told you, Mr. C. 101 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,906 I never doubted you, Javon. 102 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,908 Mainly because you got a "D" on it. 103 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,744 So we will need to have a chat about that. 104 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,289 Really, you can use this on any written material-- 105 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:10,417 books, journals, things from your everyday life, even. 106 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,295 For example, here is a lovely e-mail response 107 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,922 from Mrs. Howard to my weekly newsletter. 108 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,968 And, uh... no, that... 109 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,220 Mrs. Howard cold as hell! 110 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,181 Yeah, she must hate your ass. 111 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,141 Stop cursing. 112 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,895 Janine is 10 minutes late, 113 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,104 which means she's 30 minutes late, 114 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,689 'cause I'm always 20 minutes late. 115 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,316 Well, she does better than me 116 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,776 because when I say I'm gonna be a little late, 117 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,152 I usually just don't show up. 118 00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,529 Well, well, well! 119 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,490 If it isn't the Autobots. 120 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,492 Or should I say Decepticons. 121 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,327 I'm already not enjoying this conversation. 122 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,245 Jacob, what are you talking about? 123 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,581 Well, you see, I was demonstrating 124 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,792 the new A.I. detection software 125 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,628 to my class this morning, and I thought, "Hmm. 126 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,923 What better test than to use one of my good friend Barb's 127 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,424 e-mail correspondences?" 128 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,301 And I was shocked-- 129 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,887 no, heartbroken-- 130 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:08,850 to learn that it was 99% A.I.-generated. 131 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,478 Jacob, I'm sure it was just a glitch. 132 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,647 Dang, Barb. How could you do that? 133 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,607 Funny you say that. 134 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,984 Because then I decided to check your thoughtful review 135 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,820 of my essay on the hidden dangers... 136 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,029 Ohh. ...of espresso martinis. 137 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,781 And I meant every word. 138 00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:23,949 Oh, I bet you did. 139 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,784 100%... 140 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,661 A.I.-generated. 141 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,120 100. Mnh. 142 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,705 So, Ava showed me how to do it, 143 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,582 and then I showed Barbara. 144 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,918 Because, you know, we need to learn A.I. software 145 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,295 to make sure the kids aren't abusing it to do their work. 146 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:40,590 That privilege is reserved for teachers. 147 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,844 Looks like Alex has seven unexcused absences. 148 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,053 That's not so bad. 149 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,471 Oh. Plus today. So eight. 150 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,598 Eight? Oh, that's very bad. 151 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,975 It is? Mm-hmm. 152 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,268 If he misses two more days, 153 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,811 he's got to go to family court 154 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,729 to schedule an appearance at truancy court 155 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,731 and then he gets held back. 156 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,358 For just two more absences? Mm-hmm. 157 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,110 Well, has anyone tried calling his house? 158 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,153 The district has an automated phone system 159 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,738 that calls the students' homes. 160 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,907 Well, do we know if anyone's gotten through to his family? 161 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,492 What do we do if Alex still isn't showing up? 162 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,911 Well, that's the extent of our protocol. 163 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,749 Do you know how hurtful it is to know 164 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,335 that instead of talking to some of my closest companions, 165 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,754 I've been talking to WALL-E for the past few months?! 166 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,298 Okay, well, Jacob, you're being rude, because look-- 167 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,966 Janine is here to give us 168 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,509 a big, special, important announcement. 169 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,927 Go ahead, Janine. 170 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,470 Yes, yes. Thank you, Melissa. You're welcome. 171 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,722 Yeah. That's correct. 172 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,725 I do have something big to announce, so, um... 173 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,310 Wait. Where's Gregory? 174 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,312 Oh, he's working on his Goofball proposal for the district. 175 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,230 Oh. Okay. 176 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,191 Well, thank you all so much for staying after school. 177 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,860 I have some news about my fellowship. 178 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,195 God sakes. Who cares about your fellowship?! 179 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,114 I got ribs in the slow cooker! 180 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,991 Wait, wait. No, no, no, no. This is important. 181 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,326 You know, as you all know, 182 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:50,994 my fellowship at the district is coming to an end. 183 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,871 Ooh, girl, don't remind me. 184 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,206 My doomsday countdown clock is set to the day that you're back. 185 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,125 Stop! 186 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,960 The superintendent offered me 187 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,879 a full-time position at the district. 188 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,424 And I'm going to take it. 189 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,675 So I'm leaving Abbott. 190 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,846 Dibs on Janine's classroom as my new office! 