1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,544
We appreciate you taking the time
to sit down with us.
2
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,672
I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm just
here to pick up my morning cinnamon bun.
3
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,342
Actually, we requested this meeting
because we want you to purchase--
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,969
- No.
- Let me finish. Damn.
5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,806
We'd like you to purchase some floor mats.
We stand all day making 600 lunches.
6
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,267
You ever seen my gait? It is off.
7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,103
Principal Coleman,
your turn now for rebuttal.
8
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,188
Now, why are you here?
9
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,358
I'm an experienced mediator.
Head of a bull, body of a man.
10
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,068
That's a minotaur, not a mediator.
11
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:28,361
So that's your position?
12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,112
Kitchen staff, care to rebut?
13
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,364
You don't know these bunions.
14
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,742
Look... ...my heels have never come
within three inches of this school floor,
15
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,704
so if I can do that,
I'm sure y'all will be totally fine.
16
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,832
Nothing else? No further comments?
17
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,709
That's how it's done.
18
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,836
Now it's time to focus
on my next big mediation,
19
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,630
brokering peace in the Middle West.
20
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,551
That's what I call the dispute
between Michigan and Ohio State.
21
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:08,025
Jesus! I got rain in places
you're not supposed to have rain in.
22
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,694
Talking about my pockets.
23
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:10,987
Holy moly.
24
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:14,365
- It just started pouring out there.
- Seriously.
25
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,451
- Oh, Barb, your hair is--
- What?
26
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:18,995
Not something I should be commenting on.
27
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,038
Oh, God.
28
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,582
Wha--
29
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,708
Where should I set up?
30
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:24,875
Set up for what?
31
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,169
For picture day.
32
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:31,048
- Ava.
- Janine.
33
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,259
Ava, this man says
he's here for picture day.
34
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,635
Okay, well, who the hell is he?
35
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,637
- The photographer.
- Photographer.
36
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,014
Oh, damn.
37
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:41,017
{\an8}Ava, how could you forget
to inform us about this?
38
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,893
{\an8}I forget so many things all the time
39
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,646
{\an8}and it... it just falls through the cracks
and then it's fine.
40
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,482
Oh, let's see.
I've forgotten to hand out paychecks.
41
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,817
Which, victimless crime.
42
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,528
Teachers' birthdays. Who cares?
43
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:56,115
Oh, and I forgot to follow through on
the HVAC fixes at the start of the year.
44
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,701
But everybody grew a lot from that.
45
00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,994
So you're welcome.
46
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,329
{\an8}Okay, there is no way
47
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,582
{\an8}that we're gonna make a bunch of soaking
wet kids presentable in time for this.
48
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,834
{\an8}Yeah, could you please
come back another day?
49
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:10,671
{\an8}Oh. Yeah, that's what you guys asked me
back in September,
50
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,757
{\an8}and now here I am.
51
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,676
{\an8}This is it, today or nothing.
52
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:21,223
{\an8}Well, looks like we have no choice
except to make it work.
53
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:24,727
{\an8}So, everybody,
grab your hair ties, your ballies,
54
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,521
{\an8}your Vaseline, and let's snap to it.
55
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,732
{\an8}- All right.
- Oh! Love that. That's great.
56
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,859
{\an8}I'm soaked.
57
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,695
{\an8} Oh! Aw.
58
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,324
{\an8}Oh, well, spin around a few times,
maybe that'll help.
59
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:42,078
{\an8} No, I think that's just gonna
make him dizzy and not even drip dry.
60
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,789
{\an8}- All right. Well, it was a thought.
- No... Yeah, no. You okay?
61
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,500
{\an8}There we go. Lord!
62
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,752
{\an8}The rain really did a number
on these children.
63
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,671
{\an8}Jesus be a glam squad, yes.
64
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,840
{\an8}What we need Jesus to do
is turn water into...
65
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,342
{\an8}well, not water. Yeah.
66
00:02:56,343 --> 00:03:01,180
{\an8}Ms. Teagues, why are we even doing this?
