1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,338 Alright. And once again, the school district requires 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,339 that uniforms be purchased 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,090 at O'Hare's Warehouse. 4 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,675 If your children show up in a makeshift uniform 5 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,135 from a department store, 6 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,678 we're gonna send them home. 7 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,639 What's the difference between a blue shirt and khaki pants 8 00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,557 from Filene's Basement and O'Hare's? 9 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,809 One gets them sent home. 10 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,645 Was that not clear? I'm sorry. Right. Right. 11 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,230 Also, guys, what did I say about 12 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,272 just shouting out the question, alright? 13 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,107 Please have some decorum. Damn. 14 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,610 But the PTA did successfully get Abbott 30% off 15 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,653 for the rest of the month, 16 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:28,904 so head there fast, people. 17 00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:29,947 That's big. Mm-hmm. 18 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,031 That's big, yeah. Right? 19 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,241 That's cool. We did that. 20 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:33,367 That's good, very good. Mm-hmm. 21 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,409 You're welcome. 22 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,619 Alright, moving on. 23 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,329 We've received many emails 24 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,872 about the golf course being built up the street 25 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,666 and what this means for our kids. 26 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,085 Not just our kids-- what about our community? 27 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:45,087 You know they're trying to price us out. 28 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:47,756 I don't want my daughter to have to change schools next year. No! 29 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:48,840 Can we stop it from being built? 30 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,342 Yeah! Uh-huh. 31 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:53,345 People, the golf course is happening. 32 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,639 There's nothing we can do about that. Mnh-mnh. 33 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,766 Well, that's not true. You know, I could pull a "Bagger Vance." 34 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,476 What? See, I could cozy up to whoever 35 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,270 their Matt Damon is. Oh, God. 36 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,688 And it's like I'm teaching him about golf, 37 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,564 but really, I'm teaching him about life. 38 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,192 Mm. Just to add on to that, that's a stupid idea. 39 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,277 Okay. But to add on to that, 40 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,153 that is a really good movie. 41 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,321 It's Will Smith's best performance. 42 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,781 "Seven Pounds" is sitting right there. 43 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,241 Are you kidding? I like "Elf." 44 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,534 That's Will Ferrell. 45 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,327 Yeah, Jada's husband. No. 46 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,912 Alright, so let's get back on track. 47 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,914 I like "Wild Wild West." I think that's his best movie. 48 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,499 We can move on now. 49 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,626 It is so good, it has its own line dance. Yeah. 50 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,961 No, no, you're thinking of "Men in Black." Unh-unh. 51 00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,337 No. Okay. Alright. 52 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,298 Wait, "Wild Wild West" has its own line dance? 53 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,967 "Does it have its own line dance?" 54 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:33,552 Well, alright. Go, Barbara. Hey! 55 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:36,096 See, here we go. Now y'all done got her started. 56 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,140 I literally-- I have a gavel. I literally have a gavel. 57 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,975 Uh, yeah, so, I got this gavel 58 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,394 specifically for the PTA meetings, you know? 59 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:45,147 I wanted to be like, "Hey!"-- bang, bang, bang, bang-- 60 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:46,690 "Meeting adjourned," you know? 61 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,191 But I have yet to use it 62 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,985 because, uh, like most group functions 63 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,695 that take place in a Philly school gym, 64 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,573 every PTA meeting ends the exact same way. 65 00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,366 Hey! 66 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,327 ♪ When I roll into... ♪ ♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪ 67 00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,704 ♪ When I stroll into... ♪ ♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪ 68 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,747 ♪ When I bounce into... ♪ ♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪ 69 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,457 Ah, ah! 70 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,667 ♪ Sisqó, Sisqó ♪ ♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪ 71 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:11,798 ♪ We're goin' straight to the Wild, Wild West ♪ ♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪ 72 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,593 ♪ Now, now, now, now, once upon a time in the West ♪ 73 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:16,720 ♪ A madman lost his damn mind in the West ♪ 74 00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:32,569 The US Constitution established the framework 75 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,238 for our government and included the Bill of Rights. 76 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,616 But have you guys ever heard of Draco? 77 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:38,742 The wizard or the rapper? 