191 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:13,350 Oh, this is officially the worst day ever. 192 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,060 I am proud of you. Ohh. 193 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,313 Janine, you have worked so hard, 194 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,774 and they are lucky to get you. 195 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,942 Well, if you're not gonna be here anymore, 196 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,279 then I don't have to know your name, Janice. 197 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,990 And for the record, I-I-I am proud of you. 198 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,034 I'm just having trouble processing-- 199 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,535 because I'm a human. 200 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,787 But, um... Ohh! 201 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,246 This is huge. 202 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,790 Oh. Thank you, guys. 203 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,958 This was not an easy decision to make. 204 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,670 I mean, I hemmed and I hawed. 205 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,213 Heck, I almost pussyfooted. 206 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:46,216 But I want to do it. 207 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,010 I think I can really do some good work there. 208 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,639 No reaction from you, Ava? Oh, sorry. 209 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,557 I'm just going through the mental list of Janine replacements 210 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,309 that I started the day I met you. 211 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,854 Ooh! It's on! 212 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,607 And since you don't work here anymore, you're trespassing. 213 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,776 Security! Security! 214 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,572 Mr. Alonzo: Singular noun or a plural noun? 215 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,700 Day nine, and he's still not here. 216 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,326 I mean, Alex was in my class last year, 217 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,370 and he had perfect attendance. 218 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:18,039 He's the type of kid who likes when recess gets rained out 219 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,125 so he can stay inside and read. 220 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,710 Something has to be going on. 221 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,627 Hello? 222 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,045 Hi. This is Abbott Elementary calling 223 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,505 to check on Alex Perkins. 224 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,466 You're gonna have to speak up. Who is this? 225 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,260 Uh, this is Gregory Eddie, 226 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,803 um, from Abbott Elementary. 227 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:34,389 Is Alex okay? Oh, hi. Yeah. 228 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,933 He's right here watching "The Price Is Right" with me. 229 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,893 Well, he needs to be in school! 230 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:42,272 He can't be absent tomorrow, or he will be held back. 231 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,107 No. I already gave him a snack. 232 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,608 No. "Held back!" 233 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,194 If Alex misses one more day of school, 234 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,280 he will have to repeat the second grade! 235 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,907 Can you possibly turn the TV down for me?! 236 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,492 Sure. It's a commercial. 237 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,494 Oh, okay. Thank you. 238 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,913 We want to know why Alex hasn't been in school. 239 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,124 He said he don't want to go to school, 240 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,626 say he miss his old teacher, Ms. Teams. 241 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,003 Huh? Ms. Teams? 242 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,173 Oh. Ms. Teagues? He misses her? 243 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,799 He says that's why? 244 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,551 Oh, okay. Goodbye! 245 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,927 No, I-- 246 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,138 Damn shame. 247 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,932 The boy live right across the street. 248 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,148 So you're telling me that we can see 249 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,775 as many movies as we want? 250 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,401 Mm-hmm. 251 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,449 Jacob, seems like a perfect opportunity 252 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,910 for you to tell us about that movie membership thing 253 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,828 you're always proselytizing about. Yeah. 254 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,538 How's that-- How's that work again? 255 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,415 Well, while I would love to fill you in 256 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,417 and explain Nicole Kidman's role in all of it, 257 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,127 I think you'd probably prefer to consult 258 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,504 some of your robot friends. 259 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,340 Oh. So we used A.I. 260 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,175 At least we responded. 261 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:55,220 Do you have any idea how much time and love and time 262 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,513 I put into my e-mails? 263 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,057 Have you no respect for my emotional labor? 264 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,559 You just ask for so much feedback. Oh. So much. 265 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,187 And Barb's typing speed is a sentence per hour. 266 00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,064 There isn't enough time in the day. 267 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:08,483 Okay, look, if we were trying to be mean, 268 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,236 we would say that your e-mails are super-long and boring, 269 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,197 add zero value to our lives, and please stop sending them. 270 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,990 We're being nice! Yeah. 271 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:19,035 Nice? A.I. cannot be nice. 272 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,246 Okay. Okay. Okay. 273 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,499 I can see where this would be upsetting. 274 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,376 We're sorry. 275 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,795 No more generative e-mails. Mnh-mnh. 276 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,798 And we will do our best to respond. 277 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,383 Thank you. Yes. 278 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,301 To the ones that aren't super-long and boring. 279 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,014 Hey, Gregory. Um... 280 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,016 I was just about to text you, 281 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,726 but I'm guessing you heard already. 282 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,311 So you already know about Alex Perkins? 283 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,272 Alex Perkins? From my class? 