67
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,474
{\an8}Yeah, we don't wanna do picture day.
68
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:06,519
{\an8}What? No. Guys, picture day is great.
69
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,730
{\an8}It's a day that we celebrate
who you are in this moment,
70
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:13,859
{\an8}and this singular photo
will be a memory that lasts a lifetime.
71
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,196
{\an8}- Mmm.
- Boo.
72
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,073
{\an8}I got to get the rest
of the primary grades done before lunch,
73
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,283
{\an8}so let's just knock out
your teacher pictures now.
74
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,368
{\an8}- Huh?
- No, wait, wait.
75
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,161
{\an8}Now, I thought
that I would have some time,
76
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,871
{\an8}you know, to get myself together.
77
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,249
Yeah, and I thought I'd have a chance
to really do something
78
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:29,333
to make this outfit pop.
79
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,669
I was thinking of
doing something like... like this.
80
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,337
- Like, is this...
- Yeah.
81
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,880
- No.
- Oh, no.
82
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,675
You guys look...
83
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:42,555
Oh, let's just take the picture, huh?
Let's "Git-R-Done."
84
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,140
Larry the Cable Guy.
85
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:46,308
- Just one-one-one second.
- Smile!
86
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,728
Hey. So, um, I didn't have time
to practice my smile.
87
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,021
You practice your smile?
88
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,815
I never learned how to smile on demand.
89
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,526
You're my boyfriend.
How did I not know this about you?
90
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,903
- I hide it really well.
- Oh.
91
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,281
- Um, how's this?
- Okay.
92
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,368
Oh... Oh, don't-don't show them.
93
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,328
- Yikes.
- Um...
94
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,872
That is good.
95
00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:08,956
- Right?
- Yes.
96
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,040
- Yeah, right?
- Good. Yeah.
97
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,751
- I remember Tyra said it's in the eyes.
- So happy we binged Top Model.
98
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,671
- Okay, I'll do that.
- Okay. Okay.
99
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,925
Ooh, maybe a--
maybe a little less, Gregory.
100
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,136
Much less.
101
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,928
Wanna sit down?
102
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,264
- Gregory.
- That's a ch-choice.
103
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,724
Slow down.
104
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,684
Oh. How did your classes' picture day go?
105
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,437
I think we got them
halfway presentable.
106
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,522
Meaning we were only able to dry
the top half of the kids,
107
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,399
so they will be "mermaiding" it
for the rest of the day.
108
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,859
Aw, whatever.
109
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,904
You're supposed to look awkward
on picture day. It's a canon event.
110
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,071
Well, in that way, it'll be nice.
111
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:44,742
The day we got rained out on picture day,
but at least we did it together.
112
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,578
Clear out the area.
I'm making a scene, y'all.
113
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,496
You changed?
114
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,581
Don't be mad at me
'cause you wear the same outfit every day
115
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:51,791
like a cartoon character.
116
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,542
No, I don't.
117
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,878
But if I did, I'd be like Ms. Frizzle.
118
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:59,089
Or... ...Patti Mayonnaise.
Or Phil and Lil's lesbian mom--
119
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,633
So you did know this was today.
120
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,261
No, I have a closet in my office
and my own equipment at the ready,
121
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,055
and the gym has the best lighting.
122
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,349
It's not my fault
y'all don't have contingency plans.
123
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,518
Oh, I got contingency plans.
124
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,895
You wouldn't believe
the amount of contingency plans.
125
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,232
Not for this, but, you know...
126
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,444
Yo, y'all, we got sloppy joes
for lunch today.
127
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:24,198
Sloppy joes?
Our kids take pictures after lunch.
128
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,991
Yeah, I can't have them all "sloppy-joed."
129
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,536
They don't have the hand-eye coordination
to pull off a clean joe.
130
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:29,913
Why would they serve that today?
131
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,501
Uh, Ava, why are they
staring at you like that?
132
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,671
Ooh, they playing dirty.