78 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,330 Well, maybe the best way to describe him 79 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,540 is through a little rap of my own. 80 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,001 Fine. Fine. 81 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,211 He created 82 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:51,755 the Draconian constitution, 83 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:54,216 and he wrote a harsh legal code 84 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:57,219 that doled out one-size-fits-all punishments to establish order. 85 00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,595 That sounds like my mom. 86 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,142 Okay. We will pick this up next time. 87 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,228 Make sure you finish reading that chapter. 88 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,688 Hey, Brandon, why are you scratching? 89 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:09,856 He dirty. 90 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,233 No. 91 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,401 What do you have on your arm? 92 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,236 Oh. 93 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:19,032 I'm so excited for our double feature tonight. 94 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,742 I was-- Ooh! Movie night. 95 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:21,952 Care for a third wheel? 96 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,496 Oh, it's a Jegory thing? 97 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,665 Don't want to make it a Jegoracob party? 98 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,208 No. Your call. 99 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,209 What are you gonna watch? 100 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,710 "Dune" followed by "Friday." 101 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,379 Yes. I've seen "Dune: Two" 102 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,839 and "Friday After Next." 103 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:34,881 Now it's time to see the prequels. 104 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,758 Mm. Oh, actually, uh, 105 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,176 speaking of big worms-- 106 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,053 and trigger warning, hashtag gross-- 107 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,013 one of my students in the first period has ringworm. 108 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,855 Welp. There he goes! 109 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,232 Chin up, Janine. He lasted longer with you than I thought. 110 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,650 Whoever's in charge of sanitizing this place 111 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,860 needs to be fired. 112 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,027 A kid has ringworm. 113 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,237 Ringworm?! 114 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,280 Jacob, come here. Yeah. 115 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,364 Nope. Get back. 116 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,824 How do you know it's ringworm? 117 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,451 Did you touch it? 118 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,619 Of course not. But it was clearly an itchy red ring. 119 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,246 And the nurse isn't here this week, 120 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,540 so I just sent him home and sanitized every surface. 121 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,833 That's not enough. 122 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,835 Jacob, ringworm 123 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,337 is an elementary school's... ...worst enemy. 124 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,922 Maybe you can keep those older kids from touching each other, 125 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,966 but if... ...one of the little kids get it... 126 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:18,884 ...all of them get it. 127 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,345 One... two... three... 128 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,346 Banana! Kindness! 129 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,389 Thank God. 130 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,766 Last time ringworm broke out, 131 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,934 we lost half the staff and students, too, 132 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:28,977 for a week. Mm-hmm. 133 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,687 This is horrible. 134 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,314 Oh, yeah, well, this is worse than horrible. 135 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,149 I got a date this weekend, Jacob. 136 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,817 Did you ever stop to think of that? 137 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:36,985 And the guy's got a hot tub. 138 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,403 In-ground! 139 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,071 What's the relevance of that? 140 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,365 I can't with this virgin. 141 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:43,992 I had ringworm once. 142 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:44,951 My second year of teaching. 143 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,411 Ugh, it was awful. 144 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,997 But thank God I've got immunity now. 145 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,874 Barb, you can't get immunity from ringworm. 146 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,083 Maybe you can't... 147 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,502 but I did. 148 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:56,213 Look, circling back to how I did nothing wrong here, 149 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,672 I went beyond district policy. 150 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,508 I sent him home before the end of the day. 151 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,635 Okay, well, I have a plan that will guarantee 152 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,011 that the ringworm doesn't spread. 153 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,096 I also have a plan. Okay. 154 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,640 First step-- contain the spread 155 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,601 by keeping certain special students separated. 156 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,478 Isolate the contaminated. Alright. 157 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,605 We're going to monitor student behavior... 158 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,565 Perform ruthless surveillance. 159 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,651 And we'll want to do individual-based learning. 160 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,945 Put them in solitary confinement. 161 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,279 Um, that sounds intense. 162 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,864 Yes, it really does. 163 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,991 Okay, look, there's nothing to worry about here, guys. 164 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,159 It's been handled. We're fine. 165 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,036 Well, it better be handled, Jacob. 166 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,914 A hot tub. 167 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:31,998 In-[bleep]-ground! 