284 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,857 What's going on with him? Everything okay? 285 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,442 Oh, um, yeah. He hasn't been coming to class. 286 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,194 He has nine absences. One more-- 287 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,780 He has to go to truancy court and he gets held back a year. 288 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,782 Yeah. Can you imagine having to go to court 289 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:58,950 as a second grader? 290 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,285 Oh, my God. How is this happening? 291 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,495 This is very out-of-character for him. 292 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,664 Something must be going on. I know. Um... 293 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,624 We just found out he lives right across the street. 294 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,001 I was thinking about going to his house. 295 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,836 We cannot go to his house. 296 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:13,006 I mean, that's strictly against district policy. 297 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,008 The protocol says we call. 298 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,551 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we went through all the district protocols. 299 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,928 I then called his house, I spoke to his grandma, 300 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,847 who I think heard one of every three words I said, 301 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,184 but his grandma did say that he's not coming to school 302 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,643 because he misses his old teacher. 303 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,936 That's me. 304 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,521 Or me. Or me. 305 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,731 Okay. 306 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,316 Um, so, I was thinking that after school, 307 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,067 we could get together, 308 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,361 go to the house, see what's going on. 309 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,073 Jacob. Ah. 310 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,200 One of my real friends. 311 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,743 You'd never use a robot. 312 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,328 You're damn right. 313 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,496 I wanted you to know I'm eagerly awaiting your feedback 314 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,916 on my latest newsletter about the history of spring cleaning. 315 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:50,293 Oh. Yeah. I was, um... 316 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,086 I was working all weekend on that. 317 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,255 You shall have my detailed response soon. 318 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,466 Great. For every paragraph I wrote, 319 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,885 I expect at least three paragraphs back. 320 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:05,767 We here at Abbott hold our teachers to a high standard. 321 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:09,812 Therefore, we will be conducting a rigorous selection process 322 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:14,025 to ensure that only the most qualified educator gets the job. 323 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,443 Having said that, 324 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,946 if you are 5'5" and under, please step forward. 325 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,574 You are dismissed. 326 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,118 If you are a go-getter who is always prompt, 327 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,703 please step forward. 328 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,082 Thank you. You are dismissed. 329 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:33,211 Congratulations on making it to the final round. 330 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:36,130 You are only one question away from landing this job. 331 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,133 Do you own a jelly-bean belt? 332 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,639 Seriously?! Dismissed! 333 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,349 Send in the next batch. 334 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,768 Okay, so, under no circumstances do we enter the house. 335 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,270 We're already, you know, 336 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,813 pushing the boundaries of district policy. 337 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,272 Right. Going up to the door is already bad enough. 338 00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:55,108 We don't want to cross any more lines. 339 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,859 Exactly. We'll just explain the gravity of the situation 340 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:57,986 to Grandma, be on our way. 341 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,280 Sounds good. Yes. 342 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,116 Oh. You here to fix the refrigerator? 343 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,409 Oh, no. What's wrong with the refrigerator? 344 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,868 What's not wrong with the fridge? 345 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,286 No, no, we're not here for that. Oh. 346 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,330 Yes. I'm Janine Teagues from the school district, 347 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,666 and this is Gregory Eddie from Abbott Elementary. Hello. 348 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,752 And we came to let you know that your grandson, Alex, 349 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,380 is one absence away from being held back. 350 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,840 He's fine. 351 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,134 He's inside watching "The Price Is Right." 352 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,760 That ain't never hurt nobody. 353 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,055 Um, but he won't be fine if he misses class tomorrow-- 354 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,724 or another day this year. 355 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,142 There will be repercussions 356 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,560 that will affect him for the rest of his life. 357 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,396 Back in my day, we came to school when we could, 358 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,523 and we all turned out just fine. 359 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,316 Right. But that won't work here. 360 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,736 Oh. This is a very serious matter. 361 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,030 We wouldn't be here otherwise. 362 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,449 So, please, could you just make sure 363 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,034 that Alex makes it to class? 364 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,452 Well, I just don't see the point 365 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,746 in making the boy go somewhere he hates so bad 366 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,707 when he can stay home and just hang out with me and Drew Carey. 367 00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,292 Hm. Um... 368 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,586 Janine, I think it's time to go. 369 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,798 And Rona. Hi. 370 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,592 $1,100. $1,100... 371 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,260 Actually, can we come inside? 