133
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:41,383
Before you can work in this kitchen,
there's two books you need to read:
134
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,759
The Joy of Cooking and The Art of War.
135
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,096
Yeah, so I came up with a plan
to utilize the leverage we have.
136
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,014
I got that idea from The Art of War.
137
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,558
Never made it to The Joy of Cooking.
138
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:53,352
You "net-heads" trying to sabotage
picture day by serving sloppy joes.
139
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,812
I don't think you can say that.
140
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,272
What, "net-heads" or "sloppy joes"?
141
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,439
Just give us the mats.
142
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,026
And the kids don't get sloppy, Joe.
143
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,280
Okay, huddle up. Here's the situation.
144
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,948
Roll over, you're dead. They won.
145
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:09,201
No, no, do not let them ruin picture day
with their collective action.
146
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,536
Oh, my God. What am I?
147
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,496
Oh, what, so I cave on the mats
and what's next?
148
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,373
Non-slip clogs
for the entire kitchen staff?
149
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,166
Do you really wanna
deal with the parents again
150
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,210
when the kids bring home photos
with tomato sauce
151
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,503
splattered all over their shirts?
152
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,838
Hey, we use ketchup.
153
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,842
You sons of bitches.
154
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:26,845
Ugh.
155
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,098
Ugh, fine, you can have
your stupid floor mats.
156
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,601
- Wait, really?
- Yeah. Now get this slop out of here.
157
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,269
We didn't think you'd cave so soon.
158
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,188
So we don't have a backup lunch.
159
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,898
Then no deal.
160
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,190
We could just serve them buns.
161
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,153
I mean, maybe it'll be fine.
162
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,821
These are the older kids
we're talking about.
163
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:46,907
Yeah.
164
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,829
I think I have
some Red Lobster bibs in my purse.
165
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,290
Yeah, I think I got a Tide pen
for that kid.
166
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,207
Y'all better hurry the hell up.
167
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,960
- It's picture day.
- Um...
168
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,005
Great.
169
00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:05,257
Okay, Mr. Hill's class, you're up.
170
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,260
Okay, guys. Richie. Richie, you're up.
171
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,227
What's wrong with him?
Is it the stain?
172
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,564
Nothing's wrong with him.
He's having a great day.
173
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,275
Okay. Next up.
174
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,990
Chloe, smile.
175
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,201
I don't want to.
176
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,121
Next up.
177
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,624
All right, someone else, please.
178
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,712
Okay, stop. Hold it. Halt.
179
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,548
We need to retake all of those.
They need to smile.
180
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,842
Nobody smiles in pictures anymore.
181
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,552
What do you... What? What?
What do you mean?
182
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,012
It's so fake.
183
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:55,349
Okay, but it's school pictures, guys.
You're supposed to smile.
184
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:58,852
Aren't you always telling us to question
the things we're supposed to do?
185
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,730
Yeah, but that's when
you're fighting oppression.
186
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,774
White man telling me what to do?
187
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,275
Feels like oppression to me.
188
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:09,863
Okay, you guys are gonna want
nice pictures for future TBTs
189
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,157
because I assume
that will come back around again.
190
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,076
Smiling is for the oppressors.
191
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,954
None of the people you teach us about
are smiling in their photos.
192
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,415
I don't remember Martin Luther King Jr.
cheesing in pictures.
193
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,917
Yeah, he said, "I have a dream."
194
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,502
Not, "I have a smile."
195
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,756
Well, maybe Dr. King frowned
so that you can smile.
196
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,882
I'm gonna tell my mom you said that.
197
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,217
Please don't.
198
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,554
- Just take the picture.
- Yeah. Here we go.
199
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,139
Yeah.
200
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,767
- Okay.
- Oh, no. Our photos are up.
201
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,102
Let's go take a look.
202
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,771
Hey, that was a rough day last week.
Buckle up.
203
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,606
Well, maybe it won't be that bad.
204
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,360
Oh, my God. Look at her.