168 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,132 Hey. What's up? 169 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,384 Are you gonna open the door? 170 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,385 Have you washed your hands recently? 171 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,263 I'm gonna need a verbal yes. Gregory! 172 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,394 Why are you so freaked out by this? 173 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,645 I mean, you teach first grade. 174 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,355 It's not exactly a germ-free zone. 175 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,399 This is a fungus, Janine. 176 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,192 It's a whole ecosystem. 177 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,653 Fungi are like sharks, okay? 178 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,113 They're beautiful, elegant, 179 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,656 but something to be respected, 180 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,449 nay, feared. 181 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,243 Honestly, you're weird if you don't agree. 182 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,161 Okay. 183 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,332 Thank you. 184 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,084 Thanks. 185 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,002 Okay. 186 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:23,341 So, this isn't a totally surprising side of Gregory, 187 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:27,137 but it is a bit of a new layer that I haven't seen before. 188 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,930 He really hates ringworm 189 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,765 maybe even more than pizza. 190 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,559 But we all have our quirks. 191 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,478 I'd really be way more concerned if he loved ringworm, 192 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,605 'cause I don't think I can get past that. 193 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,648 And he shouldn't ask me to. 194 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,191 Ah. 195 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,193 There ya go. See, one of my quirks 196 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,738 is getting carried away with my own hypotheticals, so... 197 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,367 Brandon, what are you doing back at school? 198 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,911 I sent you home. Wait here, kids. 199 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,496 I tried to go home, but my mom sent me back. 200 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,420 "Dear Mr. Hill, I know that's wrong. 201 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,130 According to the district's website, 202 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,548 my child doesn't have to be sent home 203 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,008 until the end of the day. 204 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,760 I'm not the one, or the two, 205 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,304 so please send my child home at three. 206 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,681 Try Jesus, don't try me, Patricia." 207 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,183 Is this a riddle? 208 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,768 It means I'm here till the end of the day. 209 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,436 But I kinda wanted to come back anyway. 210 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,730 I let JoJo borrow my Switch, and he still has it. 211 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,065 Okay, well, that's-- that's-- 212 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,232 that's discouraging. 213 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,567 Troublesome, actually. 214 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,235 Okay, so you tellin' me you let some other kid 215 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,237 touch your contaminated game? 216 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,114 Yeah, but to be fair, we all pass it around class 217 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,866 while we're supposed to be listening to Mr. C. 218 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,284 Okay, this is bad, Jacob. 219 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,203 Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Come on, kids. 220 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:38,583 Charlie's finished! Oh. Oh! 221 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,835 That actually looks a lot like you, so good job, 222 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,921 but maybe some beige, right? 223 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,131 Add some color to it. 224 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,133 Certainly got a lot of those unused. 225 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,593 Hey, Janine? Yeah? 226 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,345 The ringworm kid is back in school. 227 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,971 It's time to put your plan into place. 228 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,891 I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. 229 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,101 All hands on deck. 230 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:57,686 Okay, I'll tell Ava. 231 00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:00,021 I'm already on it. 232 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,315 Ava, I thought you said you were gonna stop listening in 233 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,692 on our classrooms. 234 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,443 I'm a known liar. 235 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:06,903 Let's go to work. 236 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:13,076 Alright, Mr. Johnson, we need you to stand here 24/7. 237 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,119 And block this floor 238 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,495 by any means necessary. 239 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,621 Oh, I got you. 240 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,039 Nothing's getting past me. 241 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,294 No one's getting past me. 242 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,674 Alright, well, as you can see, our plan is now in place. 243 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,759 Now, we can trust the older kids not to touch each other, 244 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,428 but the littles-- no. 245 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,513 So, just to be safe, 246 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,807 the second floor is now completely sealed off 247 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:36,850 from the first floor. 248 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,393 And if all goes well, 249 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,145 we'll never see those upstairs people again. 250 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,856 All kids' hands must be washed at all times. 251 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,649 No going upstairs or downstairs allowed. 