372 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,304 - Huh? - Sure. 373 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,056 But don't be making no guesses 374 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,724 during Showcase Showdown. 375 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,642 You keep them to yourself. 376 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,685 Okay. 377 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,771 Janine? Gregory. 378 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,486 You're gonna be playing Plinko! 379 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,321 Alex, we want to know why you haven't been coming to school. 380 00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,531 I'm gonna miss Plinko. ...thousand dollars! 381 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,408 Alex. Hey. 382 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,826 Yes! There you go! 383 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,119 Tell us what's been going on. 384 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:32,121 Well, Ms. Teagues doesn't go to school, 385 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,624 so I don't need to go, either. 386 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,794 Alex, you have to go to school 387 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,670 whether I'm there or not, okay? 388 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,090 School is something you cannot miss. You do. 389 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,383 When are you coming back to be my teacher again? 390 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,010 Well, that's the good news. 391 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,346 Ms. Teagues is almost done at the district, 392 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:50,431 so she'll be back at Abbott very soon. 393 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,143 I know you're not sick in my house. 394 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,437 No. 395 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,564 Um... 396 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,109 So, I actually just accepted 397 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,402 a full-time position at the district. 398 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,154 What? What?! 399 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,864 She says she's working full-time at the district. 400 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,741 Y'all can't hear? 401 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,327 ...price starts with a 3 or ends with a 5? 402 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,037 Welcome to your future! 403 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,664 Yeah. 404 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,124 Ooh. I'mma save so much money from the chiropractor 405 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,667 from not having to look down at you. 406 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,085 Hmm! 407 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,294 So, after formally interviewing 408 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,838 536 applicants, 409 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,965 I found a perfect replacement for Janine. 410 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,717 She has great fashion sense, went to Penn State, 411 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:30,138 and says her best skill is creative problem ignoring. 412 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,306 I can't wait to introduce her to the rest of the staff. 413 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,767 I hope you get a nude from the T-800! 414 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,310 Ooh. What's going on here? 415 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,771 Jacob responded to my newsletter using a chat bot. 416 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,690 I ran it through that program, 417 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,525 and the only thing real was some corny joke 418 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,819 about if you spring-cleaned my head, 419 00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,821 you'd probably see your reflection in it. 420 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,531 What the hell, Jacob?! 421 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,700 You gave us a hard time for using it, 422 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,035 but then you go and do the same thing to Mr. Johnson! 423 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,204 I'm sorry. I've been completely underwater this week. 424 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,081 Ha! Mr. Johnson is 425 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,167 single-handedly responsible for keeping 426 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,878 most of the toilets in this joint running some of the time. 427 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,838 Yet he still found the time 428 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:07,133 to put his heart and soul into that newsletter. 429 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,885 Wait. So you authentically 430 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,887 respond to his newsletter, but not mine? 431 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,805 Yeah. He sends one e-mail 432 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,974 per quarter, and it is usually filled 433 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,227 with delightful anecdotes and musings. 434 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,438 Mm-hmm. You send 10 e-mails a day. And you know what? 435 00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,857 I rarely feel like I'm learning a thing about you. 436 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,233 Oh, and you feel like you learn something 437 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,818 about Mr. Johnson from that newsletter? 438 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,612 I think we all know he likes to clean! 439 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,405 Actually, it's more than about spring cleaning 440 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,408 and explores its origins in the Iranian culture. 441 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,202 I learned a lot about the Iranian people 442 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,495 since their problematic depiction in the film "300." 443 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,789 Great read. Very insightful. 444 00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,791 And you would've known that if you had read my newsletter, 445 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,668 you ignorant fool! Ooh! 446 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,003 Y'all fightin'?! 447 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,088 Everyone, please meet Mercedes-- 448 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,424 Janine's more evolved replacement. 449 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,509 So, who's winning? 450 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,428 Oh, I got 10 on the plumber. 451 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,016 Ends with a 4. It can't-- It can't end... 452 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,477 I wanted to tell you earlier with everyone else, 453 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:02,104 but you weren't there, and then you told me about Alex, so... 454 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,398 I mean, it's-- it's, uh-- it's wild. 455 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,109 But, um, congrats? 456 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,819 Thanks. 457 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,613 Yeah. Congrats. Congrats. Thank you. 458 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,114 Hello? 459 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,991 Right. Okay. Yeah. Oh. Right. 460 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,535 Um, Alex... 461 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,121 Just because I'm not there doesn't mean 462 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,874 that the school isn't filled with great teachers. 463 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,501 A-And Mr. Eddie is right next door 464 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,503 in case you ever need anything. 