205
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,237
No, that's what
she wants us to do.
206
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,739
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
207
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,824
Talk about a Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
208
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,618
Oh, my God.
The one day I wear a bland top.
209
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,995
Ugh! Laundry day.
210
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,872
Am I doing the Anthony Mackie smile?
211
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,250
I'm wearing my mascara as blush.
That's great.
212
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,338
- Oh.
- Um...
213
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,006
Barbara.
214
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,174
Yes, sweetheart?
215
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,926
Why do you look so amazing?
216
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,054
Born that way, dear.
217
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,347
Born awfully smooth.
218
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,515
Ugh.
219
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,142
Y'all look tired as hell.
220
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,229
Except for Barbara,
who seems to be aging backwards.
221
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,398
Y'all need to step your game up.
222
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,906
Barb, what the hell? You look flawless.
223
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,910
Why, thank you. Brought to you
by deep sleep and lots of water.
224
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,080
I have known you for six years,
and I've never seen you drink water once.
225
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,540
Yeah, Barb, we all looked
particularly rough that day,
226
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,502
and that roughness
is not reflected in your photo.
227
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,962
- Well, what do you want me to say?
- The truth.
228
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:52,382
As somebody who takes hydration
very seriously-- 64-Ounce Club--
229
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,344
I can attest that it doesn't result
in a soft focus filter.
230
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,804
Yeah, or a vignette border.
231
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,723
- Or an added sparkle in your eye.
- Okay, fine.
232
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:03,936
Taylor just happens to be
quite gifted at photo airbrushing
233
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:08,398
on a phone app called Mirage your Visage.
234
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:11,401
So she put my photo through it, and...
235
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,445
That being said, she hardly did a thing.
236
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,031
Fixed a flyaway, simple stuff.
237
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,325
Come on, Barb. Your hair was like...
238
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,285
Not for me to comment on.
239
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,453
Exactly.
240
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,957
Now, if you will excuse me.
241
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,337
- Okay, she's being ridiculous, right?
- Yes.
242
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,090
Because we don't need to
put our photos through some app.
243
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,716
It's fine. It's not a big deal.
244
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:37,679
Exactly. And who cares
about these photos anyway?
245
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,721
If anything, doing all that
makes it look silly.
246
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,976
Yeah, I mean, come on,
she's backlit, for God's sakes.
247
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:48,064
Ah, Barb.
Barbetty, Barb, Barb, Barb. Silly.
248
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,400
- Morning.
- Morning.
249
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,776
Now that you've got your mats,
250
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,445
I expect there will be a little
extra glaze on my cinnamon buns?
251
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,740
Of course. Hey, Wendell,
do we have that principal special ready?
252
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,451
I most certainly do.
253
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,206
- Make it yourself.
- Bon appétit.
254
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,960
So, you gonna eat that or not?
255
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,920
I don't know what the hell that was about.
256
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,423
Kitchen crew must be a little raw
after our negotiations.
257
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,925
I'll give them a day.
Hell, I'll give them a day and a half.
258
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,094
That's just the type of tyrant that I am.
259
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,141
Wearing that
when she runs fashion club is crazy.
260
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,225
I'm embarrassed for her.
261
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,936
Yeah, I heard those who can't do, teach.
262
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,771
Uh, I can do, yeah.
263
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,274
Would have done something whimsical
with the shoulders, had I known.
264
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,109
Yeah, she dresses great, y'all. All right?
265
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,194
- We just didn't know.
- Yeah.
266
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,071
What's your excuse, Mr. Eddie?
First time trying to smile?
267
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,494
Wouldn't be my first time giving
somebody detention, I'll tell you that.
268
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,331
Whoa. I look dope.
269
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,667
Same. Didn't one of you teachers
start a modelling club?
270
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,878
'Cause I think I just ended it. Ooh.
271
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,631
Okay, you guys do not look dope.
You look-- you look mad.
272
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,508
Oh. So our neutral face
looks like anger to you?
273
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,177
What? No, no.