252 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,151 No group activities. 253 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,319 No recess. No gym. No library. 254 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,863 And no using the bathroom. 255 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,239 Unless they're supervised. 256 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,907 Well, see, that's where we differ. 257 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:53,950 I say pee where you stand. 258 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,160 And I say please don't. 259 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,287 This is a complete overreaction. 260 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,539 The upper floors can't go to the library? 261 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,874 Jacob, you're just mad that you're stuck 262 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,208 on the second floor with patient zero. 263 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,918 Okay. You know... 264 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,755 I love you like a son, Jacob, but I will beat you down. 265 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,423 Jacob, if it gets down here, 266 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,091 everyone will be infected. 267 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,593 We have to protect the entire school. 268 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,094 This is not fair, 269 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,345 and it is certainly no way to educate. 270 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,139 You're being real cavalier right now. 271 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,558 Maybe you're infected and that's the ringworm talking? 272 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,727 Yeah, when's the last time you washed your legs? 273 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,520 I do not have ringworm. 274 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,606 Okay, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 275 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:29,903 No one's home. 276 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:33,865 Gregory left! 277 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,575 Okay. 278 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,160 Enough of that. 279 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,913 Hey. Hey. 280 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,581 Hi. Hi. 281 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,999 So, you know, we sealed off the second floor. 282 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,876 You don't have to do this. 283 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,127 Do what? 284 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,462 Well... 285 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,713 Where did you get that turtleneck? 286 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,507 Oh, it was in my drawer. 287 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,884 Why do you keep a turtleneck in your drawer? 288 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,385 I don't know, just for times like this. 289 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:55,970 So, what-- you're just gonna stay in here? 290 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,764 Pretty much, yeah. 291 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,516 Alright, so... 292 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,184 Are we not going to do our double feature tonight or...? 293 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:04,395 I would say, for now, 294 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:07,148 in light of recent news, it's TBD. 295 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,942 TBD? It means "to be determined." 296 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,068 I know what it means, Gregory. Okay. 297 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,364 Okay, then. 298 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,574 See ya. 299 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,415 These doors don't have double locks. 300 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,794 I installed the locks myself. 301 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,754 Look, I'm not crazy, I'm pragmatic. 302 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,341 Why am I so far away? 303 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,009 Why are you so close? 304 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,180 Hey! 305 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,766 Where are you coming from? The lounge. 306 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,519 Had to replenish my coffee for the mid-afternoon slump. 307 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:47,146 Yeah, Mr. Johnson was supposed to be blocking access. 308 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,565 You'd be surprised what he's willing to do 309 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,525 for a wildberry fruit strip. 310 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,945 Ugh! Mmm! 311 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,572 Okay, so not only are you putting 312 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,031 all the rest of us at risk, 313 00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,616 but you're also blowing your personal goal 314 00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,742 of switching over to tea. 315 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,996 It's just not realistic. 316 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,706 Look, I made it through the outbreaks 317 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,958 of '02, '07, and '11 318 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,043 with hardly an itch. 319 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,462 I'm telling you, I'm immune. 320 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,089 God protects me. 321 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,300 So God protects you, but not the kids. 322 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,302 Something I brought up with Him many times. 323 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,720 What if I don't believe in God? 324 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,097 I didn't mean that-- I do, especially when I fly. 325 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,266 I'm just saying, why don't we leave God out of this? 326 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,434 Just 'cause I'm trying to make a point, 327 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,685 but we'll check in later. 328 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,813 Listen, I'm glad you're safe with your God, 329 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,315 but some of us are trying to get into 330 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,941 some heavy sinning this weekend... Oh. 331 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,693 ...so, please, no more ups 332 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,738 and absolutely no more downs, right? 