465 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,171 Right? 466 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:30,383 Yeah. I'll be right there if you ever need me. 467 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,636 I don't know. 468 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,263 Alex, what do you want to be when you grow up? 469 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:38,474 I want to be on "The Price Is Right." 470 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,476 Okay. Mm-hmm. 471 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:44,146 Well, then you need to learn math 472 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,940 in order to make your guesses. 473 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,525 Hm! 474 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,235 Not to mention communication skills... Mm-hmm. 475 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,695 ...critical thinking, and understanding 476 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:51,904 of socioeconomic inflation. 477 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,531 And you have to take P.E. 478 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,700 to spin the big wheel, which is fun. 479 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,159 Yeah. That, too. Right? 480 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,953 And you have to learn all that stuff in school. 481 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,958 Look. 482 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,752 Teachers are gonna come and go in your life. 483 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,462 Heck, people, for that matter. 484 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,049 You'd still play Plinko 485 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,093 even if Drew Carey wasn't the host, right? 486 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,886 I'd still play. 487 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:19,181 Okay. So... can we expect you at school tomorrow? 488 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,017 $500, so you got $1,500... 489 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,101 Okay. 490 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,728 Good. Okay. Okay. 491 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:27,189 And maybe, one day, you can go on a game show 492 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,191 and win a new refrigerator for your grandma. 493 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,528 That boy better at least win me a Kia! 494 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,947 Good luck! Good luck! Come on! Ugh! 495 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:39,118 So, how do we make sure he actually shows up every day? 496 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,995 Um, you know, 497 00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,872 maybe the Goofballs can help keep an eye on him. 498 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,665 Part of my proposal is about keeping the students 499 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:47,877 accountable for each other while in the program. 500 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,588 That's a really good idea. 501 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:54,050 I look forward to seeing the proposal at the district. 502 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,093 Congratulations on taking the job. 503 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,470 No one deserves it more. 504 00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,640 Thanks. Still hasn't really hit me yet. 505 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,184 Yeah, I don't think it's hit me yet, either. 506 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,819 "And with that in mind, I ask but one question-- 507 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,613 Are any of us clean?" 508 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,114 Huh! 509 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,408 It's breathtaking, Mr. Johnson. 510 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,285 I apologize, truly. 511 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,578 I accept... 512 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:23,662 twenties or gift cards 513 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,832 of the same value. 514 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,250 Upon self-reflection, 515 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,461 perhaps I did overdo it with my e-mails. 516 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,797 I am so sorry for getting so upset with you both. 517 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,256 It is okay. 518 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,966 We shouldn't have used technology 519 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,636 to mislead you into thinking that we care. 520 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:41,389 Yeah, from now on, we'll just delete your e-mails 521 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,890 like normal people do. 522 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,183 I am so grateful for that. 523 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,852 Thank you for your humanity. 524 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,029 Hey, Gregory. 525 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,490 Hey. I'm just calling to let you know that Alex is back in school. 526 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:00,616 He's even early. 527 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,035 Ohh. Good. That's great news. 528 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,370 Yeah. It is. 529 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,915 You know, we make a really good team. 530 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,085 Yeah, we do. 531 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,673 Have a great day. 532 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,716 You too. 533 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,058 Hey, there! 534 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,685 So, they tell me you're gonna be here full-time! 535 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,311 Hmm! Yeah. 536 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,564 So I'm just here to drop off your start paperwork. 537 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,941 Oh, um... 538 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,860 You know what? Can I have a day? 539 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,153 I'm just so swamped. 540 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,405 Oh, and the rest of us aren't? 541 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,991 But, of course! Take your time. 542 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,492 Mm-hmm. 543 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,797 Farrah's gonna come right back to me after I give her these flowers. 544 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,716 Dude, that's cabbage! 545 00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:01,552 Hey, guys, we have a new Goofball. 546 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,345 I want everyone to say hi to Alex. 547 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,931 What's up? Let me bring you up to speed, Alex. 548 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,642 First rule of Goofballs-- We don't talk about Goofballs. 549 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,061 That's not true. Second rule of Goofballs-- 550 00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,480 We don't call it Goofballs. 551 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,939 Okay, stop it. I need you to be older and mature, 552 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,232 'cause we're trying to ke-- 553 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,942 We gotta keep an eye on him! 554 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,527 Okay, Alex! Hold on! No, no, no, no! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! 555 00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,654 Okay. Alright. Look. "Price Is Right" is not even on. 556 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:21,697 It's not even on! You're so fast! 557 00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:28,579 Captions by VITAC--