274
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:03,096
You're hitting a microaggression record
this month, Mr. C.
275
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,849
Okay. I am not,
and stop the count.
276
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,851
No, not like that. Uh...
277
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,687
Guys, smiling in photos is nice, okay?
278
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,857
It's sweet and...
and it's a signal to the world that--
279
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,567
That you have food in your teeth?
280
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,694
Your smile has more spinach than teeth.
281
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,280
That's impossible.
I didn't even have spinach that day, okay?
282
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,324
I had an arugula salad...
283
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:28,330
It's worse than they said.
How did I not see that earlier?
284
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:31,166
And why did nobody mention it?
Rude. "Arudegula."
285
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,919
Okay, look at mine.
I feel like the eyes are following me.
286
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,921
Are they freaking following me?
287
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,131
It's so annoying
that we have to have these up here.
288
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,675
Yeah, but come on, who cares?
289
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,927
It's not like the kids
could respect you any less.
290
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,096
So one time
they threw ketchup packets at him
291
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,641
because they said he looked like
a French fry...
292
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,518
...dipped in ketchup.
293
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,856
Because he freaking does, okay?
294
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:58,277
So they threw ketchup packets at him.
295
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,405
And, bam, one hits him, like,
bam, right in the face, right?
296
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,658
And it just busts open,
ketchup everywhere.
297
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:08,079
The kid really had to whip it because
they don't just bust open like that.
298
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:12,165
The kid had a can and he just... Bam!
299
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,463
Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She...
300
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,799
She photoshopped herself a new shirt.
301
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,802
Yup, I would have remembered
those shoulder pads.
302
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,054
First Barbara, now Janine.
303
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,850
Looking like a Mighty Duck. Mmm.
304
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:33,729
Hey, Barb, listen. I got this cousin,
Frankie-- boy, he's ugly as sin, right?
305
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,148
He fell out of the ugly tree,
hit every branch on the way down.
306
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,649
He walks in the room, babies start crying.
307
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,652
Anyway, he's trying to get back
on the dating apps and fix his pictures.
308
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,529
I told him he looked fine. I was lying.
309
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:45,657
So anyway, I vaguely remembered
that you had this app-- I don't know,
310
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,993
maybe I'm making it up in my head--
to fix pictures?
311
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,078
Again, this isn't for me.
It's for Frankie.
312
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,831
Melissa, would you like to fix your photo?
313
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,834
- I would.
- It's called Mirage your Visage.
314
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,129
You can find it on your application store
if you know your password.
315
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,213
I know my password.
316
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:03,258
Well, good for you,
'cause I sure didn't. Mm-mmm.
317
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,469
Did I add too many gaps to her teeth,
or is it hilarious?
318
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,764
- Hilarious. She looks crazy.
- I know.
319
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,849
Are we making fun of their photos?
320
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,142
Wait, I wrote some down.
321
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,562
"Janine's shoulders are so dumb,
she should..."
322
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,440
"Sup, y'all, I'm Principal Buttface"?
323
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,649
Well, I'll be.
324
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,945
I knew a Charlie Buttface
in dental school. Any relation?
325
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:25,907
Clean that off.
326
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,662
Okay, first off,
I think I looked great,
327
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,707
and if it's universally liked,
then it's not fashion.
328
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,795
But everyone else is feeling insecure,
which made me feel insecure,
329
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,755
so I switched it. Again.
330
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,590
Of course I am...
331
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,176
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
332
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,303
I was dusting.
333
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,347
What the freckle?
334
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,016
Look, I just got rid of
the circles under my eyes,
335
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,060
and then my cheeks
were feeling a little naked,
336
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,353
so I added a bit of pizzazz.
337
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:59,022
Janine, you are better than this. Come on.
338
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,525
Uh, are you better than this?
All of a sudden, you got a smoke eye.
339
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,777
- Smoky eye.
- That's what I said, smoke eye.
340
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,529
- Smoky...
- You changed your picture too.