333 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:41,701 In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti. Mm. 334 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,578 The thing about teaching here as long as I have 335 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,788 is I've had everything-- 336 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,041 ringworm, chickenpox, mad cow, 337 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,001 sad cow, red cow, blue cow. 338 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,086 Mm! 339 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,842 ♪ Freedom ♪ 340 00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,553 Yeah, it upsets me that people aren't taking this seriously, 341 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,473 because I think what people fail to get 342 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,850 is that this hot tub is in the ground, okay? 343 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,894 It's not a Costco operation. 344 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,354 The guy called a contractor, 345 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,147 he came to the house, he dug a hole. 346 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,690 A contractor! 347 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,859 And so a constitution is fundamentally 348 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,903 how we coexist together, okay? 349 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,739 Hey, hey, wait a minute. Where are you running off to? 350 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,742 Let's all-- Let's-- Let's stay here, you know? 351 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,410 Chop it up a bit. 352 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,536 Have a hang. Chill. 353 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,871 But it's time for recess. 354 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,581 Yeah, that's what's, so, um, fire... 355 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,958 Fire? 356 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,709 ...is we get to skip recess today. 357 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,252 Get to? It might just be safer 358 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,004 for everyone if we all stay here 359 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,965 until matters calm down, rash-wise. 360 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,007 So you're trapping us in here? 361 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,344 "Trapping" is a strong word. 362 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,679 But accurate. Yes, you're trapped. 363 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,390 Guys, this is-- 364 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:46,766 this is apparently for the greater good. 365 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,517 This is good. 366 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,768 This is ass. 367 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,769 - Yeah. - Really. 368 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,937 - Right. - Mm-hmm. 369 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,522 They're right. 370 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,940 And you know why they're right? 371 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,109 Because I taught them to question the system 372 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,860 and to speak truth to power. 373 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,570 And the truth is... 374 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:00,947 yeah, this is ass. 375 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,951 God, why am I such a good teacher? 376 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,953 Hello? The Atlantic? 377 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,206 This message is for whomsoever is in charge of great stories. 378 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,458 I've got a hot one-- local hero principal 379 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,794 saves downtrodden school from outbreak. 380 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,170 Possible headline-- 381 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,089 "Ava Coleman Runs Rings Around Worm." 382 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,633 Unh-unh. 383 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,884 Ms. Lawry said if it happened again, 384 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:22,969 I'd have to come here. 385 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,346 It happened again. 386 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,056 I don't care. Get out. Get out. Get out. 387 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,559 Attention, teachers-- 388 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,437 no child is to be sent to the principal's office today. 389 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,023 Kids, if you want to do crime, now's the time. 390 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,357 Happy Purge day, y'all! 391 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,945 Mr. Johnson, bring every disinfectant under the sun 392 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,030 to my office immediately. 393 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:44,615 Mr. Johnson? 394 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,160 Are you sleeping standing up again? 395 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,536 Hey! 396 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,954 No, George Washington Carver. 397 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,664 I invented peanut butter. 398 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:58,546 I'm done with the chapter. Can I go use the bathroom? 399 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,590 Sorry, you're not allowed to leave unsupervised. 400 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,091 And I can't leave the class right now. 401 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,676 Look, I don't like it either, 402 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,219 but you don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under. 403 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:06,429 You don't understand the kind of pressure 404 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:08,014 my bladder's under. 405 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,391 But I promise, I'll go to the bathroom and be right back. 406 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,435 What am I gonna do, sneak off and learn something new? 407 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,353 Certainly not if you stumble into Morton's class. 408 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:15,938 I'm not trash-talking Morton with you right now. 409 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,316 Why not? 410 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,942 Because you're being worse than Morton. 411 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,152 You're being draconian. 412 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,656 Okay, go to the bathroom. Thank you. 413 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,869 Living organisms, tiny, little creatures 414 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,662 crawling all over your body, 415 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,498 thriving in moist areas, so... 416 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:38,503 What just happened? 417 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,880 That hoodie. 418 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,425 Gio, were you wearing that hoodie this morning? 419 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,843 No. 420 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,055 Where'd it come from? My brother gave it to me. 421 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,098 I was cold. 422 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,099 When? 423 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:52,308 Just now. 424 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,392 Gio, remember when we said 425 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,519 no one could leave the classroom? 