341
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,823
Or do your cheekbones
just photograph higher?
342
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,909
Look at this guy.
What, all of a sudden, you flossed?
343
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,994
I just restored
how I naturally look, okay?
344
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,372
Those are my real-life bare-naked teeth.
345
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,374
- No.
- I didn't do what you and SZA did.
346
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,252
Excuse me,
your teeth have never been that white.
347
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,587
Your mouth could guide ships in
from a storm.
348
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,089
Y'all, this is getting out of hand.
349
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,757
Don't pretend like you didn't do anything.
350
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,468
- You obviously made your ears bigger.
- Wha... I didn't.
351
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,637
Your eyes, you fixed them
to make them the same size.
352
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,223
What's wrong with my eyes?
I fixed my smile.
353
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,808
- Aha!
- Come on, Gregory.
354
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,352
That is still barely a smirk.
355
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:41,398
And whatever happened to
embracing natural beauty
356
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,942
- and enhancing what God gave you?
- Excuse me? Excuse me?
357
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,068
You started it, Barb.
358
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,487
You look like Cybill Shepherd...
359
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:50,323
...Vaseline over the entire picture.
360
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,075
All too smooth. It's all smooth.
361
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,411
Dang. All of our teachers look bad.
362
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,206
Shame you couldn't just
stick with a real photo like I did.
363
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,332
Did you guys get pranked?
364
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:01,501
No, we did not get pranked, okay?
365
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:06,423
We did some light retouching because
we had been through so much that morning.
366
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:07,924
- That's right.
- Yes. Rough day.
367
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,926
I don't like the way I look.
368
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,846
Should I change mine too, Ms. Teagues?
369
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,223
- Oh, no, baby.
- I...
370
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,899
I want to say something unpopular.
371
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,983
When do you not?
372
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,902
I think we should put back
our original photos.
373
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,988
- What?
- No, you looked all... What would...
374
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,200
What would putting a terrible picture
back up of yourself do?
375
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,868
Hey, I look great from the nose up.
376
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,662
Yeah, but they know
we've already changed the photographs.
377
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,414
They can't unsee the old ones.
378
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,917
Right, but what are we teaching them?
379
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,376
To be proactive.
380
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,045
- To problem-solve.
- Mmm.
381
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,756
That looks are everything and
the sooner they learn that, the better.
382
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:51,384
No. We're teaching them that they should
be constantly chasing perfection,
383
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,844
and that is an endless pursuit.
384
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,180
You better speak for yourself.
I'm a dime piece.
385
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,556
No, she's right.
386
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,517
We can't teach them that the way
they look will never be good enough.
387
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,479
Oh, okay. To be clear,
I do think I look good enough.
388
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,856
It's just the picture that sucked.
389
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:08,526
I think we need to show them
that you can be happy with how you look.
390
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,988
Well, I think we've already
burned that bridge.
391
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,574
Well, we did with those photos.
392
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,958
He stalling
until he can think of something.
393
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,085
He's right.
394
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:25,628
But I've got it now.
395
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,882
Hey, did y'all take the sugar
out of the teachers' lounge?
396
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,093
Foodstuff does fall
under our jurisdiction.
397
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,970
Okay, I've had enough.
398
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,805
I let you throw
your little temper tantrum.
399
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,515
I let you deface my photo.
400
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:41,309
And I even bought your little dumb
standing mats. So what's your deal now?
401
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,020
You think it's all good
because of the mats?
402
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,314
- It's bigger than that.
- You don't respect us.
403
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,316
This is a school. We're all disrespected.
404
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,360
- Maybe by the kids.
- And by the district.
405
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:53,280
And our own families.
But by our coworkers?
406
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,990
I thought we was in this together.
407
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,285
Yet, for some reason, the cafeteria staff
is never included in picture day.
408
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,662
Why would you
get your picture taken?
409
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,205
We don't include you in the yearbook.
410
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,291
I'm gonna kill her.
411
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,376
Y'all think we just back here
microwaving nuggets,
412
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:08,837
but every day I make special
gluten-free and dairy-free meals
413
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:09,921
for the kids with allergies.
414
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,675
We are the first people in this school,
making breakfast for these children.
415
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,094
We care about them
just as much as their teachers do.
416
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,264
And it'd be nice
if you guys would notice that.
417
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,810
I get it. Thank you,
418
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,436
guy Shanae.
419
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,231
- Wendell.
- ...dell. I know.
420
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,941
You think I don't know his name?
421
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,027
Thank you, Randall.
422
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:35,405
Look, no one is more underappreciated
than me, so I get it.
423
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:38,408
I'm not gonna buy them anything else,
but that was a pretty low lift.
424
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,786
Also, they were getting way too close
to realizing their power,
425
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:42,954
and I can't have that.
426
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,456
Aw, look at that.
427
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,000
Wow, Ms. Teagues.
That outfit looks fantastic.
428
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,753
Yeah, very Bring It On, but also very you.
429
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,880
That's the best compliment
I've ever gotten.
430
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,632
That means a lot coming from you two.
431
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,758
I think you look adorable.
432
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:58,470
- Me? Look at your cute little face.
- Nah.
433
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,013
- All right, it's pretty cute.
- Mm-hmm.
434
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,973
Mrs. Howard, is that you?
435
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,559
Why, yes, it is.
436
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,393
But how?
437
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,228
Oh, thank you very much.
438
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,022
You are absolutely precious.
439
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,482
Aw, thank you.
440
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,484
And look at you. You look so cool.
441
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,237
Yeah, 'cause I was.
Never had an awkward phase.
442
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:16,947
Make some room, y'all.
443
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:21,077
- Oh.
- What is this now?
444
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:24,454
Looks like a couple of
Bon Appétit models to me.
445
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,414
So you hired a fancy photographer
for the kitchen staff,
446
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,334
but you won't hire one for us teachers?
447
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,795
Well, if you helped out the students
even a fraction of the amount
448
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:34,589
that the kitchen staff does
and brought me my morning cinnamon buns,
449
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,925
I might have considered.
450
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,472
All right, go ahead. Let me have it.
451
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:46,476
Dang, Mr. C, you didn't tell us
you were Millie Bobby Brown's twin.
452
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:49,187
Yeah, what was school like
in the Upside Down?
453
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,732
Gotcha. See, I knew you could smile
for a photo.
454
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,028
I am going to frame this
and hang it in the classroom.
455
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:01,866
So what do you want to do later?
456
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,451
What's wrong with my ears?
457
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,536
What?
458
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,747
The picture day picture.
Everyone was saying that it was...
459
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,376
No. No, no, no. Listen to me,
your ears are perfect, okay?
460
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,961
People wish they had your ears.
461
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,296
Who?
462
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,673
Alfred E. Neuman.
463
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:17,882
What class is he in?
464
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,467
He... Never mind.
465
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,678
And my smile?
466
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,888
That could use some work,
I'm not gonna lie to you.
467
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,433
But maybe we can practice. Okay?
468
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,560
Look, let me take a picture of you.
469
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,478
We can practice with taking pictures.
470
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,231
- Okay.
- Okay. So...
471
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:33,982
Say, "Cheese."
472
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,068
"Cheese." Like, "Cheese."
473
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:42,073
You gotta smile from your diaphragm.
Trust me.
474
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,535
You gotta start way down here.
475
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,584
It's worth a try.
476
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,889
{\an8}- That was amazing. Wow.
- Yeah?
477
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:07,474
{\an8} Yeah.
478
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,852
{\an8}Now we just need to do something
about those ears.
479
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,270
Are they big or are they small?
480
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,772
{\an8}Let's put it this way.
481
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:17,942
{\an8}Either Paul Stanley or David Letterman
would be really jealous of you.
482
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,402
{\an8}You listen to Kiss?
483
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,945
{\an8}Sometimes.
484
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,115
{\an8}Okay. Rad.