426 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,312 Yeah, that's why I texted him 427 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,480 to bring it to me. 428 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,149 Bring it to you from where? 429 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,070 What floor is your brother on? 430 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,328 Mr. Eddie, my arm itches. 431 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:14,914 The fungi are here. 432 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:16,999 They're here! 433 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,755 Attention! Protocol has been broken, y'all. 434 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,048 I repeat, protocol has been broken, y'all. 435 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,383 The perimeter has been breached. 436 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,634 The infection has jumped floors, 437 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,885 and it's now spreading. 438 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,554 We are in full lockdown. 439 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,180 I am currently reviewing the tapes to see 440 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,474 which teacher or janitor is to blame. 441 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,103 You just went to the bathroom, right? 442 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,604 Nowhere else? Yeah. 443 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,731 Oh, thank goodness. 444 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,150 But on the way, 445 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,776 I stopped by the first floor real quick 446 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,528 just to drop off my hoodie to my brother. 447 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:46,946 He was cold. What?! 448 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,698 And then I returned a book to the library, 449 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,283 dapped up Mrs. Howard, 450 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,367 and grabbed a drink from the teachers' lounge. 451 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,785 But I swear that's it. 452 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,954 You were just supposed to go to the bathroom. 453 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,455 You know what's so funny? 454 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,999 I actually forgot to go to the bathroom. 455 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,085 Can I go to the bathroom now? 456 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,009 How on earth could this happen? 457 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,218 My plan was airtight! 458 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,678 Apparently not. 459 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,180 Barbara's been breaking protocol! Barb. 460 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,806 I thought your people don't snitch. 461 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,641 Then why are all my uncles in jail, huh? 462 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,893 Look, it wasn't Barbara, okay? 463 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,311 Somehow, one of my kids ended up 464 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,562 with a tainted hoodie from upstairs. 465 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,147 Somehow? You-- I'm sorry! 466 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,481 Okay, it is-- it's-- guys, it's possible 467 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,400 that I definitely let one of my kids 468 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,735 go to the bathroom and-- 469 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,153 Oh, come on! Do you just hate me? 470 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,487 I worked so hard on this. 471 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,032 I shaved above the knee, Jacob. Above the knee! 472 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:33,534 That was so irresponsible. Oh, yeah? 473 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,786 Well, apparently, he had time to also dap you up, so... 474 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,455 And I him, but I am immune. 475 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:40,291 Cancel classes and shut Abbott down! Oh! 476 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,543 This is going to wreak the worst havoc on this school. 477 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,545 I guess it's every man, woman, and flawless principal 478 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:45,880 for themselves. 479 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,256 Send all the kids back to their homerooms. 480 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,633 I'll be in my bunker. 481 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,676 I ate all your bunker snacks, by the way. 482 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,886 You don't know where my bunker is. 483 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:53,429 Well, I ate something from somewhere, buddy. 484 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,107 Hey, guys, this isn't cool. 485 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,692 Don't make Brandon sit in the corner. 486 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,902 No, I moved over here. 487 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,362 I don't want to give everybody ringworm. 488 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,656 Look, you don't have to punish yourself for this, okay? 489 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:12,990 It's not a punishment. 490 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,367 I would have stayed home if I could have, 491 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,952 but I can't, so, for now, 492 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,329 I'm just gonna sit here and play my Switch. 493 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,540 Wish you wouldn't do that while I'm teaching. 494 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,959 I wish you wouldn't teach while I'm playing. 495 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,585 But here we are. 496 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,629 I'm just trying to look out for everybody else. 497 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,548 That is what we should be doing. 498 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,051 Sacrificing for the greater good. 499 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,803 God I am such a good teacher 500 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,305 that he taught me something, you know? 501 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,142 Everyone, come out! 502 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,396 Everyone? 503 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,732 Oh, sorry. Why do we keep interacting? 504 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,943 This could have been an email. A nice, sterile email. 505 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,611 You better be down here with some good news. 506 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,030 Nope, nope. The day just keeps getting worse. Or not. 507 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,323 I've already submitted this to The Atlantic, 508 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,533 so if it gets worse, 509 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,201 it's actually better for me story-wise. 510 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,704 Look, I know-- I know I fumbled earlier, 511 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,872 and I realized now that I was wrong and you were right. 512 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:04,125 So, I think we need to take all of the exposed kids 513 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,210 and put them in a combined isolation class in the gym 514 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,420 until the end of the day. 515 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,423 Hm, yeah. I mean, that's a good idea, 516 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,924 but who's gonna go in there and watch 'em, 'cause... 517 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:12,800 I will. 518 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,926 Unless... 519 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,013 Anyone else? 520 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,516 Well, worth the ask. 521 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,018 I wanted to do it anyway. 522 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,394 Godspeed, brother. 523 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,729 And, Gregory, I'll take your gear. 524 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,022 The hell you will. 525 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,567 Well, then it's settled. 526 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,776 I'll be a hero. 527 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,111 Okay. Bye. 528 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,363 You got this. 529 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:35,573 Okay. 530 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,784 Damn, he is so brave. 531 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,578 Better him than me. 532 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,079 Might as well be you. You guys live together. 533 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,373 Son of a bitch! 534 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,418 Lord, this day. 535 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,962 Mm! I can feel the strength of God 536 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,548 just tingling through my body. 537 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,800 Tingling? Yes. Like little angels 538 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,177 dancing on my skin. 539 00:18:57,011 --> 00:19:00,890 Why, look, God has blessed me with a little red halo. 540 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,351 Barb, you have ringworm. 541 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,895 Yes, I do. Oh, God. 542 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,438 Barb, I mean, we-- we could-- we could just tell Jacob, 543 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,773 you can go watch the kids. 544 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:11,484 Unfortunately, that is not God's plan for me. 545 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,818 Have a nice day. 546 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,236 Wh-- 547 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,446 I think God wants me to leave, too. 548 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:16,697 No! Ava? 549 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,037 Oh, no. 550 00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,872 I ran this ship into an iceberg, 551 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,916 and so down with it I shall go. 552 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,044 Hopefully-- Hopefully, no one touches me. 553 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,507 Really appreciate you, Mr. C. 554 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,676 You're a real one. 555 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,802 Thank you. 556 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,306 Bye, Mr. Eddie! 557 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,934 Whoa, oh! Alright, sweetie. 558 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,227 Have a good night, and wash your hands! 559 00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,271 Alright. 560 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,857 So, movie night in four to ten days, huh? 561 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,984 It's not so bad, right? 562 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:54,985 We can still FaceTime. 563 00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,072 Yeah. Okay. 564 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,868 Bye, girls. 565 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:17,842 Alright. 566 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,052 So... 567 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,096 What movie are we watching first? 568 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,433 Um, okay, what about "Dune"? 569 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,810 Uh, or "Friday"? One of 'em, I don't know. 570 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,937 I'll-- I'll watch all of them with you. I don't care. 571 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:30,730 Okay. Well, we have the weekend. 572 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:37,153 I got ringworm. It was as horrible as I thought. But we got it together. 573 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,321 And look, we even have matching rings, so... 574 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,532 No, no, it's not as cute as you think. 575 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,326 The trick is, if you always have ringworm, 576 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,786 you never catch it. 577 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,663 Take that how you wanna. 578 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,331 Yeah, caught it, 579 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,917 but turns out Jacuzzi guy got evicted that morning 580 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,045 for having an in-ground hot tub in violation of his HOA rules. 581 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,589 I said we should go to dinner, 582 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,508 and he said that would be a violation of his parole. 583 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,552 So I just stayed home and itched. 584 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:04,388 I realize now that God was just testing me, 585 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,516 and now he is testing the whole church choir. 586 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,601 Ha! 587 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,936 But you should see Jacob. Oh. 588 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,521 Apparently, you can't really 589 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,273 get it this bad, but... 590 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,524 I guess I'm a medical marvel. 591 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:17,693 I didn't get ringworm, 592 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,195 but I did get a tapeworm. 593 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,113 Seafood restaurant next to the gas station. 594 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,406 Got it. Passed it. Worth it.